How horrible! By ignoring the situation the father was effectively condoning his daughter bullying not just your daughter but also you. I think in your situation (non native speaker) I'd have done the same, but if that happened here I would definitely have words with the child. I've done it when children have dropped litter and not been checked by their parents, so I figure I'd just have to! And I would NEVER let my children get away with doing that!
I felt pretty bad for not standing up for my daughter immediately. In hindsight its good that it happened as I will be thinking about how best to handle such situations and also prepare my girls.
I actually wonder if that father wasn't overwhelmed... the girl really did seem quite spirited. She completely ignored anything he did tell her to do while they were waiting. Maybe he was just trying to avoid a meltdown in public. Some fathers are not as involved with raising their kids so its possible he was on a rare outting with his girl and didn't know how to handle it.
Either way, I am using this as a learning experience!
What a little horror! I am often outraged when I see how some kids are allowed to behave.
I used to feel very unsure of myself in such situations and there's been a number of times where incidents have happened and I only later have thought of what I should have said or done. It's very frustrating and I used to beat myself up a fair bit about it.
However, on the positive side, due to a certain amount of parenting experience and also a better grasp of the language coming with time I am now mostly able to say something when required :) I've told off kids at playgrounds or at kindergarten quite often. They don't always give a damn what I say but at least I tried :) The parents however are another matter - I have to have a real good reason before saying something to a complete stranger...
BTW there are such courses available for kids. The ones I've seen were aimed at primary school aged kids. Check your local VHS Program and see what they offer.
Thanks for the VHS tip. I'll check it out when the time comes... Plus I might look and see if i find some good books on it.
Hopefully one day I'll feel confident enough to talk to kids like you. I find they don't actually understand my German. lol.
Some parents are really hard to deal with. So unreasonable and blind to reality. I was in the Elternbeirat in the KITA for 1 year. Wow what an eye opener that was!
Oh that is awful and as someone who was bullied as an adult and has PTSD due to it I would really advise you to talk to your little girl about this asap.
The library - or Amazon or wherever - should have books on it - story books about how to deal with bullying.
Please teach her how to defend herself against this - I actually was a trained Stress and Self Defense/Safety Consultant yet when it came to me I was too polite to do what needed to be done.
Your little girl is being raised to be respectful and polite but she needs to understand there are times when she can drop that and say something firmly - like you thought in your head. Because sadly, you won't be there to help her through it all the time.
This post made me sad to read but glad that you are aware of it and are going to deal with it.
And that father? He isn't deserving of that title.
Good tip about the book, I'll definitely look for appropriate books on the topic. Thats how I do most of my learning.
Ila probably doesn't even remember what happened. In any case I'll make sure she is a tough little girl, I plan to enroll her in the sports club when we move to our new home. These clubs in Germany provide all different kinds of training for kids. In time she will be offered access to all different kinds of sports including some kind of martial art. She is very used to fend off for herself because she has been in kindergarden for the past 2.5years (so far no issues of her being pushed around there and if she is, she pushes right back!).
I was upset with the father when it happened, but now I actually feel sorry for him and for the girl. I can't even imagine what it will be like to parent that child when she is a teenager. I can only hope that he wakes up and does something before its too late!
You end up with the teenager you parented. All of them go through a phase but in the end... it is how you reared them that gets them through it all.
I am glad Ila is okay.
I am not sorry for that father - he is rearing his daughter to think it is okay to push someone smaller or different around - verbally and physically. He needs to man up.
Martial arts are great - my eldest step son is an instructor for several and black belt in about six disciplines - but knowing how to defend yourself and being able to firmly say, loudly, "Stop bullying me!" and to follow that through is so much harder than it seems.
As I said I trained others how to do it but couldn't myself... which is terribly sad to me. I knew what to do but couldn't stop my inate politeness enough to tell her to stop hitting and pushing me or spitting in my face, never mind to stop verbally abusing me.
I know that you will prepare your precious daughter for something I pray never, ever happens to her.
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I actually wonder if that father wasn't overwhelmed... the girl really did seem quite spirited. She completely ignored anything he did tell her to do while they were waiting. Maybe he was just trying to avoid a meltdown in public. Some fathers are not as involved with raising their kids so its possible he was on a rare outting with his girl and didn't know how to handle it.
Either way, I am using this as a learning experience!
Reply
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I used to feel very unsure of myself in such situations and there's been a number of times where incidents have happened and I only later have thought of what I should have said or done. It's very frustrating and I used to beat myself up a fair bit about it.
However, on the positive side, due to a certain amount of parenting experience and also a better grasp of the language coming with time I am now mostly able to say something when required :) I've told off kids at playgrounds or at kindergarten quite often. They don't always give a damn what I say but at least I tried :) The parents however are another matter - I have to have a real good reason before saying something to a complete stranger...
BTW there are such courses available for kids. The ones I've seen were aimed at primary school aged kids. Check your local VHS Program and see what they offer.
Reply
Hopefully one day I'll feel confident enough to talk to kids like you. I find they don't actually understand my German. lol.
Some parents are really hard to deal with. So unreasonable and blind to reality. I was in the Elternbeirat in the KITA for 1 year. Wow what an eye opener that was!
Reply
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The library - or Amazon or wherever - should have books on it - story books about how to deal with bullying.
Please teach her how to defend herself against this - I actually was a trained Stress and Self Defense/Safety Consultant yet when it came to me I was too polite to do what needed to be done.
Your little girl is being raised to be respectful and polite but she needs to understand there are times when she can drop that and say something firmly - like you thought in your head. Because sadly, you won't be there to help her through it all the time.
This post made me sad to read but glad that you are aware of it and are going to deal with it.
And that father? He isn't deserving of that title.
Reply
Ila probably doesn't even remember what happened. In any case I'll make sure she is a tough little girl, I plan to enroll her in the sports club when we move to our new home. These clubs in Germany provide all different kinds of training for kids. In time she will be offered access to all different kinds of sports including some kind of martial art. She is very used to fend off for herself because she has been in kindergarden for the past 2.5years (so far no issues of her being pushed around there and if she is, she pushes right back!).
I was upset with the father when it happened, but now I actually feel sorry for him and for the girl. I can't even imagine what it will be like to parent that child when she is a teenager. I can only hope that he wakes up and does something before its too late!
Reply
I am glad Ila is okay.
I am not sorry for that father - he is rearing his daughter to think it is okay to push someone smaller or different around - verbally and physically. He needs to man up.
Martial arts are great - my eldest step son is an instructor for several and black belt in about six disciplines - but knowing how to defend yourself and being able to firmly say, loudly, "Stop bullying me!" and to follow that through is so much harder than it seems.
As I said I trained others how to do it but couldn't myself... which is terribly sad to me. I knew what to do but couldn't stop my inate politeness enough to tell her to stop hitting and pushing me or spitting in my face, never mind to stop verbally abusing me.
I know that you will prepare your precious daughter for something I pray never, ever happens to her.
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