Beginning of my short story

[ceetar]

Slowly the mist rolled in covering everything and obscuring vision in the valley. For a brief moment everyone was obscured in the sudden cloud cover. Then, as swiftly as it came, the mist faded and everything was astonishingly clear. In the lowest point of the valley, facing north was a crowd of people scouring another group of people lined up

Comments

Nice

[cherokee]

Very interesting & very good :)
I think the first paragraph was a little confusing describing the crowds but I'm not sure how you'd fix that. If you want a more thorough evaluation let me know. :)