Just to say.
Strange week, I think. And I can't help but wonder how much of it's because I've stopped taking the meds.
I wonder for a few minutes, here and there, as to whether I'm not just coming down off of a manic episode. But I don't think I am. I got a bit exictable, again, but given circumstances--development of social life, i.e., realizing that there was one to be had--I think a certain amount of excitement and general giddiness is and was normal.
So, I don't think it was a manic episode. Nor do I really feel like I'm drifting into depression. Just kind of in purgatory, right now. I've lost the momentum of the past couple of weeks, and given the added stressors of this
...
above was from early July
...
Today:
Yeah, I still don't think that last was a manic episode. Nor do I really feel like I'm in the grips of depression. I still make people uncomfortable. I still space out quite a bit.
And I'm moody as hell, if I don't have a full cup of coffee...and some time to enjoy it...
...but I think I'm doing alright.
Of course, that's reassessed on an hourly basis.
Which...might say otherwise.
But as long as I'm not under severe pressure, nor experiencing intense stress...I seem to be alright.
So long as there's time to just -chill the fuck out.-
Granny's not around right now, so there's plenty of that.
Dunno.
Still awaits to be seen, how winter will fare for me.
Vacillating, as to the desire for companionship. Sometimes I still crave it...sometimes, I'm sufficiently appeased by life, as to let it be.
It varies. But I think it'll get easier with time.
I make people so uncomfortable, here. Not everyone, no. But it seems like the majority, yes.
I get lost in thought and look too intently, or get too excited at an exchange and spout inanities. It's like my social filter for body language and tone is screwed up. Or maybe it's just that I've adapted differently to society, since having moved away, now returning.
Or maybe it's the age group that's concerned. Maybe they're just unaccustomed to alternate, while equally acceptible, manners of exchange.
I'm not quite sure.
I get uncomfortable, making them uncomfortable.
And, then, there's the matter of finally nearly returning to a norm, as to being able to adequately engage in structured conversation. Pause-speak-listen-pause-speak-listen
Working high volume environments really screwed me, on that. Got used to forcing the conversation, as a necessity for efficient work.
Speak-listen-speak-pause-speak-end conversation.
Eh.
Almost. I still get anxious a lot, mid-conversation...like there's something urgent, yet unknown, which must either be accomplished or, per lack of realization, have end the conversation.
Nerves.
I've been spending a lot of time alone again, though.
All I have to worry about, as such, is what I'm doing with my time.
I wonder for a few minutes, here and there, as to whether I'm not just coming down off of a manic episode. But I don't think I am. I got a bit exictable, again, but given circumstances--development of social life, i.e., realizing that there was one to be had--I think a certain amount of excitement and general giddiness is and was normal.
So, I don't think it was a manic episode. Nor do I really feel like I'm drifting into depression. Just kind of in purgatory, right now. I've lost the momentum of the past couple of weeks, and given the added stressors of this
...
above was from early July
...
Today:
Yeah, I still don't think that last was a manic episode. Nor do I really feel like I'm in the grips of depression. I still make people uncomfortable. I still space out quite a bit.
And I'm moody as hell, if I don't have a full cup of coffee...and some time to enjoy it...
...but I think I'm doing alright.
Of course, that's reassessed on an hourly basis.
Which...might say otherwise.
But as long as I'm not under severe pressure, nor experiencing intense stress...I seem to be alright.
So long as there's time to just -chill the fuck out.-
Granny's not around right now, so there's plenty of that.
Dunno.
Still awaits to be seen, how winter will fare for me.
Vacillating, as to the desire for companionship. Sometimes I still crave it...sometimes, I'm sufficiently appeased by life, as to let it be.
It varies. But I think it'll get easier with time.
I make people so uncomfortable, here. Not everyone, no. But it seems like the majority, yes.
I get lost in thought and look too intently, or get too excited at an exchange and spout inanities. It's like my social filter for body language and tone is screwed up. Or maybe it's just that I've adapted differently to society, since having moved away, now returning.
Or maybe it's the age group that's concerned. Maybe they're just unaccustomed to alternate, while equally acceptible, manners of exchange.
I'm not quite sure.
I get uncomfortable, making them uncomfortable.
And, then, there's the matter of finally nearly returning to a norm, as to being able to adequately engage in structured conversation. Pause-speak-listen-pause-speak-listen
Working high volume environments really screwed me, on that. Got used to forcing the conversation, as a necessity for efficient work.
Speak-listen-speak-pause-speak-end conversation.
Eh.
Almost. I still get anxious a lot, mid-conversation...like there's something urgent, yet unknown, which must either be accomplished or, per lack of realization, have end the conversation.
Nerves.
I've been spending a lot of time alone again, though.
All I have to worry about, as such, is what I'm doing with my time.