Creepy Spa Guy encounters!
There was also the Creepy Spa Guy. He stopped me when I was walking back from Cosi and munching on free bread. (I never buy anything, just take a piece of bread from the bowl, pretend to check the menu, look at my watch, feign shock and run out of the store. I'm so subtle, especially when I do this twice in an hour. Anyway.)
CSG: "Hi, my name is Chris, and I work for the Day Spa on the upper East Side."
(I don't remember the real name of the spa. But hey, Zoolander!)
CSG: "Twice a year, I get to walk around and talk to beautiful girls with gorgeous hair like you."
Jess: *laughs nervously*
CSG: "Do you like to pamper yourself?"
Jess: "Occasionally?"
CSG: "What's your name?"
Jess: "Jessica."
CSG: "You know, you're the second Jessica I've met today. Here, let me show you." *pulls out a business card with "Jessica" and a phone number written on it*
Jess: "Well it's not exactly an uncommon name."
CSG: "Are you from around here?"
Jess: "No, I actually live in Westchester. I work here."
CSG: "Aren't you going to ask why I stopped you to talk to you?"
Jess: "I kind of have to get back to work."
CSG: "This'll only take a minute. So twice a year, we have these special promotions to get people to come to the spa. Publicize it, get more customers, we want them to see how good we are and how we work." *takes out flyer* "So I've got a special offer for you. We'd like to treat you to a day at the spa for only $60. Look at this list of services -- it's usually $275! We start you out with a personal consultation, so you and the hair stylist are both clear on exactly what you want. Later you get a facial. Have you ever had a facial?"
Jess: "No."
CSG: "Alright, so excuse me for saying this, but you're what they call a facial virgin."
Jess: "..."
CSG: "They'll start easily, gently, slowly. Very tender."
Jess: *snerk*
CSG: "We'll move on to waxing, manicure, pedicure, all that good stuff. Have you ever been waxed?"
Jess: "Once. It wasn't pleasant."
CSG: "...they must not have been as professional as we are. This is an amazing deal, Jessica. Look how much you can get for $60! You can even spread these services out over several visits, so you don't get them all done at once. Tell, me how old are you?"
Jess: "Sixteen."
CSG: "...shit, I thought you were like twenty-two. That's crazy. Are you really only sixteen? You look so much older. More mature."
Jess: "Yeah."
CSG: "Well, I don't know how much you drink alcohol, but there's plenty of wine and beer available for free. I'll hook you up, don't worry."
Jess: "...good to know."
CSG: "So what do you think?"
Jess: "Well... why don't you give me a flyer, I'll take it home and talk to my parents."
CSG: "No no no, I can't do that. You see, these aren't really flyers, they're like coupons. Each one is worth a lot of money. If I give this to you and you haven't committed, it's like losing $60."
Jess: "Um."
CSG: "All you have to do is give me a credit card number. Do you have a credit card with you?"
Jess: *does* "No."
CSG: "Alright, how about this. Look, I like you, I think you really should come check it out. If you give me $40, I'll cut you a deal."
Jess: "I don't have any money with me."
CSG: "No money?"
Jess: "No, nothing. I just ran out to, uh, get free bread."
CSG: "Well, do you have a phone?"
Jess: *does* "No."
CSG: "I don't think this is something you want to pass up, Jessica."
Jess: "Sorry. I really should get back to work."
CSG: "Wait one sec, I'll give you my number. Do you have a piece of paper?"
Jess: *pulls out business card with Dad's number*
CSG: "Wow, getting numbers all over the place, aren't you?" *scribbles number on the card*
Jess: "You could say that. Anyway I gotta go."
CSG: "Fine, I'm really sorry, I really think you're missing out. It's a shame. I liked you. Call me."
Jess: *flees*
And I thought that was it, but yesterday when I was walking around, I saw him AGAIN. And he REMEMBERED me, my name and my age.
CSG: "Jessica!" *turns to woman next to him* "Can you believe she's only sixteen?"
Random Woman: "Nuh-uh."
CSG: "So did you talk to your parents? How about that special deal we talked about?" *to woman* "I tried to make her a special deal, 'cause I liked her. And she's really pretty."
Random Woman: "Yeah."
Jess: "I'm really, really late for work."
CSG: "This'll only take a minute!"
Jess: "Sorry, I gotta go." *flees*
CSG: "I'll see you again! I'm not going to let you get out of this one!"
