[Entry 20] Just Like Hyde [2/2]
Chapter THREE
Chanyeol and Baekhyun run through the crowd of people in the room. Half the people are standing, trying to catch a glimpse of the events unfolding before their eyes. Others are completely unaware or simply don’t care that there is a huge situation going on around them. Baekhyun has a death grip on Chanyeol’s wrist, afraid of losing him. He’s dragging his husband like a child, but still trying to get out. Too many people are surrounding the door and police officers are trying to squeeze into the already jam-packed room.
“Yeol! Get down! You’re too tall!”
Without attempting to say anything back, Chanyeol bends himself at the waist, making him shorter than everyone surrounding him, including Baekhyun who ducks down too, trying to become invisible.
“Yah! Over here!” A man’s voice yells from across the room. The police redirect their attention and try to shove their way across the room. Baekhyun isn’t sure if that was on purpose, to distract the officer’s attention, but either way it worked. The sea of people parts just enough so that they can escape.
It’s everyday business outside of courtroom 229. Nobody notices that anything and everything that could go wrong in that room, has. Baekhyun sees the doors and let’s go of Chanyeol’s wrist before running for the door. With Chanyeol just a split second behind him, Baekhyun is now praising God that he got a parking spot as close as he did. As they’re running, Baekhyun shoves his hand into his pockets, frantically searching for his car keys. Once he finds them, he presses the red unlock button. When they reach the curb of the street, they’re forced to stop. There are cars everywhere. Some are speeding, and some are hunting for a parking spot.
“Stop! Don’t move either of you!” A deep male’s voice rings behind them. Baekhyun turns around to see at least ten officers behind them. He looks back into the street and sees the traffic has paused and sees a red light a block down, granting them a chance to get away.
“Run, Yeol! Now!” Baekhyun yells at a distracted Chanyeol.
Chanyeol snaps out of his daze and sprints across the street, beating Baekhyun to the car, flying into the backseat as Baekhyun jumps into the driver’s seat. He nervously fiddles with the keys, trying to quickly get them into the ignition. He almost drops them when he catches a glimpse of the officers directly across the street, trying to weave through the cars flying by on the busy road. Once he finally gets the key in and turns it, the engine roars to life and Baekhyun puts the car into drive and speeds off.
“Well that was intense.” Chanyeol comments. The suddenness of the random comment causes Baekhyun’s seriousness to momentarily fade and he cracks a smile and glances at Chanyeol in the rearview mirror.
Chanyeol is undoing the top half of his orange jumpsuit, revealing a simple, white t-shirt underneath. He lets the top half fall to his waist. Baekhyun is now gawking at his husband when a car next to them honks their horn, causing him to regain focus on the road and swerve from almost striking a different car.
“Eyes on the road, Baek. You didn’t just break me out of jail for us to die.” Chanyeol comments. Baekhyun just nods, keeping his foot firmly on the gas pedal, hearing sirens behind him. He’s trying to get out of the city as fast as possible. He plans to drive to their vacation house, a few hours outside of the city and in Chanyeol’s parent’s names.
I just need to disappear from all of these cars and people, and especially the police.
Baekhyun pulls out onto the high way and sees no sign of any police cars behind him. Chanyeol carefully climbs into the front seat so he can sit next to Baekhyun.
“Where are we going, Baek?”
‘The vacation house, hopefully we’ll have more time there.” He replies.
“I’m sorry, Baek.” Chanyeol says, grabbing Baekhyun’s right hand.
“For what?” Baekhyun replies, trying to act innocent.
“Don’t act like you don’t know.” Chanyeol says sternly.
“Don’t know what?”
“That I’m the reason this is happening! Why you were in the hospital. Why I was in jail. Why you broke me out of jail and why we’re now running for our lives because we’re going to be the most wanted men in the entire country. Baekhyun, quit sugar coating things for me. I deserve to know the truth. What have I been doing to you?” Chanyeol repeats Minsoo’s words that were said to him, back at Baekhyun who whines like a hurt puppy. He wasn’t expecting Chanyeol to confront him about it.
“I-I don’t know where to start.” He nervously glances over at Chanyeol who is looking at him with a neutral expression.
“Then start from the beginning, the very first time.”
“Yeol…” Baekhyun pleads.
“Please?” Chanyeol begs, squeezing the elder’s hand. Baekhyun sighs heavily.
I fought for so long, Yeol. I thought if you didn’t know, things would be better. Now I see that I’ve only hurt you.
“The first time was a week before our wedding.” Baekhyun sighs.
“What happened that night?” Chanyeol demands.
“Yelling. Just a lot of yelling.” Baekhyun replies coolly.
“What about after that? When did it happen next?”
“If you want to go through every single time it’s happened, this conversation will last all night.” Baekhyun hisses. Chanyeol sighs. He wants to know every little detail, but he doesn’t want to push Baekhyun over the edge and make him upset.
‘Okay, one last thing then.”
“Yes?”
“When was the first time that I hit you?”
The painful memory flashes to the front thing in Baekhyun’s mind. He remembers it vividly, like it was yesterday. It was the first and only time he had ever thought about leaving Chanyeol, and he hates himself for even thinking that he should leave Chanyeol, even if it was just in that single moment.
“It was a year ago, more or less.” He replies flatly.
Chanyeol lets go of Baekhyun’s hand and lets this new information sink in.
I’m a monster. The worst kind. He thinks to himself.
The rest of the ride is in a stiff silence. Chanyeol has thousands of thoughts and questions running through his mind, but keeps them to himself, remaining silent.
Baekhyun frequently checks the mirrors, nervously checking to make sure that they’re safe and in the clear. He does a final check before turning onto the dirt road, leading them to their secret getaway. He pulls into the driveway and shuts off the car. They sit there for a moment, relaxing from the stressful ride. A few moments pass and Baekhyun removes the key from the ignition and slowly climbs out of the car, feeling how stiff his legs are from the past two hours of driving without a break. Chanyeol swings his legs out and stretches them before following behind Baekhyun.
When they reach the door, Baekhyun bends down to pick up a rock from beside the door, and flips it over, revealing a secret compartment, hiding the key for the door. He sets the rock back down and stands up, sliding the key into the lock, opening the door. Baekhyun steps inside and remembers the last time they were here, their honeymoon. He smiles at the memories, but shakes them off so he can lock all of the doors and windows, and making sure that the blinds are shut so nobody will be able to peek in. When Baekhyun gets back into the main room, he sees Chanyeol looking around, probably reminiscing. Out of curiosity, Baekhyun turns on the television to see if it’s on the news.
Once the screen is fully lit up, he immediately sees Chanyeol’s face plastered on it, alongside his own. The word “wanted” flashes in red text across their faces. He reaches back to the power button, shutting it off before any words can come through it.
“Baek, you shouldn’t have broken me out. Now you’re in just as much trouble as I am, if not more. I’m not worth this...” Chanyeol trails off. Baekhyun hadn’t noticed that Chanyeol was watching the television too.
‘Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m really not. I’m going to turn myself in.”
“The hell you are.” Baekhyun walks over to the taller man and pushes him against the wall and fiercely kisses his lips. Baekhyun pulls away from Chanyeol, but not much.
“You want to know what I believe? I believe that fate brought us together, Chanyeol. I believe that we are destined to be together. When I met you, I wasn’t a good person. I was empty, a loner. But fate filled that emptiness, fate filled that with you. You filled all of those voids in my life. Of course, I had to wait, because fate doesn’t work on our time, it works on its own. You filled all of those voids, not when I wanted, but when I needed it the most, when I was almost too broken beyond repair. Yet, you picked up all of the tiny pieces that remained of me, and delicately put them back together. That’s why it’s worth it, Chanyeol. That’s why you are worth it. Even when I thought that I hated you for a split second, I always remember that you’re the one who taught me how to love, you taught me patience. So even when all hope is lost, I won’t give up on you. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. Chanyeol, I love you, so please do us both a favor and stay. Don’t go, I can’t breathe when you aren’t next to me.”
In that moment, Chanyeol realizes how much Baekhyun truly does love him and he instantly feels regret for saying he would turn himself in. He looks down at his husband who is staring at the ground, tears starting to flow down his cheeks. He cups Baekhyun’s damp cheek in his hand and wipes away the tears with his thumb. Baekhyun slowly raises his head up, his eyes finally meeting Chanyeol’s gaze.
“I. Love. You.” Chanyeol softly confesses.
“Please, don’t leave me.” Baekhyun pleads, his eyes drop back down to the ground.
Chanyeol tips Baekhyun’s head up and leans down to kiss him. The kiss only lasts a moment before Chanyeol pushes Baekhyun up against the wall, their faces right in front of each other’s, their lips barely not touching.
“I’m not going anywhere.” He whispers before pushing his lips back onto Baekhyun’s. He moves his hands down Baekhyun’s sides, lightly touching them, unintentionally tickling him. He rests his hands on the smaller man’s hips. Baekhyun slightly opens his mouth, looking for air. Chanyeol seizes the opportunity and moves his tongue through their parted lips and grinds his hips against Baekhyun’s causing them both to moan into their kiss. Baekhyun hastily pulls off his shirt and tosses it to the ground. He removes Chanyeol’s hands from his hips and grabs his wrist, dragging him off into their bedroom.
