I'm craving...

[cg504]

Okay folks,

I'm out of college and I'm craving a writers' workshop. Below is a poem that I just wrote, please comment. Good, bad, and ugly. I want it all. Suggestions would be very helpful. Don't like it? Why... Like it? What's good? What needs work/ clarification, etc...

Thanks

Comments

uhh, I havent had a writers workshop in long time

[ellisdsme]

Do keep a poetry journal while yer in China. Lots of emotional inspiration on this side of S. China sea.

I dont ge the Langston reference at this moment, please enlighten me. But I love the rhythem and especially the line at the end. I think the middle stanza is the weakest, if I had to pick one. Part of what detract from is, for me and my position in pop culture, is the Dave M.'s feel to it, the "look up look down" thus feels cliche to me. One more brief though (again very subjective and personal) it feels a little too ethereal to really grip me, if there was something just a little more concrete, an image or experience, a metaphore maybe, I think it would be perfect. :) I love you lots and lots, good luck on your trip. muah

Re: uhh, I havent had a writers workshop in long time

[travelogue84]

I didn't even think about DMB with " Look up, look down"! Keen insight, thanks! I really appreciate the input.

Love you