Wintry Calm (so in love with the wrong world) 11/13

[ceeebee]

It took a few minutes for Merlin to regain control of himself after he had shut the front door, leaning heavily against it and panting as if he had just come back from running with the girls.

The girls.

"Morgana," he whimpered, pressing his palms to his eyes, shoulders shaking. He stayed like that for a moment, trying to console himself-Lancelot could have been wrong or lying or something, and really there might not be anything to worry about.

And Merlin might have happily gone along with that thought, if it wasn't for the fact that he had talked about Morgause. Merlin knew of her hatred towards the Pendragons, and he knew that she had instilled a lot of this into Morgana, although he had hoped such feelings would have been abolished by this point. They had been living with Arthur for months now, for God's sake.

He was still shaking when he found his phone resting on the living room table. Arthur had bought it for him the second week after moving in, although he had only recently started texting and barely ever used it. Now he snatched it up and scrolled through the contacts.

Arthur had added Kilgharrah to his contact list when they'd gotten home yesterday, and Merlin's thumb hovered over the call button for a second before he pressed down and brought the mobile to his ear.

"Hello, Merlin," Kilgharrah's gravelly voice sounded before the boy had a chance to open his mouth.

At this, his grip on the phone tightened, and he didn't question how the dragon had known who it was without asking. "Professor...I need to talk to you. About Morgana." There was a pause on the end of the line, and Merlin could almost hear the other straightening up, alert.

"I thought we had more time..." he murmured softly then let out a slow exhale. "She must be stopped, young warlock."

Merlin's mouth opened and closed a few times. "But I haven't even told you anything yet!"

"I am not stupid. I know why you called, and it has been foretold that Morgana will one day try to destroy Arthur, as surely as you will stop her from succeeding."

"I don't believe you," the boy whispered, knuckles white as he clutched the metal to his face. "I don't...she wouldn't. She loves Gwen and she loves me, and she wouldn't ever hurt him. Never, ever-"

"Some prophecies have been known to be avoided, or wrong, but-"

"This is one of those," Merlin told him firmly, sinking into a chair.

"But do you want to take that risk?"

Merlin sucked in a gulp of air, his eyes falling shut. "Should I warn Arthur?"

"No! You must say nothing to Arthur. If Morgana's plan is to kill him, she will do it using magic, and the Pendragon does not need another reason to hate sorcery. Do what you have to in order to stop her, but tell no one of your plans."

"You think I should kill her." His voice was hollow, and suddenly he felt strangely detached from all that was happening.

"I think that there aren't a lot of options left open to you."

"I can't..." he choked, shaking his head. "I can't-"

"It is your destiny-"

"Shut up!" Merlin shouted, eyes flying open as he jumped to his feet. "Shut the fuck up about my destiny-it means nothing to me, what you think should happen and what shouldn't. I won't hurt her. I love her."

"More than you love Arthur?"

His hand moved to press against his forehead. "I cannot live without either."

"Then you are all doomed. Remember what you were born to do, Merlin. Remember all that depends on you."

And there was a click, and a beep, as Kilgharrah ended the call.

***

When Morgana got back, she found Merlin sitting cross legged on a chair at the dining table, staring blankly ahead of him at nothing in particular.

"Heya," she beamed fondly, ruffling his hair as she walked past. "Are you all right there?"

In that instant, he glanced at her, and she frowned at the way he was holding himself so stiffly and how he had flinched slightly beneath her fingers. "Yeah," he mumbled nonchalantly, "'m fine. Just a bit tired..."

"I'm not surprised, after last night," she chuckled, waggling her eyebrows at him, but all he managed in return was a weak smile.

"Whatever." He tried to make his voice sound light, but it came out pained.

At that, Morgana instinctively moved closer to him. "Merlin, what's up?" she asked softly, pulling up a chair beside him. No sooner had she rested her hand on the wooden back, however, had he sprung to his feet.

"Seriously, I'm just really tired. Think I'm gonna take a nap or something...just for a couple of hours. I'll see you later, 'kay?"

"Okay..." Morgana was bemused as she watched Merlin hurry from the room.

On the way out he bumped into Gwen, who had a wide smile on her face. "Where are you off to?" she asked.

"Nowhere," he muttered, "I mean, just to lie down."

"Are you sick?" The concern in her voice made something inside him jerk painfully.

"No," he assured her, trying another half-grin but failing. "I'm fine. Sorry..." He awkwardly made his way past her and onto the stairs, intending to hole away in his room until he could breathe freely again.

***

Arthur's fingers were numb with cold when he shoved the key into the front door and twisted, working it open until he was back inside and standing on the welcome mat.