Chapter FOUR
The following morning the sun shines through the blinds of their bedroom, the light landing directly on Chanyeol’s face. He stirs for a moment before finally opening his eyes. The light is too much and Chanyeol quickly closes them, not ready to be completely drawn from his dream. He slowly opens his eyes, allowing them to adjust to the brightness of the room. He looks down and wrapped in his arms is Baekhyun, sound asleep. Chanyeol carefully moves his arms from underneath his husband, attempting to not wake him.
He successfully frees himself from Baekhyun’s death grip, with causing him to stir slightly. Chanyeol tip-toes out of the room, being aware of how loud each step is. He opens the door and steps into the hallway and pulls the door shut behind him. He walks into the next room, the one he and Baekhyun shared the last time they visited, hoping to find some of the clothes he left behind. The jail attire doesn’t suit him. He digs in the closet and finds a pair of his old jeans, which are now a little large on him. Chanyeol doesn’t have any luck finding a shirt and doesn’t feel like trying to hunt for it in their room, which remains a disaster from the last night.
Chanyeol wants to do something nice for Baekhyun, for the trouble he’s gone through the past couple of days, but his mind comes up blank. There is nothing for him to clean or cook. Actually, there’s really nothing for him to do at all until Baekhyun wakes up. So he decides to sit down on the couch and maybe catch something on TV, but when he turns it on, he immediately wishes he wouldn’t have. His face alongside Baekhyun’s are still plastered across the screen.
“The two men are currently at large, still within city limits. We ask that everyone leaves their doors locked at all times. These men are dangerous and will stop at nothing. Police say that they will be captured soon and brought to justice.”
“Ha!” Chanyeol snorts. “Within city limits…” he repeats. He shuts the TV off and leaves the couch, looking for something to do to keep him entertained. He stretches his arms out above his head and hears his lower back crack in multiple places.
“Chanyeol? Yeol? Where are you?” He hears a panicked voice and a door fly open from the other part of the house, the voice frantically calling his name. This doesn’t ring right with Chanyeol and realizes this is a reason to become worried.
“Baek? Is everything okay?” He calls back as he walks towards the room when he sees Baekhyun looking at him with wide eyes. Baekhyun marches towards Chanyeol, looking furious, like he’s about to hit him. Instead, Baekhyun wraps his small arms around Chanyeol’s waist, hugging him tightly.
“I thought you left me, Yeol.” He whines into Chanyeol’s bare chest.
“I’m still here.” He says, comforting the petite man, wrapping his long arms around him.
“I promise I’m not going anywhere, as long as I can control it.” He whispers into Baekhyun’s ear. Baekhyun’s grip tightens around the taller man’s waist. They begin to rock back and forth, relaxing them both. When Baekhyun finally pulls away, he pushes himself up on his toes, leaning in for a kiss, Chanyeol meets his lips eagerly and grabs the back of Baekhyun’s neck, pulling him even closer.
“I love you, Byun Baekhyun.” Chanyeol whispers.
“I love you too, Chanyeol.”
______________________
“Yeol, I’m getting hungry.” Baekhyun whines.
“Uh - I’m not exactly sure what we have. It’s been awhile since anybody has been here.” Chanyeol stammers. He clumsily stumbles into the kitchen, searching for food. He opens the fridge, nothing but a bottle of ketchup shoved in the back corner. Chanyeol takes a step to the left and opens the cabinet in front of him, searching for something, anything edible. He climbs onto the counter, unable to see clear in the back of the top shelf. He finds three packages of ramen, but nothing that sounds remotely appetizing. However, both of them are so hungry that they don’t care what they eat, as long as it’s food.
They take every moment to enjoy their food. Baekhyun collects their dishes and drops them into the sink, not bothering to wash them. He walks back into the living room and finds Chanyeol sitting with his head in his lap, his hands wrapped around the back of his neck, like he has a headache. Baekhyun recognizes this, and his whole body instantly stiffens. His eyes fly open with shock, he wouldn’t expect this to happen here.
“Yah! Yeol! Snap out of it! It’s only in your head!” Baekhyun pleads.
“Baekhyun, run, hide - please!” Baekhyun doesn’t need any more incentive to run. He bolts out of the living room and takes off, almost tripping over his own feet, down the hallway and runs into the spare bedroom. He hears Chanyeol’s heavy footsteps trailing behind him. Baekhyun’s nimble fingers fidget with the lock, once he gets the door locked, he turns around and uses all of his strength to push the dresser in front of the door.
As Chanyeol’s footsteps draw closer, Baekhyun’s heart rate skyrockets. He quickly scampers around the room and away from the barricaded door. He climbs into the closet, pulling the door shut once he’s completely inside.
BANG.
Chanyeol’s fist pounds into the door, the knob turns frantically.
BANG.
“Chanyeol, baby, please snap out of it.” Baekhyun whimpers quietly to himself. He doesn’t want to be discovered completely. Chanyeol already knows what room he’s in, that’s bad enough. He clasps a shaky hand over his mouth, silencing himself.
BANG.
Baekhyun begins to whimper, like a puppy. God why?! What did I do? What did Chanyeol do to deserve this?! Baekhyun’s internal dialogue begins to eat at him.
BANG.
“Baekhyun. I swear to God you better open this god damn door.” A red-hot Chanyeol growls into the door. Baekhyun pushes himself even further against the wall of the closet, tucking his knees tightly against his chest.
BANG.
The wood of the door and dresser begin to crack and bust.
“Baekhyun, where are you?” He asks, toying with the older man. Baekhyun tries to remain as silent as possible.
Please Yeol, snap out of it. You’re not mad at me… Please baby... It’ll be okay….
BANG.
The sound of the dresser moving slowly across the carpet gives Baekhyun warning that Chanyeol is more than likely now in the room with him.
BANG.
The final pound on the door startles Baekhyun the most. The door slams against the wall and Baekhyun is now aware that he’s going to be discovered. It’s inevitable. Chanyeol has broken through his weak barricade.
Oh shit. Oh shit. Baekhyun thinks to himself. Let’s hope it isn’t that bad today. He prays.
His shaky hand over his mouth is no longer doing any god. Baekhyun’s not-so-silent tears and whimpers give him away and it’s not long before Chanyeol finds the petite man hunched in the corner of the small closet.
“Did you think that you could hide from me Baekhyun?” The tall man toys with Baekhyun.
“Chanyeol! Snap out of it!” Baekhyun begs. Chanyeol ignores his request and clumsily falls into the close, hitting his head against the wall on the way down. He doesn’t move for a moment, neither does Baekhyun, who is completely frozen against the wall, wide eyed and staring at Chanyeol. A moment passes and Chanyeol slowly begins to move.
“Baek? Baekhyun? Where are we? Why are you crying?” Chanyeol becomes panicked, returning to his normal state of mind. Without saying a word, Baekhyun gets up, steps over Chanyeol and leaves the room, avoiding the debris that is strewn across the room. He briskly walks down the hallway in goes into their room, slamming the door behind him. He crawls into their bed and pulls the cover over his head. Baekhyun begins to cry, unable to bear the weight of the situation anymore. After a few moments pass, the door slowly creaks open and he hears the familiar heavy footsteps enter the room. Chanyeol crawls into the bed, next to Baekhyun and slides himself under the cover. Chanyeol wraps his arm around the smaller man’s waist.
“Baekhyun, I am so, so sorry, I-I can’t even begin to tell you.” Baekhyun rolls over onto his other side to look at Chanyeol. They bring their gazes to meet each other’s Baekhyun can see the sorrow, remorse and pain in Chanyeol’s eyes.
“I know, Yeol. This is why I never told you. Y-You let yourself feel things in a way which is detrimental to you. I love you, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you sit here and close yourself off from me. I don’t care what happens when you’re not yourself. It doesn’t matter if I cry, or if you hit me. The Park Chanyeol that I’m in love with always comes back to me. So please, forget this and let’s move on.”
“’Forget this’? Seriously? I can’t even remember what the hell I did! I could have really hurt you. I broke a dresser and a door in an attempt to do so! How am I supposed to forget that I’m a monster, Baek? Could you forget it if it were you? I don’t think you could. You kept this a secret from me for how long? This isn’t okay Baekhyun. You should have left me a long time ago. All I do is bring you pain.”
“’All you do is bring me pain’?” Baekhyun repeats Chanyeol’s cold words, sitting himself upright. “I don’t think you’re right, Chanyeol. You’re the only person who has given me any type of home. You taught me to look beyond the surface, to dig deeper. You, you are the only person that has ever made me feel happiness. So when you think that all you ever do is bring me pain, think again. I want you to remember the broken man you met three years ago.” He flashes Chanyeol his left arm, bringing painful memories to the surface for both of them. “If you think I would leave you, you apparently don’t know what ‘until death do us part’ means. Chanyeol, I love you. I am in love with you. All of you, I have loved you non-stop and I never plan on stopping. You saved me, okay? Don’t you remember that? I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be by your side, no matter how hard it gets, don’t you understand that by now? I would kill somebody for you. I would crawl to every corner of this planet for you. So when I ask you to please let it go, it means that I don’t want to dwell on the bad. It’s done and over with and feeling sorry won’t change a damn thing. So please, let us move on, forget this and let me be happy with you and just you alone.” Both men have tears pouring down their faces. Chanyeol scoops up the older man into his arms and pulls him into his lap.
