Aftermath, Part Two
Series: Finding
Title: Aftermath, Part Two
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Post-BDM
Disclaimer: Firefly owns me, I own words
Notes: Second part of what happens immediately after the end of the BDM.
All Jayne/River stories are in the same storyline, even if seen out of order...
Organizational post
This is an insert between the Second and Third time Jayne says no to River, cause Mal wanted to know…
Aftermath, Part Two
Weren’t no way he was gonna be getting’ away from it; Mal, if he was gonna make it at all, was gonna be off Serenity and in the Med shuttle for a time. Simon would most likely be kept as well. Kaylee they would release after whatever Reaver poison was gone he figured. Left only Zoë, Inara, himself and the little crazy person to move Wash. Weren’t no way any of them wanted the Alliance hun dahns touching their pilot. No how. And the crazy person weren’t gonna be of much use neither he figured. So, Zoë, ‘Nara and himself. That thought deserved another tip of the bottle he decided, pouring burning fire down his raw throat. Anger clouded his eyes in a red haze.
He was starting on a path that he knew would end with being good and drunk. Memories of the day washing away in a haze of alcohol. Didn’t want too much be thinking about the dead and dying nor trying to see towards where the living would go.
The little crazy person settled down after she had her last out burst about what ever it was that made her nuts in the dark, quiet minutes. He went to the galley and began to randomly pick things up; moving equipment and the table back to where they belonged. Reset the chairs as they normally were. Swigged off the bottle every few minutes. The coffee table was jammed into the bookcase from when he had hurled it across the room while Serenity had been spinning in to crash. Wash flying the injured ship to an impossible landing, an improbability Jayne conjured Crazy could solve in her head before he could even figure out the question. He stopped, staring at nothing while he considered that. Crazy girl probably felt everything as it happened. A long, slow swallow of raw whiskey followed the half bottle he had already had. He squenched his eyes shut, shook his head, hoping he could stop considering how much the girl might have known. Didn’t want to know. More angry than he cared to admit.
~~~~~
Inara found him sitting at the galley table, square blue bottle gripped tightly in his fist. She slowed as she came in. The elegant walk and composed features were ragged and tired. Inara appeared on clumsy feet in the galley when night fell, hair mussed coils of darkness framing her pale face. He saw her swaying on her feet, her insides melted away.
“Jayne…” She near choked out his name, putting a hand out to catch her balance on the doorframe. He looked up at her, eyes still impossibly clear. Shaking his head, he poured down more whiskey.
“River?” She asked quietly.
“Got her in Kaylee’s bunk. Sleepin’ when I left her.” Alcohol burned voice rasping the words out.
“She is all right?” Inara asked, looking to see Jayne’s face as she asked. She saw a flicker of something across his eyes, would have missed it if she hadn’t been looking. She was surprised, it had a tenderness to it that she had never observed in Jayne before. But it was gone so quickly she almost doubted it had been there at all.
“Still moonbrain crazy, but nuthin’ wrong with her a dose a sane couldn’t fix. Nuthin’ broke or such.” Jayne grunted, not thinking too much on it right then. “Mal? Kaylee… Zoë, they gonna be all right?” He asked, surprised when Inara let out a soft moan of pain.
“’Nara? Ya all right?” He turned to her, he had never seen her let down her guard before, not with him. She seemed to sag down inside herself, crying but not crying either. Her arms wrapped around her body, still wearing that near nothing bodice and skirt from earlier that day. Jayne looked around himself quickly, spotting one of the blankets Kaylee always kept nearby. He shook it out and took it over to the slight woman. He noted to himself that he had been doing that a lot today. Blankets for Wash, little crazy person and then Inara, the most surprising of all.
“Thank you Jayne. I… they said Simon’s wound would heal safely, nothing major was damaged. Kaylee will be released as soon as the toxins are cleared, maybe a few days. She will be weak but fine. Zoë they are keeping overnight, she fought them, but couldn’t compel them to let her go…” She stopped, pressing her hands to her face, taking deep breaths, counting them slowly. Maintaining composure through habitual, trained techniques.
Jayne reached out a hand, touched her on the shoulder, squeezing comfortingly. His touch opened a gate in her, she dissolved silently, body wracked by sobs felt, not heard. She sagged against him and let him wrap her in his arms. He held her carefully, figured he weren’t never tellin’ Mal ‘bout this particular moment. Couldn’t think of a quicker way to a visit with the airlock.
She quietly let the fear and shock of the last few days drain out of her, let the large man hold her, saying nothing cruel or crude, letting him absorb her fright. She knew in her mind that he was not the person she would ever go to for comfort, but there was no one else. He was as close to family as she would find this night.
“’Nara… what happened to Mal?” He finally asked softly, almost just breathed the question out across her hair, smelling the slight scent of jasmine and some hot spice still clinging to her under the sweat and grime of the day.
“He… he had a been stabbed, a sword… kidney was hit… nearly bled out they said. Were surprised he had even made it back to us…” She stammered out, all pretense of training gone for the time being.
“He is a tough son of a b…” Jayne began and stopped, figured it weren’t the time for those words. “They gonna be able ta fix him up?” He finished a little lamely.
Inara nodded against his chest. She was putting her pieces back in order, finding her center again. With a last shuddering breath, she drew herself back, let her training take over again. She gently pulled herself back from Jayne’s embrace.
“Thank you… I will be fine now. It would be best I think…” She glanced down uncomfortably from his gaze, piercing and blue; so like in color and so unlike in power from Mal’s. She always felt she could spar with Mal, joust verbally through whatever conflict they were having. Who she saw looking intently back at her through Jayne’s blue eyes was not the same irritatingly rude man she thought she knew. There was nothing of that crudeness looking back at her, through her, she realized with a start. She felt like she was being examined by a carnivore sizing up her weaknesses, seeing through her defenses. It was not just Jayne looking back at her. Then he blinked and the animal was gone. “They went in and fixed what they could, stabilized him… said he would be in recovery for a few weeks… unless there are complications…”
“He is to tough ta die ‘Nara, he’ll be back squawkin’ at us like a mother hen ‘fore ya know it.” Jayne tried for light humor, felt it fall flat on its face. Decided he would let it be. Little voice reminding him that he really had no idea how to talk to the Companion.