"Hello?" he called into the house, wearily stamping his feet to rid his shoes of the clinging snow.

Gwen poked her head out into the hallway. "Hi, Arthur," she smiled, her face a little pink just upon seeing him. "How was it?"

"We couldn't find him," he sighed as he shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over the banister, "I'll probably end up having to go back out again tomorrow."

She nodded and moved closer to him to dust the remaining snow from his hair, and he breathed out slowly, feeling himself relax. It had been a long day.

"Merlin's upstairs," she told him after a moment, "He went up just after Morgana and I got home. He looked a bit unwell, if you ask me."

In response, Arthur frowned. "Has he eaten?"

"I don't think so..." Gwen bit her lip and took a step away from the blond. "Maybe you should go up and check on him? Morgana tried talking to him, but he's been acting weirdly-the bedroom door was locked."

"He wouldn't let Morgana in?" Arthur could instantly feel a slight panic starting up inside him as he kicked off his shoes and began to climb the stairs.

"He said he was tired," she called after him, "I don't know, Arthur. Just see that he's okay."

***

Despite Gwen telling him it was so, it still came as a surprise to Arthur when the door refused to open after he twisted the handle.

"Merlin?" he called uncertainly through the wood, "Are you in there?"

When he was met by silence, he frowned, the worry in his stomach building.

"Merlin, if you don't get up and unlock this door right now, I'm going to knock it down."

After another moment of quiet, he began to hear the sounds of someone getting up and padding over to the door. A second later and there was a soft click, the scraping of a lock, and Merlin was standing in front of him, looking at his feet.

"Hey..." Arthur murmured, taking a step closer, then reached to cup the boy's jaw and tilt his head back slightly. His stomach lurched when he saw how red rimmed Merlin's eyes were. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Merlin shook his head before backing away from Arthur, turning to walk back to his bed. "I'm fine."

The blond hesitated before following him, sitting on the edge of the bed beside where Merlin had curled up over the duvet, one hand resting on the soft curve of his thigh.

"Well, that's a lie," he stated, hoping to coax Merlin into telling him why he was upset. But the boy just snorted and buried his face further into his pillow. For a second, neither of them said anything, with Arthur trying his best to be patient, but then the whole of the younger man's body tensed, and his fists curled up in frustration.

"Fuck," he growled into the cushion before proceeding to hit his fists against the mattress, shaking his head. "Fuck fuck fuck-"

"Merlin," Arthur cut in, eyes wide with alarm. "Merlin, sit up. Tell me what's wrong."

It took a little while for Merlin to uncurl himself so that he was in a sitting position, but when he finally managed one, he fell into Arthur's arms almost instantly, wrapping himself around the older man and pressing his face against his neck, which was still damp and cold from the snow outside.

The blond ran his hand up and down the other's back in an attempt to soothe him, unconsciously rocking back and forth like the teenager in his arms was still a small child.

"C'mon," he murmured against Merlin's hair, "tell me."

Suddenly the boy shook his head, jostling Arthur's chin as he sucked in a gulp of air. "Can't," he tried to explain to him, "It's nothing. I just...I just missed you. How was work?"

Arthur's arms tightened around Merlin for a second, and he didn't let up with how his hand was rubbing over the other's spine. "I missed you too," he admitted and liked the way Merlin's smile felt against his skin, "but I know that's not what's got you worked up."

The younger man had just been starting to relax, but at Arthur's words, he tensed up once more, his whole body seeming to seize into a taut line.

"I won't make you tell me, if you don't want to," the blond finally confessed, "but I'd like you to, at some point."

Merlin didn't say anything-he couldn't tell Arthur about how he hated that nothing ever seemed to run smoothly. How every time he thought he had found somewhere stable just to be, something would come along and snatch it away.

He just sighed against Arthur's collarbone, letting himself sink into the feeling of being encircled by the other man's arms and of his frustration beginning to ebb away in spite of himself.

"Did you find the guy?" he asked eventually, even though he knew he hadn't. He hoped he hadn't.

"No." Arthur's muscles rolled as he shrugged. "But the orders are to keep searching until he's caught."

Merlin shifted slightly on the other man's lap, leaning back to look at his face, when something dug into his thigh, and he winced. "Ow! What's that?" he exclaimed, sliding his hand down Arthur's side until it was flitting over his trouser pocket.

"Ah." The older man levered Merlin up slightly, so he could pull out whatever was inside. "They gave us some things to use if, uh...if we caught him."

The boy's breath was bated as the blond held up a small bottle, filled to the brim with clear liquid.

