hello (goodbye)
jonghyun/key; pg-13; romance, angst; 1086words
They see each other after a few years. Too bad life happened.
a/n: and here goes that maybe-angst (plot loosely based on a drama). haven't proof read yet ;;
hello (goodbye)
Jonghyun didn’t expect to bump into Kibum at the local supermarket.
Ever since their high school graduation, he buried all his memories about his relationship with the latter. It was hard, still is, because he just couldn’t forget anything and everything that happened between them. He couldn’t forget the soft kisses, the lingering stares, the hot touches-he couldn’t forget any of them at all. They’re all too precious, too close to his heart, so Jonghyun forgets without forgetting.
As he stares at Kibum’s smiling face, his gut churns violently. He came back, Jonghyun thinks-elated at first, but as Kibum pushes through the crowd of people with a grocery basket, he starts to repeat his thoughts in misery.
“Jonghyun, is that you?” Kibum asks eagerly, standing in front of him. He’s fashionable as always; a purple scarf around his neck, a beanie on his head, tight jeans and a long coat covering his thin frame. He squints at him, and his smile turns warm and loving. Jonghyun can feel his jaw slack, his eyes bulge out of their sockets because Kibum is here and he’s back.
“Kibum?” he asks, dumbfounded. He gathers his composure while Kibum nods his head. “You’re back?”
“You remembered,” breathed Kibum, dropping his grocery basket onto the floor before pulling Jonghyun into a tight hug. “I thought I’d never see you again,” he whispers into his ear. Jonghyun is too astonished to move. Everything feels too familiar; the way his arms circled around his neck to pull him down, the way he whispered into his ear . . . Jonghyun feels like he’s in high school all over again.
“We haven’t seen each other in six years and I thought you forgot about me,” Kibum continues, arms still tight around his neck. And then Jonghyun suddenly remembers that he has a family and that he’s a father to two children, and that Kibum shouldn’t have come back, and that Kibum shouldn’t be-
Jonghyun abruptly pulls away from the hug once realizations start to hit him in the face. “You’re-we can’t. I’m sorry, Kibum.”
“What?” Kibum asks, hurt evident in his eyes and in his voice. “What do you mean-what’s going on? What do you mean we can’t? Can’t what?”
“Let’s talk about this over coffee.”
He never meets his ex-boyfriend’s eyes.
“You’re married,” repeats Kibum. His voice is incredulous; high-pitched and unbelieving.
Jonghyun is reminded of how frequent he pulled jokes on Kibum and heard the same dubious tone during their high school years. High school was good, Jonghyun thinks as he nods dejectedly towards Kibum. High school was easy. High school was with him.
“And you have two children?” Kibum asks. This time, his voice is a whisper; soft and low. Jonghyun watches as Kibum fiddles with the glass in front of him, untouched smoothie swirling along with the movement. “Since when?”
“College,” Jonghyun replies, just as softly.
Kibum carefully places his head in his hands and Jonghyun catches the smoothie before it completely tipped over. Jonghyun places napkins on the spoiled table cloth, yet Kibum barely moved his hands from his face.
“I thought you were going to wait for me,” Kibum says after a while. He slowly drops his hands onto the table, eyes watery, and all Jonghyun wanted to do was to take him in his arms and tell him that he did wait, that he still loves him even though he has a family, that he’ll always be his-but he doesn’t. He just lets Kibum talk.
“I worked so hard,” Kibum pauses to take a deep breath. “I worked so hard to finish studies there in America, you know? And I finally come back and you have a family. Damn it Jonghyun, you promised.”
“I’m sorry,” Jonghyun helplessly responds. He has the urge to sink in his seat, ashamed of himself because he doesn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to do then, and he doesn’t know what to do now. He feels like he’ll continue about in his life like this; always wandering, not knowing what to do, why he’s doing this, who he’s doing this for. Jonghyun is so confused that it’s frustrating.
“You didn’t email back or updated me on anything,” Kibum continues, running his fingers through his hair in distress. “And all this time, you were busy creating a family.” Kibum leans back dejectedly into his chair, eyes staring at the wet table cloth but not actually seeing anything. “A god damn family.” He brings his gaze up to look at Jonghyun. “Do you know how worried I was? A lot of times I didn’t get my work done because I was wondering how you were doing, wondering if you were thinking about me-“
Jonghyun looks away. He never stopped thinking about him; not when he married his wife, not when he was taking care of his kids (although he loves them dearly), not once did he stop thinking about Kibum.
“-but I guess you weren’t,” Kibum finishes with a shaky laugh. He brings his eyes back down on his lap, where he resumes fiddling with his fingers.
Jonghyun wanted to tell him everything; wanted to tell him that he loves him, that he still has the first picture they took together during their second year in high school, that he still has that stupid stuffed toy that Kibum gave him during the winter break of their third year in junior high school, that he still has all the memories stored inside his brain and his body-but he couldn’t. He couldn’t say any of it. He’s afraid that if he does, he’ll ruin his family; perhaps he could ruin Kibum’s life if he decided to intertwine their lives together again. No one besides Kibum knows about his sexual preferences. He prays and wishes every day that he could be straight, for his family and for his wife, but then he thinks about Kibum and the way his skin glistens or the way he smiles at Jonghyun when he does something stupid or the way Kibum tucks his head underneath his chin-and Jonghyun just can’t help falling in love with him again and again, even if he’s only reliving his memories.
So he only watches silently as Kibum slides out of the chair across from him and mumbles a soft farewell, heart breaking before his eyes and miserably hoping that he and Kibum can move on from one another.
