Turn On Your Love Light
Title: Turn On Your Love Light
Pairing: Chanyeol/Baekhyun (mentions of Baekhyun/Changmin)
Rating: R
Genre: Angst
Warning(s): Prostitution
Length:Part 1 of 2
Disclaimer: unbetaed
Summary: Baekhyun and Chanyeol are bestfriends then life happened.
When they were still children, they are always with each other. Their bond is unbreakable. The two of them had made thousands of paper boats together and brought it countless times to the town’s nearby lake. Ever since he was 9, Chanyeol already devoted himself solely to Baekhyun, he knows every single detail about the him, the look Baekhyun gave him whenever the short male spot the giant, the way Baekhyun smiles at simple things and how he laughs at the shallow jokes Chanyeol threw. Chanyeol at a very young age is already aware of what he feels, He knows how Baekhyun affects him and when Baekhyun hit puberty, he took Chanyeol's breath away. Every smile Baekhyun directs at him makes his world glow.
It is cheesy as fuck but that shit is true.
He and Baekhyun went to the same school so they are still together during elementary and high school. 0Baekhyun, now breathtakingly handsome has developed the habit of brushing his beautiful fingers on Chanyeol's cheek and this makes Chanyeol giddy and annoyed at the same time.
Annoyed that he cannot keep his heart still and stop himself from loving Baekhyun even more.
Chanyeol do everything for Baekhyun, from being a friend, to a 'mother' who takes care of him when he is sick, to a smart classmate that tutors hm, to a great chef that cooks his food when his father is not around and to a companion and knight and shining armor when Baekhyun got broken hearted because his crush have a partner already.
It is unrealistic and unimaginable how Chanyeol unconciously become so selfless and so loyal to Baekhyun. But despite of the intense feeling Chanyeol is having, he cannot do anything about it.
He cannot give Baekhyun all of this love because Baekhyun will never accept it. Or so he thought.
Baekhyun will never look at him differently. He will always be just someone precious to Baekhyun.
Chanyeols knows because he tried escaping from the hell-zone every people who fell in love with their best friends landed to.
It was during after their final high school examination, the two of them are getting ready to go home when Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun's wrist and made the he looked at his eyes. The moment their eyes meet, Chanyeol knew that Baekhyun is aware of what is going to happen. They stood in the middle of the room, not uttering a single word, only the vague sounds of the remaining people outside their room can be heard.
Baekhyun was the first one to avert his eyes away. He gently pulled his hand out of Chanyeol's grip and for the first time, smiled at the giant sadly. He mumbled an apology and touched Chanyeol's cheek in attempt to console the broken hearted giant. But instead of feeling better, Chanyeol felt like his heart was crushed, crumpled and thrown at the nearby trash bin by Baekhyun himself.
So Chanyeol did what he thought was right. He forcefully hid the feelings he have for Baekhyun and pretended like nothing happened. Like every martyr best friend in a movie will do.
He still cares for Baekhyun, still help the small male whenever he can. Nothing really changed between the two of them except for the way Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol with pity and he will force a laugh when Chanyeol jokes around and this makes Chanyeol cringe and punch himself mentally for attempting to confess.
So the two of them continued to pretend that Chanyeol's one sided love is not existing yet Chanyeol will always know that his love for him will not fade away and his heart will always be for Baekhyun and only for Baekhyun, even if the male won't give his heart in return.
High School Graduation day, Chanyeol should feel proud and content. He should be happy that he graduated as the valedictorian of their batch and he should smile while his parents receive all of his awards and while he's delivering he’s speech, but he can't bring himself to do anything positive knowing that It will be the last day where he will be able to see Baekhyun. And it does not help at all that after the ceremony, Baekhyun won't let him go anywhere. The touches made by the petite male makes Chanyeol skin burns.
Baekhyun is also too close for comfort. Chanyeol just wants to rest and mourn for the upcoming long distance friendship he will have once Baekhyun went to the city to enter a university while Chanyeol stay in their small town because their family is poor as fuck and he has to rely on scholarships to enter an institute that may offer him a degree.
He was dragged by Baekhyun in a white van owned by one of their classmates.
"I already ask the permission from your parents" Baekhyun told him before he made a protest. He noticed that Baekhyun's arm is still linked to his and this time, Baekhyun leaned his head on the taller's shoulder. Without any hesitation, Chanyeol turned his face to peck on the top of Baekhyun's head. Chanyeol sighed as he cherished this last moment touches.
It's been a long time since Baekhyun clinged to him like this and he just want to assume that Baekhyun is anxious of his departure tomorrow yet Chanyeol can't help but feel nervous that there's something that will going to happen in which he won't like.
And Chanyeol's intuition was right.
Their groups of friends headed to a club, they partied all night long, he endured seeing Baekhyun be groped by a lot of people but Baekhyun instead of being angered by the actions of these strangers seems to be enjoying it.
Chanyeol closed his eyes, he doesn't have the right to drag the love of his life away from these people but he also can't stop himself from standing and run to the dance floor to grab Baekhyun by the wrist. He never felt so angry and just when Baekhyun's going to look at him, a man older than them, Chanyeol assumed, kissed Baekhyun so hard. The giant witness how Baekhyun's knees went weak and how the brunnette wrapped his arms around the neck of the man completely forgetting Chanyeol.