Merlin stared at it, before reaching forwards-but in a split second, Arthur jerked it away just before he could close his fingers around it.

"Don't touch it, idiot!" he admonished him, "It's poison."

At this, Merlin swallowed. "Why would you need that?"

"I don't know," Arthur sighed and used the hand that wasn't holding the bottle to rub his eyes tiredly, "I guess they just want us to be prepared for anything that might happen."

"Does it kill?" The younger man's eyes were trained on the glass, curious in the evening light.

"Yes. One sip of this, and you'll be dead within 24 hours." Arthur slipped the bottle back into his pocket then moved Merlin back onto the bed so he could stand up. "I won't be using it, if I can help it. In fact, I probably won't even bring it with me tomorrow-my aim is to help the guy, not murder him."

Merlin sat up, fingers clenching and unclenching over the duvet, his throat dry as sandpaper when he asked, "Where are you gonna leave it? The poison?"

"Does it matter?" the blond asked, patting his pocket absentmindedly, and Merlin felt like his thoughtful gaze was probing him, seeking answers he wasn't prepared to give.

He tried to make his voice light. "You know me-I'll probably end up drinking it by mistake." He grinned at Arthur, whose expression darkened immediately.

"That's not funny, Merlin," he said tightly then took a deep breath and swallowed. "It'll be in the cupboard above the sink, next to the window. Just...just don't go near it, all right?"

"Arthur, I was kidding," Merlin assured him, crawling back under the duvet to hide his trembling limbs. "I'm not going to lay a finger on it."

"And you'll tell me what's wrong?" The other man's voice was softer now, and Merlin heard him take a step back towards him-could almost hear the way his hand twitched in his direction, ready to comfort. He could definitely hear the way it fell back again, hitting Arthur's leg with a muffled umph of flesh on cotton.

"Maybe later," he whispered, drawing the covers closer around his slight frame and closing his eyes.

Arthur sighed. "Come down to sleep?"

"In a minute," Merlin murmured, feeling warmth spread through him.

"Okay, love. Take your time." And Arthur left the room, his footsteps stifled by the carpet and the glass bottle chinking against small change in his pocket.

***

Morgana stared miserably down at her hands as she sat on the edge of Gwen's bed. After a few moments, she felt the space beside her dip slightly as the other girl sat down and rested her head on her shoulder.

"I'm worried about Merlin," Morgana mumbled before rubbing at her eyes.

"Me too," Gwen admitted with a sigh, thinking about the young man with his bright blue eyes and alabaster skin and imagining the way he must've slipped into the guest room before determinedly locking the door behind him. Only Arthur had managed to get him to leave, and now the pair of them were downstairs.

Merlin had hugged Morgana tightly before they'd gone upstairs to bed, but still she worried. She felt like something was missing, and it made her feel sick.

"Nothing bad is allowed to happen to him," she spoke firmly, "Nothing. And if something has..." She bit her lip then shook her head, shrugging away from the other girl and climbing further onto the bed.

A few seconds passed before Gwen crawled up to join her, snuggling against her with her dark curls acting like a pillow against the brittle bones beneath Morgana's skin.

"How long have you known him?" she asked, softly.

The younger girl squeezed her eyes shut at the same time as she snaked an arm around Gwen's shoulders, pulling her closer. "Since I was about twelve...I found him, on the street. His friend had just been taken away by the Authorities." A faint tremor ran through her thin body, and she shook her head. "I don't think I'd be here without him...he gave me something to live for, you know?"

Gwen hadn't known, not really, until she'd kissed Morgana that first time. But now she felt she could nod and murmur, "Yeah, I know." without it being a lie.

***

Not long afterwards, Gwen's breathing began to even out until Morgana could tell she had fallen asleep, the soft pads of her fingers stroking gently over the top of her arm. Everything was still and silent, and when Morgana moved her toes, they brushed against Gwen's.

She could feel herself slowly sinking into unconsciousness-the weight of unwelcome worry and the stresses of the day were pulling her under and her whole body felt heavy with it, lightened only by the pressure of the other girl's body up against hers. Reassuring, warm, and solid.

It was all so dulled and quiet that Morgana damn nearly screamed when the phone on the bedside table lit up with an electronic brrrring. As It was, she caught the noise in her throat just in time and carefully extracted herself from Gwen's soft limbs, letting her touches linger as long as was reasonable, before snatching up the mobile.

The noise it was making was amplified by the silence in the room, but when it was in her hand, it didn't seem quite so loud. Gwen merely shifted slightly in her sleep, her eyes remaining closed.

Still, Morgana left the room to answer the call, her brow furrowed as she read what it said on the small screen: Caller Unknown.