They stopped crossing paths since then.
They see each other after a few years. Too bad life happened.
a/n: and here goes that maybe-angst (plot loosely based on a drama). haven't proof read yet ;;
hello (goodbye)
Jonghyun didn’t expect to bump into Kibum at the local supermarket.
Ever since their high school graduation, he buried all his memories about his relationship with the latter. It was hard, still is, because he just couldn’t forget anything and everything that happened between them. He couldn’t forget the soft kisses, the lingering stares, the hot touches-he couldn’t forget any of them at all. They’re all too precious, too close to his heart, so Jonghyun forgets without forgetting.
As he stares at Kibum’s smiling face, his gut churns violently. He came back, Jonghyun thinks-elated at first, but as Kibum pushes through the crowd of people with a grocery basket, he starts to repeat his thoughts in misery.
“Jonghyun, is that you?” Kibum asks eagerly, standing in front of him. He’s fashionable as always; a purple scarf around his neck, a beanie on his head, tight jeans and a long coat covering his thin frame. He squints at him, and his smile turns warm and loving. Jonghyun can feel his jaw slack, his eyes bulge out of their sockets because Kibum is here and he’s back.
“Kibum?” he asks, dumbfounded. He gathers his composure while Kibum nods his head. “You’re back?”
“You remembered,” breathed Kibum, dropping his grocery basket onto the floor before pulling Jonghyun into a tight hug. “I thought I’d never see you again,” he whispers into his ear. Jonghyun is too astonished to move. Everything feels too familiar; the way his arms circled around his neck to pull him down, the way he whispered into his ear . . . Jonghyun feels like he’s in high school all over again.
“We haven’t seen each other in six years and I thought you forgot about me,” Kibum continues, arms still tight around his neck. And then Jonghyun suddenly remembers that he has a family and that he’s a father to two children, and that Kibum shouldn’t have come back, and that Kibum shouldn’t be-
Jonghyun abruptly pulls away from the hug once realizations start to hit him in the face. “You’re-we can’t. I’m sorry, Kibum.”
“What?” Kibum asks, hurt evident in his eyes and in his voice. “What do you mean-what’s going on? What do you mean we can’t? Can’t what?”
“Let’s talk about this over coffee.”
He never meets his ex-boyfriend’s eyes.
“You’re married,” repeats Kibum. His voice is incredulous; high-pitched and unbelieving.
Jonghyun is reminded of how frequent he pulled jokes on Kibum and heard the same dubious tone during their high school years. High school was good, Jonghyun thinks as he nods dejectedly towards Kibum. High school was easy. High school was with him.
“And you have two children?” Kibum asks. This time, his voice is a whisper; soft and low. Jonghyun watches as Kibum fiddles with the glass in front of him, untouched smoothie swirling along with the movement. “Since when?”
“College,” Jonghyun replies, just as softly.
Kibum carefully places his head in his hands and Jonghyun catches the smoothie before it completely tipped over. Jonghyun places napkins on the spoiled table cloth, yet Kibum barely moved his hands from his face.
“I thought you were going to wait for me,” Kibum says after a while. He slowly drops his hands onto the table, eyes watery, and all Jonghyun wanted to do was to take him in his arms and tell him that he did wait, that he still loves him even though he has a family, that he’ll always be his-but he doesn’t. He just lets Kibum talk.
“I worked so hard,” Kibum pauses to take a deep breath. “I worked so hard to finish studies there in America, you know? And I finally come back and you have a family. Damn it Jonghyun, you promised.”
“I’m sorry,” Jonghyun helplessly responds. He has the urge to sink in his seat, ashamed of himself because he doesn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to do then, and he doesn’t know what to do now. He feels like he’ll continue about in his life like this; always wandering, not knowing what to do, why he’s doing this, who he’s doing this for. Jonghyun is so confused that it’s frustrating.
“You didn’t email back or updated me on anything,” Kibum continues, running his fingers through his hair in distress. “And all this time, you were busy creating a family.” Kibum leans back dejectedly into his chair, eyes staring at the wet table cloth but not actually seeing anything. “A god damn family.” He brings his gaze up to look at Jonghyun. “Do you know how worried I was? A lot of times I didn’t get my work done because I was wondering how you were doing, wondering if you were thinking about me-“
Jonghyun looks away. He never stopped thinking about him; not when he married his wife, not when he was taking care of his kids (although he loves them dearly), not once did he stop thinking about Kibum.
“-but I guess you weren’t,” Kibum finishes with a shaky laugh. He brings his eyes back down on his lap, where he resumes fiddling with his fingers.
Jonghyun wanted to tell him everything; wanted to tell him that he loves him, that he still has the first picture they took together during their second year in high school, that he still has that stupid stuffed toy that Kibum gave him during the winter break of their third year in junior high school, that he still has all the memories stored inside his brain and his body-but he couldn’t. He couldn’t say any of it. He’s afraid that if he does, he’ll ruin his family; perhaps he could ruin Kibum’s life if he decided to intertwine their lives together again. No one besides Kibum knows about his sexual preferences. He prays and wishes every day that he could be straight, for his family and for his wife, but then he thinks about Kibum and the way his skin glistens or the way he smiles at Jonghyun when he does something stupid or the way Kibum tucks his head underneath his chin-and Jonghyun just can’t help falling in love with him again and again, even if he’s only reliving his memories.
So he only watches silently as Kibum slides out of the chair across from him and mumbles a soft farewell, heart breaking before his eyes and miserably hoping that he and Kibum can move on from one another.
They stopped crossing paths since then.