Comments | chargy: It's Rhetoric. Seriously.

chargy

It's Rhetoric. Seriously.

Feb 01, 2006 21:31

This is my first fiction piece for Creative Writing.

So you know the background, it's a short piece about someone with an obsession.

Here it comes:

With hesitance the door opened. Staggering into the room, Greg ( Read more... )

Comments 8

lilred1 February 3 2006, 02:41:46 UTC

LOVED the ending. That is honestly really good!

dork_on_ska February 3 2006, 02:50:26 UTC

Okay, let's get the negative out of the way first ( ... )

afro_sam February 3 2006, 06:31:20 UTC

The temperature descriptor disappears so the redness has more of an impact.

dork_on_ska February 3 2006, 09:53:35 UTC

actually, thats a good point. I guess it could go either way, but you are right. The red stands out more.

afro_sam February 3 2006, 06:30:42 UTC

Semi-colons muthafucka.

ssjtrunks494 February 3 2006, 15:08:32 UTC

I really liked this :) The word choice for descriptions really enhanced that creepy-obsessive part

glowfox February 3 2006, 19:39:39 UTC

It was good. ^^ The only thing that I was a little weird about was the use of porcelain over and over...but that's probably what you were going for. Otherwise it was great. :)