It was her phone, and this was the first time anyone apart from Gwen or Merlin had rung her, so she felt a spike of fear before she hit the Answer Call button and brought it to her ear.

She knew who it would be, of course. Somehow, she had known, and Morgause's voice was like cool water down the line, making her shiver.

"Morgana."

"Yes," she whispered, cradling the phone in her hands. "How did you get my number?"

"You are not happy to hear from me?" It was posed as a question, but poorly. Morgana sensed that the other woman could guess her answer, and it did not please her. With that in mind, Morgana proceeded to lie:

"Of course I am, Morgause. I was just wondering-I am relieved to hear from you. I...I missed you." At least that was in part truthful. Morgana had been feeling an ache where the blonde woman had been separated from her, but the pain had long since been dulled by Gwen's presence.

"I missed you too." She sounded appeased, and the younger girl allowed herself to relax a little, leaning back against the wall by the bathroom. "And you are not the only one with magic, Morgana. It wasn't hard to find your number."

"Oh," Morgana mumbled, but couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I told you I would get in contact when the time was near."

Morgana slid slightly down the wall, her head thrown back against it and her eyes tight shut. "I remember," she murmured.

"Then you will meet with me tomorrow morning-I told you about the spell, didn't I?"

"The one that will send everyone to sleep," Morgana suddenly recalled, swallowing against the clammy sensation building on her skin.

"Yes. It is ready. And so are you? To kill the Pendragon?"

"I still have to kill Arthur?" she said it dully, although she wasn't sure why. It wasn't like she had expected Morgause's plans to change-it was just that she hadn't expected hers to change either but they had, and drastically.

"Of course." Morgause's voice now had a curious lilt-as if she was confused as to why Morgana had to ask, too.

The younger girl wondered whether she ought to simply tell her on the phone that she couldn't do it-that she didn't even need to because, when the time came, Arthur would almost definitely make a great ruler, and that she cared more about keeping her relationship with Gwen than sitting where Uther did now. After a short pause though, she decided that it might be better to tell Morgause in person. She wanted to see her and explain properly. Maybe that would make her understand better.

"What time should I meet you?"

"Seven. You'll know where to find me."

"Seven AM..." Morgana murmured, imagining Gwen waking up to find the space beside her empty and then realising that she really didn't have a choice in this. "Okay. I'll see you then."

Morgause hung up with the faintest whisper of a goodbye, and the dark haired girl let out a long, weary sigh before straightening up and walking back to bed.

Just as she turned into the bedroom though, the bathroom door silently opened, and a boy stepped out, his toothbrush clutched in his hands and his black hair spilling over wide, horrified eyes.

***

Merlin couldn't find the air to breathe, and for a short while he just stood there, staring at the point where Morgana had disappeared into the bedroom with tears building hot and heavy behind his eyes.

He had only heard her side of the conversation, but it was enough. He tried to picture her and Morgause, plotting while he himself was waiting at home with Freya and Gwaine. How long had Morgana been living this lie?

How long had she been planning to murder Arthur, even as she slept in the same bed as Gwen?

Merlin shook his head, trying to clear it. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was mistaken. Or maybe, at half past seven tomorrow morning, Merlin would wake to an empty bed. Or Arthur would still be there with cold, white skin and a band of red around his throat, and Morgana would be missing, and Gwen would be crying.

Merlin would be drowning. He would have lost all.

It was with trembling hands that he pulled his phone from his pyjama pockets, his vision blurred as he searched for the right name. It took far longer than it should have to send the simple text:

When should I do it?

Almost immediately, the dragon's reply caused the mobile to vibrate in his palm, sending even more tremors through his body:

The sooner, the better.



Arthur's chest was warm on Merlin's back, and he sighed against the pressure of the other's hands flat over his abdomen, with his broad thumbs rubbing circles into his skin. It was almost surreally comfortable, and the younger man pressed back, tilting his head and stretching his neck until he was looking at the underside of Arthur's chin before nosing against it and yawning.

The blond merely held him tighter and pressed a kiss to the shallow crevice behind his ear. "Go to sleep," he murmured, his breath hot against Merlin's skin.

But Merlin hesitated, feeling the steady thuds of the blond's heartbeat against his spine, and then closed his eyes, calmly forcing himself to lie still.

"What time you getting up tomorrow?" he asked quietly, running blunt nails over the back of Arthur's hands, bumping gently over his solid knuckles and following the veins as they curled towards his wrists.

The older man only shrugged. "Nine, maybe? It's still the weekend, after all. They've got to give me until nine."

