'Til We Meet Again
Title: ‘Til We Meet Again
Pairing: Donghyuk/Junhwe
Genre: ANGST???????
Rating: G
Word Count: 2133w
Summary: Donghyuk is leaving. Junhwe thinks the best way to cope with it is to ignore him.
A/N: wahaha?
Love is cruel.
At least, that's what Goo Junhwe thinks.
12:05 PM
dong: are u busy?
dong: can i come over?
12:10 PM
dong: are u alive?
12:18 PM
dong: hey jun, ur coming tonight right?
12:44 PM
dong: ur not answering me...
dong: are u still mad?
Junhwe's heart clenches at each of those messages. He can't do this. He can't see Donghyuk's face. He can't hear Donghyuk's voice.
He fears those words the most. "Goodbye". Donghyuk will say it, he knows, and then that'll be it. Junhwe won't stop hurting until the day he dies.
It's dramatic. But that's just love for you. That's why it's cruel. That's why Junhwe hates it.
Maybe, if he stays where he is, if he ignores Donghyuk, he'll still be here tomorrow morning. He won't say those words. They'll still be arguing over what movie to watch. Where to meet. What to eat.
If only he had treated Donghyuk better, if he had responded to the news with happiness, maybe later Donghyuk won't leave with such bad memories, and Junhwe won't have to deal with this awful feeling.
---
14:03 PM
dong: i wanted to come by and say goodbye
dong: but guess ur really busy....
dong: did u forget abt today?
No. Junhwe didn't forget. He doesn't think he can. It just hurts too much to think about it. It will probably hurt more if he sees Donghyuk's face and hears his voice. He doesn't think he can let Donghyuk go then.
And even if he can, even if he has the heart, he won't. He doesn't think he'll ever let Donghyuk get on that plane.
14:17 PM
dong: jun, please answer me
Junhwe turns his phone off.
---
"Are you not going to the airport?" His mom asks.
Junhwe lifts his head from his pillow. He'd been in bed all day and he doesn't wanna get up. Ever.
"No."
"Why? Did you fight?"
"No." I just don't want to. Because then that'll mean he's leaving for good and I don't want to see him go. I don't want to think about it. I want him to stay here forever but I also want him to be happy. It's complicated. You wouldn't understand.
"Well, even so, you should still go see him. Don't let him leave with a bad impression of you."
Maybe that's what I want. Maybe I want him to forget me and be happy? Maybe I want him to never send me pictures and stories of things I missed? Things I'll never experience? Things I didn't do with him?
"Leave me alone, mom."
The door closes softly as his mom says an "okay", and as soon as Junhwe's head hits the pillow, the tears continue.
---
"Junhwe, come on. I came all the way here to pick you up. We have to go like now if we wanna catch Donghyuk." Yunhyeong sighs, shaking Junhwe's body under the blankets.
"Don't wanna."
"He's your best friend! You should see him off, come on."
Why is everybody telling me what to do? He's my best friend. It's up to me how I wanna treat him. It doesn't matter anyways. He's leaving.
"Fuck off." Junhwe mumbles, pulling the blanket over his head.
It's quiet for a while. Yunhyeong doesn't say anything, but Junhwe knows he's still there, sitting on his bed, because Junhwe can still feel his body heat.
"I know you're upset." And it sounds like Yunhyeong's in tears, too, but Junhwe doesn't want to see. Doesn't want to even think about it.
Donghyuk really is leaving.
"But he's not just leaving you. He's leaving everyone. His mom. Jinhwan. Bobby. Hanbin. Chanwoo. Me. His sister. His other friends. He's leaving everyone, not because he hates us. This is his dream, and if you're not there to support him, do you know how heartbroken he'll be? If he thinks you hate him because he's leaving, how burdensome do you think that'll be for him?"
"Then let him think that! Let him think I hate him! Let him be burdened for leaving me, because he doesn't understand that I love him and I just--" Junhwe chokes up, sobbing. It hurts everywhere. It hurts just to breathe. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, because out there, Donghyuk will be happy, and here he is. Pathetic. Miserable. Crying over someone who probably won't even remember to tell him all the happy things because skype is too much hassle. Crying over how much the world hates him.
He wishes he never would have fallen in love. Let alone with a person like Donghyuk.
Better yet, he should have never met Donghyuk.
"You're still upset, and I get that, but Junhwe... If you really, really care for him. If you really love him. Let him go. He'll be happier there."
"Happier without me? Without us?" Junhwe bitterly laughs.