“I’m sorry, baby, so sorry.” He repeats countless times into Baekhyun’s ear. They cry themselves dry. Over an hour passes and they’ve dried themselves out, now exhausted and starving.
“Yeol, I’m getting hungry again.” Baekhyun whines. They are both well aware of the fact that there isn’t food in the kitchen or anywhere in the house. “One of us needs to go get some. We can’t starve ourselves.” He whispers.
“You aren’t going anywhere.” Chanyeol growls.
“We need food, Chanyeol.”
“Not tonight, I’ll go in the morning. Let’s sleep please, we’re both exhausted.” Chanyeol gripes. Baekhyun silently complies, and crawls into the bed, plotting. He knows that going at night is the best option they have, less likely that they’ll get discovered, but Chanyeol won’t let him go.
I’ll just go when he’s asleep. Baekhyun thinks to himself. Baekhyun restlessly waits for Chanyeol to fall into a deep enough slumber that he can escape and fix the growl in their stomachs.
When Chanyeol begins to snore heavily, Baekhyun slides carefully out of the bed, and grabs a pair of black jeans, the anti-dust mask, and a plain baseball cap. He hastily puts them on just outside of their room. He grabs his wallet and shoes and exits the house. Baekhyun’s adrenaline is through the roof, not only is he a wanted fugitive throughout the entire country, but he’s breaking his husband’s rule.
We can’t stay in that house forever, especially with no food, no basic survival things. There’s no way we would last.
He walks down the hill, towards a gas station. He has his hands stuffed into his jean’s pockets. The mask is causing his face to sweat and he’s becoming too warm for comfort. By the time Baekhyun reaches the bottom of the hill, he is covered in sweat, from head to toe. He desperately wants to pull all of the extra clothing off of his body, but then he would run the risk of being exposed.
He walks into the brightly lit gas station, the cool air instantly relieves his warm skin, but it’s not long before he’s sweating even more. He walks to the back of the small building and opens one of the cooler doors. The cold air feels like heaven on his skin. He looks at the cost of a gallon of milk and almost faints.
“Aish! Why is everything so expensive at gas stations?!” He grumbles under his breath. He angrily grabs the handle of the milk and grabs some other small food items and walks to the check out.
It’s not much, but it’s the best I can do under these circumstances.
Baekhyun silently pays for his items, ignoring the pressing look of the cashier behind the counter. She looks at him like has completely lost his mind. She places the small items into a plastic bag and hands it to Baekhyun. He bows his head in thanks, and darts out of the gas station.
Why the hell is it so humid? He thinks. Every step back up the steep hill tires Baekhyun even more. He’s practically starving, and is now more than likely dehydrated. By the time he reaches the top of the hill, Baekhyun is ready to pass out on the side of the road. He’s practically gasping for air and steps off of the side of the road to take a breather for a minute.
Chanyeol is asleep, I can take as much time as I need to. He catches his breath and drags his feet the rest of the way home.
When Baekhyun opens the front door, he sees nothing out of the ordinary. Everything is just how he left it. Until he fully enters through the door, just to his left, and he realizes everything isn’t just as he left it when he finds an angry Chanyeol standing there, arms crossed, his face beet red, looking as though he’s ready to kill somebody.
Chapter FIVE
“Byun Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun’s heart stops. His mind blanks. He thought that he was going to go home, crawl back into bed with Chanyeol and everything would be alright. He planned on Chanyeol being a little upset at first when they woke up, but he assumed that it would all blow over. One thing Baekhyun didn't count on was getting caught.
Fuck.
“Yes?” He swallows. He knows that he’s done for. Chanyeol is not going to let this slide.
“Why did I wake up, alone, and you were nowhere to be found? No note? Nothing? Something could have happened to you Baekhyun!” Chanyeol punches the wall next to Baekhyun’s head. Baekhyun flinches and drops the groceries on the floor.
“Chanyeol, we're starving.” Baekhyun whispers. This only adds fuel to Chanyeol’s anger.
“That doesn't fucking matter!” Chanyeol roars. "I don't want to lose you. Why would you do this? You put us both at risk." He says, calming his tone, but only slightly.
"We need food."
"You're never doing that again." Chanyeol hisses. He grabs Baekhyun's wrist and drags him the rest of the way in the house, and slams the door shut behind them. He tosses Baekhyun across the living room.
"You aren't leaving again." Chanyeol hisses. Baekhyun looks up at his husband and sees the thirst in Chanyeol's eyes. He's familiar with that look all too well.
Here we go again.
Chanyeol momentarily disappears, but Baekhyun doesn't use this opportunity to escape. He knows better by now. Running will only make Chanyeol even angrier. He returns with a long strand of rope and picks up the smaller man by the collar of his shirt. Chanyeol kicks a chair and turns it around, forcing Baekhyun to sit. The smaller man's nerves are completely shot and he's violently shaking as the man he loves ties him to the chair.
Chanyeol takes a step back to admire his handiwork and smirks as he watches Baekhyun struggle under the tightness of the ropes.
These knots are tight as hell.
"Have fun trying to leave me now." He mutters under his breath as he walks away. Baekhyun squirms and struggles in the chair, hoping he can somehow break free, but the knots are simply too tight to struggle out of. He huffs, pondering how he got caught.
I had it planned out perfectly. Chanyeol must have woken up or something, it's the only explanation. He hears Chanyeol stirring again. God dammit.
Without a doubt, Baekhyun knows exactly what is coming up. He knows that Chanyeol is about to mercilessly hurt him, not just physically, but mentally as well. The painful strikes against his body will be nothing in comparison to the hateful words that will escape his lover's lips. Chanyeol's silhouette appears at the end of the hallway.
"Yeol, please... Don't. This isn't you." The whine in Baekhyun's voice brings Chanyeol out of the shadows, now stepping into the light, looking Baekhyun in his eyes.
"Look at you, Baekhyun. You're pathetic. Begging me for mercy? 'This isn't you'?" Chanyeol mocks. "This has always been me. You've just been too dumb to see through it."
"God dammit, Chanyeol!" Baekhyun curses, fighting the ropes, rubbing his arms raw.
"Shh." He walks to Baekhyun and places a single finger over his soft lips. "Now, answer the question, why did you leave me?"
"I didn't!"
"Bullshit." He smacks Baekhyun across the face, the pale skin now turning a bright pink. "Tell me the truth. Why did you leave?"
Baekhyun snaps his head up, now enraged at the fact that Chanyeol doesn't believe him. "Because we have no food! You wouldn't let me go, so I snuck out when you were asleep! That's all!"
Chanyeol doesn't care if his defenseless husband is telling the truth or not. This time he punches him in the side of his head, hitting the exact spot he hit when he sent Baekhyun to the hospital. The ringing in Baekhyun's head returns. His previous wounds aren't completely healed and Chanyeol is undoing everything the doctors did. Everything around Baekhyun appears to be spinning. Nothing in Baekhyun's vision will focus. He can't even focus on a single thought. He doesn't even notice that Chanyeol has left the room and he barely notices him once he returns. Little does Baekhyun notice that Chanyeol now holds a weapon in his hand.
"Do you ever miss how your life used to be? When you'd slice your arms open just so you could feel alive?" Chanyeol toys, bringing Baekhyun's dark past into the spotlight. When Baekhyun remains silent, Chanyeol gets even more upset. "Answer me. Do. You. Miss. It?" After every syllable he drags the blade of the knife across Baekhyun's white, already scarred skin. Baekhyun screams in pain, unable to recognize his own voice.
The-the pain. Baekhyun thinks just seconds before he passes out.
When he finally regains consciousness, Baekhyun finds the tall man standing over him, still with the knife which he holds carefully in his hand.
"Oh look who finally decided to wake up." Chanyeol exclaims. "Now let's have some fun."
"W-what happened?" Baekhyun asks, not being able to recall anything. "Yeol? Why are you holding a knife? Why- why is it covered in blood?" Baekhyun's senses all finally wake up and he begins to feel the searing pain in his arm and he finally puts everything together.
"Oh shit." Chanyeol simply purses his lips.
"Shall we pick up where I left off?"
"God dammit, Chanyeol! Let me go!" He shrieks.
"You're cute. You beg and plead, but I'm not done with you yet. When will you realize that I'm never done?" He pauses. "So answer my question babe, do you miss your emo days?" He taunts.
"Chanyeol." He hisses through gritted teeth, getting physically upset.
"Answer the damn question Baekhyun!"
"No! I don't miss those days. They were the darkest days of my life. Before I knew happiness, before I knew you."
"Ha. Okay then." Chanyeol snorts.
Baekhyun is beginning to feel weak from the blood loss. He's not sure if he's going to survive this time. He's lost far too much blood already.
