Wintry Calm (so in love with the wrong world) 9/13

[ceeebee]

Merlin held tightly onto Professor Kilgharrah's card for the whole twenty minute drive from Arthur's house to Camelot's Comprehensive. Every once in a while, he caught Arthur giving him sideways glances but for the most part, they were both staring resolutely out the front window.

"What if-" Merlin started to say, but then stopped himself with a sigh, bringing a hand up to knuckle at his eyes.

"What?" Arthur prompted as he turned a corner.

The boy hesitated, seemingly struggling with the phrasing of his sentence, before saying in a rush:

"What if it's really embarrassing because I'm too stupid, and all of the other people he's ever taught are really perfect and clever and then there's me and I'm just...not?"

Arthur frowned, fingers tapping out an agitated little rhythm on the steering wheel.

"You're not stupid, Merlin," he finally admitted, after about ten seconds. At this Merlin's jaw opened and shut a few times before he folded his arms protectively over his chest, and Arthur didn't miss the way his fingers flitted to brush over his top pocket before falling still. Suddenly, the older man was overcome with an intense curiosity to know whether Merlin still kept all those newspaper clippings...

"Thanks," Merlin mumbled, "but I am with all this reading and writing shit."

"No, you're not. You've picked it up quicker than I would have believed, Merlin. If anything, Kilgharrah'll be impressed." When he looked disbelieving, the blond gave him a small nudge with his elbow. "I promise it'll be all right."

"Okay, fine." Merlin sighed, and Arthur refrained from rolling his eyes at the way the young man seemed to be trying to sink into his seat.

***

Merlin...

In an instant, Merlin looked up at Arthur. "Yeah?"

But Arthur only frowned. "'Yeah' what?" he asked as he pulled into a parking space.

Merlin sat there confused and then contemplative. "I thought you said..." he trailed off and shrugged, deciding that this wouldn't be the first time he'd been imagining things. "Never mind."

For a moment it looked like the blond was going to probe him for answers, but he just shrugged too, exclaiming, "Hey, we're here!"

Immediately, the boy opened the car door before Arthur had properly finished driving, and he'd admonished in alarm, yelling, "Merlin!" but the other was already clambering out to stare up at Camelot's Comprehensive.

It was a huge, red brick building with a slanted slate roof and wide, friendly windows. The entrance gate was slightly ominous with great bars of black iron stretching so far up that Merlin had to tip his head back to see the barbed top.

He was so busy looking that he didn't notice Arthur come up behind him until he tapped him on his upturned forehead.

At this, Merlin jumped violently. "Hey!"

"Such a girl," the other muttered, rolling his eyes as he strode past Merlin to enter some kind of key into a small electronic lock to the left of the gate.

Merlin!

"I'm coming, I'm coming, Jesus." Merlin grumbled, absentmindedly batting at his ear as though his name had been whispered right next to his face. Except of course it hadn't, because Arthur was the only one around who knew his name, so it must have been him who'd spoken.

"I didn't tell you to hurry up," the blond commented, eyebrow raised as the smaller man joined him with an uncharacteristic frown on his face.

"You keep saying my name!" he told him, peering over Arthur's shoulder to try and see what number he was punching in.

Arthur swatted him away with a laugh. "No, I don't. God, if you keep acting this mad, you'll probably become Kilgharrah's favourite."

At that, Merlin pondered for a second. "You know, your teacher really sounds like a, uhm...interesting guy."

"And you really sound like a lunatic." Arthur replied, perhaps a little too curtly to be fond, but Merlin could hear it anyway. "Now move out the way, or the gate'll hit you."

Quickly, and a little unnecessarily, the boy squished himself against him as the gate finally swung open.

"How do you know the special code thingy?" Merlin asked, a small pout making itself known on his wide pink lips.

Arthur did his best not to stare at them. "My father is Uther Pendragon, Merlin," he reminded him, "I know things."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Right..."

Merlin!

"Okay," he exhaled, grabbing hold of Arthur's arm and bringing him to a standstill just inside the gate. "Who the fuck is calling me?"

Arthur gave a small sigh. "Look, Merlin. If you really don't want to be here, we can just go home and you can stop pretending to hear things or whatever the hell you're playing at now."

"I'm not-" he tried to explain, but the blond only shook his head.

"Then we're good to go?" he asked, possibly a little exasperated at this point.

"But-" the younger man protested.

"Merlin." This time Arthur was staring at him with a level of intensity Merlin wasn't used to, and he found himself fidgeting under the gaze.

"I...yeah, Arthur. I want to meet him."

For an instant, Arthur looked suddenly like he was appraising him, his eyes roving over his face, and the boy squirmed uncomfortably before whining.

