Another Fork Stuck in the Road
Yup...yet again. Seems that most of my posts here have to deal with kinda depressing things, but it's an outlet I seem to need. Not writing this for anyone but myself as a little therapy session, but if anyone feels inclined to respond then please do. Your replies are love. Thanks.
Okay, so where should I start?
Well, the biggest thing to happen to me recently is that I am suddenly quite rich. For me its blood money though. What I gave up with it (custody of my kids and much time not seeing them grow up) makes me not want to even touch it. Once upon a time, I got a divorce and my ex went his merry way. Yay..stupidest thing in the world I ever did getting married at 18. Anyways, me and the kids were quite happy with this and went about our days together. This lasted about 2yrs before my ex came back with some half arse objection to the lifestyle I was living...specifically "exposing" the kids to my girlfriend at the time. Long story short, he got what he set out to do and my lawyers made sure that I would be compensated. *shrug* Some trade off. I now have enough money to start looking for a house again and though that does please me, it also signifies that yet again my life has changed and I'm not sure if its for the better. Missing someone you love and being able to see them only sporadically really sucks.
I've begun thinking of starting a new job search. I presently work as a dealer for a casino and while a pretty good job in concern to pay and benefits, time off is hard to get and very competitive. I just found out that my PTO (paid time off) week for next year has to be in by this Monday. Its the one week we would be guaranteed, but I cant even put it in. Reason why not? Because next year, there's two main holidays I want to take. Gatecon and AT4. Both would be at least 10-12 days, but neither has any dates announced as of yet. Basically, it means I might be screwed. When the dates do get announced and I rush to put in my PTO, if those days are taken by too many people then management will deny me. I wont be going. So, my plan thus far is to keep plugging along till I hear any dates announced, submit my PTO and then wait. If I am denied like I think I might be, then I'm planning on putting in my two weeks notice. Life's to short to be a slave to a job.
I found out a few weeks back that my dad has lymphoma cancer. I hate even talking about this bit, but I'll try. He already has lupus so one day he was complaining about some severe back pains. With this illness, any pain is a cause to be concerned with. My mom took him into the doctors and he was examined and thought to have a blocked artery which dangerously was on the verge of bursting. They took him into surgery immediately but the doctors found this not to be the case. This is how they found out about the cancer. Guess if he didnt have the back pain he would have lived in total oblivion for a time which might have been too late for him so I guess I should be thankful. He's presently going through chemo twice a week with numerous shots in between which he truly hates. He's lost lots of weight and his hair has begun to fall out. We wont find out till next week if the chemo is even working. Its a waiting game I hate to be spectator of. My mom struggles along. All this has put lots of stress on her and bless her for trying to be so upbeat for my dad's sake. There are times when I'll come around the corner and see her sitting tired and depressed, finally able to let her guard down. These are the hardest for me cos I know what its costing her as well.
And last, a side note that I'm not sure I even want to mention because its pretty raw for me yet. I have two best friends in the world. One lives in the next town nearby and the other lives on the other side of the world...though I know their view of our friendship is not equal. Anyways, the other day I had a little spat with the latter and I think I screwed up that friendship. I can be such an ass sometimes. I said some things I shouldnt have and this person I think just lost the last shred of patience they had with me. Albeit, they were pretty hurtfu wordsl so I can't blame them for distancing themselves from me. I'm pretty emotionally wrung out over it and am mentally kicking myself for everything that I said. I had to take an EO (early out) today from work cos I couldnt even concentrate on my game.
I am sorry.
Okay, so where should I start?
Well, the biggest thing to happen to me recently is that I am suddenly quite rich. For me its blood money though. What I gave up with it (custody of my kids and much time not seeing them grow up) makes me not want to even touch it. Once upon a time, I got a divorce and my ex went his merry way. Yay..stupidest thing in the world I ever did getting married at 18. Anyways, me and the kids were quite happy with this and went about our days together. This lasted about 2yrs before my ex came back with some half arse objection to the lifestyle I was living...specifically "exposing" the kids to my girlfriend at the time. Long story short, he got what he set out to do and my lawyers made sure that I would be compensated. *shrug* Some trade off. I now have enough money to start looking for a house again and though that does please me, it also signifies that yet again my life has changed and I'm not sure if its for the better. Missing someone you love and being able to see them only sporadically really sucks.
I've begun thinking of starting a new job search. I presently work as a dealer for a casino and while a pretty good job in concern to pay and benefits, time off is hard to get and very competitive. I just found out that my PTO (paid time off) week for next year has to be in by this Monday. Its the one week we would be guaranteed, but I cant even put it in. Reason why not? Because next year, there's two main holidays I want to take. Gatecon and AT4. Both would be at least 10-12 days, but neither has any dates announced as of yet. Basically, it means I might be screwed. When the dates do get announced and I rush to put in my PTO, if those days are taken by too many people then management will deny me. I wont be going. So, my plan thus far is to keep plugging along till I hear any dates announced, submit my PTO and then wait. If I am denied like I think I might be, then I'm planning on putting in my two weeks notice. Life's to short to be a slave to a job.
I found out a few weeks back that my dad has lymphoma cancer. I hate even talking about this bit, but I'll try. He already has lupus so one day he was complaining about some severe back pains. With this illness, any pain is a cause to be concerned with. My mom took him into the doctors and he was examined and thought to have a blocked artery which dangerously was on the verge of bursting. They took him into surgery immediately but the doctors found this not to be the case. This is how they found out about the cancer. Guess if he didnt have the back pain he would have lived in total oblivion for a time which might have been too late for him so I guess I should be thankful. He's presently going through chemo twice a week with numerous shots in between which he truly hates. He's lost lots of weight and his hair has begun to fall out. We wont find out till next week if the chemo is even working. Its a waiting game I hate to be spectator of. My mom struggles along. All this has put lots of stress on her and bless her for trying to be so upbeat for my dad's sake. There are times when I'll come around the corner and see her sitting tired and depressed, finally able to let her guard down. These are the hardest for me cos I know what its costing her as well.
And last, a side note that I'm not sure I even want to mention because its pretty raw for me yet. I have two best friends in the world. One lives in the next town nearby and the other lives on the other side of the world...though I know their view of our friendship is not equal. Anyways, the other day I had a little spat with the latter and I think I screwed up that friendship. I can be such an ass sometimes. I said some things I shouldnt have and this person I think just lost the last shred of patience they had with me. Albeit, they were pretty hurtfu wordsl so I can't blame them for distancing themselves from me. I'm pretty emotionally wrung out over it and am mentally kicking myself for everything that I said. I had to take an EO (early out) today from work cos I couldnt even concentrate on my game.
I am sorry.