There isn't much time left, I'm going to die. Baekhyun realizes his fate and realizes that this is what Chanyeol's other personality has been longing for the entire time.
Minseok-hyung was right, it is me. I'm the cause for Chanyeol's rage. Chanyeol walks over to Baekhyun and forcefully grabs his right arm, which remains clean of any marks. Chanyeol pulls on his arm which is tightly bound by the ropes.
“Ah!” Baekhyun yelps in pain.
“You wanted to die then, right?” He places the blade along Baekhyun’s untouched flesh. “Consider me a belated genie, I’m here to grant your wish.” Chanyeol pushes the blade into the older man’s skin and drags it down his arm, leaving a long trail of scarlet behind it.
The pain spreads and Baekhyun screams, the pain actually blinding him. When the blade is finally down to the bend in his arm, Chanyeol finally pulls away. Baekhyun begins to sob uncontrollably with the little energy that remains. The amount of blood dripping from his veins terrifies him, but there is nothing he can do about the situation. He’s helpless. Even if he were to call the police, they would arrest Chanyeol and probably not make it in time to save him, so it is a lose-lose situation either way. Chanyeol suddenly stops moving at the sounds of Baekhyun’s broken sobs.
Why do I feel all gross and sweaty? What’s going on?
He looks down below him and sees Baekhyun tied up, arms covered in blood, and tears are dripping down his face. His eyes grow wide when he realizes the possibility of Baekhyun no longer breathing. He rushes to the chair, dropping an object on the floor, and begins to tug at the knots.
“Baek. Baek, baby, please wake up.” He nudges the lifeless body. Tears begin to trickle down his cheeks. “Baby…” Chanyeol searches around him, looking for a way to undo the knots. He finds the knife, completely covered in blood. Chanyeol cuts the rope and tosses the knife aside and catches Baekhyun’s limp body in his arms. With unsteady hands, Chanyeol moves the hair that covers his husband’s eyes.
“Baby, I’m so sorry…” His voice breaks. “Please… Please come back to me.”
“Mmm.” Baekhyun groans. He slowly opens his heavy eyelids, wishing they could just stay closed forever, but hears the voice of his angel calling his name, pulling him back to the surface.
“Yeol? Yeol is that you? Are you yourself again?” He asks in a whisper.
“I-I’m me again, baby.” His deep voice coos.
“Chanyeol?”
“Yes?”
“I love you… don’t forget that. There… There is… a letter in… in my coat pocket. It’s for you. I want… I want you to read it… all of it. Promise me.”
“You’re going to be okay. I promise you. Don’t you dare start saying goodbye.”
“It’s too late, Yeol. I can feel… my heart slowing down. Promise… promise me that… you’ll read the letter.” Baekhyun repeats, each word taking more effort and breath than the previous.
“I-I promise Baekhyun. I love you, more than you will ever know. I hate myself… So much...”
Baekhyun coughs violently, blood now coming up through his lungs. He makes eye contact and smiles whole-heartedly at Chanyeol. He doesn’t inhale again after that. No more motion in Baekhyun’s chest, his last smile etched upon his face.
Chapter SIX
The next few hours are the longest of Chanyeol's life. He holds Baekhyun's lifeless body in his arms, weeping uncontrollably. He curses himself. He curses life. He curses anything and everything for taking his one, true love away from him. In his opinion, Chanyeol is no better than the devil himself. Part of him wants to take the bloody knife that rests across the room and shove it into his already bleeding heart.
"I-I promised you that I would read your letter, but, what's the point? You're gone. I have nothing left without you, Baek. I’m nothing without you…" He murmurs. Chanyeol gently rests Baekhyun's body in the ground and looks at his surroundings. The bloody sight makes him sick, he walks away, feeling sick. Too much has happened too fast. He can barely comprehend what has happened.
Chanyeol eyes Baekhyun’s coat, which rests on the back of the couch. He nervously picks it up, his hands shaking violently. His fingers fumble with the coat, trying desperately to find the letter that is supposedly left inside. His hand finds the inside pocket, inside a crumpled piece of paper. He shakily pulls the wrinkled paper out, knowing that he doesn't want to read the words scrawled on the page. However, he made a promise, and he refuses to break his final promise to Baekhyun.
He unfolds the paper and finds his name sketched across the top of the paper, written in Baekhyun's elegant handwriting.
Chanyeol,
The only reason you should be reading this letter is because I'm gone. More than likely due to your "other" side, but it’s okay, Yeol. There are a lot of things that you don't know. I kept my fair share of secrets from you, but you need to know these things.
One. I loved you more than anything. Hell, I still love you more than anything. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Chanyeol. You saved me, even if you don't believe it, you did. You are good, don't let your image of yourself be ruined by the darkness. You are the light at the end of the tunnel, always giving hope. Just because you have a dark side to you doesn't make you a horrible person, it doesn't make you a monster. This is something that will go away. So please, whatever you do, don't stop smiling. Not even for one second. The world needs a smile like yours. They need your smile.
Two. This one is going to hurt. I knew almost all along that things would end this way, do you remember Minseok? My therapist? I've kept in contact with him. I explained things to him after the first time you started yelling at me, the first timeyou were so enraged that you couldn't recognize me. I talked to him frequently after that, he knew about almost every time. We, well, mainly Minseok, discovered that I was the trigger to your alter personality. I was the reason you would flip the switch, Yeol. We haven't figured out why, and now we may never find out, but now that I'm gone, you'll be yourself again.
Three. Now this part is the most important, so pay extra attention. I need you to know that if I could go back in time and know this is how it ends, I wouldn't change it. Not for the world. Even though this is the hardest thing that you will ever go through, but I wouldn't change it Chanyeol. This is how things were meant to be. This is my fate, this is our destiny. I had my time with you and I loved every second of it. I wouldn't ask for a do-over. I would only want more time, but that's too selfish of me, having you was much more than I could have ever asked for. I am in love with you. The good and the bad. I'm in love with you the way that you are. Don't change because I'm gone. Don't change at all. Always stay my smiling giant.
I need you to do something for me. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT do anything stupid Chanyeol. I know that you probably hate yourself and have no clue what you're going to do, but I'm begging you, don't do anything you will regret. Leave me behind and run, run and be happy. Give yourself a fresh start. It's going to be the hardest thing I've ever asked you to do, but please. Live for me. Live your life like I'm still there. Don't forget me. I will always be with you in your heart. Keep me there forever and I'll keep you in mine until we meet again.
Chanyeol,
I love you.
I'm forever yours. Forever and always.
-Byun Baekhyun
By the time Chanyeol is at the bottom of the letter, he's crying so hard that he can't see clearly. Tears completely block his vision. He isn't sure what to think or how to even think.
'Don’t do anything stupid'?! How can he?! If he knew that this was going to happen, why would he put himself in this position? Chanyeol's thoughts are everywhere.
"I'm sorry, Baek, but I'm about to do something very, very stupid." Chanyeol murmurs, wiping the tears away from under his eyes. Chanyeol walks over to the kitchen, grabbing the phone off of the counter. He fumbles with the phone and nervously pushes the buttons and holds it up to his ear. It quits ringing after the first ring.
"Hello, what is your emergency?" A female voice comes through. Chanyeol's heart sinks. He swallows, trying to find his voice.
"Hello." His voice breaks. "This is Park Chanyeol. Byun Baekhyun is dead. I-I killed him. I want to turn myself in." The operator doesn't respond immediately, probably out of shock, Chanyeol thinks.
"Uh... Um... What is your location?" She stammers. Chanyeol quickly tells her the address.
"There are officers are on their way." She says, regaining confidence in her voice.
"Good." Chanyeol hangs up the phone and waits for their arrival. He sets the phone back on the counter and grabs Baekhyun's letter. He clutches it tightly in his hand and walks back to Baekhyun's corpse. He looks down at the man he loves. He refuses to believe that Baekhyun is gone. The man that seemed so strong, is forever gone. Chanyeol wants to believe that it's just a sick joke, a bad dream, something not real. Chanyeol takes Baekhyun's cold hand in his own.
"Baek, I'm so sorry." He cracks. "I'm going to do something really stupid, but without you, there is no me. I can't smile or be happy knowing that you won't be at my side, let alone knowing that I'm the reason you aren't here with me. The sun won't shine in my world without you. So I'm doing the right thing, the only thing I know how." He drags his thumb over the cold skin.
The sounds of multiple cars approaching startles Chanyeol, but this is what he wants. This is what is right. The voices of many men surround the house, car doors slam in the distance. Within seconds the front door slams open.
"Found him! Freeze!" A man enters the room, dressed in full body armor and an assault rifle pointed directly at Chanyeol's head. Chanyeol squeezes Baekhyun's hand. "See you soon, Baek."
Chanyeol stands up and walks directly at the officer, the blood rushing through his veins. Without hesitation, the officer pulls the trigger. Multiple shots ring out at once, the first one piercing Chanyeol's chest. He falls to the floor, landing next to Baekhyun's mangled body.
"I- I love-" he breathes. No more words exit Chanyeol's mouth. He turns his head and looks at Baekhyun. His vision blurs and his breath hitches.