"Arthur-"

The blond closed his eyes and gave a long, suffering sigh. "All right then, let's go. You're going to make me late for work at this rate."

***

Merlin stuck close to Arthur as they entered the building, so close that they were constantly bumping into each other, because Merlin kept turning round in full circles as they moved, trying to take everything in.

The older man moaned that he was slowing them down, but Merlin knew he didn't mind really, and he wouldn't have cared much if he had minded anyway, since he was already eager to drag him along to look at the display boards and peer through the window of practically every classroom door they passed.

"You're so lucky!" Merlin kept saying, every time he came across something new, along with: "This is so cool!" and "Arthur, can we get an electric sharpener?"

"Sure," Arthur answered the last question distractedly before snagging Merlin's arm and pulling him down a corridor, headed with a sign reading: English Department. He was trying not to dwell on the reasons behind the boy's enthusiasm-the thoughts of how he had never been properly educated, despite his obvious keenness for knowledge. It only made him think too hard about his father's failings and made him feel ill.

"Holy shit," Merlin suddenly gasped, his arm jerking in the other's grip as he stared intently down the English corridor.

"What?" Arthur asked, having long ago decided that there was no point trying to curb Merlin's slightly crude tongue.

The younger man merely blinked, eyes wide. "Nothing," he replied after a moment, letting out a long breath. "There are just some awesome displays."

"Huh," Arthur snorted disbelievingly, "you're not hearing things again then?"

"No." Merlin glared, looking surly, then pranced off down the corridor, as if this proved he didn't have any voices in his head.

The truth was though, that the moment he had put a foot into the corridor, he had felt it: the feeling of magic had hit him like a burning brick to the stomach and it was so strong that he was surprised Arthur couldn't recognise it too.

Merlin used to be immune to such atmospheres, back when he still lived with Freya because every night when she'd turned, the air had seemed much like this: thick and crackling with energy. Morgana could always feel it too, but never as strongly.

"Arthur," he hedged as they walked, eyes flitting from door to door. "What did you say Kilgharrah was like, again?"

The blond only shrugged. "He just talks a bit funny. I wouldn't understand what he'd go on about a lot of the time-it's like his mother language was 'riddles'. Not that he's not a great teacher!" He quickly tacked on, "Just a bit..."

"Different," Merlin finished for him when they finally stopped outside the only door that they had passed so far without a window.

"Nothing wrong with different." Arthur smiled slightly, and Merlin had to stop himself from leaning back into the touch when he rested a hand at the base of his neck.

I'm glad you think so, he thought a little dryly, looking at the older man for confirmation before wrapping on the door with his knuckles.

***

Professor Kilgharrah looked a lot younger than Merlin had imagined, although his hair was still streaked with silver, and the lines on his face looked irremovable. He was wearing a well tailored dark green suit, which clung to him like a second skin, and his eyes were dark and beady, so that the overall effect was how he appeared almost reptilian.

"Professor." Arthur smiled warmly in the presence of his old school teacher before holding out his hand to have it shaken by Kilgharrah's, which Merlin noticed was frail and irritated slightly at the joints between his fingers. Dark red rashes interlaced with the thin webs of flesh, and the skin was peeling slightly in places.

"Arthur," he beamed toothily up at Arthur, who didn't notice the way the boy froze beside him, his mouth falling open in shock. "I haven't seen you in these halls for about six years. It's a good thing you rang ahead, or I mightn't have believed it when I saw you."

At this, Arthur's grin turned into a grimace. "I probably ought to have visited-"

"Nonsense," Kilgharrah immediately waved him off, dropping his hand in the process and turning to fix his gaze on Merlin, who still hadn't moved a muscle. "You must be Merlin, then."

The young man swallowed, hoping that Arthur would simply put his trepidation down to nerves. In which case, he'd be spot on anyway though-for Merlin couldn't remember the last time he'd been so petrified.

"Uh...yeah. Nice to meet you." He reluctantly stuck his own hand out and tried not to cringe when Kilgharrah took it, only to find that the old professor's grip was warm and comfortable when Merlin had almost imagined it to be slimy.

"Right!" Arthur clapped a hand to his shoulder, causing him to stumble. "I'm going to be off then. I'll come pick you up on the way back from work, all right?"

"Wait," Merlin uttered and found himself clutching the hem of the other's coat, eyes wide. "Uhm...what...what if work doesn't end till late?"

In response, Arthur smiled gently. "I promise it won't. And I would say that you could go back a bit earlier if you wanted to see the girls, but I think it's best you stay off public transport for the time being, eh?" And Merlin knew that he was thinking of all the wanted posters. His shoulders sagged. He couldn't believe he was going to be left here.

"Don't be too long," he whispered, low enough so that he was sure only the older man would be able to hear.