"Would it make you feel better if he stays here, unhappy? Instead of moving on and doing something with his life, happy? Would it? If you knew you were the one holding him back from being happy, would you be satisfied?" Yunhyeong asks.
"Think about it. I'm going to the airport now."
When Yunhyeong leaves the room, Junhwe jumps up and goes after him.
---
"You look like shit." Hanbin snickers, and Junhwe is too tired from crying to do anything that he just sits down weakly, looking down at his feet.
Love is cruel.
He tells himself if he sees Donghyuk, he won't be able to let him go. If he hears Donghyuk, he won't let him leave. He tells himself he'd rather hate Donghyuk and be happy than love him and be in pain all the time.
Yet here he is, sitting at the airport. All because his whole world revolves around one Kim Donghyuk, and he's surrendered his all to him.
"Junhwe! You came!" Donghyuk gasps in surprise, running over to where Junhwe is sitting, sulking and sniffling. "I thought you were still mad at me!"
Junhwe looks up, and there he is, Donghyuk, in his warmest clothes, and Junhwe's eyes water. He looks at the big luggage, and then looks at the passport on Donghyuk's right hand.
"Jun?" Donghyuk leans down, and when their eyes meet, Junhwe can't help it.
He starts crying again.
He doesn't care that Hanbin and Bobby are laughing at him. Because it hurts, and he holds on tight, holds Donghyuk until it's hard to breathe, until it hurts too much, and he just sobs.
"Stay. Please. I love you."
Donghyuk smiles on Junhwe's shoulder. "Love you too."
---
Junhwe doesn't stop crying even as Donghyuk does his rounds and hugs everyone. Junhwe cries harder than Donghyuk's mom.
When all is done, he comes back to Junhwe, who's hiding behind Jinhwan and Yunhyeong.
"Junhwe, come here."
They hug, again, and it hurts to think this might be the last time for who knows how long.
"I'll come back. You know that, right?" Donghyuk whispers. "And I love you. We'll text each other. We'll facetime or skype. I'll come home whenever I can, and I'll always, always miss you. I already miss you."
Junhwe's tears start up again. He sobs into Donghyuk's shoulder. It's gross and he's probably ruining Donghyuk's warm sweater for the flight, but Donghyuk doesn't seem to mind.
"And I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to anger you. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I have to go, hm? You don't hate me anymore, right?"
"No." Junhwe mumbles. "No. I don't, I just... I'm sorry."
"Can I have a kiss?" Donghyuk whispers. "Something to remember you by?"
"You said you weren't gonna be gone forever." Junhwe pulls away and pouts. "But fine."
Donghyuk wipes his own tears, then wipes Junhwe's with his sleeves. "Stop crying and come kiss me."
It's their first kiss. Short, shy, but sweet. Donghyuk's lips are soft and tender and Junhwe's lips tastes salty from all the tears, but it still makes Junhwe smile. It makes Donghyuk laugh a little. It's gross and wet with all the tears but they don't care. They don't care that their friends and Donghyuk's family is watching, all they can feel is each other and somehow, Junhwe feels better, even if just a little.
"Okay?" Junhwe mumbles when they finally pull away. Donghyuk nods and hums appreciatively.
"Wish I could stay for those lips, but..." He grins. "Maybe I'll go away for a while so I won't take you for granted."
Junhwe smiles. "'M sorry."
"Don't be! If I were you I'd be angry and I'd make a scene, too!" He laughs that loud, addictive laugh, and Junhwe finds himself laughing along.
"Guess I'll see you around." Donghyuk shrugs, looking at his watch. "I gotta go now. I'm boarding soon."
Donghyuk turns and seems to remember his other friends and his family are there.
"Right." Donghyuk laughs nervously. "I'm boarding soon."
"Just go." His sister rolls her eyes. His mom smiles, and Donghyuk's eyes fill with tears again. Junhwe wants to make him stop crying.
After one final hug to everyone, he leans up to peck Junhwe's lips, and whispers, "Check your e-mail."
---
He leaves, and Junhwe's heart has never hurt so much. He waits until the flight status on the board has changed to "departed", until Hanbin announces that Donghyuk just said he's taking off on the group chat, and then he gets in Yunhyeong's car.
He sits there, in the passenger's seat, eyes blank and empty. Yunhyeong doesn't say anything, sniffling once in a while as well. They don't talk. They don't turn the radio on. Just silence. And Junhwe doesn't regret coming to the airport, but it still hurts even after everything.
