(no subject)
- "Lois Lane looking for my Superman. Must wear tight red spandex pants and prance around in a cape with a big "S" on the back, saving the lives of Metropolis citizens. Clark Kent need not apply." Actually, I take that back. I like this one. XD
- "If you are a blind woman, then I am a tall, dark, and handsome man who likes to work out and read Shakespeare. Must be able to prove that you have a lack of sight before we meet." << this one makes me T___T
- "Female archaeologist ISO woman ripe for exploration. I'm particularly interested in surveying mounds and delving into hidden caches. Unplundered virgins only, please." . . . .I don't know what to say.
- "Searching for a male to argue with on a consistent basis about petty issues. Must have a good set of lungs to use during screaming matches."
- "You have brown hair and green eyes, with a mole on your left cheek. I watch you from behind the bushes with my binoculars. Don't bother to respond; I already know where you live." T__T
- "Former member of the human race, recently become a celestial being, seeks like-minded ghost to terrorize and haunt locations such as attics, woods, and old houses by creaking the stairs, turning down the thermostat, etc." Good stuff.
- "Obedient male seeks female dog-lover for long walks, playing fetch, and cuddling on the couch. You bring the spiky collar; I've got the kibble."
- "Greedy, money-hungry, single white female looking for obscenely rich older man (preferably on his death bed) to spend time and money with. Would like to wiggle my way into the will and be the sole beneficiary. Call before time runs out."
- "Single, white, affluent male starting a savage cult; orders submissive, obedient followers to worship and praise my every move. No shirt, no shoes, no service."
- "Control freak looking for someone who will let me boss him around and tell him what to do with his life. I have a short temper and will not tolerate it if I don't get my way. Mama's boys need not apply."
- "Greedy, selfish female who can't save a penny looking for anyone with money so that I can spend it. Appearances are not a factor as long as your wallet is full. Must provide transportation so that I can shop freely and alone."
- "Single female who enjoys interpretive dance, wearing black clothing, and drinking herbal tea seeks standoffish, analytical wimp to create Jell-O sculptures and ballroom-dance in my living room." Hey, I want Jell-O sculptures and ballroom dancing too.
- "Compulsive liar and con-woman looking to scam another unsuspecting male out of his hard-earned money. Large stock portfolio and Visa Gold Card are a must."
- "I'm a cheap male who will not pay for a date and will have wandering eyes while I'm with you. You are an older woman who will receive a large inheritance in the near future. Must wear size-six shoes."
- "Female telemarketer ISO phone relationship with man. Marital status unimportant since we'll never meet. Must be available for calls during the dinner hour."
- "Me: 39-year-old divorced dad, workaholic, tremendous flirt. You: 25-year-old, hot, stay-at-home-mama wannabe. My kids hate me. Maybe they'll love you."
- "Me Tarzan look for you Jane, but can no find in jungle. Me have pet monkey smell with nose for Jane scent. Monkey can no find Jane, so Tarzan look for another girl to be lord of his jungle." XD
- "If you've been a bad girl, I'm your boy. But don't worry, my dog Kevin barks if I get too crazy. Must be able to speak Klingon."
- "Curious carpenter needs experienced subcontractor for discreet tongue-and-groove work. High-quality craftsmen only, please."
- "Tall Hispanic lesbian looking for vertically challenged person to spend evenings clipping my toenails and picking them out of the carpet." T_T
- "Male immigrant whose visa is about to expire in search of love at first sight. You must be ready for an immediate marriage based on love and trust -- or at least be willing to testify that it is." At least this guy's...honest.
- "Charlie B. ISO Lucy. Me: self-esteem issues and bad sweaters. You: rapier wit and complete disregard for my ego. Big head optional."
- "Princess trapped in a dead-end job looking for a knight in shining armour to rescue me. I'm a daddy's girl and always get my way, so be prepared to spend your life savings on me, and don't expect anything in return."
- "Looking for third-degree-burned beauties to satisfy my growing fetish for wrinkled skin. Have tried elderly women and bathtub babes, but now only skin grafts get me going." T_T??
- "Twenty-three-year-old, 5-feet-9-inch, big-chested, full-lipped, independently wealthy, blond nymphomaniac seeks local men for thrills and fun. I'm a cheap date who doesn't talk much. My dream guy must be comfortable when I pay for our date, enjoy full-body messages, and kiss passionately -- like daddy taught me."
- "Um...yeah. I don't have a picture, but you'll, like, like me. Or something. So, um...write me back, maybe? And, uh...I guess that's, like, all. ...I guess." Aww. XD
- "I'm new to cannibalism and willing to sacrifice two remaining toes and at least one arm. You must have large, meaty breasts."
- "Road-kill collector in search of a companion who enjoys exotic pet animals like tigers and anacondas. Must be lazy and unwilling to compromise."
- "Like attracts like. Bitter veteran of two failed marriages and numerous dead-end dates ISO bitter hag for unfulfilling relationship."
- "Modern-day Columbus longs to discover virgin territory to plunder. Are you willing to let me sail into your port and take you for everything you're worth?" Ahh, being reminded of bad pick-up lines.
- "Fast and furious looking to take single female for a ride. 1970 SWM with low mileage, newly remodeled exterior (including posterior), sandy beige colour, stick shift included. Seats two comfortably. $50 or best offer. Call ahead for test drive."
- "Looking for my sixth wife who will be unfaithful, unwilling to clean or cook, and take me to the cleaners after the divorce. No need to have an actual relationship with me. In fact, the only communication necessary is through our lawyers."
- "Obsessive guy needs female test subject to test-drive new ways of stalking my ex, and for discreet short-term relationship."
- "Former scientist in search of test subject for study on the line between pleasure and pain, ecstasy and excruciation. Those with high pain thresholds ineligible."
- "Light my fire! Amateur arsonist burns for man to spark a relationship. You bring the matches; I'll bring the accelerant. Must look fetching in asbestos suit."
- "Wanted: A classless, sleazy, unemployed male who likes to watch "Dukes of Hazzard" reruns and has a mullet. Must have fewer than half of his teeth left."
- "I've got issues; you've got the cure. I need lots of time on the couch; you need a sympathetic ear and board certification. Must not charge by the hour."
- "Starving painter desires lonely, rich woman as patron. Must put up with my emotional stability and frequent trysts with nubile figure models."
- "Twenty-two-year-old male shut-in seeks Xena. Must be tall, in great shape, and have own leather bustier. The more you can slap me around, the better."
- "What's your sine? Math professor seeks sexy lady with full functions for hot pi and shared vector space. CalTech and MIT grads only." Being reminded of pickup lines again...XD
...but I think I'll stop looking at these now. T_T
Sometimes people'll type something that's exactly like what someone else would've typed, and it gives me a jolt, having me think, "waitasec who am I talking to..."
Woahwoahwoah runonsentences! How can I rephrase that.
Sometimes. People'll sound like other people when they type. And it confuses me.
. . . . .
That wasn't all that much better. T_T;