"I won't. Be good." With that, Arthur leaned forward to brush his lips against Merlin's forehead, before giving Kilgharrah a small wave and leaving the room.

***

Merlin stared after Arthur with his lips slightly parted in a gape as he wondered dazedly whether Arthur would make a habit of these kisses before leaving for work, and found himself fervently hoping this would be the case, before the other man left in the room brought him back to the present.

"So, you and Arthur..." the old professor began shrewdly.

Merlin spun around, eyes narrowing as he surveyed the professor. "You're magic," he accused straight away, "I heard your voice in my head-how did you do that?" But then he finally took the latter's remark into consideration and paused with a confused expression on his face. "Wait-what about me and Arthur?"

But Kilgharrah only smirked. "What, indeed." He pulled up a chair in front of one of the desks and sat in it, motioning for Merlin to take the seat opposite him.

The boy hesitated at first, fingers skirting over the back of the chair, before he gave a small resigned sigh and lowered himself into it.

"Arthur said you never gave straight answers," he muttered, propping his chin on his hands and staring at him, as though he might find the answers he was looking for if he spent long enough losing himself in those glittering eyes. Suddenly he was hit by another thought. "Does Arthur know? About...y'know-your magic and stuff?"

Kilgharrah just smiled. "Where were you when you first heard me calling?"

"Uhmm..." Merlin contemplated, "in the car with Arthur. When we parked outside."

"Interesting." Kilgharrah's fingers formed steeples in front of his lined face, nails slightly longer than average and yellowing. "Most people would have had to be in the corridor to have heard."

Merlin licked his lips. "I guess I'm just not most people?" he asked uncertainly.

"No," the old professor chuckled in reply, "you certainly aren't, young warlock."

Merlin's jaw, which was still a little unhinged after Arthur's kiss earlier, hit the tabletop at that.

"What?" he hissed furiously, "do you even...you can't go around calling people stuff like that in fu-in bloody Camelot!" Merlin reined back his swearword at the last minute, reminding himself that he was in the presence of a teacher who wasn't Arthur, and that the kids over the Wall had always been terrified of everyone working at their schools. Kilgharrah didn't seem particularly scary though...apart from the way his skin seemed to be flaking and how he appeared to know all about Merlin despite the fact that they'd never met.

"You don't deny that's what you are, though?" Kilgharrah lifted a dusty grey eyebrow, and the other scowled.

"Yeah, I do deny! I mean-" He struggled internally for a moment, wondering exactly how much this weird old guy knew. "I mean, I have a bit of magic, fine. You seem to be aware of that anyway, so congratulations on being psychic or whatever, but-"

"Dragon."

"Huh?" In that instant, Merlin stared at Kilgharrah like he'd spoken a different language.

"I'm not psychic, young warlock. I'm a-"

"You are not a dragon, shut up!" he yelped, springing up to his feet, "and don't call me that!"

Kilgharrah surveyed him from where he sat for a moment, before letting out a put upon sigh. "Merlin," he spoke, and the boy relaxed a little at the use of his name, "I sensed your powers the moment Arthur mentioned you on the phone yesterday. And I have known about you since before you were born." His eyes didn't leave Merlin's face as he waited for his words and their meaning to sink in.

It only took about a minute.

"What?" And Merlin was quickly becoming tired of the mantra.

"Please, sit back down," the old professor sighed, looking at the seat that he had just so abruptly vacated. Not long after, Merlin followed Kilgharrah's gaze, before grudgingly falling back into the chair.

"There is no real, safe way for me to prove to you right here that I am what I say I am," Kilgharrah began after a moment, "but if you could see me in my true form, you would not doubt that I am a dragon. The last of my kind, in fact."

"You don't look like a dragon," Merlin insisted.

"Don't I?" Kilgharrah spread his arms, letting Merlin take a good look.

"Nuh-uh," Merlin shook his head, although a little more uncertainly because there was no going against the way the man's grey tie snaked down his front like smoke escaping from a flame and how his suit, upon closer inspection, had actually been designed to look like it was made up of a thousand emerald scales.

"You can keep denying what you already know, Merlin," Kilgharrah continued in a hushed voice, "but it's the truth, whether you choose to believe me or not. And do you think that I would go around just telling anyone what I am? Do you think I could ever be that stupid?"

"No?" the boy tried with a tentative expression on his face.

"No," the dragon-man-teacher-whatever replied, leaning back in his chair. "But I'm telling you. Uther Pendragon put me in this body, and I have been waiting for you for longer than you've been alive. You have a destiny, young warlock, and it is my duty to tell it to you, as is it yours to fulfil it and set me free."

All this was too much for Merlin to comprehend in such a short space of time, and he knew that now a strong mixture of confusion and awe must have been painted pretty clearly over his face.

