[PNF] the end of all tales : a life story
title ; the end of all tales : a life story
rating ; PG:13, i curse some.
word count ; 2429 words.
summary ; best friends, broken hearts and walls.
disclaimer ; MINE. KEEP BACK!
note ; my life story in personal non-fiction land. uh oh. this isn't beta'd more than May's usual once over. If you have any concrit, let me know, please? And if you have a favorite line, pleaaseee let me know? I want feedback like whoa. &hearts
Your life is a mess of jumbled memories and little moments of peace and anger and a whole lot of moments of sadness and heartache. You're a liar and a good one, and you have walls the size of a thirty story hotel surrounding your heart. You trust few people, and hide behind the words you never say. You love deeply and forever, and you don't forget that easily. You try so hard, but that's what makes you different.You're sarcastic and cynical and you cling to your friends with everything you are. Your life is a string of moments, of people who you've met and loved. This is who you are, and this is how you got there.
You're four when you meet your first best friend. Or maybe you had one before, except that you can't remember them. You don't have the best memory, so it's entirely plausible. But you would at least remember the feeling, you know that much. So you consider the first time you have a friend is on your second day of kindergarten. The first you were all tears and wild curls, you'd spent the summer with your family and older brother, you didn't want to let go of that, or know how. But he's in second grade and a big boy now. He doesn't like you hanging around. And your parents have work. So kindergarten is where you have to go. You have to sit at a miniature circle-table with two boys and a girl. You can't remember the girls name now, but you introduced yourself quite readily to the blond boy with some messy hair and warm brown eyes, Sean, he tells you, and introduces you to the brunette next to him as Austin. You're instantly friends. And he develops into your best friend, he's a charming little boy and you'll never be able to resist him. He makes you laugh and you make him think. It was a match made in heaven, you know, but that doesn't stop you from ending the friendship on the last day (you'll never see him again, you think.) You're going to a new school after break and you're hopeful that this blond boy will be the last thing on your mind. (he's not.)
You're five when you meet your second best friend. Its the first day of first grade, and its a new school, and you're frightened because you don't know a soul here. You sit with your supplies all piled on your desk in a neat order, fiddling with the ones that seem out of place until everything is perfect, and when it is you curl your fingers into your new dress and turn your eyes down to the brown wooden top of the desk you sit at, and keep your ears pealed for your teacher's singing voice. The day wears on, and you're sad because this whole day has been about rules and you still don't know anyone. (is this how it will be from now on?) When it nears the end of the day, she lets you all talk amongst class, as if she heard your thoughts as the day dragged on. The girl next to you turns, and smiles benignly, and you vaguely remember roll call, and that her name is similar to your own as she asks you for yours. You tell her and then she asks who you had for kindergarten, and you proceed to spill your life story. (oh, how trusting you were then.)
You're six when you meet your third best friend. Its another school year, and another school, it seems to get ridiculous how you keep starting your life over, but in the end it's not your decision and you must live with your parent's choices. Your first day here was awful. You're new and shy, and you stutter when your teacher makes you stand and tell the rest of the class about yourself, and they laugh. You don't talk much with them after that. (this is how you became so self-conscious about your words and how you use them) Halfway through the year, something changes and you find yourself hanging out with a group of girls who turn out to be surprisingly sweet. You spend more and more time talking with one girl, who you always seem to get paired with for projects and thats perfect, because soon you're constantly talking to her on the phone and you think, maybe this friendship will last beyond the time you spend at the school. You end the school year on a good note, and your mother surprises you with the news that you won't be switching schools again (even though you doubt her) so you promise that you'll see her next year and everything is perfect. (you lose contact with her almost instantly.)