I decided if I see him a third time, I'm going to feign complete ignorance and say he must have talked to my identical twin sister. MY name is Lauren, and I'm not interested and I need to get back to my office.
CSG: "Hi, my name is Chris, and I work for the Day Spa on the upper East Side."
(I don't remember the real name of the spa. But hey, Zoolander!)
CSG: "Twice a year, I get to walk around and talk to beautiful girls with gorgeous hair like you."
Jess: *laughs nervously*
CSG: "Do you like to pamper yourself?"
Jess: "Occasionally?"
CSG: "What's your name?"
Jess: "Jessica."
CSG: "You know, you're the second Jessica I've met today. Here, let me show you." *pulls out a business card with "Jessica" and a phone number written on it*
Jess: "Well it's not exactly an uncommon name."
CSG: "Are you from around here?"
Jess: "No, I actually live in Westchester. I work here."
CSG: "Aren't you going to ask why I stopped you to talk to you?"
Jess: "I kind of have to get back to work."
CSG: "This'll only take a minute. So twice a year, we have these special promotions to get people to come to the spa. Publicize it, get more customers, we want them to see how good we are and how we work." *takes out flyer* "So I've got a special offer for you. We'd like to treat you to a day at the spa for only $60. Look at this list of services -- it's usually $275! We start you out with a personal consultation, so you and the hair stylist are both clear on exactly what you want. Later you get a facial. Have you ever had a facial?"
Jess: "No."
CSG: "Alright, so excuse me for saying this, but you're what they call a facial virgin."
Jess: "..."
CSG: "They'll start easily, gently, slowly. Very tender."
Jess: *snerk*
CSG: "We'll move on to waxing, manicure, pedicure, all that good stuff. Have you ever been waxed?"
Jess: "Once. It wasn't pleasant."
CSG: "...they must not have been as professional as we are. This is an amazing deal, Jessica. Look how much you can get for $60! You can even spread these services out over several visits, so you don't get them all done at once. Tell, me how old are you?"
Jess: "Sixteen."
CSG: "...shit, I thought you were like twenty-two. That's crazy. Are you really only sixteen? You look so much older. More mature."
Jess: "Yeah."
CSG: "Well, I don't know how much you drink alcohol, but there's plenty of wine and beer available for free. I'll hook you up, don't worry."
Jess: "...good to know."
CSG: "So what do you think?"
Jess: "Well... why don't you give me a flyer, I'll take it home and talk to my parents."
CSG: "No no no, I can't do that. You see, these aren't really flyers, they're like coupons. Each one is worth a lot of money. If I give this to you and you haven't committed, it's like losing $60."
Jess: "Um."
CSG: "All you have to do is give me a credit card number. Do you have a credit card with you?"
Jess: *does* "No."
CSG: "Alright, how about this. Look, I like you, I think you really should come check it out. If you give me $40, I'll cut you a deal."
Jess: "I don't have any money with me."
CSG: "No money?"
Jess: "No, nothing. I just ran out to, uh, get free bread."
CSG: "Well, do you have a phone?"
Jess: *does* "No."
CSG: "I don't think this is something you want to pass up, Jessica."
Jess: "Sorry. I really should get back to work."
CSG: "Wait one sec, I'll give you my number. Do you have a piece of paper?"
Jess: *pulls out business card with Dad's number*
CSG: "Wow, getting numbers all over the place, aren't you?" *scribbles number on the card*
Jess: "You could say that. Anyway I gotta go."
CSG: "Fine, I'm really sorry, I really think you're missing out. It's a shame. I liked you. Call me."
Jess: *flees*
And I thought that was it, but yesterday when I was walking around, I saw him AGAIN. And he REMEMBERED me, my name and my age.
CSG: "Jessica!" *turns to woman next to him* "Can you believe she's only sixteen?"
Random Woman: "Nuh-uh."
CSG: "So did you talk to your parents? How about that special deal we talked about?" *to woman* "I tried to make her a special deal, 'cause I liked her. And she's really pretty."
Random Woman: "Yeah."
Jess: "I'm really, really late for work."
CSG: "This'll only take a minute!"
Jess: "Sorry, I gotta go." *flees*
CSG: "I'll see you again! I'm not going to let you get out of this one!"
I decided if I see him a third time, I'm going to feign complete ignorance and say he must have talked to my identical twin sister. MY name is Lauren, and I'm not interested and I need to get back to my office.