At this, Merlin smirked, nestling into Arthur's arms. "I don't think your father will care whether it's a Sunday or not."

"Sleep, Merlin," the latter sighed, pinching the skin over his stomach so lightly that it tickled the dark haired boy more than anything. Still, Merlin let out a pitiful oww, making Arthur laugh. "You are insufferable," he chuckled fondly.

"I'm fabulous." Merlin mumbled back, his fingers tightening a little over Arthur's as he wished that they could just stay here in this bed, like this, forever.

"That too," Arthur agreed, brushing his lips against the back of Merlin's head for the last time before drifting into unconsciousness.

***

Merlin had set his alarm for six, but in the end, he didn't need it: he didn't sleep all night, even with Arthur's steady, soothing breaths soaking into the nape of his neck. Instead he just lay in the other's arms, feeling his limbs loosen as the night wore on and his grip on Merlin slacking so that when the morning came, it was easy for the slimmer man to slip free and scramble out of bed.

Then everything he looked at was blurred, like he was looking through some kind of warped magnifying glass, and his vision shimmered and his body swayed as he made his way almost drunkenly to the kitchen. Once he was there, he braced his arms against the sink, hanging his head so that his chin hit his chest-he felt like he was going to throw up.

After a few minutes, he felt his arms begin to seize up and go numb, at the same time as something hot and wet slid over his nose and dripped down into the porcelain basin before swirling down the plughole. He watched it go, feeling more and more bereft as others joined the first, dozens of tears whirling out of sight and leaving salty trails in their wake.

***

Morgana walked downstairs already dressed for running, with her hair swept back in a sleek ponytail. At some point during the night, her heart had found its way to her throat, and now it sat there, lodged and immovable, but beating fast as she kept replaying over and over in her head how the morning would possibly go. What Morgause would do when they saw each other.

What Morgause would say when Morgana told her that they would probably never see each other again.

She sighed then bent down to pick up her trainers, which were the only item of clothing Gwen hadn't allowed to be brought upstairs, before silently shifting over to peer into the living room. In a split second, she could make out the shape of her brother-another thing that had been twisting her up all night. Once this was all over, would she tell Arthur about their parentage? It gave her a small thrill to think of it: to think of having someone related to her by blood. An actual brother.

It took her a moment though before she finally realised that it was only the blond's body beneath the duvet, with his bare chest, and arms lying atop the covers rather than under it. The space beside him was empty.

At this, Morgana frowned and moved off to check the kitchen, only to find the other boy sitting at the table with his head pillowed in his arms.

"Merlin?" she murmured, walking over to him and brushing a hand through his hair.

And very much to her surprise, he jerked upright, his mouth contorting around his confusion.

"Huh? Oh! Oh. Morgana..." Merlin shook his head, as if to clear it then offered her a bleary smile.

The girl hesitated, lifting a hand to rest it on his cheek, but he flinched, eyes scrunching up in surprise or-Morgana's stomach flipped unpleasantly at even the very thought of it-fear.

"Are you all right?" she asked carefully, letting her hand drop back to her side.

"Uh..." He was staring at her closely now, and his eyes had opened to their widest, searching her face. Morgana felt as though he was willing her to fall down and into their depths like she had so often done in the past when they were alone together, enveloping each other in those strange affections they harboured. Eventually, he managed a casual "yeah", although his voice still shook slightly. He seemed spaced out: not all there, and Morgana could feel an intense worry that only ever surfaced when it came to Merlin, gnawing at her gut.

"You just woke me from a nightmare, that's all," he finished with a cordial smile.

She paused for an instant then chewed her lip and reached for his face once more, intending to smooth away those lines on his forehead and push that stray lock of hair behind his ear, when suddenly her watch gave a loud beep. She snatched her hand back to glimpse down at her wrist, missing the way Merlin's shoulders slouched in response.

Six thirty.

"I've got to go," Morgana told him, looking back up just in time to see him sit up a little straighter and hitch a smile onto his face.

"Without Gwen?" he asked in that same reserved tone, but now his hands were clutching the tabletop very tightly, his grip promptly loosening as soon as she shifted her gaze to glance at them.

"Yeah...I wanted to go a bit earlier today. Didn't want to wake her up," she replied as she quickly began to pull on her trainers, which she had been holding in her other hand. "Are you sure you're okay, Merlin?"

The boy shifted slightly on his seat, and Morgana watched from where she was crouched on the floor as he crossed and uncrossed his feet-a small sign of his agitation. "I'm positive."

With that, she brushed his ankle lightly with her fingertips, relieved when he didn't pull them away, before finally straightening up on her feet and making her way out to leave.

