Job Opportunity
I got an email today asking me to come down to a Honeywell job fair they're holding in a couple of weeks. I got the request because of an internet resume I sent to them months ago.
I'm really excited about this, but a couple of things worry me.
First, I'm not sure what to say to the inevitable "What have you been doing since you graduated in 2000" question. My completely honest answer would go like this: "I've had terrible anxiety, depression, and some concentration problems. It's so bad I can barely leave the house and when I do, I'm almost always late for things. In general, I find it really difficult to maintain a schedule."
I don't exactly come across as the hiring stock, do I?
Of course, I would also add things like "I've lost 100 pounds and written a novel", but still in light of the previous admissions, I doubt that would tip the scales much.
So then there's the other option - I lie. The thing is though that first off I don't like lying to people. Second, they're bound to find out anyway. I mean, if they did hire me, and I'm chronically late, they're going to regret hiring me right away.
What tempts me to lie, though, is the fact that I'm very charismatic. You probably can't tell since I turn off the charm here and am real, but when I want to be, I can have people busting a gut with laughter. People tell me that my comics crack them up, but I'm twice as funny as that in person. So, if I was to turn on the charm, my chances of landing one of the jobs would probably double right there.
But the thing is, that's not really me. My making people laugh is really a defense mechanism. I've realized that and in so doing, it's no longer what I do anymore. I could turn it on again, sure, but do I want to? Part of me says "yes" since it will help me get a job. Part of me says "no" both because it isn't me, and because it will be reinforcing something I'm trying to lessen.
But then the question becomes - how should I act? The general answer is easy - be who you are. But that really holds no meaning, since I both don't know who I am, and, as my many journal entries to that effect emphasize, I have absolutely no idea what to do in conversation if I'm not making people laugh.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do. There's a high-percentage chance I'll just fall into my old ways because of the sheer anxiety of the event. If I could wave a wand though, I'd devise and adopt a strategy ahead of time that is efficacious to me landing a job, but within the framework of the way I want to behave in conversation and such.
That's a lot to try to accomplish in a week.
I'm really excited about this, but a couple of things worry me.
First, I'm not sure what to say to the inevitable "What have you been doing since you graduated in 2000" question. My completely honest answer would go like this: "I've had terrible anxiety, depression, and some concentration problems. It's so bad I can barely leave the house and when I do, I'm almost always late for things. In general, I find it really difficult to maintain a schedule."
I don't exactly come across as the hiring stock, do I?
Of course, I would also add things like "I've lost 100 pounds and written a novel", but still in light of the previous admissions, I doubt that would tip the scales much.
So then there's the other option - I lie. The thing is though that first off I don't like lying to people. Second, they're bound to find out anyway. I mean, if they did hire me, and I'm chronically late, they're going to regret hiring me right away.
What tempts me to lie, though, is the fact that I'm very charismatic. You probably can't tell since I turn off the charm here and am real, but when I want to be, I can have people busting a gut with laughter. People tell me that my comics crack them up, but I'm twice as funny as that in person. So, if I was to turn on the charm, my chances of landing one of the jobs would probably double right there.
But the thing is, that's not really me. My making people laugh is really a defense mechanism. I've realized that and in so doing, it's no longer what I do anymore. I could turn it on again, sure, but do I want to? Part of me says "yes" since it will help me get a job. Part of me says "no" both because it isn't me, and because it will be reinforcing something I'm trying to lessen.
But then the question becomes - how should I act? The general answer is easy - be who you are. But that really holds no meaning, since I both don't know who I am, and, as my many journal entries to that effect emphasize, I have absolutely no idea what to do in conversation if I'm not making people laugh.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do. There's a high-percentage chance I'll just fall into my old ways because of the sheer anxiety of the event. If I could wave a wand though, I'd devise and adopt a strategy ahead of time that is efficacious to me landing a job, but within the framework of the way I want to behave in conversation and such.
That's a lot to try to accomplish in a week.