“Wash?” She asked tentatively.
He shook his head mouthing the word, “No.” She looked stricken at that, knew it was true, but hoping for it to be false.
“Did you…?” She continued.
“I checked on him, need ta wait til Zoë gets back… can’t do it myself, won’t let the Feds at him neither.” Jayne was blunt, not wanting to go further then. Inara nodded silent agreement.
There was a strained but companionable silence for a time before they both decided to go about getting some rest. Inara went to her shuttle, found a change of clothes and then returned to the Med shuttle to be with Mal and the others. Jayne watched her go, went to his bunk. He stood in the darkness, listened to the sound of nearly nothing.
Not sure why, he went and checked on the sleepin’ crazy person. She was curled up in blankets, legs and arms wrapped in the soft quilts, hair fanned out over her face and pillow. He sagged against the ladder, arm hooked over a rung, rested his head against the side post. His eyes hooded, he contemplated the sleeping girl, wondered what was in her head, her mind all those months she was living amongst their thoughts and feelings. He knew he had been drinking too much to really know what he was thinking, but not so much that he could turn off the questions.
~~~~~
She dreamt, she knew it was a dream because she was flying, floating, over the burned out grasslands and border forests of her sleeptime bear’s home. A bird of blues and greens, wings stretching wide from her shoulders. Catching the updrafts of heated air from the burned landscape. She soared over valleys with smoke trickling over rocks, trees still crackling with internal flames. She looked for her bear, flew as fast as she could, growing more anxious as she missed his trail, his scent. There was nothing but burnt and charred land everywhere. Flying faster, quartering more erratically, growing frightened at his absence. She called for him, her voice high and thin in the air filled with smoke. Exhaustion threatened to send her crashing to the ground, her arms grew tired, she saw her wings grow smaller, the feathers slowly fell away until it was just her, no longer the bird of her dreams. She plummeted towards the ground, not fearing for herself, crying out in anguish for having lost him.
~~~~~
He straightened up with a start from having dozed off while contemplating the sleeping girl. She was calling out, crying his name. Fong luh girl was calling his name in her sleep?
“Jayne! Jayne…JAYNE!” She flung her arms wildly, kicked the blankets off her.
He swooped in and wrapped her up tight in his arms, was scared she would hurt herself flailing about, hitting the walls. Lord knew there were enough sharp corners and edges in the bunks you could hurt yourself on when you were paying attention, but she was just kicking and flailing about.
“Hey… hey there crazy person… wake up now… ya need ta wake up!” He growled at her, shaking her a little harder than he intended.
She came awake with a start, body went still in his arms. With a mewl of relief she pressed her face into his chest, breathed deeply his heat and smokiness. Her hands clutched at him, pulled him closer.
“Quit it now… ya gotta stop with this… I can’t be here every time ya got a nightmare, dong ma?” He was angry and frightened at her outbursts. Second time in almost as many hours. He needed to retreat into himself and she kept pulling him out.
“Jayne… couldn’t find the bear, looked everywhere… nothing but ash and ruin, trees shattered from the heat of fire, broken to splinters by claws and rage.” He heard her words, he wasn’t sure how concerned he should be that he understood her, pushed it away.
“I ain’t leavin’ but ya gotta sleep without going feng kuang on yerself. I ain’t gonna be here every time ya wake up.” He didn’t want to look at why he had been there twice already. With a final shake he put her back on the bed, pulled the blanket up under her chin. He had felt how cold she had been in his arms, almost like cool water had flowed over her skin leaving it shining and pink. Smooth and cool under his burning touch. He retreated quickly, feeling his own uncertainty.
She watched him go, drawing his shroud of fire smoke with him, her blanket of quiet gone with him. She could hear other minds in hers, tried to shut them out. When he was near it was only her inside, when he left the others snuck in around the cracks.
~~~~~
His heart pounded in his chest, he felt himself vibrating with excess energy. Weren’t no use tryin’ to sleep. To many died today to let him rest. As he told the Shepherd months earlier, seeing death made him want to move, to feel his body doing something, anything. Irritated with himself, angry at what he was seeing, feeling, he went to the cargo bay, started to pick up the heavier crates, the tools that had been strewn everywhere. Put his weight bench back in its place. Rewound heavy cables to their moorings. Anything to work off the energy, to ignore the crazy person’s dreams and fears. Hide his own worry about Mal, the boat, the future.
He was still working when Zoë came in at first light the next morning looking gaunt and drawn. He hadn’t noted the passage of time. Hands were covered in oil to the elbows, he had grease across his face from wiping his brow with smeared fingers. Sweat soaked through everything even in the chill morning air. Sun wasn’t even beginning to peek through the ion cloud surrounding Mr. Universe’s moon.
Night before they had doped her up so good she couldn’t even raise her voice in protest, much less walk. So she had been forced to spend a night away. The morning when she woke had to have been one of the more unpleasant times in the doctors lives Jayne figured.
“Jayne.” She had stopped just inside the cargo bay door, seen the order and neatness of the large space.
He slowed, not looking up from what he was doing, winding a chain back to hoist the mule up to its cradle.
“Zoë.” It was a simple exchange of greetings between two fighters who didn’t need a lot of words.
“Wash?” She asked.
“Yeah, ready for ya any time… got a place for him.” Jayne hooked a finger over his shoulder towards the infirmary, had figured Zoë would want Wash to have a place to make his final trip to wherever.