"My...my destiny is to set you free from your own body? And why did Uther do this to you? I thought he killed all the dragons! And how did you know about me? You haven't told me yet-does Arthur know about your magic? Why me?" he streamed the questions without pausing, ticking them off on his fingers as he went.

Kilgharrah just sat and listened until Merlin fell silent. Then he answered them, keeping his wording very careful.

"Uther killed all the dragons, except for me. I was kept as an example, although to whom I have no idea. He forced me to use my own magic to bind myself inside this...hideous," he groaned as he gestured disgustedly to himself, "body. Then he forbade me to tell anyone who I really was-and if I told anyone, he said he'd have me killed. I asked if I was allowed to work as any other human would, and he granted me permission to do so, although I believe he was...dismayed when he realised I would play a part in his own son's education." Here, Kilgharrah smirked before continuing, "I knew about you because, dear boy, all the dragons knew about you. And the druids, and the other warlocks and the wizards and witches...they all still know about you."

"But...but what do they know?" Merlin's face was screwed up in disbelief. "I'm nobody! I come from over the Wall, and I'm not anyone-"

"You can cast spells without incantations. You were using your magic since the day you were born-before you could even walk or talk. Without your magic, you feel like you would be nothing. It is a part of you, in your blood, and you would not survive if it was taken from you. Magic to you is like air to other humans and like fire to a dragon. It is inside you and it is your breath. You have always been destined for great things, Merlin, and it pains me that you were not brought over the Wall sooner. You are unique."

Kilgharrah finished talking, his hands now resting flat on the table and his mouth a thin, calm line. The boy on the other hand was flushed pink, his own mouth opening and closing.

"This is too much," he murmured faintly, "I mean...that's me. The magic thing? That's all true-I can't imagine being without it. But I'm not special, and you must have the wrong person. You just must."

In an instant, the professor's eyes flashed, and for the first time he looked angry. "Don't tell me what I must have. You heard my call, and despite what you have displayed to me so far, I know that you are not stupid."

"Hey!"

Kilgharrah flared his nostrils as he went on. "You think that it is just some happy coincidence that you turned up on Arthur's doorstep and, despite the environment he grew up in, he took you in? You think that it was luck that brought you to him, at the same time as he started to realise that what he has with Gwen is nothing more than a shadow of what could have with you?"

"Yes, I do!" Merlin blurted with conviction but then paused and pursed his lips uncertainly. "Wait...hang on, what about Gwen? A shadow of what he could have with who?"

Suddenly the dragon was on his feet, a mass of green and grey towering over him. "It was fate, Merlin. Not luck or chance. Your destiny is to protect Arthur until he takes his father's place in ruling over Camelot. Uther may not be a great king, but his son will be, and you will help make it so. You have already had ample time to get to know him, and the fact that you love each other is just an added bonus. The end of Uther's reign is near, Merlin, and you will be there when he falls to pick up the pieces."

There was a long pause.

"But we don't love each other. Well, he doesn't love me. God, I really can't handle this right now." Merlin let his face fall against the table and spoke against the wood so his voice came out muffled. "You can't just throw destinies and shit around like that-"

Turns out he wasn't so adverse to swearing in front of teachers after all.

"-it's bad for people's health. Also, I have no idea how I'm going to protect Arthur. He's the one who's all strong and brave and whatever. And are you saying Uther's going to die or something? Where does freeing you come into all of this?"

Kilgharrah pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment before relaxing back into his seemingly default, calm exterior.

"Firstly," he started slowly, "Arthur loves you. End of story, no more discussion. A blind man could see it. Secondly, how many times must I remind you that I'm a dragon? It is totally within my rights to throw around destinies as I see fit, and I don't care whether you think Arthur's the most brilliant, brave man in the whole of the universe. He still needs you and will need you in the near future, more than you can possibly imagine. Thirdly, I am not saying any more about Uther. Paths change more quickly and subtly than even I can follow, and whatever happens to him is undecided. Lastly, you will free me because I am telling you that you'll free me. We will not discuss that any further for the time being, either."

Merlin didn't say anything for about half a minute after that as he processed. It was all so insane, and he felt a little queasy from it.

"Am I allowed to ask any more questions?" he ventured eventually.

Kilgharrah only just refrained from rolling his eyes. "Yes."

"Okay. So..." he began in a contemplative tone, "are you a transformer?"

"Like Freya?" the latter inquired in response, making Merlin's eyes widen in shock until the other man gave him a look saying, 'Really? The fact that I know this surprises you?'

And Merlin gave a begrudging shrug. "Yeah."

At this, Kilgharrah slowly shook his head. "Well then, no. Freya changes every night and, if she receives proper training, she will perhaps be able to change at will and maybe even keep some of her more human personality traits in the process. I cannot change without another person casting the right spell, at the right time."

