HP fic: In Windows, His Stains
written for hp_darkfest. Under 17 not admitted without parent or guardian. Contains onscreen murder.
IN WINDOWS, HIS STAINS
Remus Lupin, October 1994 (in a sestina)
Sirius, to me, is clear as glass
and today his face carried darkness.
His eyes didn't shine
and the turn of his lips revealed
that his thoughts lacked light
and he was tormented within.
Sirius said, "It's this feeling within,
like I'm watching Harry through glass
and it's shielding his light.
He's got this… a darkness
that James never revealed.
He just doesn't...shine."
I knew what Sirius meant by "shine."
James always had a sparkle within
that revealed
a heart as breakable as glass.
But Harry harbors darkness
as though Voldemort stole his light.
Harry's distance from light
frightened Sirius, who wanted Harry to shine,
to overcome his darkness.
But Sirius and I both knew within
of Harry's evil, sharp as glass,
that in time would be revealed.
In our long nights together Sirius revealed
he wasn't sure if Harry would choose the light
or shatter the Order like glass.
Would Harry take a chance to shine,
to show us who he was within,
or succumb to his darkness?
Someday, we knew, Harry would find his darkness
and his link to Voldemort revealed.
He would have to find the strength within
to harness his light
to fight for us and shine
or he would splinter like glass.
Harry can be glass, allowing light into his darkness
but if he cannot shine all will be revealed
of his malevolence, his extinguished light within.
Severus Snape, February 1992 (in a rondeau)
James's face with Lily's eyes,
the Potter attitude reprised.
But there was more that I could see,
Albus knew would come to be:
In Potter's voice, the Dark Lord's guise.
To his legacy he'll rise:
Neither can live while the other survives
I turn back; he is bound to me
James's face with Lily's eyes
What no one else could realize
was: fame corrupts and stardom lies
I drew and stored the memory,
reliving my own dark history.
Haunting me with my demise:
James's face with Lily's eyes
Hermione Granger, June 1996 (in terza rima)
I heard about the veil, about the fight,
how Harry cast the Cruciatus Curse.
I think he lost a little of his light.
The Cruciatus could never reverse
his raw emotion, pain and loss untied
but I don't think he cares, which makes it worse.
I see that Harry's bold but terrified
and wonder what he'll do in his blind fear.
He's insecure and shows his darker side.
As long as Harry clings to this veneer
of thinking that revenge will bring him peace
I cannot trust his actions. That is clear.
Sometimes I feel his war will never cease.
Draco Malfoy, March 1999 (in hymn meter)
My parents dead, I stand in shock
and watch my world fall.
As Potter laughs and flicks his wand
I know I've lost it all.
He kisses me and bites my lip,
then smiles as I bleed.
This exacting of revenge
fulfills his every need.
He snaps my wand and then my legs,
my fingers bone by bone.
That Potter's mind would come to this
I think I've always known.
I still owe him my life. That is
a debt that's never paid,
but now he'll take it from me
cut and tortured, shrieking, flayed.
He'll shatter me from limb to limb
and smile through his crime.
Our savior, then a saint, become
a murderer in time.
The spikes of Potter's iron trap
are piercing through my skin.
I watch my final rising sun.
My time in Hell begins.
Luna Lovegood, July 1999 (in blank verse)
I see it
though he tries
to hide it.
Harry's done
something
wrong
and not just wrong answer in class
wrong I mean
really really wrong like
unforgivable
wrong.
I don't think
Ron or Hermione or Ginny have
any clue
or can even see
that Harry's scars
have burned his eyes.
He's seen death, all right
and
even caused it.
(his first?)
If I trusted
anything
anything at all
Harry did or said these days I'd
sit him down
serve him tea
and say
D'you want to talk?
What's troubling you?
What
did
you
do?
He doesn't think
I noticed
that when the old DA
met for dinner
and brought up
Draco Malfoy's disappearance he
was much
too
quiet.
But I've been
too afraid
to ask
because
if he did even half
of what I think he
did to Draco
then what would he do to me?
Sirius Black, June 1996 (in a pantoum)
A jet of light comes toward me.
I duck and fire, defending my world.
Bellatrix takes another shot.
