pain
ever love someone so much it physically hurts?
that happened to tonight so randomly for no reason really. i had a good day, and a good night. but when i called brian to say goodnight to him he said, "can i tell you something?" and i said yes and he told me how much he cared about me and that he was the luckiest guy in the world because of me. He says it a lot,not that thats bad, cuz i enjoy that he says it and i feel the same exact way... but tonight i got this knot in my stomach when he said it. it was almost nauseating...so weird. it was almost like i felt like i wasn't going to see him again, but obviously thats not true so i guess thats not the right word to describe it.
anyway, maybe it was because today when i had a lil picnic with him and doug by the river they started talking about school being almost done for them... maybe i just got nervous. and my mom and nan ask every once in a while what will happen after he graduates. and i just say 'i dont know, thats far away' cuz i dont wanna get into it...
but like, in the back of my mind, i do want to get into it because i'm nervous and scared and sad...
i hate when i get into a mood like this. time to go to bed and forget about it.
i might go furry pet shopping tomorrow... that's something to smile about.