Chanyeol and Baekhyun run through the crowd of people in the room. Half the people are standing, trying to catch a glimpse of the events unfolding before their eyes. Others are completely unaware or simply don’t care that there is a huge situation going on around them. Baekhyun has a death grip on Chanyeol’s wrist, afraid of losing him. He’s dragging his husband like a child, but still trying to get out. Too many people are surrounding the door and police officers are trying to squeeze into the already jam-packed room.
“Yeol! Get down! You’re too tall!”
Without attempting to say anything back, Chanyeol bends himself at the waist, making him shorter than everyone surrounding him, including Baekhyun who ducks down too, trying to become invisible.
“Yah! Over here!” A man’s voice yells from across the room. The police redirect their attention and try to shove their way across the room. Baekhyun isn’t sure if that was on purpose, to distract the officer’s attention, but either way it worked. The sea of people parts just enough so that they can escape.
It’s everyday business outside of courtroom 229. Nobody notices that anything and everything that could go wrong in that room, has. Baekhyun sees the doors and let’s go of Chanyeol’s wrist before running for the door. With Chanyeol just a split second behind him, Baekhyun is now praising God that he got a parking spot as close as he did. As they’re running, Baekhyun shoves his hand into his pockets, frantically searching for his car keys. Once he finds them, he presses the red unlock button. When they reach the curb of the street, they’re forced to stop. There are cars everywhere. Some are speeding, and some are hunting for a parking spot.
“Stop! Don’t move either of you!” A deep male’s voice rings behind them. Baekhyun turns around to see at least ten officers behind them. He looks back into the street and sees the traffic has paused and sees a red light a block down, granting them a chance to get away.
“Run, Yeol! Now!” Baekhyun yells at a distracted Chanyeol.
Chanyeol snaps out of his daze and sprints across the street, beating Baekhyun to the car, flying into the backseat as Baekhyun jumps into the driver’s seat. He nervously fiddles with the keys, trying to quickly get them into the ignition. He almost drops them when he catches a glimpse of the officers directly across the street, trying to weave through the cars flying by on the busy road. Once he finally gets the key in and turns it, the engine roars to life and Baekhyun puts the car into drive and speeds off.
“Well that was intense.” Chanyeol comments. The suddenness of the random comment causes Baekhyun’s seriousness to momentarily fade and he cracks a smile and glances at Chanyeol in the rearview mirror.
Chanyeol is undoing the top half of his orange jumpsuit, revealing a simple, white t-shirt underneath. He lets the top half fall to his waist. Baekhyun is now gawking at his husband when a car next to them honks their horn, causing him to regain focus on the road and swerve from almost striking a different car.
“Eyes on the road, Baek. You didn’t just break me out of jail for us to die.” Chanyeol comments. Baekhyun just nods, keeping his foot firmly on the gas pedal, hearing sirens behind him. He’s trying to get out of the city as fast as possible. He plans to drive to their vacation house, a few hours outside of the city and in Chanyeol’s parent’s names.
I just need to disappear from all of these cars and people, and especially the police.
Baekhyun pulls out onto the high way and sees no sign of any police cars behind him. Chanyeol carefully climbs into the front seat so he can sit next to Baekhyun.
“Where are we going, Baek?”
‘The vacation house, hopefully we’ll have more time there.” He replies.
“I’m sorry, Baek.” Chanyeol says, grabbing Baekhyun’s right hand.
“For what?” Baekhyun replies, trying to act innocent.
“Don’t act like you don’t know.” Chanyeol says sternly.
“Don’t know what?”
“That I’m the reason this is happening! Why you were in the hospital. Why I was in jail. Why you broke me out of jail and why we’re now running for our lives because we’re going to be the most wanted men in the entire country. Baekhyun, quit sugar coating things for me. I deserve to know the truth. What have I been doing to you?” Chanyeol repeats Minsoo’s words that were said to him, back at Baekhyun who whines like a hurt puppy. He wasn’t expecting Chanyeol to confront him about it.
“I-I don’t know where to start.” He nervously glances over at Chanyeol who is looking at him with a neutral expression.
“Then start from the beginning, the very first time.”
“Yeol…” Baekhyun pleads.
“Please?” Chanyeol begs, squeezing the elder’s hand. Baekhyun sighs heavily.
I fought for so long, Yeol. I thought if you didn’t know, things would be better. Now I see that I’ve only hurt you.
“The first time was a week before our wedding.” Baekhyun sighs.
“What happened that night?” Chanyeol demands.
“Yelling. Just a lot of yelling.” Baekhyun replies coolly.
“What about after that? When did it happen next?”
“If you want to go through every single time it’s happened, this conversation will last all night.” Baekhyun hisses. Chanyeol sighs. He wants to know every little detail, but he doesn’t want to push Baekhyun over the edge and make him upset.
‘Okay, one last thing then.”
“Yes?”
“When was the first time that I hit you?”
The painful memory flashes to the front thing in Baekhyun’s mind. He remembers it vividly, like it was yesterday. It was the first and only time he had ever thought about leaving Chanyeol, and he hates himself for even thinking that he should leave Chanyeol, even if it was just in that single moment.
“It was a year ago, more or less.” He replies flatly.
Chanyeol lets go of Baekhyun’s hand and lets this new information sink in.
I’m a monster. The worst kind. He thinks to himself.
The rest of the ride is in a stiff silence. Chanyeol has thousands of thoughts and questions running through his mind, but keeps them to himself, remaining silent.
Baekhyun frequently checks the mirrors, nervously checking to make sure that they’re safe and in the clear. He does a final check before turning onto the dirt road, leading them to their secret getaway. He pulls into the driveway and shuts off the car. They sit there for a moment, relaxing from the stressful ride. A few moments pass and Baekhyun removes the key from the ignition and slowly climbs out of the car, feeling how stiff his legs are from the past two hours of driving without a break. Chanyeol swings his legs out and stretches them before following behind Baekhyun.
When they reach the door, Baekhyun bends down to pick up a rock from beside the door, and flips it over, revealing a secret compartment, hiding the key for the door. He sets the rock back down and stands up, sliding the key into the lock, opening the door. Baekhyun steps inside and remembers the last time they were here, their honeymoon. He smiles at the memories, but shakes them off so he can lock all of the doors and windows, and making sure that the blinds are shut so nobody will be able to peek in. When Baekhyun gets back into the main room, he sees Chanyeol looking around, probably reminiscing. Out of curiosity, Baekhyun turns on the television to see if it’s on the news.
Once the screen is fully lit up, he immediately sees Chanyeol’s face plastered on it, alongside his own. The word “wanted” flashes in red text across their faces. He reaches back to the power button, shutting it off before any words can come through it.
“Baek, you shouldn’t have broken me out. Now you’re in just as much trouble as I am, if not more. I’m not worth this...” Chanyeol trails off. Baekhyun hadn’t noticed that Chanyeol was watching the television too.
‘Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m really not. I’m going to turn myself in.”
“The hell you are.” Baekhyun walks over to the taller man and pushes him against the wall and fiercely kisses his lips. Baekhyun pulls away from Chanyeol, but not much.
“You want to know what I believe? I believe that fate brought us together, Chanyeol. I believe that we are destined to be together. When I met you, I wasn’t a good person. I was empty, a loner. But fate filled that emptiness, fate filled that with you. You filled all of those voids in my life. Of course, I had to wait, because fate doesn’t work on our time, it works on its own. You filled all of those voids, not when I wanted, but when I needed it the most, when I was almost too broken beyond repair. Yet, you picked up all of the tiny pieces that remained of me, and delicately put them back together. That’s why it’s worth it, Chanyeol. That’s why you are worth it. Even when I thought that I hated you for a split second, I always remember that you’re the one who taught me how to love, you taught me patience. So even when all hope is lost, I won’t give up on you. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. Chanyeol, I love you, so please do us both a favor and stay. Don’t go, I can’t breathe when you aren’t next to me.”
In that moment, Chanyeol realizes how much Baekhyun truly does love him and he instantly feels regret for saying he would turn himself in. He looks down at his husband who is staring at the ground, tears starting to flow down his cheeks. He cups Baekhyun’s damp cheek in his hand and wipes away the tears with his thumb. Baekhyun slowly raises his head up, his eyes finally meeting Chanyeol’s gaze.
“I. Love. You.” Chanyeol softly confesses.
“Please, don’t leave me.” Baekhyun pleads, his eyes drop back down to the ground.
Chanyeol tips Baekhyun’s head up and leans down to kiss him. The kiss only lasts a moment before Chanyeol pushes Baekhyun up against the wall, their faces right in front of each other’s, their lips barely not touching.
“I’m not going anywhere.” He whispers before pushing his lips back onto Baekhyun’s. He moves his hands down Baekhyun’s sides, lightly touching them, unintentionally tickling him. He rests his hands on the smaller man’s hips. Baekhyun slightly opens his mouth, looking for air. Chanyeol seizes the opportunity and moves his tongue through their parted lips and grinds his hips against Baekhyun’s causing them both to moan into their kiss. Baekhyun hastily pulls off his shirt and tosses it to the ground. He removes Chanyeol’s hands from his hips and grabs his wrist, dragging him off into their bedroom.