"Oh so...so..." Merlin trailed off, suddenly feeling like there wasn't enough oxygen in the room, "wait, what did you say?"

The old man gave an exasperated sigh. "I said that, without the right spell-"

"No." Merlin shook his head violently, looking wild "You said that Freya-"

"Oh-"

"-changes every night. You said that, didn't you? Sir!" Merlin leant across the table, face pale and half scared looking "Do you know where she is? If she's still changing, she must still be alive. What about Gwaine? Please if you know you have to tell me!"

But then Kilgharrah was shaking his head, and Merlin could have screamed.

"Why are you shaking your head? Where are they? I have to save them, me and Morgana have to go get them, we have to-"

"Merlin," he cut him off, his expression sad but his voice firm, "Your place is this side of the Wall now. You cannot cross over."

"But that's not fair!" Merlin burst out, his hands slamming down on the table. "You don't get to decide where I go, and if Freya needs me, which she does so long as she's alive, I have to go to her. You can't stop me."

At that moment, the room abruptly, inexplicably, became colder, and Merlin drew his legs up onto his seat and held them to his chest, curled up instinctively as the degrees steadily dropped.

"What the-"

"Magic is a force which can be used for good or for evil, young warlock." Kilgharrah evenly voiced, watching as the other shuddered convulsively. "You have the chance to let the goodness in it shine, as long as you stay here."

"How a-are you d-d-doing this?" Merlin chattered, staring in awe as frost began to creep up on the windows, coating them in a sugary white layer.

"You know how," Kilgharrah told him, "fight it."

With that, Merlin blinked rapidly before slowly unwinding his arms and getting to trembling legs.

"You're not cold," he whispered, each word curling white through the air as they slipped between his lips.

"I burn from the inside, Merlin." Kilgharrah's breath was dark like smoke, and the dark haired man shuddered as the smell of it reached his nose: it was the scent of wood as it was set on fire beneath a sorcerer's feet.

I can do that too, Merlin thought, pulling himself up a little taller as blue eyes dissolved to gold. I can burn.

No words were said in the next few seconds-Merlin was too cold by now to speak anyway, as Kilgharrah's magic coursed around him, through him. His own spell, when cast, was completely internal and almost instinctual as it shot through his veins like a drug. The boy moaned as he felt it writhe in his stomach before setting alight in a burst of harmless, invisible flame.

At once, the cold was gone...or at least Merlin could no longer feel it. He could see it though: the residue of Kilgharrah's curse were like specks of crystal blue, floating where only those with magic could see, and the ice was still smothering the window pane.

"I thought you would destroy it completely," the old professor murmured, head cocked to the side as he looked at Merlin like he was trying to understand him. And Merlin almost laughed at the idea that he was being the confusing one.

"I like the cold," Merlin replied clearly with a slight shrug, "Why would I want to destroy it?" And it made him feel shockingly relieved to know that there was at least one thing the dragon hadn't known about him from the start.



By the time Arthur came to pick Merlin up, he and Kilgharrah were sitting side by side with the younger man diligently writing out sentences in a yellow exercise book.

He knocked on the door to give them a chance to look up and see him before finally swinging it open. Merlin was at his side in a moment and, to Arthur's surprise and pleasure, gave him a hug with long arms wrapped snugly around his middle for all of three seconds before he stepped away again, blushing slightly.

"Good to see you, too," Arthur chuckled, grinning at Merlin's embarrassment, and might have succumbed a little to the happy glow that had suddenly ignited inside him. "How's everything been?"

Kilgharrah got heavily to his feet, picking up the boy's exercise book as he went over and handed it to the blond to look at. "You've taught Merlin well, Arthur. I'm impressed."

At that, Arthur flicked through the pages quickly, his heart swelling at an alarming rate as he skimmed over the words. It was still the handwriting he loved most though-the way it had changed since they first started until now. If the professor was right about someone's handwriting being representative of their personality, Merlin's would have him down to a T:

It sprawled almost lazily across the page, sometimes to the point where it was illegible, but always with the air of a set of words that were trying to convey an extraordinary amount of meaning within their thin lead lines, which were always thin-Arthur couldn't remember the last time Merlin had written with a blunt pencil.

"He's a better learner than I would've thought at first glance," he teased, and Merlin's lip twitched before he muttered:

"Clotpole."

Arthur snorted, "What is that even?" and the other just shrugged, grinning as he snatched his exercise book back out of Arthur's hands. The blond rolled his eyes before reaching out to ruffle Merlin's hair and then turned to Kilgharrah.

"Thank you for today," he said, his tone respectful.

