An Open Letter to the LLMF(s)* Who Broke Into My Car Today...
Dear Crackwhore,
I'm absolutely mystified that you chose to break into my car. I'm not sure what exactly attracted you to my 13 year old beater pickup.
It couldn't have been the stereo. No, the last LLMF who broke into my car got that back in February and since I lived in Midtown up until last week, I never bothered to replace it.
It couldn't have been the envelope on the seat, nah...that was just a change of address kit from the post office. You could have gotten one of those for free just blocks away at the main post office downtown.
You didn't take my sunglasses that were on the seat - yeah cheapies, I know. Who'd leave good sunglasses on the seat of their car? Not me! You didn't take the framed pictures that were on the passenger side floor. You did, however, break one of the frames when you tossed thru my glove compartment. Did you take the owner's manual? That was pretty much all that was in there. That and a roll of quarters. ONE roll...
...Ten dollars. How much crack does that buy anyway? Hopefully, it's enough for you to overdose on. Preferably tonight! This world can stand to be less one pathetic, crack-addicted piece of fucking shit like you!
Maybe I shouldn't be this upset with you. After all, even though it was raining, you did close the sliding back window which was your point of entry and unlike the last LLMF you left the windows rolled up.
On second thought, no...I STILL WANT YOU TO FUCKING DIE! Horribly and painfully and if it's not too much trouble, I'd really enjoy watching you gasp your last breath and watch as your body convulses in its death rattle!
Yours truly,
Me