(no subject)
I don't use Myspace. Nor will i ever use it. Infact the thought of it makes my brain feel violated. But i found this on some randoms journal & found it rather amusing:
Rule 1. The first rule of Myspace is DONT TALK ABOUT MYSPACE!!!! thats right, just like fight club. If you are at a bar/party dont ask someone if they are on Myspace and if someone asks you you must either 1. punch them in the face, or 2. walk away immediately and never talk to the person again.
Rule 2. No more than 200 friends on your friends list. There is no bigger way of showing how much of a pathetic piece of shit you are than having fuckin 500 friends, half of which you dont even know in real life, to leave you comments about how beautiful you are. You can bend this rule however if you actually know all of the people on your list. This sort of brings me to Rule 3.
Rule 3. No more than ten people you do not actually know in real life on your friends list. this is sort of like rule 2, and if you abide by it you wont have to worry about violating rule 2. The number of unknowns on your friends list is inversely related to your social skills. So if you have like 300 people on your list that you dont know, that means that you are a giant fucking dork basically, and im not talking cool dork, im talking "im really gay and stupid" dork.
Rule 4. Adding friends. First off, you shouldnt be adding people if you dont know them, but if you do, you have to send them at least 3 messages and get replies to them before adding them. Its no surprise that most people that try to add right off the bat are fucking 16 year olds. If one more 16 year old from wisconsin tries to add me im going to delete my shit, i swear.
Rule 5: Pictures. I dont even know where to start with this one, its so fucking disgusting. First off, you are only allowed to have one self portrait pic, and if you do have a self portrait pic, you can not have some fucking faux-dramatic staring away from the camera bullshit face on. you have to look into the fucking camera for christ's sake. the only acception for this is if you start laughing and shy away, because you realize you are taking a self portait and its totally ridiculous. Also if you have dyed black, flat ironed hair, with lots of gel and spikes potruding from it, you are not allowed to have any self-portraits at all. in fact, dont have dyed black, flat ironed hair, with lots of gel and spikes in the first place, that shit is fucking gay and got old in 1999, it was never cool actually, you fuckers all look like you are in that cock rock band Orgy who fucked up "blue monday". Contrast should not be fucked with. Nothing is more irrating than being blinded by someones face. Photoshopped pics should be kept to a minimum, and must be humorous. No tattoo pics, if you cant figure that one out you should be shot. No boob shots. No ass shots. No dick shots. No ab shots. No flexxing shots.....fuck, i cant believe i have to bring that up.
Rule 6: No more than 2 posts a day. Thats right, i dont need to see your post about your amazing set you are gonna spin on said day-of-the-week that you spin every said day-of-the-week at the same bar , five times through out the day. 2 is enough. Once in the morning, and once in the evening, everyone on here is somewhat of a internet nerd so im sure they will see it. Surveys should be sparringly posted. Oh great, now i get to see your favorite band, followed by 50 other people's favorite bands, and i have no fucking clue who these assholes are. The only surveys allowed to be posted are the ones where you give out sultry details, like the last time you jerked off or something. Also, no more pathetic whiny posts about how youre lonely and you want someone to come over and bake cookies with you. Dont you have anyone you can call??? There could not be anything more that displays how sad and pathetic the human race is, seriously.
Rule 7: Commenting. Commenting is a fine art and should be approached very carefully. Comments should NEVER be serious. What is this a goddamn eulogy?? did someone die. I dont want to hear about how great of a person I am. If anyone has anything positive to leave on your page they are not really your friend, keep your eye on them. May i remind you this is an "online community" thats right, its as gay as it sounds and should not be taken seriously. Also, no poetry as comments(there is an entire law regarding poetry and this will be expanded upon later). Try to stray from posting pics or movies on someones page, that shit is really annoying and usually just slows things down. Also no more comments about how hot someone is, thats just fucking creepy. Dont be the guy always commenting on the new boob pics your friend just put up, there shouldnt be any boob pics in the first place!!!(see rule 4)
RULE 8: SEX. Oh wow, you like sex, that is so interesting and shit, like holy fuck, im so glad that you posted that in your general area, i thought i was the only one who liked partaking in the driving force behind human existance! FUCK!!!! I cant believe people are idiotic enough to commit this offense in the first place. Wow, you like having sex.... I bet you like drinking water, breathing air, and eating carbon based life forms as well. How come no one shares any of those givens, hmmm??? I guess the mention of sex is supposed to create images of myspace contact leading to wild auto-erotic, strangle fucking. Putting "making out" is also not allowed in your general area anymore either. Fuck anybody who violates this law, seriously.
RULE 9. MUSIC LISTS. Alright dude, I dont need to see every fucking band that you have ever listened to in your entire life. I dont even think this works in convincing anyone that you are cool anymore. You might as well substitute "I have a big musical cock", in place of the fifty or so bands you are gonna list. Fucking people with their music cocks!!!! So instead of listing your entire cd collection, limit it to at most ten of your favorite bands, give or take a few. Also, no putting in the pictures of your favorite bands in their either, that shit always fucks up the page and if I have to see Interpol and thier gay haircuts one more time I'll fuckign kill myself.
RULE 10. BANDS. Alright guys, i know that you are trying to get your name out there and shit, but no more adding people to your band pages unless if you are friends with them. If anyone in your band has a faux hawk, or if you are from orange country then you are not allowed to have a band page. oh "hardcore" bands arent allowed to be on here anymore either, fuck you guys. Also, when someone adds your band, dont put up one of those gay comments on their page with the pic of your band posing, followed by a "thanks for adding us", you fucking advertising whores.
