frustrated with norms

[celt1138]

Why is it that so many people and places assume that if you want to please your partner first you must be a sub? I am most definitely not a bottom, but every test says I am. Why? Because my partner comes first. The problem with this theory is that a top needs to put their partner first at least as much as a bottom does. After all, in the perfect

Comments

[joggiwagga]

from what i've observed i'm in agreement w/ you. a good top has to put, at least in part, their partner first. they are acting within limits that are defined by both partners. its how a top has the right to use a safeword just as much as the bottom, just because the top is "in control" does not mean things can get to a place where they are uncomfortable mentally, emotionally, or whatever (the use of a safeword more as an indication things actually are over, as obviously the top tends to be in the easier to leave situation). the flip side of what is happening to you is "greedy" bottoms. some people bottom in part because of the focus of attention.

[vu13]

I would have to say that you're right and the people who make those tests are only looking at it superficially. It's one of the reasons why people with experiecne and good heads on their shoulders are needed within the greater scene. I don't think someone with your attitude and head on their shoulder should find it hard to find someone, without taking into account of life possibly being unfair.