I have to triumph in this fight.
I duck and fire, defending my world.
A long time ago, I swore I would protect Harry.
I have to triumph in this fight
because if I don't, I fear the future.
A long time ago, I swore I would protect Harry.
I only keep that promise now
because if I don't, I fear the future.
Our side, if not Harry, is worth saving.
I only keep that promise now
after I swore to Remus I would.
Our side, if not Harry, is worth saving.
Perhaps I rushed into battle too quickly.
After I swore to Remus I would
never betray the Order,
perhaps I rushed into battle too quickly,
living only in the moment.
"Never betray the Order," I said
seventeen, eighteen years ago,
living only in the moment
enjoying battle far too much.
Seventeen, eighteen years ago
I was so sure of everything
enjoying battle far too much
believing unquestioningly in the Order.
I was so sure of everything.
I sat up nights, defended Harry's prophecy
believing unquestioningly in the Order,
but now
I sat up nights, defended Harry's prophecy
never telling anyone my suspicions
but now
Fighting this battle, I wonder.
Never telling anyone my suspicions
except for Remus
Fighting this battle, I wonder,
desperate to believe in Harry's purity.
Except for Remus
I never questioned Dumbledore,
desperate to believe in Harry's purity
and that this new war was worth fighting.
I never questioned Dumbledore
because I felt so free
and that this new war was worth fighting.
I run, yell, taunt, and hex.
Because I felt so free...
Bellatrix takes another shot.
I run, yell, taunt, and hex.
A jet of light comes toward me.
Ron Weasley, May 2000 (in a villanelle)
Harry doesn't look me in the eye.
Reluctance to talk isn't his way.
Of anyone, I'll catch him in a lie.
"Voldemort knew that I
would kill one day."
Harry doesn't look me in the eye.
"I killed, just once, and won't deny
I felt... powerful, taking his life away."
Of anyone, I'll catch him in a lie
Realization leaves my throat dry.
"Malfoy," I whisper in dismay.
Harry doesn't look me in the eye.
Harry, a killer. What for, and why?
My hands are shaking, my emotions a fray.
Harry doesn't look me in the eye.
Of anyone, I'll catch him in a lie.
---
IN WINDOWS, HIS STAINS
Remus Lupin, October 1994 (in a sestina)
Sirius, to me, is clear as glass
and today his face carried darkness.
His eyes didn't shine
and the turn of his lips revealed
that his thoughts lacked light
and he was tormented within.
Sirius said, "It's this feeling within,
like I'm watching Harry through glass
and it's shielding his light.
He's got this… a darkness
that James never revealed.
He just doesn't...shine."
I knew what Sirius meant by "shine."
James always had a sparkle within
that revealed
a heart as breakable as glass.
But Harry harbors darkness
as though Voldemort stole his light.
Harry's distance from light
frightened Sirius, who wanted Harry to shine,
to overcome his darkness.
But Sirius and I both knew within
of Harry's evil, sharp as glass,
that in time would be revealed.
In our long nights together Sirius revealed
he wasn't sure if Harry would choose the light
or shatter the Order like glass.
Would Harry take a chance to shine,
to show us who he was within,
or succumb to his darkness?
Someday, we knew, Harry would find his darkness
and his link to Voldemort revealed.
He would have to find the strength within
to harness his light
to fight for us and shine
or he would splinter like glass.
Harry can be glass, allowing light into his darkness
but if he cannot shine all will be revealed
of his malevolence, his extinguished light within.
Severus Snape, February 1992 (in a rondeau)
James's face with Lily's eyes,
the Potter attitude reprised.
But there was more that I could see,
Albus knew would come to be:
In Potter's voice, the Dark Lord's guise.
To his legacy he'll rise:
Neither can live while the other survives
I turn back; he is bound to me
James's face with Lily's eyes
What no one else could realize
was: fame corrupts and stardom lies
I drew and stored the memory,
reliving my own dark history.
Haunting me with my demise:
James's face with Lily's eyes
Hermione Granger, June 1996 (in terza rima)
I heard about the veil, about the fight,
how Harry cast the Cruciatus Curse.
I think he lost a little of his light.
The Cruciatus could never reverse
his raw emotion, pain and loss untied
but I don't think he cares, which makes it worse.