"It was a pleasure," Kilgharrah assured him, his eyes flicking between the two boys. "I don't have any classes at all on Fridays, so Merlin's always welcome to come by."

"Thanks," Merlin mumbled, his hold on the book tightening slightly as he gave the professor a small smile.

"Come on then." Arthur tapped Merlin on the shoulder and turned to lead him out the classroom. "See you soon, professor," he called over his shoulder.

"Goodbye, Arthur. Merlin." He nodded to them both then, when Arthur was already out in the corridor, caught hold of the younger man's arm to lean close and whisper in a rush:

"Remember everything I have told you: you and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, Merlin. Do not let him out of your sight, and you will see Freya and Gwaine again. Also, Morgana-"

"What about her?" Merlin frowned. Morgana had barely been mentioned all day.

"She isn't all that you think she is," was all that the dragon said, and Merlin couldn't do more than splutter.

"What the hell are you-"

At that moment, Arthur stuck his head back into the classroom. "Merlin, hurry up! Gwen texted to say they actually want to eat at some point today."

He nodded distractedly, his eyes still trained on Kilgharrah's face. "Right."

The dragon held his gaze for a moment then his hand slid from Merlin's upper arm until their palms brushed in the phantom of a shake.

***

Arthur couldn't be bothered with the hassle of keys when he got back to the house, so he banged on the door instead.

"Someone answer!" he yelled, "It's bloody freezing out here."

After an instant, they heard the sounds of someone inside running to the door, then the scrape of it being unlocked and pulled open. Morgana stood just inside, her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, and her eyes bright.

"Hey," she beamed, looking past Arthur and dragging Merlin over the doorstep. "Are you all right? How was today?"

At this, the older man rolled his eyes as she left him standing there without so much as a backwards glance. "Oh, and it's nice to see you, Arthur,"he grumbled, making his own way into the house.

***

Merlin and Arthur sat opposite the two girls at the dining table, Merlin with his elbows propped on the wood as he shovelled noodles into his mouth at an alarming rate.

"If you choke and die-" Arthur had just begun to make a scathing remark about the boy's disgusting eating habits, until he actually did start choking and the blond was forced to thump him on the back.

"Yeah?" Merlin wheezed, at the same time shooting an apologetic glance at Gwen, who looked a little horrified.

"Nothing," Arthur sighed, rolling his eyes and thoroughly ignoring how Merlin was pressing his bare toes against his own slipper-clad feet.

After dinner, the four of them moved off into the living room with the men taking the sofa while Morgana lay on her front with a book on the floor. Gwen sat cross-legged beside her and finally, when it got late and all the talking stopped, and Merlin's head was lolling onto Arthur's shoulder with his lips inches from the bare skin of the older man's neck, she caught his eye.

Arthur watched, only partly distracted by Merlin's hot breath against his skin, as Gwen very deliberately ran a hand up Morgana's back until the younger girl looked back at her and smiled.

Then they found each others' hands, even though it was a slightly awkward position, fingers interlocking as Morgana gave up on her book.

That's it, then, Arthur thought, wrapping an arm around Merlin's waist and pulling him even closer. If the relationship between him and Gwen had been...rocky last night, it was truly over now, and he felt strangely hollow but not in the horrible empty way. It was more like something had been removed from his chest, specifically so that something more important could take its place.

Merlin sighed against him, his face tilting as he nosed sleepily at the space behind Arthur's ear and where his hair lay soft at the nape of his neck.

The blond chuckled softly at the sensation, turning his own face to breathe Merlin in: a few days ago he had smelt like chocolate. Now it was the same, except with something even deeper which he hadn't caught before-possibly it was his own scent, the one he had before Arthur had introduced him to cocoa, and that had at first been hidden under weeks of filth.

It was spicy and hot, and Arthur found his hand cupping the base of Merlin's skull as the young man drifted on the brink of sleep. He thought it was strange, how Merlin smelled of all the things that made your tongue burn, when his skin was so pale and his eyes blue like the sea in winter.

"I think it's time for bed," he murmured, and the dark haired boy made a soft, snuffling noise of agreement. Arthur smiled gently and got to his feet, tugging Merlin up alongside him.

Morgana looked up at this and yawned herself. "I'm kinda tired too..."

"Me too." Gwen uncrossed her legs with a small groan and clambered upright.

"Yay, all sleepy..." Merlin's voice was muffled where his face was still buried in the crook of Arthur's neck.

"You're ridiculous," he informed him, although he sounded abnormally happy over this fact as he guided Merlin upstairs.

Morgana still took over though when they reached the guest room, her gaze shrewd, and Arthur tried to shrug like he didn't care when Merlin's familiar weight was removed, but he couldn't help how his touch lingered on the boy's wrist before he stumbled to bed.