It still hurts. Even after he gets off Yunhyeong's car and cries a little on Yunhyeong's shoulder while they hug. Even after he's in bed, staring up at the ceiling.
It's 1 AM when he remembers Donghyuk's last words to him, whispered softly in his ears.
And then he gets up and does exactly what Donghyuk asked him to.
---
Dear Junhwe,
If someone told me 10 years ago that we would be friends, 8 year old me would laugh in their face and say, "No way! How could I be friends with that arrogant boy who lives next door?"
If we didn't sit next to each other at school 9 years ago, maybe we wouldn't be here now. I would still think you're an annoying, arrogant boy. I don't know what you thought of me (sometimes, I'm still not sure), but it was really hard befriending you then.
If you didn't almost drown yourself 7 years ago in that pool, and I didn't try to save you, maybe we wouldn't be as close as we are now.
If we didn't have that big fight 4 years ago, maybe I'd still take you for granted.
If someone told me 3 years ago that I would trust you with my life, I'd tell them they're crazy.
If someone told me a year ago that I would be in love with a certain Goo Junhwe, I would laugh in their face and tell them, "You're crazy! Junhwe? He's just my best friend! We care for each other, and that's it."
Yet here I am, today, writing this letter to you. By the time you read this, I'll be sleeping on a plane. But still, no matter how many miles, how many hours, how many islands, how many oceans, how many planets and universes separate us,
I will not change. I will still be in love with you. I will still want to be by your side. I will still want to laugh at you and with you. I will still want to go through life with you, through all the ups and downs, at our best and our worst. I will not leave, and I will still long for the day that we stand together, side by side once again.
But for now. For today. For tomorrow. For next week. For next month. For next year, and the years after that.
Until I return, be reassured that we will always be under the same sky, no matter where we are.
Fate brought us together. I believe it'll bring us together once again.
Til we meet again,
Donghyuk.
P.S.: yes, this is a confession. I'm in love with you. I know, I'm a coward. I spent a whole week writing this, thinking up of things to write and send to you once I leave. Because I'm scared you'll reject me to my face. Because I'm scared I'll ruin what we have. So I thought, why not after I leave? Because I'm a coward like that.
Hopefully I get the courage to confess to your face at the airport. Did I?
Pairing: Donghyuk/Junhwe
Genre: ANGST???????
Rating: G
Word Count: 2133w
Summary: Donghyuk is leaving. Junhwe thinks the best way to cope with it is to ignore him.
A/N: wahaha?
Love is cruel.
At least, that's what Goo Junhwe thinks.
12:05 PM
dong: are u busy?
dong: can i come over?
12:10 PM
dong: are u alive?
12:18 PM
dong: hey jun, ur coming tonight right?
12:44 PM
dong: ur not answering me...
dong: are u still mad?
Junhwe's heart clenches at each of those messages. He can't do this. He can't see Donghyuk's face. He can't hear Donghyuk's voice.
He fears those words the most. "Goodbye". Donghyuk will say it, he knows, and then that'll be it. Junhwe won't stop hurting until the day he dies.
It's dramatic. But that's just love for you. That's why it's cruel. That's why Junhwe hates it.
Maybe, if he stays where he is, if he ignores Donghyuk, he'll still be here tomorrow morning. He won't say those words. They'll still be arguing over what movie to watch. Where to meet. What to eat.
If only he had treated Donghyuk better, if he had responded to the news with happiness, maybe later Donghyuk won't leave with such bad memories, and Junhwe won't have to deal with this awful feeling.
---
14:03 PM
dong: i wanted to come by and say goodbye
dong: but guess ur really busy....
dong: did u forget abt today?
No. Junhwe didn't forget. He doesn't think he can. It just hurts too much to think about it. It will probably hurt more if he sees Donghyuk's face and hears his voice. He doesn't think he can let Donghyuk go then.
And even if he can, even if he has the heart, he won't. He doesn't think he'll ever let Donghyuk get on that plane.
14:17 PM
dong: jun, please answer me
Junhwe turns his phone off.
---
"Are you not going to the airport?" His mom asks.
Junhwe lifts his head from his pillow. He'd been in bed all day and he doesn't wanna get up. Ever.
"No."
"Why? Did you fight?"
"No." I just don't want to. Because then that'll mean he's leaving for good and I don't want to see him go. I don't want to think about it. I want him to stay here forever but I also want him to be happy. It's complicated. You wouldn't understand.