RULE 11. PROPOSITION I.D.: If you have anything to do with Club I.D. then you are not allowed on myspace at all, in any shape or form.
Rule 1. The first rule of Myspace is DONT TALK ABOUT MYSPACE!!!! thats right, just like fight club. If you are at a bar/party dont ask someone if they are on Myspace and if someone asks you you must either 1. punch them in the face, or 2. walk away immediately and never talk to the person again.
Rule 2. No more than 200 friends on your friends list. There is no bigger way of showing how much of a pathetic piece of shit you are than having fuckin 500 friends, half of which you dont even know in real life, to leave you comments about how beautiful you are. You can bend this rule however if you actually know all of the people on your list. This sort of brings me to Rule 3.
Rule 3. No more than ten people you do not actually know in real life on your friends list. this is sort of like rule 2, and if you abide by it you wont have to worry about violating rule 2. The number of unknowns on your friends list is inversely related to your social skills. So if you have like 300 people on your list that you dont know, that means that you are a giant fucking dork basically, and im not talking cool dork, im talking "im really gay and stupid" dork.
Rule 4. Adding friends. First off, you shouldnt be adding people if you dont know them, but if you do, you have to send them at least 3 messages and get replies to them before adding them. Its no surprise that most people that try to add right off the bat are fucking 16 year olds. If one more 16 year old from wisconsin tries to add me im going to delete my shit, i swear.
Rule 5: Pictures. I dont even know where to start with this one, its so fucking disgusting. First off, you are only allowed to have one self portrait pic, and if you do have a self portrait pic, you can not have some fucking faux-dramatic staring away from the camera bullshit face on. you have to look into the fucking camera for christ's sake. the only acception for this is if you start laughing and shy away, because you realize you are taking a self portait and its totally ridiculous. Also if you have dyed black, flat ironed hair, with lots of gel and spikes potruding from it, you are not allowed to have any self-portraits at all. in fact, dont have dyed black, flat ironed hair, with lots of gel and spikes in the first place, that shit is fucking gay and got old in 1999, it was never cool actually, you fuckers all look like you are in that cock rock band Orgy who fucked up "blue monday". Contrast should not be fucked with. Nothing is more irrating than being blinded by someones face. Photoshopped pics should be kept to a minimum, and must be humorous. No tattoo pics, if you cant figure that one out you should be shot. No boob shots. No ass shots. No dick shots. No ab shots. No flexxing shots.....fuck, i cant believe i have to bring that up.
Rule 6: No more than 2 posts a day. Thats right, i dont need to see your post about your amazing set you are gonna spin on said day-of-the-week that you spin every said day-of-the-week at the same bar , five times through out the day. 2 is enough. Once in the morning, and once in the evening, everyone on here is somewhat of a internet nerd so im sure they will see it. Surveys should be sparringly posted. Oh great, now i get to see your favorite band, followed by 50 other people's favorite bands, and i have no fucking clue who these assholes are. The only surveys allowed to be posted are the ones where you give out sultry details, like the last time you jerked off or something. Also, no more pathetic whiny posts about how youre lonely and you want someone to come over and bake cookies with you. Dont you have anyone you can call??? There could not be anything more that displays how sad and pathetic the human race is, seriously.
Rule 7: Commenting. Commenting is a fine art and should be approached very carefully. Comments should NEVER be serious. What is this a goddamn eulogy?? did someone die. I dont want to hear about how great of a person I am. If anyone has anything positive to leave on your page they are not really your friend, keep your eye on them. May i remind you this is an "online community" thats right, its as gay as it sounds and should not be taken seriously. Also, no poetry as comments(there is an entire law regarding poetry and this will be expanded upon later). Try to stray from posting pics or movies on someones page, that shit is really annoying and usually just slows things down. Also no more comments about how hot someone is, thats just fucking creepy. Dont be the guy always commenting on the new boob pics your friend just put up, there shouldnt be any boob pics in the first place!!!(see rule 4)
RULE 8: SEX. Oh wow, you like sex, that is so interesting and shit, like holy fuck, im so glad that you posted that in your general area, i thought i was the only one who liked partaking in the driving force behind human existance! FUCK!!!! I cant believe people are idiotic enough to commit this offense in the first place. Wow, you like having sex.... I bet you like drinking water, breathing air, and eating carbon based life forms as well. How come no one shares any of those givens, hmmm??? I guess the mention of sex is supposed to create images of myspace contact leading to wild auto-erotic, strangle fucking. Putting "making out" is also not allowed in your general area anymore either. Fuck anybody who violates this law, seriously.
RULE 9. MUSIC LISTS. Alright dude, I dont need to see every fucking band that you have ever listened to in your entire life. I dont even think this works in convincing anyone that you are cool anymore. You might as well substitute "I have a big musical cock", in place of the fifty or so bands you are gonna list. Fucking people with their music cocks!!!! So instead of listing your entire cd collection, limit it to at most ten of your favorite bands, give or take a few. Also, no putting in the pictures of your favorite bands in their either, that shit always fucks up the page and if I have to see Interpol and thier gay haircuts one more time I'll fuckign kill myself.
RULE 10. BANDS. Alright guys, i know that you are trying to get your name out there and shit, but no more adding people to your band pages unless if you are friends with them. If anyone in your band has a faux hawk, or if you are from orange country then you are not allowed to have a band page. oh "hardcore" bands arent allowed to be on here anymore either, fuck you guys. Also, when someone adds your band, dont put up one of those gay comments on their page with the pic of your band posing, followed by a "thanks for adding us", you fucking advertising whores.
RULE 11. PROPOSITION I.D.: If you have anything to do with Club I.D. then you are not allowed on myspace at all, in any shape or form.