Gwen waited for Arthur outside their own room, looking uncertain with a blanket clutched in her hands.

"I...I thought I could go sleep down-" she began, looking uncertain, but the blond cut across her and only reassured her calmly by saying:

"Hey, it's fine. I'll take the sofa." And he gently prised the blanket from her grip.

She stared up at him for an instant, bottom lip caught between her teeth. Then she stood on tiptoes to kiss him chastely, for only a little more than a moment, and neither of them felt anything more than the physical press of flesh on flesh before they pulled apart.

"Night, Arthur," Gwen muttered quietly.

Arthur just nodded, arms tightening around the quilt as she backed into their room-her room now, if not the old room- before he turned to head back downstairs.

***

Morgana propped herself up on one elbow to watch Merlin as he knuckled his eyes into wakefulness.

"'Gana," he mumbled, eyelids fluttering as the moonlight hit them both and spread out around them on the bed like a silvery dress.

"Yeah?" she murmured back, reaching forwards to fondly brush his fringe back from his face.

He took a breath, ever so slightly leaning into her touch. "Y'know...how we always...we tell each other everything?"

Morgana knew that she stiffened slightly at that but forced herself to relax, fingers trailing delicately over his forehead.

"I do," she assured him in a whisper, even as something in her heart jolted painfully.

"You'd never not tell me something if it was important, would you?" He was searching her face intently now, and Morgana wondered where these questions had suddenly sprung from.

"I've never kept anything from you, Merlin." The promise was broken before it left her mouth, and in a split second her heart already started to thump wildly at the lie.

"'Kay," the boy murmured, instantly trusting her reply. "You should go next door."

"What?" Morgana blinked, perplexed at the sudden change of subject. "But why-"

Merlin shrugged, twisting away from her touch to bury his face in his pillow. ""I heard Arthur go downstairs. Gwen's gonna be by herself. You should go to her."

"I don't mind staying with you." she told him gently.

"I know," he replied softly because he did know, "but you'd prefer to be with her." He peeked up at her, smiling slightly. "It's okay. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" she pressed, her hand returning to rub between his shoulder blades. "What if you have a nightmare?"

"I won't. I promise," he added upon noticing the doubtful expression that started to form on her face, "It's fine."

Even so, Morgana still took her time moving from the bed, but, if she had really wanted to stay, she would have simply stayed.

"Love you," she whispered fondly, brushing a kiss to the back of his head.

At this, Merlin couldn't help but chuckle quietly with a small smile. "You too."

There was the sound of soft, bare feet leaving the room and then the click of the door shutting behind her.

***

Merlin waited for two minutes before sitting up, suddenly a lot more awake than he had been before. His heart was thrumming heatedly in his chest, and he had to take a few steadying breaths before getting up and padding from the room after Morgana.

Instead of turning into Gwen's room though, he continued down the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible. He doubted that Arthur was asleep already, but he hoped he was-for once, Merlin wasn't looking for a run-in with the older man.

He kept walking until he reached the front door then he eased it open, praying that no one would hear. Only a sliver of the outside world was showing when cold air began seeping into the house, and Merlin slipped out the moment it was possible, pulling the door closed behind him.

The cold was biting when he had a surreal moment where all he wanted to do was lie down in the snow and have it overwhelm him-freeze him until he could feel nothing but ice and winter and calm. The day's end had been long coming, and he was still desperately trying to come to terms with everything Kilgharrah had told him.

What would Arthur say if he heard about this destiny? What would he say if he found out about Merlin's magic?

What would he have done, had he heard how adamantly the dragon had insisted the pair of them were in love, and...what had he said? Two sides of the same coin?

The dark haired boy buried his face in his hands, toes curling in the white snow and feeling it crunch between them until they were numb, like he wished he was all over.

In a minute, he would go back inside and return to bed. But for now, he would just have his own little mental break down.

***

Arthur had been trying to get comfortable on the settee when he heard the sounds of Merlin coming downstairs-and of course he would recognise the sound of those footsteps anywhere.

He had half expected the other to turn into the front room to see him, but when he had gotten to his feet to look into the hallway, he'd only just been in time to catch the boy unlocking the front door and stepping outside.

He hesitated for a moment, trying to reason that Merlin was practically, if not more than almost a grown man, and if he wanted to take some kind of moonlit stroll at a quarter to one, he was well within his rights to do so.

Arthur's resolve soon faded however when he spotted Merlin's shoes by the stairs-which meant that they weren't on his feet.

"Oh, for God's sake," he moaned, stamping his own feet in preparation before hurrying to wrench the door open and joining the other man in the driveway.

Merlin was standing with his back to him, facing the road. His hands weren't hanging at his sides, but Arthur could see that they were instead hiding his face, long white fingers curling up and into his hair and thumbs bracketing his sharp jaw line.