"Okay then, but...if there is something, tell me when I get back, yeah?"

At that moment, Morgana whirled around just in time to catch him shoot her an incredulous look, with his mouth hanging open ever so slightly, but she could only do so much as blink at him with enough confusion in her expression to match up his disbelief. "What?"

Before she could say anything more though, the scepticism in his countenance swiftly melted back into cool nonchalance. "Nothing," he muttered, slowly shaking his head. "But hey, wait-" He twisted in his chair and snatched something up from the counter by the sink. "-you'll want this," he finished before he tossed her the cereal bar, and she caught it quickly, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

"Of course," she beamed back, saluting him with it. "See you later."

"Love you!" he called after her, once she was in the hallway with her hand on the lock.

She froze for a second, trying to figure out exactly what it was she could detect in his voice: almost like disappointment. Or hope. She wondered how someone's voice could sound like two things so different.

"Love you, too," she replied, just loud enough so that she knew he'd be able to hear, then opened the front door and ran outside.

***

The moment she was outside, Morgana could feel the pull of magic, telling her which direction to go. A warm tingle wrapped playfully around her toes, and when she looked down, she found that her feet were moving almost without permission, guiding her through the snow.

She was glad Morgause had made it so easy. It meant she didn't have to think but simply allow herself to be led. As it turned out though, she was treading a path she had followed many times before-almost every day, in fact. The route that she took when running with Gwen rarely changed, and she passed all the same shops and crossed all the same roads as usual.

As she walked, despite not wanting to think of anything at all, she thought of Merlin. There was rarely a time when Merlin wasn't occupying some part of her brain, but now he was at the very forefront: the way he had been asleep at the kitchen table, his fingers curled into fists. It was only just occurring to her that the boy never slept with his hands like that, unless they were fisted into someone else's clothing. Also, why had he been in the kitchen anyway and not in bed with Arthur?

She closed her eyes as her head began to ache and dug into her pocket for the cereal bar before tearing it open and taking a bite. It tasted familiar and good, reminding her of Gwen. Hopefully the other girl would still be asleep by the time she got back and won't have missed her at all.

Morgana finished the cereal bar and threw the wrapper into a bin as she passed it.

***

Gwen twisted in her bed, reaching absentmindedly for the girl who had fallen asleep beside her, only to pull back empty handed. Her eyelids flickered sleepily as she scowled at the spot where Morgana should have been stretched out looking content and stunning in loose pyjama trousers and a tight white pyjama top.

It felt too much like waking up when she'd been with Arthur to give Gwen any comfort, and she got out of bed before the desperately familiar feeling of rejection could begin to take root. For once, she would like to make it through the week without waking up to an empty space.

She stretched and started to make her way towards the door before something caught her eye, nestled on Morgana's pillow. When she snatched up the note, she let out a small sigh of relief as she read through the brief but comforting message:

Felt like an early run. Be back soon. x

Within a few minutes, she was dressed herself and heading downstairs, not bothering to even glance into the living room since she fully assumed that the boys would most likely be asleep. She fervently hoped that Arthur had managed to find out what was wrong with Merlin and made a mental note to ask the older man about it all as soon as she got back home. For now though, she very quietly opened the door and smiled when she saw the tracks her girlfriend had made in the snow.

***

Arthur woke up to the feeling of his arms closing tightly around the air and sat bolt upright with his hair in disarray, Merlin's name falling readily from his lips as though it had been waiting on the tip of his tongue all night.

"Merlin?" he called anxiously across the room, his fingers playing along the sheets beside him as if he were planning to build the boy up from feathers and cotton, when there was a crash and a yelp from the kitchen, and he could only sigh.

The younger man was sitting on the tiled floor with his head leaning back against the kitchen counter in exactly the same position he had been in that first morning, when Arthur had walked downstairs and found him surrounded by cereal.

He smiled as he lowered himself beside Merlin, locking his arms around his knees as he surveyed him. The boy was rubbing his elbow, and there was a pan on the floor that appeared to have skidded across the whole length of the room. It wasn't hard to imagine Merlin stretching and hitting the utensil with his bony arm before sending it flying.

"Let me see," he uttered gently, trying not to laugh at the stubborn little moue on Merlin's face as he stuck out his arm and looked determinedly in another direction.

Arthur massaged the soft skin around the bone, frowning slightly at the faint bruise which was already forming, and pressed a kiss to the discoloured skin. Merlin became startled at that, his head turning to gaze at Arthur before allowing himself to be tugged closer and for the older man to wrap an arm around his shoulders.

