Yeah, so

[cecilyrules]

I don't really know how to start this. I've never felt nervous writing on here before but right now I'm feeling nauseous because I'm scared of the response I'm going to get: sympathy, apathy, annoyance

Comments

[rachellous]

Cecile, please go and speak to a doctor. You don't have to deal with feeling this way alone, and you don't have to just hope it'll go away. Please, please go and see what options you have to try and get better. Even just doing that may help you to feel more positive. I understand how you feel, I struggle so much with my lack of self-esteem and my loneliness. When I first when to see a counsellor about feeling very low, I didn't even realise how badly my lack of self-esteem was effecting my life. I didn't even think about the fact that I hated myself because it seemed so natural to do so. I still struggle with all of that now, but it would be 100x worse if I'd never been to speak to anyone about it. You don't deserve to just let yourself feel awful- you're unwell and you need to figure out the best way to start feeling better, and there is nothing wrong with that. It's not your fault that you feel so bad, and it's not your fault that you need help. Please don't hesitate to email me anytime about anything. You are loved.

[cecilyrules]

I don't know, I mean, what's that person going to tell me that I don't already know? I KNOW hating myself makes no sense because I'm stuck with me anyway. Seeing someone would mean believing there's a way out, but I don't know that I believe that. The most I could hope to achieve is learn how to hide my feelings better so that I can better function and not bum everyone out every time I open my mouth to talk about myself.
But thank you, Rachel, for taking the time to send this comment. *hugs*

[flamboyant]

I agree with everything that Rach said. See what your options are - whatever it is, it can't hurt to try. I cherish your friendship Cécile and it's okay to ask for help when you need it. You are worth it.

[buried_alive55]

Cecile this sounds like depression. You need to talk to a professional. I know it's hard to get your head around how a doctor could possibly help, but they're trained to. This not a normal state of mind to be in, and suicidal ideation, even if you don't act or want to act on these thoughts, is still a sign that your mental state is far from healthy. The fact that you think that sharing this will get you a response other than love and support is not okay. You aren't weak. Feeling this way isn't a choice. It happens to the best and strongest of us. I love you. You can talk to me. I've been through this. The guilt, the self-loathing, the worthlessness, the hopelessness. You deserve a better life than this.