You're seven when you have your first crush. You've never been interested in boys, not really, other than the one in kindergarten who was your best friend, but that doesn't matter now. You see him for the first time at the end of the third grade, passed by in the hallway but you didn't get a second look at his face, and you spot him at recess a few days later playing basketball while you sit on a picnic table and gossip with your best friend of almost a year (you pick up where you left off on the first day, it surprises you how easy it is to fall into old patterns.) he's got short curls (you wince feeling pity, your own are enough to make you crazy, and you're only seven.) and he's tall for your age. He joking with his friends, and it's his laugh that catches your attention so suddenly. You lean to your friends and ask his name. They tell you and laugh, saying with disdain that he's one of the it kids. And you frown, because you can't see that, not from the boy you're seeing who laughs so freely, but you turn to them and smile and forget about him for awhile. (you always look but never touch, its like standing in a glassware shop with your hands tied behind your back.)
You're eight when you meet your fourth best friend. The girl you'd become so close to during your first two years at this school is gone, moved to another town and you look a little lost on your first day back, but you sit next to a girl you met the year before, and you soon become close friends. Her real name is Molly, but she hates it, and goes by her middle name, Abby. The loss of your best friend this year is not your only surprise (there are two more for you, this year). You end up in a class with your first crush. He's the same as you remember, his hair a bit longer and a bit taller, but his laugh is the same and you smile at him and you find yourself infatuated with him again. He asks you to be his girlfriend a few months after starting the year and you say yes (even though you're too young to know what that really means) and you break up two days later. (you find out later that his friends made fun of him for being with you, and you hate him for letting them pressure him.) You don't forgive him for that. Your second surprise is Sean, your first best friend (you're surprised and scared, you weren't supposed to see him again. This isn't how this friendship thing works for you. Once gone, they're gone. You mourn the loss and move on [but not really].) and it doesn't surprise you how the two of you have changed, he's a popular kid, fitting in with the children who made fun of you on your first day at this school, and he turns out to be the new best friend of your crush, and you're far to shy to even talk to them now, even though you secretly hate them. He's an asshole and you're a vindictive little bitch, so you don't talk. You sit at opposite sides of the classroom and ignore the fact that you know each other (when his friends find out, you can read the shock on their faces). Sometime during the year something snaps, like a rubber band pulled to taut, and then you and Sean are getting closer, and talking more, and your crush is becoming your friend to, despite you holding your former relationship against him. You end up with acne by the end of the year and it makes you more nervous about how people see you. You stay best friends with Abby, but you extend your circle, which makes you so much happier. (but this is the year when you lay the foundation for your walls. They'll only get bigger, you know)
You're nine by fifth grade, and you end up with four best friends, how this happens, you don't know, but it makes you happy because this is the perfect way to live, you are a social person, despite your shyness and you thrive on the contact. You hit puberty this year, and you become self-conscious about your body, but you have Sam, who you still have a tumultuous relationship with, and part of you loves him (puppy love, you'll find out.) and you regret that you're not always the best person you can be to him, but he's sweet and he cares for you and you ignore the rest. By the end of the year, you've met Adrian, which spurs a short but lovely friendship makes you insanely happy, he has a quirky personality which you adore, and Jessica, who shares your love of literature and writing. You become close to her during the last few months of the year and she quickly becomes the best of the best of your friends. Abby and Sean are closer than you'd ever thought to each other, as well as you. You only lose contact with one best friend this year, but you've built new friendships to mend the small hole in your heart. (there are so many mends and patches over it, you're surprised there is any room left)