But Chanyeol, being such a freaking martyr, continued to watch.
He continued to watch and witness how Baekhyun, flushed and sweaty, breathes hard, eyes heavy lidded. Chanyeol wants to break down as he felt his heart breaking so hard as he watch Baekhyun turn and his lips swollen.
"Yeol" the smaller mumbled. Chanyeol stared at Baekhyun, noticing how Baekhyun's expression turns sad then lights up as the man wrapped his arms at Baekhyun's waist.
"this is Changmin." The man, Changmin smiled at him. Chanyeol smiled back. Feeling numb.
Without another word and another glance from the people who broke his already-broken-heart, found his mobility and walked away.
Chanyeol walked away from everything. From everyone. From Baekhyun.
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"Where did you go last night? You disappeared Yeol, you made me worry--"
"I did?"
"What's your problem?"
After the night Chanyeol dramatically ran away from the club, Baekhyun immediately went to his house first thing in the morning. Chanyeol's head is aching, he was exhausted from the recent activities, he is emotionally drained too, he can't help but to snap at Baekhyun when the brunette came inside his bedroom to wake him up by splashing water at his face.
"Nothing" Chanyeol answered, he rose up from his bed to go to the bathroom when Baekhyun stepped infront of him.
"Tell me what the hell is wrong Chanyeol, because I won't go out of this town without you telling me why you ran away last night. That was suppose to be my despedida party, my farewell party!! but you walked away like a hurt puppy...."
Baekhyun's mouth turned 'o' and he inhaled and closed his eyes. "Tell me."
Chanyeol looked down, his fingers digged to his palm.
"I can't " Chanyeol's voice broke. Baekhyun reached to touch Chanyeol's cheeks but Chanyeol stepped back.
The silence between the two of them is loud. Chanyeol knows Baekhyun understood what he meant.
"okay" Baekhyun mumbled. They're always like this, they drop things so easily that's why the two of them doesn't really fight. They do argue but that's it. No offense taken. They don't feel shitty after.
What's happening right now is completely different though. The air between the two of them is charged with heavy energy that is suffocating and they feel like shit.
"Want to help me pack my luggage?" Baekhyun broke the silence. Baekhyun always broke the silence. Always pulling Chanyeol out from his silent and boring world.
Baekhyun is offering one last chance to atleast stitch the gap between the two of them.
The gap that spontaneously appeared during their last month in high school.
Chanyeol forced himself to ignore it, to brush it off but he can feel Baekhyun slipping away from him, and he is so frustrated that he cannot do anything about it because he is such a pussy. He is a wimp, he is not courageous to pursue Baekhyun because the idea of letting the one you love go is so heavy in his mind, it occupies most of his mind. He doesn’t want to force Baekhyun into a relationship he doesn’t want to get into.
“I can’t.” Chanyeol says turning his back to Baekhyun and walked to the bathroom barely hearing Baekhyun’s quiet sob.
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Chanyeol still went to Baekhyun’s house after the argument.
Baekhyun’s parents welcome him and even without looking at the whole house, he can feel the emptiness of it. Boxes are everywhere. Chanyeol refused to look around to avoid bursting to tears. He might be tall and intimidating but he is just a cry-baby that relies on Baekhyun.
He reached Baekhyun’s bedroom and cannot hear a thing inside. He doesn’t bother to knock and just opened the door to see baekhyun lying on the bed, hugging the stuff toy which Chanyeol gave him on his 10th birthday.
“Hey,”
“Hey yourself, stupid.”
Chanyeol sat on the foot of the bed, he doesn’t need to look at Baekhyun to know the small man is crying.
“Done packing already?” Chanyeol asked not really out of curiousity but for the sake of starting a conversation. It is really weird to feel awkwardness between the two of them when they completely knew each other for more than fourteen years.
“Yeah… and I am angry with you for not helping me packing it because you’re being a drama king.” Baekhyun sat up. The two of them are still not looking at each other.
Chanyeol is going to turn around when he felt Baekhyun wrapped his arms around him. Back hugging him, holding up the soon-to-break pieces of Chanyeol’s being.
“I’m sorry, Yeol.” Something is wet on Chanyeol’s back. He put his hands at the back of Baekhyun’s hand and interlocked their fingers.
“You don’t need to be sorry, Baek, really.”
Baekhyun’s quiet for awhile before speaking again.
“Yeol, you know that I know right?” Chanyeol’s breath stopped. He turned to look at Baekhyun’s eyes and he studies his face. Those lips that kissed that guy is still swollen yet still inviting and irresistible.
“Of course, you might be dumb as fuck in academics but your sixth sense is really special. AWW, HEY!” Chanyeol shrieked as Baekhyun pinched his side so hard.
Chanyeol laughed while Baekhyun glared at him. He pulled the shorter into a tight hug.
“I will miss you so much Baek.”
“Me too. I love you yeol, always.” Baekhyun hugged him tighter, he can feel him shaking and crying.
“Love you too Baek” So much.
And the two of them parted.