Chapter FOUR
The following morning the sun shines through the blinds of their bedroom, the light landing directly on Chanyeol’s face. He stirs for a moment before finally opening his eyes. The light is too much and Chanyeol quickly closes them, not ready to be completely drawn from his dream. He slowly opens his eyes, allowing them to adjust to the brightness of the room. He looks down and wrapped in his arms is Baekhyun, sound asleep. Chanyeol carefully moves his arms from underneath his husband, attempting to not wake him.
He successfully frees himself from Baekhyun’s death grip, with causing him to stir slightly. Chanyeol tip-toes out of the room, being aware of how loud each step is. He opens the door and steps into the hallway and pulls the door shut behind him. He walks into the next room, the one he and Baekhyun shared the last time they visited, hoping to find some of the clothes he left behind. The jail attire doesn’t suit him. He digs in the closet and finds a pair of his old jeans, which are now a little large on him. Chanyeol doesn’t have any luck finding a shirt and doesn’t feel like trying to hunt for it in their room, which remains a disaster from the last night.
Chanyeol wants to do something nice for Baekhyun, for the trouble he’s gone through the past couple of days, but his mind comes up blank. There is nothing for him to clean or cook. Actually, there’s really nothing for him to do at all until Baekhyun wakes up. So he decides to sit down on the couch and maybe catch something on TV, but when he turns it on, he immediately wishes he wouldn’t have. His face alongside Baekhyun’s are still plastered across the screen.
“The two men are currently at large, still within city limits. We ask that everyone leaves their doors locked at all times. These men are dangerous and will stop at nothing. Police say that they will be captured soon and brought to justice.”
“Ha!” Chanyeol snorts. “Within city limits…” he repeats. He shuts the TV off and leaves the couch, looking for something to do to keep him entertained. He stretches his arms out above his head and hears his lower back crack in multiple places.
“Chanyeol? Yeol? Where are you?” He hears a panicked voice and a door fly open from the other part of the house, the voice frantically calling his name. This doesn’t ring right with Chanyeol and realizes this is a reason to become worried.
“Baek? Is everything okay?” He calls back as he walks towards the room when he sees Baekhyun looking at him with wide eyes. Baekhyun marches towards Chanyeol, looking furious, like he’s about to hit him. Instead, Baekhyun wraps his small arms around Chanyeol’s waist, hugging him tightly.
“I thought you left me, Yeol.” He whines into Chanyeol’s bare chest.
“I’m still here.” He says, comforting the petite man, wrapping his long arms around him.
“I promise I’m not going anywhere, as long as I can control it.” He whispers into Baekhyun’s ear. Baekhyun’s grip tightens around the taller man’s waist. They begin to rock back and forth, relaxing them both. When Baekhyun finally pulls away, he pushes himself up on his toes, leaning in for a kiss, Chanyeol meets his lips eagerly and grabs the back of Baekhyun’s neck, pulling him even closer.
“I love you, Byun Baekhyun.” Chanyeol whispers.
“I love you too, Chanyeol.”
______________________
“Yeol, I’m getting hungry.” Baekhyun whines.
“Uh - I’m not exactly sure what we have. It’s been awhile since anybody has been here.” Chanyeol stammers. He clumsily stumbles into the kitchen, searching for food. He opens the fridge, nothing but a bottle of ketchup shoved in the back corner. Chanyeol takes a step to the left and opens the cabinet in front of him, searching for something, anything edible. He climbs onto the counter, unable to see clear in the back of the top shelf. He finds three packages of ramen, but nothing that sounds remotely appetizing. However, both of them are so hungry that they don’t care what they eat, as long as it’s food.
They take every moment to enjoy their food. Baekhyun collects their dishes and drops them into the sink, not bothering to wash them. He walks back into the living room and finds Chanyeol sitting with his head in his lap, his hands wrapped around the back of his neck, like he has a headache. Baekhyun recognizes this, and his whole body instantly stiffens. His eyes fly open with shock, he wouldn’t expect this to happen here.
“Yah! Yeol! Snap out of it! It’s only in your head!” Baekhyun pleads.
“Baekhyun, run, hide - please!” Baekhyun doesn’t need any more incentive to run. He bolts out of the living room and takes off, almost tripping over his own feet, down the hallway and runs into the spare bedroom. He hears Chanyeol’s heavy footsteps trailing behind him. Baekhyun’s nimble fingers fidget with the lock, once he gets the door locked, he turns around and uses all of his strength to push the dresser in front of the door.
As Chanyeol’s footsteps draw closer, Baekhyun’s heart rate skyrockets. He quickly scampers around the room and away from the barricaded door. He climbs into the closet, pulling the door shut once he’s completely inside.
BANG.
Chanyeol’s fist pounds into the door, the knob turns frantically.
BANG.
“Chanyeol, baby, please snap out of it.” Baekhyun whimpers quietly to himself. He doesn’t want to be discovered completely. Chanyeol already knows what room he’s in, that’s bad enough. He clasps a shaky hand over his mouth, silencing himself.
BANG.
Baekhyun begins to whimper, like a puppy. God why?! What did I do? What did Chanyeol do to deserve this?! Baekhyun’s internal dialogue begins to eat at him.
BANG.
“Baekhyun. I swear to God you better open this god damn door.” A red-hot Chanyeol growls into the door. Baekhyun pushes himself even further against the wall of the closet, tucking his knees tightly against his chest.
BANG.
The wood of the door and dresser begin to crack and bust.
“Baekhyun, where are you?” He asks, toying with the older man. Baekhyun tries to remain as silent as possible.
Please Yeol, snap out of it. You’re not mad at me… Please baby... It’ll be okay….
BANG.
The sound of the dresser moving slowly across the carpet gives Baekhyun warning that Chanyeol is more than likely now in the room with him.
BANG.
The final pound on the door startles Baekhyun the most. The door slams against the wall and Baekhyun is now aware that he’s going to be discovered. It’s inevitable. Chanyeol has broken through his weak barricade.
Oh shit. Oh shit. Baekhyun thinks to himself. Let’s hope it isn’t that bad today. He prays.
His shaky hand over his mouth is no longer doing any god. Baekhyun’s not-so-silent tears and whimpers give him away and it’s not long before Chanyeol finds the petite man hunched in the corner of the small closet.
“Did you think that you could hide from me Baekhyun?” The tall man toys with Baekhyun.
“Chanyeol! Snap out of it!” Baekhyun begs. Chanyeol ignores his request and clumsily falls into the close, hitting his head against the wall on the way down. He doesn’t move for a moment, neither does Baekhyun, who is completely frozen against the wall, wide eyed and staring at Chanyeol. A moment passes and Chanyeol slowly begins to move.
“Baek? Baekhyun? Where are we? Why are you crying?” Chanyeol becomes panicked, returning to his normal state of mind. Without saying a word, Baekhyun gets up, steps over Chanyeol and leaves the room, avoiding the debris that is strewn across the room. He briskly walks down the hallway in goes into their room, slamming the door behind him. He crawls into their bed and pulls the cover over his head. Baekhyun begins to cry, unable to bear the weight of the situation anymore. After a few moments pass, the door slowly creaks open and he hears the familiar heavy footsteps enter the room. Chanyeol crawls into the bed, next to Baekhyun and slides himself under the cover. Chanyeol wraps his arm around the smaller man’s waist.
“Baekhyun, I am so, so sorry, I-I can’t even begin to tell you.” Baekhyun rolls over onto his other side to look at Chanyeol. They bring their gazes to meet each other’s Baekhyun can see the sorrow, remorse and pain in Chanyeol’s eyes.
“I know, Yeol. This is why I never told you. Y-You let yourself feel things in a way which is detrimental to you. I love you, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you sit here and close yourself off from me. I don’t care what happens when you’re not yourself. It doesn’t matter if I cry, or if you hit me. The Park Chanyeol that I’m in love with always comes back to me. So please, forget this and let’s move on.”
“’Forget this’? Seriously? I can’t even remember what the hell I did! I could have really hurt you. I broke a dresser and a door in an attempt to do so! How am I supposed to forget that I’m a monster, Baek? Could you forget it if it were you? I don’t think you could. You kept this a secret from me for how long? This isn’t okay Baekhyun. You should have left me a long time ago. All I do is bring you pain.”
“’All you do is bring me pain’?” Baekhyun repeats Chanyeol’s cold words, sitting himself upright. “I don’t think you’re right, Chanyeol. You’re the only person who has given me any type of home. You taught me to look beyond the surface, to dig deeper. You, you are the only person that has ever made me feel happiness. So when you think that all you ever do is bring me pain, think again. I want you to remember the broken man you met three years ago.” He flashes Chanyeol his left arm, bringing painful memories to the surface for both of them. “If you think I would leave you, you apparently don’t know what ‘until death do us part’ means. Chanyeol, I love you. I am in love with you. All of you, I have loved you non-stop and I never plan on stopping. You saved me, okay? Don’t you remember that? I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be by your side, no matter how hard it gets, don’t you understand that by now? I would kill somebody for you. I would crawl to every corner of this planet for you. So when I ask you to please let it go, it means that I don’t want to dwell on the bad. It’s done and over with and feeling sorry won’t change a damn thing. So please, let us move on, forget this and let me be happy with you and just you alone.” Both men have tears pouring down their faces. Chanyeol scoops up the older man into his arms and pulls him into his lap.