With no more words the two of them headed up to the bridge, to the silence waiting for them. Jayne waited in the hall while Zoë went ahead to see her husband. While he waited, Inara appeared on silent feet, laid her cool hand on his shoulder when he looked down at her. She looked more rested and calm than the night before. He took that to mean Mal was doing all right. She smiled gratefully up at him, silent and aware that he wouldn’t tell anyone of their conversation the previous evening.
Zoë called softly, wordless sound more like. Jayne and Inara could see the Amazon woman was holding herself strong for the job they had to do. Jayne had brought tools to remove the spear from the now-long gone man’s body. Silently, they went to work, none of them needing to be told how to extract the pilot from his seat; just quietly cutting him free, gentle to not harm him further. It took more than an hour to work Wash free from his seat, to have him free of the murderous weapon. Jayne looked to Zoë when they were ready to move the body. His eyes entreated her to give him guidance here. She nodded towards her husband, releasing Jayne to gather the smaller man in his arms and carry him carefully downstairs to the infirmary where he had laid out a few blankets to wrap Wash in. Inara nearly didn’t walk with the two warriors, Zoë reaching out to her when she tried to stay behind.
“Come, my man would have wanted as much of his family with him as he could get.” Zoë said softly when Inara resisted. Relief flooded the smaller woman’s face.
Jayne laid Wash out with gentle hands, straightening his arms and legs, covering the abused center of the man’s body with a wrap of blanket. The frozen look of surprise and awe were still apparent on Wash’s face. He had soared through the perils of airborne disaster, landing Serenity in a slide into home base, and then been taken when the danger had been least.
River came gliding in as Zoë stood by her husband’s side, holding his hand to her heart.
“To many voices, to much screaming… didn’t see, couldn’t hear…” The girl stood beside Zoë, looking down on Wash’s face as she spoke.
“Couldn’t a done a thing little one… no one could have done a thing.” Zoë said to her, voice quiet, almost peaceful.
“Could have seen… could have said… heard…” River stammered out.
“No girl, weren’t a thing to have been done. Some things you can’t change even if you know they are going to happen. My man here, died where he oughta, no where he was happier.”
“With you… happiest with you…”
~~~~~
Jayne withdrew sharply at River’s words. He hated hearing the words she had to share. Knew she was right about Wash being happiest with Zoë. Inexplicably it made him want to tear into Mal, yell at the Captain for putting them all in this position. He knew they had all agreed it needed to be done, after Mal had placed them in the untenable position on Haven of choosing to go with him or stay behind. The choice there had been no choice at all and Jayne knew it. Mal knew that none of them could remain on Haven. Alliance had already targeted it for harboring Serenity, anyone left behind would be facing Fed charges or worse. No, the Captain had made the decision to go to Miranda, to solve the mystery of the Reavers.
Miranda was when everyone had been agreed that doing the right thing was all they could do. But Jayne felt his insides being torn out when he saw Zoë with her dead husband, defending his death. He turned sharply on his heel to leave, not wanting to see more.
“Jayne…?” Inara called after him.
“Need ta be seeing about getting’ Serenity outta here. Hun dahn’s came on board to ‘survey damages’ yesterday… my thinkin’ they should make good on movin’ her, getting’ her in the Black again… Mal would want that…” Jayne continued out, oblivious to his oil smeared state. Inara looked to Zoë, still holding Wash’s cold hand. The First Mate nodded in agreement.
“The Captain would be looking to have her flying as soon as is possible. He lost to much coming here, he won’t want to lose Serenity as well…” Zoë spoke quietly still looking at her husband.
“Zoë? Is this what you want?” Inara asked softly, resting a delicate hand on the tall woman’s shoulder.
“This is my home ‘Nara, ain’t got no where else ta be. Nothing changes that. My place is here.” Zoë replied, voice steady and calm. Inara knew there was an undercurrent of pain and loss there, but Zoë wasn’t ready to let her in to help her. Inara wasn’t sure Zoë would ever let anyone in past that wall.
River was standing on the other side of Wash, still gazing at his face, perplexed.
“Feel him still here… gone, non-corporeal… not true awareness of goneness.” She looked at Zoë from under a cascade of brown hair. “His oneness shares space with another. Two as one, never truly parted… shared memories, remembrances, holding half the experiences, must now hold all from two in one…” Zoë regarded the girl’s crazy talk, knew what she was saying.
“Yes honey, he is gone but I will always remember the memories we made together. He will never truly be gone.” River smiled in shy relief that Zoë had understood.
Their voices in her head were muted, pillowed in a cloud of grey shot through with red. Zoë, Inara, the Alliance soldiers outside Serenity. She could hear them all as a distant murmur in her mind, but none of them crowded in and overwhelmed her own thoughts. She was able to speak as only her. She had finally found a way to clarity when the Reavers had attacked them, shot Simon. The threat of them tearing through them all in their bloodlust had sparked her to action. She had utilized all her training, the dance of violence she had learned at the Academy, the ballet of strike and blow. River had borrowed her strength, had used her training, and had controlled her own actions without the spark of the switch in her mind. Had stood down when called upon to do so… been saved from oblivion by the red-shot cloud surrounding her. She groped through it, looking for the source, knew who it was, but was unable to find him in the haze.
~~~~~
Between Inara’s rank as a Registered Companion, and Jayne’s intimidating presence, the officer in charge of clean up and post action surveying agreed to transport Serenity and her crew to the Eavesdown Docks repair yards. The unseen presence in the background of the Operative influenced all the decisions made regarding the Firefly.
Mal remained unconscious throughout the proceedings, unaware of the actions of his crew on his behalf. Inara spent most of her accumulated good will from several Alliance officials to grease the wheels of action. Zoë was cajoled and threatened into treating her healing back injury with caution by a sympathetic doctor and Inara. Simon was only able to add his words of encouragement that Zoë ought to take care despite how she herself felt about it. Kaylee, weakened by the Reaver poison went from Simon to Mal holding their hands, talking to them about nothing at all, just trying to keep them connected to the day to day world outside the Med shuttle. Inara would join Kaylee when she wasn’t on the Cortex or negotiating with officials over the crew’s fate.
