hope is a bastard, a trick, and a tease
this past weekend i saw ben fucking folds for the fifth time in my life and he certainly did not disappoint. i will now write another longer-than-necessary review about it :)
my parents moved to st. louis recently. i noticed on ben's facebook around that time that he was writing a new piano concerto. and the start of the symphony tour to debut the concerto was in st. louis! so for christmas my dad got him, my mom, and i tickets to go see the start of the tour on april 12th. they flew me out too. technically the concerto was first performed with the nashville symphony (where ben lives and sits on the board), but it was kind of a closed show for children so not quite the same.
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first i will go into some detail about my life because there's a lot going on right now that affects how i experienced the show.
this couldn't have come at a better time in my life. when i first saw that outkast and the knife were playing coachella the same weekend, i felt a bit of a twinge that i now couldn't go. outkast is like the one band that would have brought me back to coachella. but after reading all the reviews, this was better. and after the past few weeks of sorrow, this was definitely needed.
my dad found out in late march he had kidney cancer. he had to quit his contract job in minnesota and move back to st. louis with my mom. the plan was to have surgery just before his 65th birthday to remove the kidney. this was so scary, but at least he has a second kidney. unfortunately though the scans found something in his lung. after doing a second higher-quality scan, they found like seven lesions in his lungs that were in fact lung cancer. and they had grown. my mom used the word "aggressive". they were inoperable (as most lung cancer is). he was told he would need chemo, but that unfortunately they can't do both chemo and the kidney removal at the same time because it would be too rough on the body. he had a cold before finding out the news. i remember because i had a sinus infection too. we actually talked a lot the week he found out, but he waited to tell me until after a cocktail party i was having. the cough still persists.
two weeks ago he was given this news. no stage, no one has even told us the kind of cancer. my dad told me though so that i didn't hear it from my family who was quickly receiving the news from his siblings.
and for some inconceivable reason no doctor has spoken to my dad since receiving this news. i did my own research to prepare myself and saw just how serious lung cancer is. most people don't discover it until stage 4. the statistics are pretty fucking grim.
given that i am closer to and love my dad unconditionally probably more than any other human being on the planet, this has been devastating. this is in addition to me starting to puke all the time again and all the pain i am in, which is so odd. my pain isn't going to kill me. but he has none. so odd.
the one positive news is that his next oncologist appointment isn't until tomorrow, so at least the delay allowed my dad the opportunity to still attend the concert. i don't know why, but it is important to me to share the magic of ben folds with people i love. i have been fortunate to take amy and gordon to shows and my parents.
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anyway, we got all dolled up before the show. i curled my hair, but it was pretty windy so the curls fell before i took my seat. it was still nice to get dressed up like the old days when we had season tickets to the theatre as a little girl.
the show was at powell hall in st. louis. it's like a subsidiary theatre of the st. louis symphony. the hall opened in 1925 and was rebuilt in the 60's. it was quite beautiful. here are some stolen pics of the theatre:
my dad got me a seat in the center in row K and my parents sat back in row V towards the right side. here is the view from my seat:
we got some drinks before the show. they had drink specials named after ben folds songs!!! unfortunately me and hard alcohol don't really get along, so i stuck to champagne.
they had t-shirts, beanies, and mugs for sale. interesting there were no CD's. i got this shirt:
my parents and i parted ways. i nibbled on some cheese and crackers and enjoyed my champagne in the lobby before sitting down. it was SO HARD for me not to jump into people's conversations and answer all the ben folds related questions. yes he studied music! it was also fun people watching. i find it a bit sad that people my age don't really dress up for something like the symphony. so few cute guys to stare at. just beards and plaid shirts.
i took my seat. i lucked out in that the people in front of me never showed, so i had an extra-good view of ben. i wasn't quite far enough left to see the piano keys (which i prefer), but i was super close so the view was great anyway. the symphony kept advertising cough drops as a not-so-subtle way to shame the coughers of the audience. my mom grabbed some for my dad i guess though and they did the trick.
the show started just after 7:30. the symphony and choir were already on stage. it was hard for me to see anyone but the strings. wish i could have seen the trumpets and percussion, but not a big deal, being close was much more important!!! first the conductor took the stage, then the concert master, and finally BEN!
i fucking love how happy he always looks. he genuinely enjoys performing. after reading reviews of andre3000 having his back to everyone on stage, it really reminded me how much i love someone who is just grateful to have a job where they can play the music they love to people who adore them.
they opened with effington. it made me giggle to hear a professional choir sing the opening line of "if there's a god, he is laughing at us and our football team". i was also happy he opened with his back catalog rather than the concerto. i read something about the concerto only being 20 minutes, so i assumed we would get some hits too and he definitely delivered!