“I’m sorry, baby, so sorry.” He repeats countless times into Baekhyun’s ear. They cry themselves dry. Over an hour passes and they’ve dried themselves out, now exhausted and starving.
“Yeol, I’m getting hungry again.” Baekhyun whines. They are both well aware of the fact that there isn’t food in the kitchen or anywhere in the house. “One of us needs to go get some. We can’t starve ourselves.” He whispers.
“You aren’t going anywhere.” Chanyeol growls.
“We need food, Chanyeol.”
“Not tonight, I’ll go in the morning. Let’s sleep please, we’re both exhausted.” Chanyeol gripes. Baekhyun silently complies, and crawls into the bed, plotting. He knows that going at night is the best option they have, less likely that they’ll get discovered, but Chanyeol won’t let him go.
I’ll just go when he’s asleep. Baekhyun thinks to himself. Baekhyun restlessly waits for Chanyeol to fall into a deep enough slumber that he can escape and fix the growl in their stomachs.
When Chanyeol begins to snore heavily, Baekhyun slides carefully out of the bed, and grabs a pair of black jeans, the anti-dust mask, and a plain baseball cap. He hastily puts them on just outside of their room. He grabs his wallet and shoes and exits the house. Baekhyun’s adrenaline is through the roof, not only is he a wanted fugitive throughout the entire country, but he’s breaking his husband’s rule.
We can’t stay in that house forever, especially with no food, no basic survival things. There’s no way we would last.
He walks down the hill, towards a gas station. He has his hands stuffed into his jean’s pockets. The mask is causing his face to sweat and he’s becoming too warm for comfort. By the time Baekhyun reaches the bottom of the hill, he is covered in sweat, from head to toe. He desperately wants to pull all of the extra clothing off of his body, but then he would run the risk of being exposed.
He walks into the brightly lit gas station, the cool air instantly relieves his warm skin, but it’s not long before he’s sweating even more. He walks to the back of the small building and opens one of the cooler doors. The cold air feels like heaven on his skin. He looks at the cost of a gallon of milk and almost faints.
“Aish! Why is everything so expensive at gas stations?!” He grumbles under his breath. He angrily grabs the handle of the milk and grabs some other small food items and walks to the check out.
It’s not much, but it’s the best I can do under these circumstances.
Baekhyun silently pays for his items, ignoring the pressing look of the cashier behind the counter. She looks at him like has completely lost his mind. She places the small items into a plastic bag and hands it to Baekhyun. He bows his head in thanks, and darts out of the gas station.
Why the hell is it so humid? He thinks. Every step back up the steep hill tires Baekhyun even more. He’s practically starving, and is now more than likely dehydrated. By the time he reaches the top of the hill, Baekhyun is ready to pass out on the side of the road. He’s practically gasping for air and steps off of the side of the road to take a breather for a minute.
Chanyeol is asleep, I can take as much time as I need to. He catches his breath and drags his feet the rest of the way home.
When Baekhyun opens the front door, he sees nothing out of the ordinary. Everything is just how he left it. Until he fully enters through the door, just to his left, and he realizes everything isn’t just as he left it when he finds an angry Chanyeol standing there, arms crossed, his face beet red, looking as though he’s ready to kill somebody.
Chapter FIVE
“Byun Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun’s heart stops. His mind blanks. He thought that he was going to go home, crawl back into bed with Chanyeol and everything would be alright. He planned on Chanyeol being a little upset at first when they woke up, but he assumed that it would all blow over. One thing Baekhyun didn't count on was getting caught.
Fuck.
“Yes?” He swallows. He knows that he’s done for. Chanyeol is not going to let this slide.
“Why did I wake up, alone, and you were nowhere to be found? No note? Nothing? Something could have happened to you Baekhyun!” Chanyeol punches the wall next to Baekhyun’s head. Baekhyun flinches and drops the groceries on the floor.
“Chanyeol, we're starving.” Baekhyun whispers. This only adds fuel to Chanyeol’s anger.
“That doesn't fucking matter!” Chanyeol roars. "I don't want to lose you. Why would you do this? You put us both at risk." He says, calming his tone, but only slightly.
"We need food."
"You're never doing that again." Chanyeol hisses. He grabs Baekhyun's wrist and drags him the rest of the way in the house, and slams the door shut behind them. He tosses Baekhyun across the living room.
"You aren't leaving again." Chanyeol hisses. Baekhyun looks up at his husband and sees the thirst in Chanyeol's eyes. He's familiar with that look all too well.
Here we go again.
Chanyeol momentarily disappears, but Baekhyun doesn't use this opportunity to escape. He knows better by now. Running will only make Chanyeol even angrier. He returns with a long strand of rope and picks up the smaller man by the collar of his shirt. Chanyeol kicks a chair and turns it around, forcing Baekhyun to sit. The smaller man's nerves are completely shot and he's violently shaking as the man he loves ties him to the chair.
Chanyeol takes a step back to admire his handiwork and smirks as he watches Baekhyun struggle under the tightness of the ropes.
These knots are tight as hell.
"Have fun trying to leave me now." He mutters under his breath as he walks away. Baekhyun squirms and struggles in the chair, hoping he can somehow break free, but the knots are simply too tight to struggle out of. He huffs, pondering how he got caught.
I had it planned out perfectly. Chanyeol must have woken up or something, it's the only explanation. He hears Chanyeol stirring again. God dammit.
Without a doubt, Baekhyun knows exactly what is coming up. He knows that Chanyeol is about to mercilessly hurt him, not just physically, but mentally as well. The painful strikes against his body will be nothing in comparison to the hateful words that will escape his lover's lips. Chanyeol's silhouette appears at the end of the hallway.
"Yeol, please... Don't. This isn't you." The whine in Baekhyun's voice brings Chanyeol out of the shadows, now stepping into the light, looking Baekhyun in his eyes.
"Look at you, Baekhyun. You're pathetic. Begging me for mercy? 'This isn't you'?" Chanyeol mocks. "This has always been me. You've just been too dumb to see through it."
"God dammit, Chanyeol!" Baekhyun curses, fighting the ropes, rubbing his arms raw.
"Shh." He walks to Baekhyun and places a single finger over his soft lips. "Now, answer the question, why did you leave me?"
"I didn't!"
"Bullshit." He smacks Baekhyun across the face, the pale skin now turning a bright pink. "Tell me the truth. Why did you leave?"
Baekhyun snaps his head up, now enraged at the fact that Chanyeol doesn't believe him. "Because we have no food! You wouldn't let me go, so I snuck out when you were asleep! That's all!"
Chanyeol doesn't care if his defenseless husband is telling the truth or not. This time he punches him in the side of his head, hitting the exact spot he hit when he sent Baekhyun to the hospital. The ringing in Baekhyun's head returns. His previous wounds aren't completely healed and Chanyeol is undoing everything the doctors did. Everything around Baekhyun appears to be spinning. Nothing in Baekhyun's vision will focus. He can't even focus on a single thought. He doesn't even notice that Chanyeol has left the room and he barely notices him once he returns. Little does Baekhyun notice that Chanyeol now holds a weapon in his hand.
"Do you ever miss how your life used to be? When you'd slice your arms open just so you could feel alive?" Chanyeol toys, bringing Baekhyun's dark past into the spotlight. When Baekhyun remains silent, Chanyeol gets even more upset. "Answer me. Do. You. Miss. It?" After every syllable he drags the blade of the knife across Baekhyun's white, already scarred skin. Baekhyun screams in pain, unable to recognize his own voice.
The-the pain. Baekhyun thinks just seconds before he passes out.
When he finally regains consciousness, Baekhyun finds the tall man standing over him, still with the knife which he holds carefully in his hand.
"Oh look who finally decided to wake up." Chanyeol exclaims. "Now let's have some fun."
"W-what happened?" Baekhyun asks, not being able to recall anything. "Yeol? Why are you holding a knife? Why- why is it covered in blood?" Baekhyun's senses all finally wake up and he begins to feel the searing pain in his arm and he finally puts everything together.
"Oh shit." Chanyeol simply purses his lips.
"Shall we pick up where I left off?"
"God dammit, Chanyeol! Let me go!" He shrieks.
"You're cute. You beg and plead, but I'm not done with you yet. When will you realize that I'm never done?" He pauses. "So answer my question babe, do you miss your emo days?" He taunts.
"Chanyeol." He hisses through gritted teeth, getting physically upset.
"Answer the damn question Baekhyun!"
"No! I don't miss those days. They were the darkest days of my life. Before I knew happiness, before I knew you."
"Ha. Okay then." Chanyeol snorts.
Baekhyun is beginning to feel weak from the blood loss. He's not sure if he's going to survive this time. He's lost far too much blood already.