The young man's shoulders were shaking at that point, and the blond instinctively found himself reaching towards him, before he was even near enough to touch, because it was more than clear to him that they weren't tremors from the cold.

"Merlin," he whispered, just before he reached him, and the latter instantly spun around, hands falling in the process.

Up above them, the grey sky seemed to be bursting at the seams, clouds exploding into snowflakes that floated down to melt on the tip of Merlin's nose and shimmer on his eyelashes, which were already wet.

Arthur tentatively lifted a hand before burying it in his thick dark hair, watching with bated breath as the younger man studied him before shuffling closer the same time as he pressed back and made the most of the heat that radiated from Arthur's palm.

The blond's other hand moved to rest against Merlin's face, his thumb building a bridge between his upper lip and right cheekbone, carefully mapping the freckles and the splits in the pink flesh.

He wanted to ask what was wrong-wanted to find out who or what had made Merlin cry, but the words wouldn't come. He was terrified that if he didn't act soon, they would both be too cold, and if only his damn fingers would stop shaking, he could lean forwards and-

Merlin's chest was warm through the t-shirt he had worn to bed, and Arthur's breath stuttered when he pulled the other man so that they were flushed together, noses touching in the dark.

"Arthur." It was the first time the boy had spoken since Arthur had joined him, and it sent shudders through them both. By this point, Merlin was trembling so much that the blond thought it might be best just to get them inside, but then it was too late because they were too close.

Arthur's softly spoken "oh" was lost as Merlin's mouth pressed against his, easing his lips apart with his own until he couldn't even remember what the cold was.

All he knew in that instant was Merlin and Merlin's lips and Merlin's hair and Merlin's skin and the way Merlin's fingers were curled in his shirt and how their feet were pressed together, the pair of them drawing endless heat from each other's bodies.

Arthur didn't even know how long it lasted, but when they were finished, neither of them was shaking anymore. Everything was impossibly still and quiet, like the snow was absorbing the sounds of the city just for them.

***

Arthur led Merlin back inside by the hand, slipping and sliding over the doorstep and onto the carpet. Then he grabbed a coat from the hook by the door and wrapped it tightly around the other's shoulders, about fifteen minutes too late.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he muttered, rubbing gingerly at Merlin's arms. "You can't just wander around outside dressed like that."

"Y-you did," The younger man pointed out even as he stood there and allowed himself to be practically towel dried.

But Arthur didn't even deign to reply to that, and when Merlin wasn't so soggy from the snow anymore, he pulled him straight into the living room.

"Take your shirt off," he instructed, "It's way too damp to wear, and you'll just get ill."

At this, Merlin wasted no time ridding himself of his shirt and then his trousers too. "They're wet as well!" had been his explanation when Arthur raised an eyebrow.

It was the most undressed the blond had ever seen the other man, and for a second, he couldn't take his eyes from Merlin's chest: his ribs, like rungs on a ladder, were underlined with shadow, and above them his nipples were pink and peaked.

Arthur cleared his throat slightly before stripping off himself, dropping articles of clothing until they were both just in their boxers.

"I'll get you something to-" he hadn't got the suggestion out of his mouth before the dark haired boy was directly in front of him.

"Now, please," he breathed, voice soft and high as he suddenly gripped Arthur's waist.

And Arthur immediately knew what he wanted.

"Merlin..." he began hesitantly, even as his own fingers traced Merlin's collarbones, "it doesn't have to be now..."

But the younger man just stared at him, and Arthur instantly found it impossible to look away when he could feel Merlin against him and how hard he was already as he pressed into the blond's hip.

"It does," Merlin breathed hoarsely, his hands skating desperately over Arthur's chest as he drank in the sight of him. "Arthur-" his eyes lifted to somewhere over the other's shoulder. "If not, I have to go." And he was blushing, throat working as he swallowed hard. "I can't...I need to go upstairs, I-"

"No." The older man gently gripped Merlin's chin and turned his face so that they were looking at each other again. "I don't want that..."

"But you think I'm not ready after Cenred," Merlin spoke in a flat voice, and Arthur winced internally because those were his exact thoughts.

"Are you?" he asked softly, pressing his forehead to his and ghosting their lips together.

Merlin shrugged his narrow shoulders, but the movement soon turned into a fervent nod. "I am, I am, I am, Arthur. I wanted this for so long-I'm ready, I can forget him, you can make me forget. I want you. I love-"

And the blond wondered how many sentences would actually get completed that night when he took Merlin's face and mouthed away his declarations at the same time as he returned them with his own actions.

"Okay," he murmured with a quiet chuckle, heart hammering in his chest. "Okay."

Part 10