Together they would sit with Mal, talking about anything except the devastation outside the shuttle. Mal was unconscious, but neither one of them wanted to add negativity to the their visits with the quiet man. Afternoons saw Zoë joining them by her Captain’s side. The three would share tea and memories there. The energy surrounding that room was always kept as positive as they could make it. None of them labored under the illusion that Mal would wake with a happy smile on his face. Zoë more than the others feared for Mal’s state of mind when he did regain consciousness. She remembered him after Serenity Valley, knew the depths the man could sink to. Seeing that made her more worried than she admitted to anyone.
~~~~~
Jayne spent his days wrangling with Fed soldiers to get Serenity ready to be hauled up and transported off world. She would be hoisted into the belly of a larger transport and then flown as cargo to Persephone. He never visited Mal, only got reports from Inara. He didn’t want to go and see the man he saw as responsible for bringing them to this place. Wasn’t sure he wouldn’t try to finish the job the Operative started. His world shrunk to getting Serenity ready for transport and watching over the little crazy person who weren’t so crazy any more he figured. But the crew was agreed that River should stay out of the Alliance’s immediate presence. Her new found lucidity to the contrary, she may still be able to be influenced by some of the triggers implanted in her during her time at the Academy.
Whenever officials came on board Serenity, River would slip down to Kaylee’s bunk, climbing into a ventilation duct over the bunk. Jayne had gone looking for her after the first time a Major had been through checking for hull breaches with some sort of scanner. Jayne had followed the officer around, glowering with undisguised contempt at the purple belly’s rarified manner. After the soldier left, he had gone to Kaylee’s bunk and stood under the vent, seeing the crazy girl’s hair hanging down from above.
“What ya doin’ up there moonbrain?” He grumbled at her, impatient with everyone and everything.
“Won’t be seen, shouldn’t be seen, not yet. To soon. Appropriate sequence of events must transpire before a visual confirmation is non-detrimental.”
Jayne stood, staring at her uncomprehendingly for a moment before turning on his heel, hands thrown up in disbelief.
“Right, what ever…” He retreated to continue with the preparations to transport the ship. Girl was as crazy as ever he thought. Hiding like a mouse when a cat appeared. Weren’t no normal there.
Inara had asked him later where River was and he had just shaken his head and gestured at a vent. “Look where ya want, gorramn crazy person could be anywhere. I given up tryin’ ta figure on where she might be hidin’.” Inara noted the big man’s tone wasn’t the gruff irritation of ignorance but rather the exasperated sounds of confused caring. She didn’t think he even realized it himself.
He refused each invitation extended to come and see Mal, Simon, or Kaylee. Had just said he had too much to do, didn’t like going to the Alliance ship, needed to stay to watch over Serenity. Zoë and Inara knew Jayne was drinking himself to sleep every night, sleep that only lasted a few hours before he was up again, working, patching, temporarily bolting down, and locking in place what had been torn lose in the crash.
Zoë even tried to order him to leave the ship, but he had flatly refused, ignoring the severe look the former soldier treated him to. He just would not leave off his self-appointed task and Zoë couldn’t figure why.
When they hauled Serenity into the belly of the transport, Jayne had stayed with River on board, kept the girl from having another of her screaming fits. She had been getting better, talking more clearly, helping with the work while keeping out of sight of the soldiers when they came on board for any reason.
The morning of the move dawned clear and cold. Everything had been done to minimize further damage to the Firefly. Jayne had gone to Kaylee’s bunk where the crazy person had spent each night, found her sitting on the bed calmly, bare feet on the floor.
“We’re gonna be movin’ Serenity today.” He said bluntly.
“Knows, she knows.” River replied calmly.
“Ya sound like yer still crazy when ya talk like that ya know.” Gruff voiced.
“Serenity knows she is moving today, has felt the preparations, is glad to be going from this place of destruction. Wants to feel star-shine on her hull again.” River continued.
Jayne was a bit discomforted by the thought that the ship had any thoughts at all, decided to let it be for now. He could feel the hangover from last night behind his eyes, the headache that dulled his caring. He turned to leave, to find the bottle for a little hair of the dog cure.
“Stay… please.” River implored quietly.
“What?” He asked, he had heard her, but he didn’t want to stay.
“Stay, quiet when you are here. Won’t talk, better, you’ll see.” She didn’t plead, just stated it factually. “Am frightened to be alone.”
“Killer woman like yerself, afraid a something’?” He replied caustically.
She nodded quietly, brown eyes gazing at him calmly. He felt himself glaring back, looking past her eyes, tracker looking for clues to route taken by quarry. Saw a reflection looking back at him, feral eyes gazing at him from his own face. He squinted, curled his lip as an involuntary growl passed his lips.
She blinked and the reflection was gone. Jayne was looking at the little crazy person again, seeing only her. He tore his gaze away and started up the ladder.
“I jus’ came ta check on ya, tell ya we were movin’ soon. I ain’t stayin’.” He said bluntly and climbed out of the bunk. He was done being her safety blanket he decided right then.
River watched him go, saw his body language shake off that which he couldn’t ever rid himself of. He would be her safety even though he didn’t know it.
When Serenity started to move, to swing in the grip of a gantry crane, River came out of the bunk, went to the galley where she knew Jayne would be. He was nursing his hangover with a bottle, body slumped in the couch. She walked over and sat down next to him, neither spoke, just sat and felt the sway and swing of the ship as she was carried.
“Not a moonbrain.” River stated calmly after sitting quietly for nearly an hour.
“Aw right. Yer just a Little Crazy Person then.” Jayne answered, most of the way past the hangover and into fully drunk territory again. He saluted her with the almost empty bottle, eyes clear but expression bleary.
“Drunk.” She said.
“Yup… that I am…” He answered.
“Keeps the red away.”