I see that Harry's bold but terrified
and wonder what he'll do in his blind fear.
He's insecure and shows his darker side.
As long as Harry clings to this veneer
of thinking that revenge will bring him peace
I cannot trust his actions. That is clear.
Sometimes I feel his war will never cease.
Draco Malfoy, March 1999 (in hymn meter)
My parents dead, I stand in shock
and watch my world fall.
As Potter laughs and flicks his wand
I know I've lost it all.
He kisses me and bites my lip,
then smiles as I bleed.
This exacting of revenge
fulfills his every need.
He snaps my wand and then my legs,
my fingers bone by bone.
That Potter's mind would come to this
I think I've always known.
I still owe him my life. That is
a debt that's never paid,
but now he'll take it from me
cut and tortured, shrieking, flayed.
He'll shatter me from limb to limb
and smile through his crime.
Our savior, then a saint, become
a murderer in time.
The spikes of Potter's iron trap
are piercing through my skin.
I watch my final rising sun.
My time in Hell begins.
Luna Lovegood, July 1999 (in blank verse)
I see it
though he tries
to hide it.
Harry's done
something
wrong
and not just wrong answer in class
wrong I mean
really really wrong like
unforgivable
wrong.
I don't think
Ron or Hermione or Ginny have
any clue
or can even see
that Harry's scars
have burned his eyes.
He's seen death, all right
and
even caused it.
(his first?)
If I trusted
anything
anything at all
Harry did or said these days I'd
sit him down
serve him tea
and say
D'you want to talk?
What's troubling you?
What
did
you
do?
He doesn't think
I noticed
that when the old DA
met for dinner
and brought up
Draco Malfoy's disappearance he
was much
too
quiet.
But I've been
too afraid
to ask
because
if he did even half
of what I think he
did to Draco
then what would he do to me?
Sirius Black, June 1996 (in a pantoum)
A jet of light comes toward me.
I duck and fire, defending my world.
Bellatrix takes another shot.
I have to triumph in this fight.
I duck and fire, defending my world.
A long time ago, I swore I would protect Harry.
I have to triumph in this fight
because if I don't, I fear the future.
A long time ago, I swore I would protect Harry.
I only keep that promise now
because if I don't, I fear the future.
Our side, if not Harry, is worth saving.
I only keep that promise now
after I swore to Remus I would.
Our side, if not Harry, is worth saving.
Perhaps I rushed into battle too quickly.
After I swore to Remus I would
never betray the Order,
perhaps I rushed into battle too quickly,
living only in the moment.
"Never betray the Order," I said
seventeen, eighteen years ago,
living only in the moment
enjoying battle far too much.
Seventeen, eighteen years ago
I was so sure of everything
enjoying battle far too much
believing unquestioningly in the Order.
I was so sure of everything.
I sat up nights, defended Harry's prophecy
believing unquestioningly in the Order,
but now
I sat up nights, defended Harry's prophecy
never telling anyone my suspicions
but now
Fighting this battle, I wonder.
Never telling anyone my suspicions
except for Remus
Fighting this battle, I wonder,
desperate to believe in Harry's purity.
Except for Remus
I never questioned Dumbledore,
desperate to believe in Harry's purity
and that this new war was worth fighting.
I never questioned Dumbledore
because I felt so free
and that this new war was worth fighting.
I run, yell, taunt, and hex.
Because I felt so free...
Bellatrix takes another shot.
I run, yell, taunt, and hex.
A jet of light comes toward me.
Ron Weasley, May 2000 (in a villanelle)
Harry doesn't look me in the eye.
Reluctance to talk isn't his way.
Of anyone, I'll catch him in a lie.
"Voldemort knew that I
would kill one day."
Harry doesn't look me in the eye.
"I killed, just once, and won't deny
I felt... powerful, taking his life away."
Of anyone, I'll catch him in a lie
Realization leaves my throat dry.
"Malfoy," I whisper in dismay.
Harry doesn't look me in the eye.
Harry, a killer. What for, and why?
My hands are shaking, my emotions a fray.
Harry doesn't look me in the eye.
Of anyone, I'll catch him in a lie.
---