I think i'm in the mood to write. Or it could just be the nyquil.

[ch1m3r4]

He stood watching the tears streak silently down her face. Gentle sobs over taking her body as she drops to her knees. Her gaze rises from the floor and she glares defiantly at him

Comments

[glitternympho]

I do enjoy the microfiction.. oh yes, I do. (Especially since I spent about an hour adding another four pages to my story this early morning... oh the envy..) I will, however, say that I liked the other short better. While the imagery is really intense in this as well as the last (which is awesome and makes it come alive off the screen), I think the dialogue in this one is a little too melodramatic. The second speech is.. especially heavy, but even a little trimming would make the first part a little more believable. Just a for instance..

"I won't let you do this to me!", she screeches, "Never again will you or anyone else be able to hurt me!"

into...

"I won't let you or anyone else hurt me again!"

Cuz, really, if someone were crying and saying that much... I might just have to slap a bitch. But maybe that's just me. Very nice, though.

[ch1m3r4]

It was supposed to be over dramatic. She was intended to be a teenage girl. Not to mention that the "he" represented in the story was a mirror. Not an actual person. She was by her self.