“Huh?”
Title: Aftermath, Part Two
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Post-BDM
Disclaimer: Firefly owns me, I own words
Notes: Second part of what happens immediately after the end of the BDM.
All Jayne/River stories are in the same storyline, even if seen out of order...
Organizational post
This is an insert between the Second and Third time Jayne says no to River, cause Mal wanted to know…
Aftermath, Part Two
Weren’t no way he was gonna be getting’ away from it; Mal, if he was gonna make it at all, was gonna be off Serenity and in the Med shuttle for a time. Simon would most likely be kept as well. Kaylee they would release after whatever Reaver poison was gone he figured. Left only Zoë, Inara, himself and the little crazy person to move Wash. Weren’t no way any of them wanted the Alliance hun dahns touching their pilot. No how. And the crazy person weren’t gonna be of much use neither he figured. So, Zoë, ‘Nara and himself. That thought deserved another tip of the bottle he decided, pouring burning fire down his raw throat. Anger clouded his eyes in a red haze.
He was starting on a path that he knew would end with being good and drunk. Memories of the day washing away in a haze of alcohol. Didn’t want too much be thinking about the dead and dying nor trying to see towards where the living would go.
The little crazy person settled down after she had her last out burst about what ever it was that made her nuts in the dark, quiet minutes. He went to the galley and began to randomly pick things up; moving equipment and the table back to where they belonged. Reset the chairs as they normally were. Swigged off the bottle every few minutes. The coffee table was jammed into the bookcase from when he had hurled it across the room while Serenity had been spinning in to crash. Wash flying the injured ship to an impossible landing, an improbability Jayne conjured Crazy could solve in her head before he could even figure out the question. He stopped, staring at nothing while he considered that. Crazy girl probably felt everything as it happened. A long, slow swallow of raw whiskey followed the half bottle he had already had. He squenched his eyes shut, shook his head, hoping he could stop considering how much the girl might have known. Didn’t want to know. More angry than he cared to admit.
~~~~~
Inara found him sitting at the galley table, square blue bottle gripped tightly in his fist. She slowed as she came in. The elegant walk and composed features were ragged and tired. Inara appeared on clumsy feet in the galley when night fell, hair mussed coils of darkness framing her pale face. He saw her swaying on her feet, her insides melted away.
“Jayne…” She near choked out his name, putting a hand out to catch her balance on the doorframe. He looked up at her, eyes still impossibly clear. Shaking his head, he poured down more whiskey.
“River?” She asked quietly.
“Got her in Kaylee’s bunk. Sleepin’ when I left her.” Alcohol burned voice rasping the words out.
“She is all right?” Inara asked, looking to see Jayne’s face as she asked. She saw a flicker of something across his eyes, would have missed it if she hadn’t been looking. She was surprised, it had a tenderness to it that she had never observed in Jayne before. But it was gone so quickly she almost doubted it had been there at all.
“Still moonbrain crazy, but nuthin’ wrong with her a dose a sane couldn’t fix. Nuthin’ broke or such.” Jayne grunted, not thinking too much on it right then. “Mal? Kaylee… Zoë, they gonna be all right?” He asked, surprised when Inara let out a soft moan of pain.
“’Nara? Ya all right?” He turned to her, he had never seen her let down her guard before, not with him. She seemed to sag down inside herself, crying but not crying either. Her arms wrapped around her body, still wearing that near nothing bodice and skirt from earlier that day. Jayne looked around himself quickly, spotting one of the blankets Kaylee always kept nearby. He shook it out and took it over to the slight woman. He noted to himself that he had been doing that a lot today. Blankets for Wash, little crazy person and then Inara, the most surprising of all.
“Thank you Jayne. I… they said Simon’s wound would heal safely, nothing major was damaged. Kaylee will be released as soon as the toxins are cleared, maybe a few days. She will be weak but fine. Zoë they are keeping overnight, she fought them, but couldn’t compel them to let her go…” She stopped, pressing her hands to her face, taking deep breaths, counting them slowly. Maintaining composure through habitual, trained techniques.
Jayne reached out a hand, touched her on the shoulder, squeezing comfortingly. His touch opened a gate in her, she dissolved silently, body wracked by sobs felt, not heard. She sagged against him and let him wrap her in his arms. He held her carefully, figured he weren’t never tellin’ Mal ‘bout this particular moment. Couldn’t think of a quicker way to a visit with the airlock.
She quietly let the fear and shock of the last few days drain out of her, let the large man hold her, saying nothing cruel or crude, letting him absorb her fright. She knew in her mind that he was not the person she would ever go to for comfort, but there was no one else. He was as close to family as she would find this night.
“’Nara… what happened to Mal?” He finally asked softly, almost just breathed the question out across her hair, smelling the slight scent of jasmine and some hot spice still clinging to her under the sweat and grime of the day.
“He… he had a been stabbed, a sword… kidney was hit… nearly bled out they said. Were surprised he had even made it back to us…” She stammered out, all pretense of training gone for the time being.
“He is a tough son of a b…” Jayne began and stopped, figured it weren’t the time for those words. “They gonna be able ta fix him up?” He finished a little lamely.
Inara nodded against his chest. She was putting her pieces back in order, finding her center again. With a last shuddering breath, she drew herself back, let her training take over again. She gently pulled herself back from Jayne’s embrace.
“Thank you… I will be fine now. It would be best I think…” She glanced down uncomfortably from his gaze, piercing and blue; so like in color and so unlike in power from Mal’s. She always felt she could spar with Mal, joust verbally through whatever conflict they were having. Who she saw looking intently back at her through Jayne’s blue eyes was not the same irritatingly rude man she thought she knew. There was nothing of that crudeness looking back at her, through her, she realized with a start. She felt like she was being examined by a carnivore sizing up her weaknesses, seeing through her defenses. It was not just Jayne looking back at her. Then he blinked and the animal was gone. “They went in and fixed what they could, stabilized him… said he would be in recovery for a few weeks… unless there are complications…”
“He is to tough ta die ‘Nara, he’ll be back squawkin’ at us like a mother hen ‘fore ya know it.” Jayne tried for light humor, felt it fall flat on its face. Decided he would let it be. Little voice reminding him that he really had no idea how to talk to the Companion.