"Why are you up so early?" the blond asked, placing a thumb to Merlin's chin and swiping it tenderly beneath his lip, just catching the delicate pink skin at the corner.

Merlin shrugged and took a shaky breath, raising his hands to press them over his eyes. "No reason," he mumbled, "just couldn't sleep."

"Is this because of yesterday? Because I still need you to tell me what that was about."

"Arthur," Merlin exhaled, pulling himself free of the other man's embrace and dragging himself to his feet by means of his fingertips on the counter. "Just leave it, okay? I'll...I'll be fine."

At this, Arthur scowled and likewise stood up beside him. "I can't just leave it, Merlin. You've got to tell me what's-" He hadn't finished his sentence when the house phone on the kitchen wall suddenly started ringing, and Merlin sent it a death glare, thinking: Too many phone calls lately.

Arthur sighed heavily, his eyes still on Merlin's face. "You will explain all this to me," he insisted decisively before snatching up the phone and pressing it warily to his ear. "Hello?"

The younger man watched as the other's expression flickered from annoyed to anxious to resigned in less than ten seconds.

"Right, of course...I'm leaving now."

Merlin's shoulders sagged as he put the phone down. "What is it?" he asked, looking at the blond with concern. "I thought you weren't gonna leave till nine!"

"It was Leon-they think they've seen the prisoner," he sighed, shaking his head. "I just want to see if I can get there and help before it's all too late. Plus-" With that, he turned to give the boy a steely look. "This gives you some more time to work on what you're going to tell me when I get back."

"But-" Merlin began to protest, but then Arthur was there, pulling him into a hug.

"Just...look: you can tell me anything, okay? I don't care. Whatever it is, it won't change...this." And he squeezed Merlin tighter, to show him fully what he meant. "You just have to trust me."

As he was released, the other didn't even ask whether Arthur would care if he knew about the magic. Instead, he mustered up a smile from somewhere low in his throat. "Okay," he replied quietly, "When you get home, then."

In response, Arthur nodded, even though he could sense that there was still something off about Merlin's smile-as if it had been dragged to the forefront, rather than being instinctual like all of the boy's other expressions. Instinctual and far too telling.

This smile told Arthur nothing, apart from the fact that Merlin had something to hide.

He sighed and ruffled the younger man's hair, before turning to leave. "Go back to bed, Merlin," he shouted over his shoulder, as he ran upstairs to get changed.

Fifteen minutes later, he was gone.

***

The pull around Morgana's ankles was like silk, gently tugging her along, and she tripped her way through the snow, her arms outstretched from either side of her body like she was a child trying to balance. A small smile was curled across her face, as she pictured how perfect everything would be.

She found herself turning towards the great grey warehouse on the corner of the road, with its doors open for once, and she remembered the first time she had run past it- the pride she had felt blooming in her chest once she had left it behind.

Inside it was dark though-filled with a blackness that seeped out and bleached the snow to shadow, but the girl stepped into it, shivering when the temperature dropped inside the walls of freezing metal.

"Morgause?" Her voice was a whisper, clouding out in front of her as she wrapped her arms around herself.

There was a shift towards the back of the warehouse: a subtle bending of light, and then a shape was forming, stepping out into view. Morgause stood tall and willowy in the morning sunbeam, which shafted through the slits that could only just be described as windows, and Morgana felt something curl in her stomach-an old desire which she thought would have been satiated by now. Or forgotten.

Morgause took three long strides, tossing blond hair over her shoulder as she moved, before she was directly in front of the younger woman, her breath wet on her lips and her eyes glinting coolly.

"Are you ready?" she asked, searching Morgana's face carefully and lifting a hand to brush the pads of her fingers over her throat.

"I..." Morgana's eyes fell shut, and she teetered forward slightly, practically inviting the kiss that fell upon her lips and working them apart with desperate urges of Morgause's tongue. The familiar heat and taste of it set her heart pounding and before she knew what was happening, she was against the wall, groaning into every vicious twist of the other woman's lips.

"I said," Morgause spoke again, only pulling away far enough so that their mouths brushed when she spoke. "Are you ready?"

At this, Morgana blinked, feeling horror surging up inside her at the same time as defeat sang dully in her ears, because she had never been able to resist Morgause. Even if she didn't love her...even if she loved someone else.

That was why it felt like such a triumph when she finally realised with conviction what she was going to say:

"N-"

"Morgana?"

In an instant, the two women looked around at exactly the same time, with the sunlight catching at the space in between them and hugging at their frames before slithering across the floor to wrap around-

"Gwen..." Morgana murmured, as something sudden and ugly tightened in her chest, and she gasped, sinking to the floor with a cry, the same time that her watch beeped seven.