You're ten in sixth grade, and it's harder for you to keep up with your friendships. All your friends end up in different classes and you're stuck by yourself floundering in the social scene, when the others have at least one other member of your small circle in their own classes. You try to make friends, but you're even more shy, and you don't really care much about these people, if you're honest. By the end of the year, you've pulled back into your walls so hidden from the world that you don't know what is up and what is down. You excel at lying now, having perfected it during the constant strain from not wanting to worry the people you love. Your friends try and make play dates, you hide behind false words, with a slight smile. They can never tell. You still eat lunch with your small group and talk about nothing (its everything back then) and hold hands under the table with your first crush and make eyes at your first best friend from across the table. The drama in your life is fun, and the two of you get off on creating and controlling it. It amuses you how the fact that your lives are so intertwined at this one moment, and you love it. (that will end someday, but for now, in this one second, you are happy to think he is perfect despite his numerous flaws)
You're eleven at the beginning of seventh grade. You spent the summer alone with your books and fantasies, and your best friends are now just your friends. One friendship ended during the summer (goodbye, crush, hello freedom) and one friend moved away, (you'll keep in touch, you lie, but force yourself to try and mean it anyway.) The few that are left... one rebelled that summer, turning into something you didn't quite want to be, the smoke from a lit cigarette curls into the wind and dissipates and the cheap box of hair dye sits on the counter top of her bathroom.She drops out mid-school year, and chooses to be home schooled. You don't talk to her much after that. The other you can't seem to hold on to. You're friends still, but it's different. By the middle of the year, you've adjusted.You've got minor acquaintances, and friends, but a few best friends, and none of them as close as before. You fight with your first best friend (he's replaced you, like a cheap old toy that was too broken to fix) and the friendship ends without much of a fight. Even a month and a half later, after a somewhat shaky agreement comes about (you'll be friends again, but it will never be the same as before, you know this without a doubt), you can't keep the resentment and hurt from coursing through you at the sight of him. You thought, despite all the friendships you've been through, he'd be the one to stick with you through everything. You were wrong. The school year ends without much thought. You won't be back there and you lose everyone except one. You know the time limits on your friendships, now, and you can say without a doubt that she'll be around for awhile, despite the distance. (everything has an expiration date to you now)
You're twelve-thirteen-fourteen-fifteen-sixteen when the next school year comes around. Its the same, except now you're at home with you family and your mom smiles and makes you breakfast as she goes over the assigned reading and you laugh at your brother who has milk dripping from his chin. Your dad makes coffee and then heads off to work, with a dropped kiss on your head. You know it's not perfect, it never is, but this is your life. And this is who you are. You'll work out the rest of it later, but for now, this is all that matters.
rating ; PG:13, i curse some.
word count ; 2429 words.
summary ; best friends, broken hearts and walls.
disclaimer ; MINE. KEEP BACK!
note ; my life story in personal non-fiction land. uh oh. this isn't beta'd more than May's usual once over. If you have any concrit, let me know, please? And if you have a favorite line, pleaaseee let me know? I want feedback like whoa. &hearts
Your life is a mess of jumbled memories and little moments of peace and anger and a whole lot of moments of sadness and heartache. You're a liar and a good one, and you have walls the size of a thirty story hotel surrounding your heart. You trust few people, and hide behind the words you never say. You love deeply and forever, and you don't forget that easily. You try so hard, but that's what makes you different.You're sarcastic and cynical and you cling to your friends with everything you are. Your life is a string of moments, of people who you've met and loved. This is who you are, and this is how you got there.
You're four when you meet your first best friend. Or maybe you had one before, except that you can't remember them. You don't have the best memory, so it's entirely plausible. But you would at least remember the feeling, you know that much. So you consider the first time you have a friend is on your second day of kindergarten. The first you were all tears and wild curls, you'd spent the summer with your family and older brother, you didn't want to let go of that, or know how. But he's in second grade and a big boy now. He doesn't like you hanging around. And your parents have work. So kindergarten is where you have to go. You have to sit at a miniature circle-table with two boys and a girl. You can't remember the girls name now, but you introduced yourself quite readily to the blond boy with some messy hair and warm brown eyes, Sean, he tells you, and introduces you to the brunette next to him as Austin. You're instantly friends. And he develops into your best friend, he's a charming little boy and you'll never be able to resist him. He makes you laugh and you make him think. It was a match made in heaven, you know, but that doesn't stop you from ending the friendship on the last day (you'll never see him again, you think.) You're going to a new school after break and you're hopeful that this blond boy will be the last thing on your mind. (he's not.)