“Wash?” She asked tentatively.
He shook his head mouthing the word, “No.” She looked stricken at that, knew it was true, but hoping for it to be false.
“Did you…?” She continued.
“I checked on him, need ta wait til Zoë gets back… can’t do it myself, won’t let the Feds at him neither.” Jayne was blunt, not wanting to go further then. Inara nodded silent agreement.
There was a strained but companionable silence for a time before they both decided to go about getting some rest. Inara went to her shuttle, found a change of clothes and then returned to the Med shuttle to be with Mal and the others. Jayne watched her go, went to his bunk. He stood in the darkness, listened to the sound of nearly nothing.
Not sure why, he went and checked on the sleepin’ crazy person. She was curled up in blankets, legs and arms wrapped in the soft quilts, hair fanned out over her face and pillow. He sagged against the ladder, arm hooked over a rung, rested his head against the side post. His eyes hooded, he contemplated the sleeping girl, wondered what was in her head, her mind all those months she was living amongst their thoughts and feelings. He knew he had been drinking too much to really know what he was thinking, but not so much that he could turn off the questions.
~~~~~
She dreamt, she knew it was a dream because she was flying, floating, over the burned out grasslands and border forests of her sleeptime bear’s home. A bird of blues and greens, wings stretching wide from her shoulders. Catching the updrafts of heated air from the burned landscape. She soared over valleys with smoke trickling over rocks, trees still crackling with internal flames. She looked for her bear, flew as fast as she could, growing more anxious as she missed his trail, his scent. There was nothing but burnt and charred land everywhere. Flying faster, quartering more erratically, growing frightened at his absence. She called for him, her voice high and thin in the air filled with smoke. Exhaustion threatened to send her crashing to the ground, her arms grew tired, she saw her wings grow smaller, the feathers slowly fell away until it was just her, no longer the bird of her dreams. She plummeted towards the ground, not fearing for herself, crying out in anguish for having lost him.
~~~~~
He straightened up with a start from having dozed off while contemplating the sleeping girl. She was calling out, crying his name. Fong luh girl was calling his name in her sleep?
“Jayne! Jayne…JAYNE!” She flung her arms wildly, kicked the blankets off her.
He swooped in and wrapped her up tight in his arms, was scared she would hurt herself flailing about, hitting the walls. Lord knew there were enough sharp corners and edges in the bunks you could hurt yourself on when you were paying attention, but she was just kicking and flailing about.
“Hey… hey there crazy person… wake up now… ya need ta wake up!” He growled at her, shaking her a little harder than he intended.
She came awake with a start, body went still in his arms. With a mewl of relief she pressed her face into his chest, breathed deeply his heat and smokiness. Her hands clutched at him, pulled him closer.
“Quit it now… ya gotta stop with this… I can’t be here every time ya got a nightmare, dong ma?” He was angry and frightened at her outbursts. Second time in almost as many hours. He needed to retreat into himself and she kept pulling him out.
“Jayne… couldn’t find the bear, looked everywhere… nothing but ash and ruin, trees shattered from the heat of fire, broken to splinters by claws and rage.” He heard her words, he wasn’t sure how concerned he should be that he understood her, pushed it away.
“I ain’t leavin’ but ya gotta sleep without going feng kuang on yerself. I ain’t gonna be here every time ya wake up.” He didn’t want to look at why he had been there twice already. With a final shake he put her back on the bed, pulled the blanket up under her chin. He had felt how cold she had been in his arms, almost like cool water had flowed over her skin leaving it shining and pink. Smooth and cool under his burning touch. He retreated quickly, feeling his own uncertainty.
She watched him go, drawing his shroud of fire smoke with him, her blanket of quiet gone with him. She could hear other minds in hers, tried to shut them out. When he was near it was only her inside, when he left the others snuck in around the cracks.
~~~~~
His heart pounded in his chest, he felt himself vibrating with excess energy. Weren’t no use tryin’ to sleep. To many died today to let him rest. As he told the Shepherd months earlier, seeing death made him want to move, to feel his body doing something, anything. Irritated with himself, angry at what he was seeing, feeling, he went to the cargo bay, started to pick up the heavier crates, the tools that had been strewn everywhere. Put his weight bench back in its place. Rewound heavy cables to their moorings. Anything to work off the energy, to ignore the crazy person’s dreams and fears. Hide his own worry about Mal, the boat, the future.
He was still working when Zoë came in at first light the next morning looking gaunt and drawn. He hadn’t noted the passage of time. Hands were covered in oil to the elbows, he had grease across his face from wiping his brow with smeared fingers. Sweat soaked through everything even in the chill morning air. Sun wasn’t even beginning to peek through the ion cloud surrounding Mr. Universe’s moon.
Night before they had doped her up so good she couldn’t even raise her voice in protest, much less walk. So she had been forced to spend a night away. The morning when she woke had to have been one of the more unpleasant times in the doctors lives Jayne figured.
“Jayne.” She had stopped just inside the cargo bay door, seen the order and neatness of the large space.
He slowed, not looking up from what he was doing, winding a chain back to hoist the mule up to its cradle.
“Zoë.” It was a simple exchange of greetings between two fighters who didn’t need a lot of words.
“Wash?” She asked.
“Yeah, ready for ya any time… got a place for him.” Jayne hooked a finger over his shoulder towards the infirmary, had figured Zoë would want Wash to have a place to make his final trip to wherever.
