an immature rant about being mature. how hypocritical.
::sigh::
my dad's not letting me go to scotties tonight. It's really pissing me off. not because I can't go to scotties, I don't really mind, although it would be nice to get out, but because of his reasoning.
So, this year, I'm taking 5 classes. yeah, that's not all that many, but, it's enough. three of them are english classes. two of them involve heavy reading. only problem, is that with linworth sceduling, we have a set of classes every other day, and another set the next day.
in other words, one week, on monday, wednesday, and friday, we have certain classes, and then on tuesday and thursday, we'd have a different set, and instead of period classes, we have blocks. so we have 4 classes a day, and such. sorry if that didn't make sense.
well either way, on blue days, I have one class. and it's the last block. so I have from 8:00 until 1:30 to do nothing, and then on orange days, I have no free time. all 4 blocks are filled up. well, on blue days, There's no way I can sit around for that amount of time without doing anything, so I do my homework.
last semester, I failed my math final. but I got a C in the class. Math's never been a strong point for me, so i figured that wasn't too bad. i also thought that I'd done decent on my final, turns out, not so much. Either way, my dads really mad that I got an F, and is now telling me that because I have so much free time in school, that i'm not going to do well. I tried to explain to him that I do my work in my free time, meaning that I should do better beacuse i get the work done, and then he told me that because I do my work at school, I go out and blow everything off at night, which i didn't think was a bad thing, because as long as I have my homework done, and turn it in, i don't see a problem with going out at night. He seems to think that I will forget everything once I leave, and that I should do work at home. I don't concentrate well at home. I concentrate VERY well at school. why would I want to do something somewhere where I can't concentrate on it instead of getting it all done in school, not having to worry about it later, and then going out and having a social life at night? I guess he'd just rather me sit at home on the computer. which I highly doubt.
my dad's just weird. don't know if any of this is making sense. My brain is really not here. I feel like i'm completely out of my mind. not crazy, just not here. this is real weird. I don't know, I just feel like he's trying to find some way to punish me, but i don't know what I did. I don't even know if i did anything, he's just trying to stop me from doing something. it's all real confusing.
I have made my decision. I'm going to give up on having fun in school, and only taking classes I like, and take health again. Emily is in the class, so it shouldn't be too bad... I just emailed carol about it... so I hope she says no... i really don't want to retake the damn class. I almost got through one entire year without her, and now i'm screwed into it again. :\ all because i want my dad to stop bitching at me... how fun.
I really do like it however, that i'm going to take a class so that my DAD [who is constantly telling me that my life is MINE to live] is happy. especially considering that I know how bad I do in carol classes. and how much I hate them. i hope he fucking sees that I'm doing this for him and not myself. if he still bitches, I will go off. i am sick of all of his bullshit about me not being responsible. so what i don't have my license yet. not like he's helping at all. i have to walk to the damn driving place. he says it'll take about 30 minutes. I'm thinking more of at least an hour. i could ride a bike. oh, wait, none of our bikes are small enough or big enough for me. I have a damn job, i work once a week, that's when they schedule me, and i don't really care. i hate working anyways. i'd like to get a new job, but oh wait, i can't do that. i don't have a license. my life is just one giant circle of fucked up. and it's not that i couldn't change that, it's just that it's a little difficult when I have to find my own way everywhere and my own way to do things. my dad's not one on helping. he likes to make me think for myself, which means that i never get anything done because i can't figure otu how to.
I really don't like it that he can make me angry enough to post pointless rambles in here. I'm sticking to one main topic, and it's bugging me. especially because i can't think of any way to actually get out what's in my head. everything written in here so far makes me feel immature and stupid. He just does such a good job of making me upset. fucking hell. i'm going to go. i dont want to write about this anymore. I'm just extremely sick of him bitching at me about stuff i don't have much of a control over.
my dad's not letting me go to scotties tonight. It's really pissing me off. not because I can't go to scotties, I don't really mind, although it would be nice to get out, but because of his reasoning.
So, this year, I'm taking 5 classes. yeah, that's not all that many, but, it's enough. three of them are english classes. two of them involve heavy reading. only problem, is that with linworth sceduling, we have a set of classes every other day, and another set the next day.
in other words, one week, on monday, wednesday, and friday, we have certain classes, and then on tuesday and thursday, we'd have a different set, and instead of period classes, we have blocks. so we have 4 classes a day, and such. sorry if that didn't make sense.
well either way, on blue days, I have one class. and it's the last block. so I have from 8:00 until 1:30 to do nothing, and then on orange days, I have no free time. all 4 blocks are filled up. well, on blue days, There's no way I can sit around for that amount of time without doing anything, so I do my homework.
last semester, I failed my math final. but I got a C in the class. Math's never been a strong point for me, so i figured that wasn't too bad. i also thought that I'd done decent on my final, turns out, not so much. Either way, my dads really mad that I got an F, and is now telling me that because I have so much free time in school, that i'm not going to do well. I tried to explain to him that I do my work in my free time, meaning that I should do better beacuse i get the work done, and then he told me that because I do my work at school, I go out and blow everything off at night, which i didn't think was a bad thing, because as long as I have my homework done, and turn it in, i don't see a problem with going out at night. He seems to think that I will forget everything once I leave, and that I should do work at home. I don't concentrate well at home. I concentrate VERY well at school. why would I want to do something somewhere where I can't concentrate on it instead of getting it all done in school, not having to worry about it later, and then going out and having a social life at night? I guess he'd just rather me sit at home on the computer. which I highly doubt.
my dad's just weird. don't know if any of this is making sense. My brain is really not here. I feel like i'm completely out of my mind. not crazy, just not here. this is real weird. I don't know, I just feel like he's trying to find some way to punish me, but i don't know what I did. I don't even know if i did anything, he's just trying to stop me from doing something. it's all real confusing.
I have made my decision. I'm going to give up on having fun in school, and only taking classes I like, and take health again. Emily is in the class, so it shouldn't be too bad... I just emailed carol about it... so I hope she says no... i really don't want to retake the damn class. I almost got through one entire year without her, and now i'm screwed into it again. :\ all because i want my dad to stop bitching at me... how fun.
I really do like it however, that i'm going to take a class so that my DAD [who is constantly telling me that my life is MINE to live] is happy. especially considering that I know how bad I do in carol classes. and how much I hate them. i hope he fucking sees that I'm doing this for him and not myself. if he still bitches, I will go off. i am sick of all of his bullshit about me not being responsible. so what i don't have my license yet. not like he's helping at all. i have to walk to the damn driving place. he says it'll take about 30 minutes. I'm thinking more of at least an hour. i could ride a bike. oh, wait, none of our bikes are small enough or big enough for me. I have a damn job, i work once a week, that's when they schedule me, and i don't really care. i hate working anyways. i'd like to get a new job, but oh wait, i can't do that. i don't have a license. my life is just one giant circle of fucked up. and it's not that i couldn't change that, it's just that it's a little difficult when I have to find my own way everywhere and my own way to do things. my dad's not one on helping. he likes to make me think for myself, which means that i never get anything done because i can't figure otu how to.
I really don't like it that he can make me angry enough to post pointless rambles in here. I'm sticking to one main topic, and it's bugging me. especially because i can't think of any way to actually get out what's in my head. everything written in here so far makes me feel immature and stupid. He just does such a good job of making me upset. fucking hell. i'm going to go. i dont want to write about this anymore. I'm just extremely sick of him bitching at me about stuff i don't have much of a control over.