(Untitled)

[changeling0203]

Just got a phone call from a former coworker at Top Dog. He wanted to get lunch with me tomorrow. I said I was busy. He's alright I guess. I just have no interest in dating right now. I don't really want to go on a date with someone I'm not excited about. Still, just noting it now because I still view getting flirted with/getting asked out as a

Comments

Awwwwww

[000sundancer000]

They say you should never accept a date the very next day. Say you're busy until at least four days later. You don't want to look desperate and you want to look like you have a lot going on. It makes you look more desirable if you can't accept the first offer right away. He didn't ask again for another day? I'm surprised. Either he gave up too quickly on you or all he wanted was just lunch together as friends. I can't imagine any guy giving up that easily unless he wasn't really all that interested in the first place.

Re: Awwwwww

[grumpydoctor]

you know that all your weird little rules for dating are dumb as hell, right?

Re: Awwwwww

[changeling0203]

I've heard of these rules before but I don't remember where. I think some of my cousins go by these, but they're also more traditional on that side of the family. But it's definitely something people do. I've never done well with rules like this, though. So I just disregard them. It feels more honest that way.

Plus, let's say I get asked out and I want to go but the guy set the day for tomorrow and I say, "Oh sorry! I have plans!" Then we're both sitting at home alone watching daytime television and eating Hot Pockets.

Re: Awwwwww

[mackelzinzie]

My perspective on these rules is that relationships are healthier if you don't drop everything and suddenly have your life revolving around a new stranger.

So I don't have a rule that I can't have a same day or next day date, but I have a rule that I have to be careful to evaluate what I want to be doing with my life, and make sure I am doing it. Which might mean intentionally making other plans.

Which maps really well onto the "don't be overly available idea." Conversely if someone is too available to me immediately, I consider that a red flag.

[carnificinafera]

High five for getting asked out!

Although I'm honestly really surprised whenever you talk about not getting that sort of attention.

[grumpydoctor]

she just doesn't notice it when it happens

[changeling0203]

Because it DOESN'T happen. I only ever go out if I'm going to work or running errands, or if I'm with my primarily female friends.

I guess if we collected rate data, frequency data, and percentage data, conducted an ecological assessment, and made an ABC (antecedent, behavior, consequence) chart to note my behavior and the reaction I get from other people, then maybe we'd discover that I get a decent amount of attention when I do interact with people outside my immediate friend group compared with how little I go out. But that's a crazy person thing to do so I won't do that.

[mackelzinzie]

I want to hit like on this but LJ doesn't work like that. It should.