how to disappear completely

Mar 13, 2008 13:13

 that there
that's not me
i'm not here
this isn't happening
in a little while, i'll be gone.
the moment's already passed, yeah it's gone.
and i'm not here.
this isn't happening.

i've had a lot of dreams about ghosts lately.  ghosts are showing up everywhere.  in my dreams i'm seeing a lot of dead people, some of whom are actual.  i've had several ( Read more... )

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Comments 7

weepingmoonblue March 13 2008, 18:18:12 UTC
Ahh, babe. *hugs*
Maybe the universe is trying to tell you to let go of some of those ghosts, before you drown in them.
Real people can be more painful, but they are also much more fun.

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not waving but drowning celticlovecross March 15 2008, 18:49:13 UTC
that is precisely the problem -- i don't know how to let go. i've tried, damn it, i've tried . . . i thought time would do it, i thought other "real" people would do it, but that's what has got me down: a year and three rebounds later, i'm still in the same sunken place. new love doesn't last but the old memories do.

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Re: not waving but drowning weepingmoonblue March 17 2008, 15:00:34 UTC
Ahh, i understand the problem...i have often had similar ones, myself ( ... )

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lunatic_saint March 14 2008, 08:55:54 UTC
Sometimes those can be scary business. I had dreams of my father for almost a year after his death. The last time he told me it would be the last time and I have not had the dream since.

Maybe instead of unfinished business, it's because you're more sensitive to them than others would be. Writers are often more emotional and more exception of things that others would not believe. I tend to think that openess can occasionally allow for a peek into the other side :).

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celticlovecross March 14 2008, 20:10:19 UTC
i do tend to have recurring dreams. i had a recurring childhood nightmare that caused me to sleepwalk until about age 12. and i've also had dreams and feelings about things that were going to happen that did. hypersensitivity is definitely something that works both for and against me. at the risk of sounding looney, i actually believe i have trace amounts of fairy blood in my system coming from somewhere way back in my scottish/irish ancestry that just happened to show up in me (as opposed to the rest of my family, who calls me too emotional and overly sensitive).

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alecthegreat March 14 2008, 12:26:53 UTC
my dear, dear friend..

i too dream of the past a lot. or should i say, the past mixed with the present somewhere probably in the future. sometimes people are as ghosts. sometimes zombies. sometimes just as themselves.

i have... events.. and people.. in my life that i've never been able to let go of. it's been painful at times, but at the same time, it's shaped me into who i am now (my language skills, travel, at least one of my novels, joining the peace corps.. all of this can point to a single person), but those events alone do not shape me into who i am.

unfortunately, life isn't like our fiction. things don't usually have resolved endings the way we like to read or write. instead, it's an evolving process that's constantly changing. sometimes, it leads us down other paths. there are days that are much harder than others. but for whatever reason we keep going. we gain more experiences. we learn more.

and maybe, just maybe, as writers, we turn it into something beautiful in the end.

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celticlovecross March 15 2008, 18:41:08 UTC
i miss you too. just as much as all the lost people in my past life mixed with the present forming the future, as you so poetically put it. every time i slip toward the edge, you pull me back . . . in the wreckage and wake of the "lost boys," so to speak, you are still and will always be peter pan.

it's mysterious to me that you have come to my aid this year, listened to me in the middle of the night, and put things in such a way that made me think differently . . . sometimes i wonder why you still respect me enough to do all this because i feel i've fallen so far from the natalie you first met.

even when i feel completely alone, i have an odd sense of back-up, like when all else fails, there is someone out there i can go to who won't turn me down or judge me for it. that's probably the most precious thing to me right now.

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