You're five when you meet your second best friend. Its the first day of first grade, and its a new school, and you're frightened because you don't know a soul here. You sit with your supplies all piled on your desk in a neat order, fiddling with the ones that seem out of place until everything is perfect, and when it is you curl your fingers into your new dress and turn your eyes down to the brown wooden top of the desk you sit at, and keep your ears pealed for your teacher's singing voice. The day wears on, and you're sad because this whole day has been about rules and you still don't know anyone. (is this how it will be from now on?) When it nears the end of the day, she lets you all talk amongst class, as if she heard your thoughts as the day dragged on. The girl next to you turns, and smiles benignly, and you vaguely remember roll call, and that her name is similar to your own as she asks you for yours. You tell her and then she asks who you had for kindergarten, and you proceed to spill your life story. (oh, how trusting you were then.)
You're six when you meet your third best friend. Its another school year, and another school, it seems to get ridiculous how you keep starting your life over, but in the end it's not your decision and you must live with your parent's choices. Your first day here was awful. You're new and shy, and you stutter when your teacher makes you stand and tell the rest of the class about yourself, and they laugh. You don't talk much with them after that. (this is how you became so self-conscious about your words and how you use them) Halfway through the year, something changes and you find yourself hanging out with a group of girls who turn out to be surprisingly sweet. You spend more and more time talking with one girl, who you always seem to get paired with for projects and thats perfect, because soon you're constantly talking to her on the phone and you think, maybe this friendship will last beyond the time you spend at the school. You end the school year on a good note, and your mother surprises you with the news that you won't be switching schools again (even though you doubt her) so you promise that you'll see her next year and everything is perfect. (you lose contact with her almost instantly.)
You're seven when you have your first crush. You've never been interested in boys, not really, other than the one in kindergarten who was your best friend, but that doesn't matter now. You see him for the first time at the end of the third grade, passed by in the hallway but you didn't get a second look at his face, and you spot him at recess a few days later playing basketball while you sit on a picnic table and gossip with your best friend of almost a year (you pick up where you left off on the first day, it surprises you how easy it is to fall into old patterns.) he's got short curls (you wince feeling pity, your own are enough to make you crazy, and you're only seven.) and he's tall for your age. He joking with his friends, and it's his laugh that catches your attention so suddenly. You lean to your friends and ask his name. They tell you and laugh, saying with disdain that he's one of the it kids. And you frown, because you can't see that, not from the boy you're seeing who laughs so freely, but you turn to them and smile and forget about him for awhile. (you always look but never touch, its like standing in a glassware shop with your hands tied behind your back.)
You're eight when you meet your fourth best friend. The girl you'd become so close to during your first two years at this school is gone, moved to another town and you look a little lost on your first day back, but you sit next to a girl you met the year before, and you soon become close friends. Her real name is Molly, but she hates it, and goes by her middle name, Abby. The loss of your best friend this year is not your only surprise (there are two more for you, this year). You end up in a class with your first crush. He's the same as you remember, his hair a bit longer and a bit taller, but his laugh is the same and you smile at him and you find yourself infatuated with him again. He asks you to be his girlfriend a few months after starting the year and you say yes (even though you're too young to know what that really means) and you break up two days later. (you find out later that his friends made fun of him for being with you, and you hate him for letting them pressure him.) You don't forgive him for that. Your second surprise is Sean, your first best friend (you're surprised and scared, you weren't supposed to see him again. This isn't how this friendship thing works for you. Once gone, they're gone. You mourn the loss and move on [but not really].) and it doesn't surprise you how the two of you have changed, he's a popular kid, fitting in with the children who made fun of you on your first day at this school, and he turns out to be the new best friend of your crush, and you're far to shy to even talk to them now, even though you secretly hate them. He's an asshole and you're a vindictive little bitch, so you don't talk. You sit at opposite sides of the classroom and ignore the fact that you know each other (when his friends find out, you can read the shock on their faces). Sometime during the year something snaps, like a rubber band pulled to taut, and then you and Sean are getting closer, and talking more, and your crush is becoming your friend to, despite you holding your former relationship against him. You end up with acne by the end of the year and it makes you more nervous about how people see you. You stay best friends with Abby, but you extend your circle, which makes you so much happier. (but this is the year when you lay the foundation for your walls. They'll only get bigger, you know)