There isn't much time left, I'm going to die. Baekhyun realizes his fate and realizes that this is what Chanyeol's other personality has been longing for the entire time.
Minseok-hyung was right, it is me. I'm the cause for Chanyeol's rage. Chanyeol walks over to Baekhyun and forcefully grabs his right arm, which remains clean of any marks. Chanyeol pulls on his arm which is tightly bound by the ropes.
“Ah!” Baekhyun yelps in pain.
“You wanted to die then, right?” He places the blade along Baekhyun’s untouched flesh. “Consider me a belated genie, I’m here to grant your wish.” Chanyeol pushes the blade into the older man’s skin and drags it down his arm, leaving a long trail of scarlet behind it.
The pain spreads and Baekhyun screams, the pain actually blinding him. When the blade is finally down to the bend in his arm, Chanyeol finally pulls away. Baekhyun begins to sob uncontrollably with the little energy that remains. The amount of blood dripping from his veins terrifies him, but there is nothing he can do about the situation. He’s helpless. Even if he were to call the police, they would arrest Chanyeol and probably not make it in time to save him, so it is a lose-lose situation either way. Chanyeol suddenly stops moving at the sounds of Baekhyun’s broken sobs.
Why do I feel all gross and sweaty? What’s going on?
He looks down below him and sees Baekhyun tied up, arms covered in blood, and tears are dripping down his face. His eyes grow wide when he realizes the possibility of Baekhyun no longer breathing. He rushes to the chair, dropping an object on the floor, and begins to tug at the knots.
“Baek. Baek, baby, please wake up.” He nudges the lifeless body. Tears begin to trickle down his cheeks. “Baby…” Chanyeol searches around him, looking for a way to undo the knots. He finds the knife, completely covered in blood. Chanyeol cuts the rope and tosses the knife aside and catches Baekhyun’s limp body in his arms. With unsteady hands, Chanyeol moves the hair that covers his husband’s eyes.
“Baby, I’m so sorry…” His voice breaks. “Please… Please come back to me.”
“Mmm.” Baekhyun groans. He slowly opens his heavy eyelids, wishing they could just stay closed forever, but hears the voice of his angel calling his name, pulling him back to the surface.
“Yeol? Yeol is that you? Are you yourself again?” He asks in a whisper.
“I-I’m me again, baby.” His deep voice coos.
“Chanyeol?”
“Yes?”
“I love you… don’t forget that. There… There is… a letter in… in my coat pocket. It’s for you. I want… I want you to read it… all of it. Promise me.”
“You’re going to be okay. I promise you. Don’t you dare start saying goodbye.”
“It’s too late, Yeol. I can feel… my heart slowing down. Promise… promise me that… you’ll read the letter.” Baekhyun repeats, each word taking more effort and breath than the previous.
“I-I promise Baekhyun. I love you, more than you will ever know. I hate myself… So much...”
Baekhyun coughs violently, blood now coming up through his lungs. He makes eye contact and smiles whole-heartedly at Chanyeol. He doesn’t inhale again after that. No more motion in Baekhyun’s chest, his last smile etched upon his face.
Chapter SIX
The next few hours are the longest of Chanyeol's life. He holds Baekhyun's lifeless body in his arms, weeping uncontrollably. He curses himself. He curses life. He curses anything and everything for taking his one, true love away from him. In his opinion, Chanyeol is no better than the devil himself. Part of him wants to take the bloody knife that rests across the room and shove it into his already bleeding heart.
"I-I promised you that I would read your letter, but, what's the point? You're gone. I have nothing left without you, Baek. I’m nothing without you…" He murmurs. Chanyeol gently rests Baekhyun's body in the ground and looks at his surroundings. The bloody sight makes him sick, he walks away, feeling sick. Too much has happened too fast. He can barely comprehend what has happened.
Chanyeol eyes Baekhyun’s coat, which rests on the back of the couch. He nervously picks it up, his hands shaking violently. His fingers fumble with the coat, trying desperately to find the letter that is supposedly left inside. His hand finds the inside pocket, inside a crumpled piece of paper. He shakily pulls the wrinkled paper out, knowing that he doesn't want to read the words scrawled on the page. However, he made a promise, and he refuses to break his final promise to Baekhyun.
He unfolds the paper and finds his name sketched across the top of the paper, written in Baekhyun's elegant handwriting.
Chanyeol,
The only reason you should be reading this letter is because I'm gone. More than likely due to your "other" side, but it’s okay, Yeol. There are a lot of things that you don't know. I kept my fair share of secrets from you, but you need to know these things.
One. I loved you more than anything. Hell, I still love you more than anything. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Chanyeol. You saved me, even if you don't believe it, you did. You are good, don't let your image of yourself be ruined by the darkness. You are the light at the end of the tunnel, always giving hope. Just because you have a dark side to you doesn't make you a horrible person, it doesn't make you a monster. This is something that will go away. So please, whatever you do, don't stop smiling. Not even for one second. The world needs a smile like yours. They need your smile.
Two. This one is going to hurt. I knew almost all along that things would end this way, do you remember Minseok? My therapist? I've kept in contact with him. I explained things to him after the first time you started yelling at me, the first timeyou were so enraged that you couldn't recognize me. I talked to him frequently after that, he knew about almost every time. We, well, mainly Minseok, discovered that I was the trigger to your alter personality. I was the reason you would flip the switch, Yeol. We haven't figured out why, and now we may never find out, but now that I'm gone, you'll be yourself again.
Three. Now this part is the most important, so pay extra attention. I need you to know that if I could go back in time and know this is how it ends, I wouldn't change it. Not for the world. Even though this is the hardest thing that you will ever go through, but I wouldn't change it Chanyeol. This is how things were meant to be. This is my fate, this is our destiny. I had my time with you and I loved every second of it. I wouldn't ask for a do-over. I would only want more time, but that's too selfish of me, having you was much more than I could have ever asked for. I am in love with you. The good and the bad. I'm in love with you the way that you are. Don't change because I'm gone. Don't change at all. Always stay my smiling giant.
I need you to do something for me. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT do anything stupid Chanyeol. I know that you probably hate yourself and have no clue what you're going to do, but I'm begging you, don't do anything you will regret. Leave me behind and run, run and be happy. Give yourself a fresh start. It's going to be the hardest thing I've ever asked you to do, but please. Live for me. Live your life like I'm still there. Don't forget me. I will always be with you in your heart. Keep me there forever and I'll keep you in mine until we meet again.
Chanyeol,
I love you.
I'm forever yours. Forever and always.
-Byun Baekhyun
By the time Chanyeol is at the bottom of the letter, he's crying so hard that he can't see clearly. Tears completely block his vision. He isn't sure what to think or how to even think.
'Don’t do anything stupid'?! How can he?! If he knew that this was going to happen, why would he put himself in this position? Chanyeol's thoughts are everywhere.
"I'm sorry, Baek, but I'm about to do something very, very stupid." Chanyeol murmurs, wiping the tears away from under his eyes. Chanyeol walks over to the kitchen, grabbing the phone off of the counter. He fumbles with the phone and nervously pushes the buttons and holds it up to his ear. It quits ringing after the first ring.
"Hello, what is your emergency?" A female voice comes through. Chanyeol's heart sinks. He swallows, trying to find his voice.
"Hello." His voice breaks. "This is Park Chanyeol. Byun Baekhyun is dead. I-I killed him. I want to turn myself in." The operator doesn't respond immediately, probably out of shock, Chanyeol thinks.
"Uh... Um... What is your location?" She stammers. Chanyeol quickly tells her the address.
"There are officers are on their way." She says, regaining confidence in her voice.
"Good." Chanyeol hangs up the phone and waits for their arrival. He sets the phone back on the counter and grabs Baekhyun's letter. He clutches it tightly in his hand and walks back to Baekhyun's corpse. He looks down at the man he loves. He refuses to believe that Baekhyun is gone. The man that seemed so strong, is forever gone. Chanyeol wants to believe that it's just a sick joke, a bad dream, something not real. Chanyeol takes Baekhyun's cold hand in his own.
"Baek, I'm so sorry." He cracks. "I'm going to do something really stupid, but without you, there is no me. I can't smile or be happy knowing that you won't be at my side, let alone knowing that I'm the reason you aren't here with me. The sun won't shine in my world without you. So I'm doing the right thing, the only thing I know how." He drags his thumb over the cold skin.
The sounds of multiple cars approaching startles Chanyeol, but this is what he wants. This is what is right. The voices of many men surround the house, car doors slam in the distance. Within seconds the front door slams open.
"Found him! Freeze!" A man enters the room, dressed in full body armor and an assault rifle pointed directly at Chanyeol's head. Chanyeol squeezes Baekhyun's hand. "See you soon, Baek."
Chanyeol stands up and walks directly at the officer, the blood rushing through his veins. Without hesitation, the officer pulls the trigger. Multiple shots ring out at once, the first one piercing Chanyeol's chest. He falls to the floor, landing next to Baekhyun's mangled body.
"I- I love-" he breathes. No more words exit Chanyeol's mouth. He turns his head and looks at Baekhyun. His vision blurs and his breath hitches.