Friendships and the interesting conversation I had yesterday...
In which my best friend D of nearly 17 years called me to apologize. She wanted to make sure that I didn't feel neglected or ignored because we don't speak on a regular basis.
After I laughed and laughed, I assured her that no, I did NOT feel that way whatsoever, and then asked what prompted this silly question.
Apparently another close mutual friend (M) of ours got a wee bit pissy with her because they didn't speak for an entire week. Ten days to be exact; apparently M kept count. Said friend also compared D to another friend (A, who is a leech, to phrase it bluntly, as she is the sort to say 'Let's go for coffee!' and expects you to pay every time) by stating that this girl calls her every day.
After asking if M might have been feeling stressed about something, perhaps causing this uncharacteristic pissy outburst, I couldn't resist pointing out that M is the SAME FRIEND who will drop out of touch for months on end, prompting me to leave her texts, such as 'Are you alive? Please let me know.'
At that point, my best friend boldly pointed out that she was busy every single day of the week. Right now she's working on her Master's, deciding if she wants to do her PhD, moving her belongings from state to state, making sure her sweet but useless, no-common-sense-having father is functioning on a day to day basis, and working. It was also pointed out that said girl (A) she was being compared to does nothing but sit around on her ass all day, chasing behind M and begging her to go out with her, purely so M can foot the bill.
But D was somewhat hurt by this outburst because she is always the first to do the calling, inviting, what have you, and I understand why. I think ten years of friendship would let you know what sort of person you're dealing with. If I don't talk to D, I never take it personally. I know for fact that if her head wasn't attached to her neck, she would leave it in some other state. D calls me her mother, because I'm always telling her to slow the hell down, have a cup of tea, take a deep breath, that sort of thing. We can not speak for days, weeks, sometimes even months at a time, but our friendship is solid enough that we always pick up right where we've left off.
Friendships aren't about tit for tat, or keeping track of the amount of days it's been since someone's called you, or keeping track of ANYTHING. Friendships are supposed to bring you joy, not stress. They aren't one-sided. Favors aren't exchanged for glory and recognition. If you do something for a friend, it's supposed to be because you wanted to, not because you feel indebted.
No idea why I'm rambling on about this, but perhaps because my best friend had a point; she was shocked that M jumped to negative conclusions so quickly. I was shocked that she felt the need to ask if I was upset with her. I know I can be pretty cynical, but unless I know that I've given someone a reason to ignore me, I never assume the negative.
I'm also a fan of self-questioning. If I think I've offended someone, I'll ask. I know for fact that I have a big mouth, but it is never my goal to offend. If I'm wrong, I have no problem apologizing. Although, it seems children know how to say sorry faster than adults. Too many times I've seen folks lash out when they were in the wrong, not the other party, and then they wonder why people back away from them.
This entire post sounds like some petty high school drama. Thank gods I'm hiding it behind an lj-cut because I don't want anyone's eyes to bleed.
Also, if anyone knows of a way to avoid catching this horrid stomach virus that's been going around, I will be eternally grateful. So far I've been hiding in my room with a can of lysol because tummy troubles escalate when I get them and I refuse to be tethered to a bathroom for two days. I have things to do and things to eat.