***

Merlin had the radio playing so loudly that the sound coming out of the speakers was more like a continual wail than anything, bouncing off the tiled walls and screeching back into his ears. But he wasn't dancing-In fact, he was barely even moving as the distorted singing resonated inside him, filling him to the brim with screams that he desperately wanted to let out.

He felt as if everything around him would crumble if he took a single step-everything that he had come to cherish over his time in this little house and everything he had cared for before arriving seemed to be balanced on the edge of a knife. The top of a wall.

That was why he stood stock still in the centre of the room, his arms hanging stiffly at his sides, terrified of putting too much weight on any side and setting something unstoppable in motion. It was stupid, he knew, but he felt like perhaps if he stayed like this long enough, Arthur and Morgana would somehow both make it home, safe and happy to put everything right, like they had so often done in the past.

He felt this despite the knife that had recently clattered into the sink, after he used it to subtly pierce the wrapper of Morgana's cereal bar-a small enough slit so that she'd never notice-and spilled a single drop from Arthur's bottle of poison through the gap.

Merlin had planned it before getting into bed that night. He had planned it seconds before texting Kilgharrah-but there had still been something instinctual in the action, like he hadn't really been planning to go through with it until it happened and the knife was in his fist. In the end, protecting Arthur had been all that mattered.

But now he had no idea whether he had made the right choice. He knew nothing except for the beat of the music, thundering through him, and the ticking sound of the clock on the wall...in spite of the sheer volume of the radio, he couldn't un-hear the second hand moving resolutely around the face above the oven.

His eyes were trained upon it, obsessively following its motion as it crept towards the twelve, with the smaller hand getting closer and closer to the seven. It didn't feel real, any of it. He felt sick and faint and hot, and when finally, finally, both hands hit their marks, his knees gave out and he crumpled, hardly noticing when the music stuttered, as if the radio were changing stations all by itself.

"Gwen," he found himself choking out her name, assuming that she was the only other person in the house. Unfortunately, he hadn't heard her leave and now panic spiked in his veins. "GWEN!"

Sobs rattled through him and he couldn't breathe, but Gwen wasn't coming downstairs to find him, even though he knew she would if she were there. Which meant she was gone. He clutched at his chest, over where his top pocket would be and all those newspaper clippings had once resided.

Where he kept all his stupid love for girls who had taken care of him and boys who had kissed him and held him at night.

"Morgana," he murmured softly as he crawled into the corner of the room, curling up into himself as he rocked back and forth, knowing that she had eaten what he'd given her. Knowing that she'd have trusted him implicitly right up until the end.

But where was Gwen?

She must have followed the other girl out, without Merlin noticing. Had she seen Morgana fall?

He let his head drop back against the wall with a crack, a sharp jolt of pain spiralling out in webs from the point where his skull had connected with the plaster. It grounded him-pulled him back to reality as nothing else would have been able to. Except perhaps Arthur.

He blinked, dragging lungfuls of air into his body and becoming slowly more aware of what was going on around him-of the radio that still seemed to be malfunctioning.

...house appears to be...and...the knights are being called in as I speak, there's a...

Merlin sat up properly, blinking as the back of his head throbbed and frowning in the direction of the radio. The music had stopped entirely now, and he had a vague flashback to Arthur telling him how, if something majorly effecting to the people of Camelot happened, the Authorities had the power to overrun the media-so if he switched on the TV now, he was sure that it would be flashing between channels, too, trying to convey some kind of message.

The young warlock felt his blood chilling in his veins as he wondered just how coincidental it could be that the Authorities were trying to send a message the same day that he had essentially committed murder.

Even though Morgana wouldn't be dead yet.

Wouldn't be dead.

Someone would save her. She wouldn't die. Couldn't die. Merlin didn't want her dead-he only wanted for her not to harm Arthur. She would be okay. She-

Some kind of winged animal appears to be attacking Pendragon Estate...the houses around me are being evacuated at this moment, and knights are arriving, along with Arthur Pendragon himself...

Merlin swiftly got to his feet, staring at the radio with wide eyes, his heart pounding in his ears. The reporter's voice was scratchy, and her words were like sandpaper on the inside of his brain.

...I'm getting more information on the situation now...it seems like rebels from the other side have broken into Uther Pendragon's own home...I'm getting names...

He knew who it was before she said it, and he was already sprinting to the front door, barefoot and still in his sleep clothes, when her voice boomed through the house:

...Gwaine...I'm being told that he's been planning this for a while. Their names are Gwaine and Freya...

Part 12