"Well, even so, you should still go see him. Don't let him leave with a bad impression of you."
Maybe that's what I want. Maybe I want him to forget me and be happy? Maybe I want him to never send me pictures and stories of things I missed? Things I'll never experience? Things I didn't do with him?
"Leave me alone, mom."
The door closes softly as his mom says an "okay", and as soon as Junhwe's head hits the pillow, the tears continue.
---
"Junhwe, come on. I came all the way here to pick you up. We have to go like now if we wanna catch Donghyuk." Yunhyeong sighs, shaking Junhwe's body under the blankets.
"Don't wanna."
"He's your best friend! You should see him off, come on."
Why is everybody telling me what to do? He's my best friend. It's up to me how I wanna treat him. It doesn't matter anyways. He's leaving.
"Fuck off." Junhwe mumbles, pulling the blanket over his head.
It's quiet for a while. Yunhyeong doesn't say anything, but Junhwe knows he's still there, sitting on his bed, because Junhwe can still feel his body heat.
"I know you're upset." And it sounds like Yunhyeong's in tears, too, but Junhwe doesn't want to see. Doesn't want to even think about it.
Donghyuk really is leaving.
"But he's not just leaving you. He's leaving everyone. His mom. Jinhwan. Bobby. Hanbin. Chanwoo. Me. His sister. His other friends. He's leaving everyone, not because he hates us. This is his dream, and if you're not there to support him, do you know how heartbroken he'll be? If he thinks you hate him because he's leaving, how burdensome do you think that'll be for him?"
"Then let him think that! Let him think I hate him! Let him be burdened for leaving me, because he doesn't understand that I love him and I just--" Junhwe chokes up, sobbing. It hurts everywhere. It hurts just to breathe. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, because out there, Donghyuk will be happy, and here he is. Pathetic. Miserable. Crying over someone who probably won't even remember to tell him all the happy things because skype is too much hassle. Crying over how much the world hates him.
He wishes he never would have fallen in love. Let alone with a person like Donghyuk.
Better yet, he should have never met Donghyuk.
"You're still upset, and I get that, but Junhwe... If you really, really care for him. If you really love him. Let him go. He'll be happier there."
"Happier without me? Without us?" Junhwe bitterly laughs.
"Would it make you feel better if he stays here, unhappy? Instead of moving on and doing something with his life, happy? Would it? If you knew you were the one holding him back from being happy, would you be satisfied?" Yunhyeong asks.
"Think about it. I'm going to the airport now."
When Yunhyeong leaves the room, Junhwe jumps up and goes after him.
---
"You look like shit." Hanbin snickers, and Junhwe is too tired from crying to do anything that he just sits down weakly, looking down at his feet.
Love is cruel.
He tells himself if he sees Donghyuk, he won't be able to let him go. If he hears Donghyuk, he won't let him leave. He tells himself he'd rather hate Donghyuk and be happy than love him and be in pain all the time.
Yet here he is, sitting at the airport. All because his whole world revolves around one Kim Donghyuk, and he's surrendered his all to him.
"Junhwe! You came!" Donghyuk gasps in surprise, running over to where Junhwe is sitting, sulking and sniffling. "I thought you were still mad at me!"
Junhwe looks up, and there he is, Donghyuk, in his warmest clothes, and Junhwe's eyes water. He looks at the big luggage, and then looks at the passport on Donghyuk's right hand.
"Jun?" Donghyuk leans down, and when their eyes meet, Junhwe can't help it.
He starts crying again.
He doesn't care that Hanbin and Bobby are laughing at him. Because it hurts, and he holds on tight, holds Donghyuk until it's hard to breathe, until it hurts too much, and he just sobs.
"Stay. Please. I love you."
Donghyuk smiles on Junhwe's shoulder. "Love you too."
---
Junhwe doesn't stop crying even as Donghyuk does his rounds and hugs everyone. Junhwe cries harder than Donghyuk's mom.
When all is done, he comes back to Junhwe, who's hiding behind Jinhwan and Yunhyeong.
"Junhwe, come here."
They hug, again, and it hurts to think this might be the last time for who knows how long.
"I'll come back. You know that, right?" Donghyuk whispers. "And I love you. We'll text each other. We'll facetime or skype. I'll come home whenever I can, and I'll always, always miss you. I already miss you."
Junhwe's tears start up again. He sobs into Donghyuk's shoulder. It's gross and he's probably ruining Donghyuk's warm sweater for the flight, but Donghyuk doesn't seem to mind.
"And I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to anger you. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry I have to go, hm? You don't hate me anymore, right?"
"No." Junhwe mumbles. "No. I don't, I just... I'm sorry."
"Can I have a kiss?" Donghyuk whispers. "Something to remember you by?"
"You said you weren't gonna be gone forever." Junhwe pulls away and pouts. "But fine."
Donghyuk wipes his own tears, then wipes Junhwe's with his sleeves. "Stop crying and come kiss me."
It's their first kiss. Short, shy, but sweet. Donghyuk's lips are soft and tender and Junhwe's lips tastes salty from all the tears, but it still makes Junhwe smile. It makes Donghyuk laugh a little. It's gross and wet with all the tears but they don't care. They don't care that their friends and Donghyuk's family is watching, all they can feel is each other and somehow, Junhwe feels better, even if just a little.
"Okay?" Junhwe mumbles when they finally pull away. Donghyuk nods and hums appreciatively.
"Wish I could stay for those lips, but..." He grins. "Maybe I'll go away for a while so I won't take you for granted."
Junhwe smiles. "'M sorry."
"Don't be! If I were you I'd be angry and I'd make a scene, too!" He laughs that loud, addictive laugh, and Junhwe finds himself laughing along.
"Guess I'll see you around." Donghyuk shrugs, looking at his watch. "I gotta go now. I'm boarding soon."
Donghyuk turns and seems to remember his other friends and his family are there.
"Right." Donghyuk laughs nervously. "I'm boarding soon."
"Just go." His sister rolls her eyes. His mom smiles, and Donghyuk's eyes fill with tears again. Junhwe wants to make him stop crying.
After one final hug to everyone, he leans up to peck Junhwe's lips, and whispers, "Check your e-mail."
---
He leaves, and Junhwe's heart has never hurt so much. He waits until the flight status on the board has changed to "departed", until Hanbin announces that Donghyuk just said he's taking off on the group chat, and then he gets in Yunhyeong's car.
He sits there, in the passenger's seat, eyes blank and empty. Yunhyeong doesn't say anything, sniffling once in a while as well. They don't talk. They don't turn the radio on. Just silence. And Junhwe doesn't regret coming to the airport, but it still hurts even after everything.
It still hurts. Even after he gets off Yunhyeong's car and cries a little on Yunhyeong's shoulder while they hug. Even after he's in bed, staring up at the ceiling.
It's 1 AM when he remembers Donghyuk's last words to him, whispered softly in his ears.
And then he gets up and does exactly what Donghyuk asked him to.
---
Dear Junhwe,
If someone told me 10 years ago that we would be friends, 8 year old me would laugh in their face and say, "No way! How could I be friends with that arrogant boy who lives next door?"
If we didn't sit next to each other at school 9 years ago, maybe we wouldn't be here now. I would still think you're an annoying, arrogant boy. I don't know what you thought of me (sometimes, I'm still not sure), but it was really hard befriending you then.
If you didn't almost drown yourself 7 years ago in that pool, and I didn't try to save you, maybe we wouldn't be as close as we are now.
If we didn't have that big fight 4 years ago, maybe I'd still take you for granted.
If someone told me 3 years ago that I would trust you with my life, I'd tell them they're crazy.
If someone told me a year ago that I would be in love with a certain Goo Junhwe, I would laugh in their face and tell them, "You're crazy! Junhwe? He's just my best friend! We care for each other, and that's it."
Yet here I am, today, writing this letter to you. By the time you read this, I'll be sleeping on a plane. But still, no matter how many miles, how many hours, how many islands, how many oceans, how many planets and universes separate us,
I will not change. I will still be in love with you. I will still want to be by your side. I will still want to laugh at you and with you. I will still want to go through life with you, through all the ups and downs, at our best and our worst. I will not leave, and I will still long for the day that we stand together, side by side once again.
But for now. For today. For tomorrow. For next week. For next month. For next year, and the years after that.
Until I return, be reassured that we will always be under the same sky, no matter where we are.
Fate brought us together. I believe it'll bring us together once again.
Til we meet again,
Donghyuk.
P.S.: yes, this is a confession. I'm in love with you. I know, I'm a coward. I spent a whole week writing this, thinking up of things to write and send to you once I leave. Because I'm scared you'll reject me to my face. Because I'm scared I'll ruin what we have. So I thought, why not after I leave? Because I'm a coward like that.
Hopefully I get the courage to confess to your face at the airport. Did I?