Combat with Chaos!
As mentioned not too long ago, I have three skills.
That's right, cooking was not one of them. However, this story is about one of my skills that does exist, much to everyone's surprise.
One of my skills that I have actually spent time on is martial arts. I like karate. I've been working out for over 20 years. Do not misunderstand: I hate fighting. I'm not a 'beater of ass', even if some people think I must be. I do this because of self-improvement and because, now, I love teaching. Strangely, despite my antisocial nature, I do like my students, and I like those moments when I connect with them and motivate them and make them better.
These moments are, of course, few and far between because I'm me. And that's terrible.
So anyway, in our wee school, there is the chief instructor, there is his wife who is the business manager and also an instructor, and then there's me. I have the dubious position of being senior to the business manager (and, really, the First Officer of the school overall), and also being totally uninterested in business things. So I am senior to, and junior to, the business manager. Rest assured, this causes complications.
That's not important here.
The Chief Instructor, in his Infinite Wisdom (and ongoing development) has delegated the task of testing and promoting new black belts to me. This is a responsibility that, while I'm probably good at, I also DO NOT WANT because I'm happy being the Capable Underling That No One Pays Attention To.
Today I spent the majority of the day running such a test. Today's test was challenging for numerous reasons. Regardless, I think I handled it professionally and appropriately. The test results will be issued in two weeks.
That's probably also not important here.
Despite being the Commander Riker to the Chief's Captain Picard, I still sometimes lack the confidence necessary to carry out my tasks. "What, me? Do thing? This important thing that important people do? Me? Really?" But somehow my objections fail and I do the thing.
Testing people is an important thing. Standing in for the Chief is an important thing. I take care of the thing.
Funny thing about years and years in the martial arts: a lot of parents bring their kids there to build confidence, focus, and self-esteem. These are great goals, and I have seen them take hold and transform students from quiet shy children to powerful confident adults. And this is true for myself: I am far more confident and forward than I was years ago. Not 100%, but much better. And yet...
...who am I to judge? I am the capable underling, not the grand arbiter. I am not a master, or the chief instructor.
This is a tough row for me to hoe. I have responsibility, but I don't believe I am qualified for it.
There's no real answer here, just me rambling on. Ultimately, while some people consider me worthy and qualified, I have yet to accept that within myself. And that might be a summary of my entire life.
And now, on a lighter note, my cheap Raiden cosplay.
That's right, cooking was not one of them. However, this story is about one of my skills that does exist, much to everyone's surprise.
One of my skills that I have actually spent time on is martial arts. I like karate. I've been working out for over 20 years. Do not misunderstand: I hate fighting. I'm not a 'beater of ass', even if some people think I must be. I do this because of self-improvement and because, now, I love teaching. Strangely, despite my antisocial nature, I do like my students, and I like those moments when I connect with them and motivate them and make them better.
These moments are, of course, few and far between because I'm me. And that's terrible.
So anyway, in our wee school, there is the chief instructor, there is his wife who is the business manager and also an instructor, and then there's me. I have the dubious position of being senior to the business manager (and, really, the First Officer of the school overall), and also being totally uninterested in business things. So I am senior to, and junior to, the business manager. Rest assured, this causes complications.
That's not important here.
The Chief Instructor, in his Infinite Wisdom (and ongoing development) has delegated the task of testing and promoting new black belts to me. This is a responsibility that, while I'm probably good at, I also DO NOT WANT because I'm happy being the Capable Underling That No One Pays Attention To.
Today I spent the majority of the day running such a test. Today's test was challenging for numerous reasons. Regardless, I think I handled it professionally and appropriately. The test results will be issued in two weeks.
That's probably also not important here.
Despite being the Commander Riker to the Chief's Captain Picard, I still sometimes lack the confidence necessary to carry out my tasks. "What, me? Do thing? This important thing that important people do? Me? Really?" But somehow my objections fail and I do the thing.
Testing people is an important thing. Standing in for the Chief is an important thing. I take care of the thing.
Funny thing about years and years in the martial arts: a lot of parents bring their kids there to build confidence, focus, and self-esteem. These are great goals, and I have seen them take hold and transform students from quiet shy children to powerful confident adults. And this is true for myself: I am far more confident and forward than I was years ago. Not 100%, but much better. And yet...
...who am I to judge? I am the capable underling, not the grand arbiter. I am not a master, or the chief instructor.
This is a tough row for me to hoe. I have responsibility, but I don't believe I am qualified for it.
There's no real answer here, just me rambling on. Ultimately, while some people consider me worthy and qualified, I have yet to accept that within myself. And that might be a summary of my entire life.
And now, on a lighter note, my cheap Raiden cosplay.