So much utter shit is happening right now.  It really feels like I'm in a nightmare.

On Saturday night, my sister A tried to kill herself.  She took a bunch of different kids of pills.  I think that if she'd added one more thing to the mix, which I will not name here, she'd be dead.   My mother went in to her room on Sunday morning to wake her up.   ( Read more... )

Well, I took both exams, and Monday and Tuesday were horrendous nightmares of stress, fatigue, and whiniess (the "I don't WANT to be a doctor" whininess).  96% on path, which is a bit strange because I was learning the material literally up until an hour before the test, when I decided I didn't give a damn any longer.  I felt like the test was ( Read more... )

Let me tell you what is not fun.  Walking out of a test and then realizing that you need to start studying right now right this minute for tomorrow's test.  I am disoriented and discombobulated.  Is it still Monday?  Wait, it's still Monday MORNING?  It's still Monday morning, I've already studied for three hours and taken a test, and I have more ( Read more... )

I just wasted an hour reading the New York Times.  Wow.  I did SOME studying earlier, but then I just lost attention and wanted to either go home and play or play here ( Read more... )

One of the reasons for my rather-extended LJ hiatus was because there was a lot of family stuff going on with my sister A.  It wasn't that things were constantly bad.  Rather, they'd plunge into being horrible, with a lot of situations that I had to deal with.  Then, after I'd had a little time to process and freak out, things would get better.  ( Read more... )

I have been very productive today so far, especially if productivity can be measured in terms of highlighter-usage.   Although even without that useful metric, by the standard of "Am I able to answer last year's tests?", I am doing quite well today ( Read more... )

Instead of actually studying things that I need to study, I found a free q-bank (set of questions to test yourself with in preparation for the actual test) for Step 1 (wikitestprep.org).  I took a 20-question test very haphazardly.  At the end, they showed me my score and then there was little button I could press that would extrapolate my score on ( Read more... )

What is better than chips and salsa?  Unless it is salsa and chips ( Read more... )

I am tiptoeing cautiously back into the LJ.  It's a little embarassing.  It's one thing not to be able to maintain a private journal that one keeps in one's nightstand, but it seems to be another thing entirely not to be able to maintain a semi-public record of one's life.  Very embarassing ( Read more... )

Every night for the past week I have just been overcome by terror-anxiety-dread-fear that's really strong.  I am getting to dread the evenings because I know this is coming.  I hate this.  I know that it's related to the anxiety I feel about my sister.  But since that anxiety is probably not going to be resolved anytime soon, am I going to be stuck ( Read more... )