You're nine by fifth grade, and you end up with four best friends, how this happens, you don't know, but it makes you happy because this is the perfect way to live, you are a social person, despite your shyness and you thrive on the contact. You hit puberty this year, and you become self-conscious about your body, but you have Sam, who you still have a tumultuous relationship with, and part of you loves him (puppy love, you'll find out.) and you regret that you're not always the best person you can be to him, but he's sweet and he cares for you and you ignore the rest. By the end of the year, you've met Adrian, which spurs a short but lovely friendship makes you insanely happy, he has a quirky personality which you adore, and Jessica, who shares your love of literature and writing. You become close to her during the last few months of the year and she quickly becomes the best of the best of your friends. Abby and Sean are closer than you'd ever thought to each other, as well as you. You only lose contact with one best friend this year, but you've built new friendships to mend the small hole in your heart. (there are so many mends and patches over it, you're surprised there is any room left)
You're ten in sixth grade, and it's harder for you to keep up with your friendships. All your friends end up in different classes and you're stuck by yourself floundering in the social scene, when the others have at least one other member of your small circle in their own classes. You try to make friends, but you're even more shy, and you don't really care much about these people, if you're honest. By the end of the year, you've pulled back into your walls so hidden from the world that you don't know what is up and what is down. You excel at lying now, having perfected it during the constant strain from not wanting to worry the people you love. Your friends try and make play dates, you hide behind false words, with a slight smile. They can never tell. You still eat lunch with your small group and talk about nothing (its everything back then) and hold hands under the table with your first crush and make eyes at your first best friend from across the table. The drama in your life is fun, and the two of you get off on creating and controlling it. It amuses you how the fact that your lives are so intertwined at this one moment, and you love it. (that will end someday, but for now, in this one second, you are happy to think he is perfect despite his numerous flaws)
You're eleven at the beginning of seventh grade. You spent the summer alone with your books and fantasies, and your best friends are now just your friends. One friendship ended during the summer (goodbye, crush, hello freedom) and one friend moved away, (you'll keep in touch, you lie, but force yourself to try and mean it anyway.) The few that are left... one rebelled that summer, turning into something you didn't quite want to be, the smoke from a lit cigarette curls into the wind and dissipates and the cheap box of hair dye sits on the counter top of her bathroom.She drops out mid-school year, and chooses to be home schooled. You don't talk to her much after that. The other you can't seem to hold on to. You're friends still, but it's different. By the middle of the year, you've adjusted.You've got minor acquaintances, and friends, but a few best friends, and none of them as close as before. You fight with your first best friend (he's replaced you, like a cheap old toy that was too broken to fix) and the friendship ends without much of a fight. Even a month and a half later, after a somewhat shaky agreement comes about (you'll be friends again, but it will never be the same as before, you know this without a doubt), you can't keep the resentment and hurt from coursing through you at the sight of him. You thought, despite all the friendships you've been through, he'd be the one to stick with you through everything. You were wrong. The school year ends without much thought. You won't be back there and you lose everyone except one. You know the time limits on your friendships, now, and you can say without a doubt that she'll be around for awhile, despite the distance. (everything has an expiration date to you now)
You're twelve-thirteen-fourteen-fifteen-sixteen when the next school year comes around. Its the same, except now you're at home with you family and your mom smiles and makes you breakfast as she goes over the assigned reading and you laugh at your brother who has milk dripping from his chin. Your dad makes coffee and then heads off to work, with a dropped kiss on your head. You know it's not perfect, it never is, but this is your life. And this is who you are. You'll work out the rest of it later, but for now, this is all that matters.