after effington was smoke off of the ben folds five album "whatever and ever amen". that album is in my top ten for life and has filled my life with joy for half my life. nick hornsby was right about the brilliance of those lyrics, even if ben didn't write them :)
next was jesusland. although the song isn't insulting to jesus (just his fans), i still found it a shocking choice for such a religious town. after that was picture window. this was one of the songs off "lonely avenue" where the lyrics are by the author nick hornsby (high fidelity) and ben did the music. that song made me a little emotional. i got a little worried they were off to a bit of a depressing start and that my dad would get down hearing the "hope is a bastard" and "they checked into the hospital... nothing to be done about that" lyrics. but then i realized he probably couldn't make out all the lyrics over the symphony anyway.
finally ben played one of the three movements of his new concerto for piano and orchestra. i believe he said movement 1, but when i read the setlist for the sunday show it said movement 3 so i could be wrong. whatever it was, it was brilliant. his command over not just the piano, but the music of the entire orchestra is awe inspiring. before he started playing, he announced he was taking the tape off his fingers. i never knew this, but he wears tape since he plays the piano so hard, but he wanted to be sure he hit every note so he took them off. and i'm pretty sure he was doing that thing where he reaches into the piano and plays the strings of it. he did this on a few songs. i love how he makes sound wherever he can.
his piano work was of course beautiful. it was nice to see him play something more classical, although the concerto definitely had a modern touch. i was reminded of gershwin at some points. my mom really enjoyed the song and said it made her think of a 1940's movie drama with characters standing on a beach while waves crashed against the rock. my words can't do it justice, but it's great and you should check it out if you get the honor.
i believe that after the concerto was landed. i may be off on the order, but i am the only one who submitted a setlist on setlist.fm, so close enough :) i never tire of this song. it was weird being at a ben folds show and not singing along. it sounded great with all the instruments.
ben kept with the melancholy theme with fred jones part 2. he said it was about a "mark twain looking guy" that he knew who retired from a newspaper. the choir director sang the harmonies on this one, when he hadn't been singing before. i find the song terribly depressing and it's the second time he's played it at a show i've been too. the song is about someone retiring and no one really noticing. this was another song that made me think of my dad's situation. i wondered if he got a retirement party from palo verde before he left. i'm sure nothing happened in minnesota given the sudden nature. but i couldn't let myself get sad. i remembered that everyone adores him and that cheered me back up.
finally ben lightened things up by saying the next song was about a friend who always said he was moving out of town, but never moved. i think i raised my fists with joy knowing that steven's last night in town was next. i've never heard it live, but oh to hear it live for the first time with an actual clarinet was the highlight of the night! definitely my favorite song of the show.
next was intermission. oh god the line for the bathroom did not appear to end so i went up to the second floor. i don't know why music and theatre halls insist on having only a few stalls but i wish they'd cut it out. don't they know we all want to go at the same time?! thankfully i still managed to get more champagne :) on my way back to my seat, i saw my parents (in the aisle) and they genuinely appeared to enjoy the show! that made me so happy. i mean, i knew my dad was, he will go see pretty much any show of anything, movie, music, theatre, whatever. my mom is a tougher sell though and she was loving it.
after intermission i couldn't tell what song was going to be next by the symphonic intro. ben came out while they played and banged out zak and sara. such a great song. the first time i saw ben live me and another fan belted out the words together while two teeny-boppers looked on in disgust. it sounded really great with the orchestra also.
it was a little annoying, but at a few parts of the show people kept yelling shit out. this is a god damn symphony. and even if it's not, i seriously doubt the four hours of rehearsal the symphony and ben had allowed them to learn his entire catalog just to play whatever song you want to hear.
though, one request turned out nicely. someone yelled out "rock this bitch". ben laughed and said "yeah, we don't have time to play the real songs, let alone make one up". but i think he liked the challenge of playing rock this bitch with an orchestra, so he decided to do it. "when we have to cut a song this is why".
for those who don't know, rock this bitch is the general name for the songs ben makes up during a show. at many shows he just makes up a song on the fly about the city or whatever the fuck is on his mind. at my first show, it was a song about a big dust storm we had earlier in the day.
you could tell the conductor was nervous. i am sure giant symphonies aren't really used to making shit up as they go in front of a live audience. ben got to show off his musical talent though. he started with the cellos, giving them a simple measure or two to repeat and giving them the key. he brought in the percussion, the violins, and the choir. he tried to get a "mariachi trumpet", but apparently the trumpet player couldn't figure it out so the sax stepped in. ben told everyone who hadn't joined to just play in the key of F. he instructed the conductor to bring parts in and out as he pleased. this perplexed the conductor, but he went along anyway.
it was pretty good, i took some video of the start of it all, but i stopped recording before it got full-on good. i was also being a bad ivysaur in that cameras were strictly prohibited. my mom said the ushers were policing the aisles and that they caught several people. but i couldn't resist something this amazing, so i held my phone to my chest.
here are three videos:
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=818033061545010&l=3774649392224061579
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=818033928211590&l=8818292429877970137
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=818034318211551&l=4121879783941902076
ben sang about being in st. louis and the crowd. he said he was staying at the casino and there were a lot of douchebags. and some other funny stuff i unfortunately cannot remember. that was pretty amazing to witness and i am glad that asshole in the crowd asked for it.
