and...another sad one.
sorry guys, it's just how i am lately.
My great uncle passed away on Saturday. We won't be having a "funeral" service for him until June when my aunt comes up in the summer. Maybe by then it won't be as hard to deal with.
Also, there was a good bulletin sent around Myspace by a friend of mine... go to my blog to read it: Myspace
Then, the other sad part is an old blog that i noticed when i was posting the above one.
It was titled "something nice"
i'm getting a new computer today or tomorrow!
so, thats super exciting.. and what i was doing today was going thru my documents to see what i need to move over for school and what not. i found something that i titled "something nice" and i remembered that one time i had an away message up asking people to leave something nice. this is what my boyfriend left me:
"something nice:
when i was home over break my mother commented on how much more pleasant my disposition was
mikes mother said shed never seen me smile so much
my father said all i did was grin the whole time
my older sister (who i dont talk to) said shed never seen me in a better mood
and the only reason i could give them when they asked why was because of a certain brunette with the sparkling eyes and beautiful smile who had done more for me in a shorter period of time then most people ive met at this college
and someone who i thank my lucky stars every day to have found"
when i read that i remembered again how much i love him, and how much i miss him every minute that we're not together.
and then... i fucked that all up. for no reason other than i was scared and not able to be an adult. should have just sucked it up. i knew that this was going to be a hard semester, i knew he was going to be leaving, and i didn't want to face the fact that it meant i was growing up....i don't want to have to deal with real life problems, but i need to, and i didn't. and now i regret it.
why is it that i can't get over this?.... i wish i would get a message like that again, but i fucked up and it's all my fault. i hurt him, and i hate that with a hot firey passion... ::sigh::
told myself i would try to be happy about what i do have: great friends, my boys, my family....but there is such a void now. maybe it's not good that i think about this all the time. but, it just creeps into my head if im not staying busy....damnit i hate that.
time for bed i think. hopefully no bad dreams this time, i've been having those a lot lately.