With no more words the two of them headed up to the bridge, to the silence waiting for them. Jayne waited in the hall while Zoë went ahead to see her husband. While he waited, Inara appeared on silent feet, laid her cool hand on his shoulder when he looked down at her. She looked more rested and calm than the night before. He took that to mean Mal was doing all right. She smiled gratefully up at him, silent and aware that he wouldn’t tell anyone of their conversation the previous evening.
Zoë called softly, wordless sound more like. Jayne and Inara could see the Amazon woman was holding herself strong for the job they had to do. Jayne had brought tools to remove the spear from the now-long gone man’s body. Silently, they went to work, none of them needing to be told how to extract the pilot from his seat; just quietly cutting him free, gentle to not harm him further. It took more than an hour to work Wash free from his seat, to have him free of the murderous weapon. Jayne looked to Zoë when they were ready to move the body. His eyes entreated her to give him guidance here. She nodded towards her husband, releasing Jayne to gather the smaller man in his arms and carry him carefully downstairs to the infirmary where he had laid out a few blankets to wrap Wash in. Inara nearly didn’t walk with the two warriors, Zoë reaching out to her when she tried to stay behind.
“Come, my man would have wanted as much of his family with him as he could get.” Zoë said softly when Inara resisted. Relief flooded the smaller woman’s face.
Jayne laid Wash out with gentle hands, straightening his arms and legs, covering the abused center of the man’s body with a wrap of blanket. The frozen look of surprise and awe were still apparent on Wash’s face. He had soared through the perils of airborne disaster, landing Serenity in a slide into home base, and then been taken when the danger had been least.
River came gliding in as Zoë stood by her husband’s side, holding his hand to her heart.
“To many voices, to much screaming… didn’t see, couldn’t hear…” The girl stood beside Zoë, looking down on Wash’s face as she spoke.
“Couldn’t a done a thing little one… no one could have done a thing.” Zoë said to her, voice quiet, almost peaceful.
“Could have seen… could have said… heard…” River stammered out.
“No girl, weren’t a thing to have been done. Some things you can’t change even if you know they are going to happen. My man here, died where he oughta, no where he was happier.”
“With you… happiest with you…”
~~~~~
Jayne withdrew sharply at River’s words. He hated hearing the words she had to share. Knew she was right about Wash being happiest with Zoë. Inexplicably it made him want to tear into Mal, yell at the Captain for putting them all in this position. He knew they had all agreed it needed to be done, after Mal had placed them in the untenable position on Haven of choosing to go with him or stay behind. The choice there had been no choice at all and Jayne knew it. Mal knew that none of them could remain on Haven. Alliance had already targeted it for harboring Serenity, anyone left behind would be facing Fed charges or worse. No, the Captain had made the decision to go to Miranda, to solve the mystery of the Reavers.
Miranda was when everyone had been agreed that doing the right thing was all they could do. But Jayne felt his insides being torn out when he saw Zoë with her dead husband, defending his death. He turned sharply on his heel to leave, not wanting to see more.
“Jayne…?” Inara called after him.
“Need ta be seeing about getting’ Serenity outta here. Hun dahn’s came on board to ‘survey damages’ yesterday… my thinkin’ they should make good on movin’ her, getting’ her in the Black again… Mal would want that…” Jayne continued out, oblivious to his oil smeared state. Inara looked to Zoë, still holding Wash’s cold hand. The First Mate nodded in agreement.
“The Captain would be looking to have her flying as soon as is possible. He lost to much coming here, he won’t want to lose Serenity as well…” Zoë spoke quietly still looking at her husband.
“Zoë? Is this what you want?” Inara asked softly, resting a delicate hand on the tall woman’s shoulder.
“This is my home ‘Nara, ain’t got no where else ta be. Nothing changes that. My place is here.” Zoë replied, voice steady and calm. Inara knew there was an undercurrent of pain and loss there, but Zoë wasn’t ready to let her in to help her. Inara wasn’t sure Zoë would ever let anyone in past that wall.
River was standing on the other side of Wash, still gazing at his face, perplexed.
“Feel him still here… gone, non-corporeal… not true awareness of goneness.” She looked at Zoë from under a cascade of brown hair. “His oneness shares space with another. Two as one, never truly parted… shared memories, remembrances, holding half the experiences, must now hold all from two in one…” Zoë regarded the girl’s crazy talk, knew what she was saying.
“Yes honey, he is gone but I will always remember the memories we made together. He will never truly be gone.” River smiled in shy relief that Zoë had understood.
Their voices in her head were muted, pillowed in a cloud of grey shot through with red. Zoë, Inara, the Alliance soldiers outside Serenity. She could hear them all as a distant murmur in her mind, but none of them crowded in and overwhelmed her own thoughts. She was able to speak as only her. She had finally found a way to clarity when the Reavers had attacked them, shot Simon. The threat of them tearing through them all in their bloodlust had sparked her to action. She had utilized all her training, the dance of violence she had learned at the Academy, the ballet of strike and blow. River had borrowed her strength, had used her training, and had controlled her own actions without the spark of the switch in her mind. Had stood down when called upon to do so… been saved from oblivion by the red-shot cloud surrounding her. She groped through it, looking for the source, knew who it was, but was unable to find him in the haze.
~~~~~
Between Inara’s rank as a Registered Companion, and Jayne’s intimidating presence, the officer in charge of clean up and post action surveying agreed to transport Serenity and her crew to the Eavesdown Docks repair yards. The unseen presence in the background of the Operative influenced all the decisions made regarding the Firefly.
Mal remained unconscious throughout the proceedings, unaware of the actions of his crew on his behalf. Inara spent most of her accumulated good will from several Alliance officials to grease the wheels of action. Zoë was cajoled and threatened into treating her healing back injury with caution by a sympathetic doctor and Inara. Simon was only able to add his words of encouragement that Zoë ought to take care despite how she herself felt about it. Kaylee, weakened by the Reaver poison went from Simon to Mal holding their hands, talking to them about nothing at all, just trying to keep them connected to the day to day world outside the Med shuttle. Inara would join Kaylee when she wasn’t on the Cortex or negotiating with officials over the crew’s fate.