after that, ben said his next song started out as a "rock this bitch" song after taking a bunch of codeine drops and getting pretty spaced out. he was in europe. he thought it was interesting that their media had a range of news stories, but all america could report about was the astronaut who put on a diaper to drive across country to kildnap her ex lover. the song of course was cologne.
i couldn't help but feel pride. i don't know why. i had nothing to do with this. but i was just happy ben was treated with the respect of having a truly talented orchestra play his music. how far he had come since song for the dumped...
next was one of my personal favorites, annie waits. i again raised my fists slightly with joy, but unfortunately missed the first clap. the song makes me a bit emotional ever since mark told me it reminded him of me. not to get all emo, but whenever i hear it i wonder if i will always be waiting for that call from an idiot friend. i'd heard annie waits live before, but it was pretty fantastic to hear the power of the orchestra along with the piano.
next was the luckiest. i'm sorry, but i find this to be one of the more boring songs in his catalog. and of course since it was in some chick flick he has to play it. i don't even think he's with whoever he wrote that about anymore. whereas i got emotional and happy when annie waits came on and truly connected with every lyric, all the women with significant others got gushy during this song. barf. maybe i'm just bitter lol. either way, if i do make someone feel the luckiest, i hope we have a better song to get gushy about.
ben got off the piano just to take the mic. he loves to have people sing two note three-part harmony "ah-ahhh"'s to not the same. he did this when i saw him in phoenix, and i have seen him do this on the sing-off. he really loves interacting with the crowd. it's so cute how much he enjoys performing and how good he as at it. i took the low part of course.
i believe that after that was brick. it's so weird to me that it's their biggest hit. i feel so detached from the song now. at one point, my high school boyfriend *** and i would get emotional about it, but whatever that feeling was it's completely gone from me. when he and i went to the show in LA last year, ben folds five played it and he put his arm around me and laid on my shoulder. i thought more about how he was affected by the song than any feelings i ever had which felt odd. my mom always liked that song though (even if she thinks it's an asshole thing to call someone a woman a brick) so i'm glad they played the one song she knew.
he really turned the mood around though with another ben folds five song from whatever and ever amen. he stood up, pushed the chair back and banged out one angry dwarf. this made me super happy. when i saw BF5 at mountain jam for their reunion in 2012, they closed with this. it renewed my love for that song. my god, that song really showcases his talent on the piano. he stands the whole time. he pounds the keys. such a little man with such a huge sound!!! it was also hilarious to hear the professional choir sing out "kiss my ass, kiss my ass goodbye now". so happy he played it so my parents could witness his jerry lee lewis style of playing :)
but the next song really got me going. it was my favorite and a ben folds five song, narcolepsy. i feel so privileged. i first saw narcolepsy live at a charity show in tucson. ben didn't have any backing band whatsoever at that show, so he played extra hard. the next time i saw him play it was with ben folds five at mountain jam for the reunion. and now to see him play it with a full orchestra to close out the night was breathtaking. the song is powerful enough. so powerful in fact one of my ex-boyfriends always thought it was an example of how ben goes "too crazy" on the piano. bah. it's a beautiful song with a perfect build. the lyrics are great too. i thankfully did not cry, but i felt all the emotion pour through me as joy instead. they even went "crazy" with the lights flickering them during the most powerful part. it was crazy, at the end the choir director got up and sang this like operatic part along with the song. i couldn't make out the words, but it sounded like an opera sing. i laughed at one point because the stage was pure insanity all at once for a few measures, but in a good and beautiful way.
i knew they couldn't follow that with anything. the orchestra and ben all bowed, but as they left the stage the conductor kinda made motions like ben would be back out. and he was :)
ben came out all alone to play two more songs on the piano for the encore. he dedicated the first song to stephen colbert, who i guess has sung this song before and even sung it with ben. the song was an older ben folds five song called best imitation of myself. it had been ages since i'd heard it. and similar to the charity show where he also had no band, he tapped the mic for percussion.
he then said he would play the first song he heard someone shout out, which thankfully ended up being army and not "bitches ain't shit" like some asshole in the balcony requested. army was great. it's always a crowd-pleaser. though, i notice sometimes people either love the song or don't know it. the album "the unauthorized biography of reinhold messner" didn't quite touch as many fans as his other albums i've noticed. either way, i was right on queue for the "bad-up-baaah"'s when he asked for them and yelled out "GOD PLEASE SPARE ME MORE REJECTION" like the few of us hardcore fans knew to do.
that was the last song of the night. it was a great way to end things. i am so thankful my dad made this happen. my parents enjoyed the show and we talked about it all the way to white castle (my first time). not only did i get to witness musical brilliance, but i got to have a normal weekend with my parents before things get crazy. i am truly grateful this happened. can't wait to see ben again!
final stolen pic:
