(Untitled)

[chaosreigning]

Title: Untitled
Fandom: Katekyoushi Hitman Reborn
Pairing: 8059
Rating: PG-13 at least - if you think it should be higher, please let me know.
Prompt: "Prostitutes" for my au_bingo  card.
Word Count: 513
Warnings: Sexual situations implied, swearing
Disclaimer: I do not own KHR. But I really wish I did.

Comments

[tokidoki_hime]

I couldn't help but read this because your introduction at the comm sounded exactly like mine (which was some time ago now) xD;

Anyhow, this is pretty damn good, to be fair. Your style flows nicely, the little parentheses afterthoughts were a nice touch and they both seemed pretty IC. Bonus points because it was AU and a lot of the time they tend to suck.

Nice work, I wish it was longer! x3

[chaosreigning]

Thanks a lot. ^_^ To be honest, I wasn't entirely sure about including those afterthoughts. I thought they might seem a little out of place or superfluous. But the story didn't quite seem complete without them, so they stayed - I'm glad to hear that they worked out.

I seem to be getting a lot of people wishing it was longer. XD I can't write lemons, though, or I totally would have kept going.

[ph_nx]

Don't apologize--brag XD. You have a lovely writing style; its tone is a sort of mix between elegant and comfortable (very sexy ^.~).

My only critique is that you seem to be over using parenthesis, at least for my personal tastes. Some parenthesis scattered throughout can really help to adjust the feel of the sentence, but if they're too frequent they can detract instead. I do the same thing with dashes -_-;;.

Very nice job <3.

[azurecerulean]

♥

[calavasas]

ASJKFGLDGS.

WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING. THIS WAS GREAT.

Don't be so hard on yourself!

I thought it was nice! ^^b