mider span 3
THE funniest movie I've seen in a long, long time.
Seriously. Let me reiterate, I FUCKING LOVE THAT MOVIE.
Brief outline:
- Stuff is cool for Peter Parker. But not so much for Mary Jane. That's okay. At least her name isn't Mary Sue.
- Oops, accidentally have a crazy battle with ex-best friend, who then becomes an amnesiac and likes Peter again. How useful.
- Some weird radioactive tar from space gets down spidey's pants. But now he's buff and hot, except for the whole, you know, being evil part.
- Insert crazy sand-creature with gimpy daughter here
- and a bit of revenge on the part of Spidey
- meanwhile, Harry gets his memory back and decides to avenge his father's death because he's fucking insane (again)
- whilst Peter tries to get revenge on Mr. Sand-in-shorts
- Sand-in-shorts temporarily thwarted
- Contaminated Peter turns into asshole emo kid with random urges to execute pelvic thrusts in the middle of the street to jazzy backtracks.
- Seriously, he wears eyeliner and has the whole sweeping-bangs thing going on. weird as fuck.
- And then, he tries to get MJ back (who has broken up with him because Harry-the-not-so-stable threatened her, or something)
- Dance number ensues. Peter Parker suddenly learns how to play jazz piano, dance like the Numa Numa guy, and despite emo-ness, still doesn't get the point that you should never EVER wear navy shirts with black pants. Some gay points lost for hideous transgression against fashion.
- Weird stuff happens, raging fireballs, Harry apparently gets blasted by Spidey-Mac-Emo, face burnt painfully.
- Spidey Mac Emo-pants decides that being emo is no longer trendy enough, and moves on to being just plain goth, complete with gothic bell tower, storm clouds, slimy black parasite from outer space, and agonized screams of spiritual anguish.
- Eddie-the-fake-photographer appears out of nowhere and gets posessed by slimy black parasite thing.
- Turns into horrible spider-ghast with unrealistically flexible jaw joints. Someone get this guy some nail scissors, seriously.
- Sudden need for revenge? Something. Very confusing here.
- MJ kidnapped by Eddie and Sand-in-Shorts, left in a cab stuck in a web of tar-muck three gazillion stories above ground.
- Eddie is apparently more of a plagiarizer than we thought, 'cause not only does he steal Peter's photo and manipulates it to get a job at the daily whatever, but he also steals Spidey's mad skillz wit da web-a-d00m!
- Battle, bashing, screams, gasps from the crowd, and stuff.
- Harry gets slapped into shape by the Butler, who tells him that his father wasn't killed by Spider Man, for Christ sake, and to get a godddamn grip.
- Harry goes off to help Spidey-not-so-emo, and together they fight Eddie and Sand-in-Shorts
- Harry gets killed by Eddie-of-the-fucked-up-jaw, but it's okay, really, 'cause he and Peter make up, and anyway, what's the point of living if you're not pretty anymore?
- Sand-in-Shorts says "sorry," warm male-bonding moment with Spidey, who forgives him, and all the while MJ chats with Harry while he kicks the bucket.
- Dang, we forgot about Eddie. He was defeated in a raging fireball a little earlier. Something about the evil tar-creature-parasite-thing being allergic to metal clanging?
- In comes the LOTR ending, of course. No film is any good without at least one blatant reference to the Return of the King. Death of Harry, fade out, funeral for Harry (with white roses and the Butler, who obviously doesn't get any credit for saving the day, as usual), fade out, tacit proposal by Peter to MJ in Jazz club where he did the dance number. Final fade out.
=D!!!!
Seriously. Let me reiterate, I FUCKING LOVE THAT MOVIE.
Brief outline:
- Stuff is cool for Peter Parker. But not so much for Mary Jane. That's okay. At least her name isn't Mary Sue.
- Oops, accidentally have a crazy battle with ex-best friend, who then becomes an amnesiac and likes Peter again. How useful.
- Some weird radioactive tar from space gets down spidey's pants. But now he's buff and hot, except for the whole, you know, being evil part.
- Insert crazy sand-creature with gimpy daughter here
- and a bit of revenge on the part of Spidey
- meanwhile, Harry gets his memory back and decides to avenge his father's death because he's fucking insane (again)
- whilst Peter tries to get revenge on Mr. Sand-in-shorts
- Sand-in-shorts temporarily thwarted
- Contaminated Peter turns into asshole emo kid with random urges to execute pelvic thrusts in the middle of the street to jazzy backtracks.
- Seriously, he wears eyeliner and has the whole sweeping-bangs thing going on. weird as fuck.
- And then, he tries to get MJ back (who has broken up with him because Harry-the-not-so-stable threatened her, or something)
- Dance number ensues. Peter Parker suddenly learns how to play jazz piano, dance like the Numa Numa guy, and despite emo-ness, still doesn't get the point that you should never EVER wear navy shirts with black pants. Some gay points lost for hideous transgression against fashion.
- Weird stuff happens, raging fireballs, Harry apparently gets blasted by Spidey-Mac-Emo, face burnt painfully.
- Spidey Mac Emo-pants decides that being emo is no longer trendy enough, and moves on to being just plain goth, complete with gothic bell tower, storm clouds, slimy black parasite from outer space, and agonized screams of spiritual anguish.
- Eddie-the-fake-photographer appears out of nowhere and gets posessed by slimy black parasite thing.
- Turns into horrible spider-ghast with unrealistically flexible jaw joints. Someone get this guy some nail scissors, seriously.
- Sudden need for revenge? Something. Very confusing here.
- MJ kidnapped by Eddie and Sand-in-Shorts, left in a cab stuck in a web of tar-muck three gazillion stories above ground.
- Eddie is apparently more of a plagiarizer than we thought, 'cause not only does he steal Peter's photo and manipulates it to get a job at the daily whatever, but he also steals Spidey's mad skillz wit da web-a-d00m!
- Battle, bashing, screams, gasps from the crowd, and stuff.
- Harry gets slapped into shape by the Butler, who tells him that his father wasn't killed by Spider Man, for Christ sake, and to get a godddamn grip.
- Harry goes off to help Spidey-not-so-emo, and together they fight Eddie and Sand-in-Shorts
- Harry gets killed by Eddie-of-the-fucked-up-jaw, but it's okay, really, 'cause he and Peter make up, and anyway, what's the point of living if you're not pretty anymore?
- Sand-in-Shorts says "sorry," warm male-bonding moment with Spidey, who forgives him, and all the while MJ chats with Harry while he kicks the bucket.
- Dang, we forgot about Eddie. He was defeated in a raging fireball a little earlier. Something about the evil tar-creature-parasite-thing being allergic to metal clanging?
- In comes the LOTR ending, of course. No film is any good without at least one blatant reference to the Return of the King. Death of Harry, fade out, funeral for Harry (with white roses and the Butler, who obviously doesn't get any credit for saving the day, as usual), fade out, tacit proposal by Peter to MJ in Jazz club where he did the dance number. Final fade out.
=D!!!!