Together they would sit with Mal, talking about anything except the devastation outside the shuttle. Mal was unconscious, but neither one of them wanted to add negativity to the their visits with the quiet man. Afternoons saw Zoë joining them by her Captain’s side. The three would share tea and memories there. The energy surrounding that room was always kept as positive as they could make it. None of them labored under the illusion that Mal would wake with a happy smile on his face. Zoë more than the others feared for Mal’s state of mind when he did regain consciousness. She remembered him after Serenity Valley, knew the depths the man could sink to. Seeing that made her more worried than she admitted to anyone.
~~~~~
Jayne spent his days wrangling with Fed soldiers to get Serenity ready to be hauled up and transported off world. She would be hoisted into the belly of a larger transport and then flown as cargo to Persephone. He never visited Mal, only got reports from Inara. He didn’t want to go and see the man he saw as responsible for bringing them to this place. Wasn’t sure he wouldn’t try to finish the job the Operative started. His world shrunk to getting Serenity ready for transport and watching over the little crazy person who weren’t so crazy any more he figured. But the crew was agreed that River should stay out of the Alliance’s immediate presence. Her new found lucidity to the contrary, she may still be able to be influenced by some of the triggers implanted in her during her time at the Academy.
Whenever officials came on board Serenity, River would slip down to Kaylee’s bunk, climbing into a ventilation duct over the bunk. Jayne had gone looking for her after the first time a Major had been through checking for hull breaches with some sort of scanner. Jayne had followed the officer around, glowering with undisguised contempt at the purple belly’s rarified manner. After the soldier left, he had gone to Kaylee’s bunk and stood under the vent, seeing the crazy girl’s hair hanging down from above.
“What ya doin’ up there moonbrain?” He grumbled at her, impatient with everyone and everything.
“Won’t be seen, shouldn’t be seen, not yet. To soon. Appropriate sequence of events must transpire before a visual confirmation is non-detrimental.”
Jayne stood, staring at her uncomprehendingly for a moment before turning on his heel, hands thrown up in disbelief.
“Right, what ever…” He retreated to continue with the preparations to transport the ship. Girl was as crazy as ever he thought. Hiding like a mouse when a cat appeared. Weren’t no normal there.
Inara had asked him later where River was and he had just shaken his head and gestured at a vent. “Look where ya want, gorramn crazy person could be anywhere. I given up tryin’ ta figure on where she might be hidin’.” Inara noted the big man’s tone wasn’t the gruff irritation of ignorance but rather the exasperated sounds of confused caring. She didn’t think he even realized it himself.
He refused each invitation extended to come and see Mal, Simon, or Kaylee. Had just said he had too much to do, didn’t like going to the Alliance ship, needed to stay to watch over Serenity. Zoë and Inara knew Jayne was drinking himself to sleep every night, sleep that only lasted a few hours before he was up again, working, patching, temporarily bolting down, and locking in place what had been torn lose in the crash.
Zoë even tried to order him to leave the ship, but he had flatly refused, ignoring the severe look the former soldier treated him to. He just would not leave off his self-appointed task and Zoë couldn’t figure why.
When they hauled Serenity into the belly of the transport, Jayne had stayed with River on board, kept the girl from having another of her screaming fits. She had been getting better, talking more clearly, helping with the work while keeping out of sight of the soldiers when they came on board for any reason.
The morning of the move dawned clear and cold. Everything had been done to minimize further damage to the Firefly. Jayne had gone to Kaylee’s bunk where the crazy person had spent each night, found her sitting on the bed calmly, bare feet on the floor.
“We’re gonna be movin’ Serenity today.” He said bluntly.
“Knows, she knows.” River replied calmly.
“Ya sound like yer still crazy when ya talk like that ya know.” Gruff voiced.
“Serenity knows she is moving today, has felt the preparations, is glad to be going from this place of destruction. Wants to feel star-shine on her hull again.” River continued.
Jayne was a bit discomforted by the thought that the ship had any thoughts at all, decided to let it be for now. He could feel the hangover from last night behind his eyes, the headache that dulled his caring. He turned to leave, to find the bottle for a little hair of the dog cure.
“Stay… please.” River implored quietly.
“What?” He asked, he had heard her, but he didn’t want to stay.
“Stay, quiet when you are here. Won’t talk, better, you’ll see.” She didn’t plead, just stated it factually. “Am frightened to be alone.”
“Killer woman like yerself, afraid a something’?” He replied caustically.
She nodded quietly, brown eyes gazing at him calmly. He felt himself glaring back, looking past her eyes, tracker looking for clues to route taken by quarry. Saw a reflection looking back at him, feral eyes gazing at him from his own face. He squinted, curled his lip as an involuntary growl passed his lips.
She blinked and the reflection was gone. Jayne was looking at the little crazy person again, seeing only her. He tore his gaze away and started up the ladder.
“I jus’ came ta check on ya, tell ya we were movin’ soon. I ain’t stayin’.” He said bluntly and climbed out of the bunk. He was done being her safety blanket he decided right then.
River watched him go, saw his body language shake off that which he couldn’t ever rid himself of. He would be her safety even though he didn’t know it.
When Serenity started to move, to swing in the grip of a gantry crane, River came out of the bunk, went to the galley where she knew Jayne would be. He was nursing his hangover with a bottle, body slumped in the couch. She walked over and sat down next to him, neither spoke, just sat and felt the sway and swing of the ship as she was carried.
“Not a moonbrain.” River stated calmly after sitting quietly for nearly an hour.
“Aw right. Yer just a Little Crazy Person then.” Jayne answered, most of the way past the hangover and into fully drunk territory again. He saluted her with the almost empty bottle, eyes clear but expression bleary.
“Drunk.” She said.
“Yup… that I am…” He answered.
“Keeps the red away.”
“Huh?”