(no subject)
The devestation I can cause to myself is almost funny. I'm safe inside my head from so many outside influences... But inside there, there is no friction. So when my doubt fires like a bullet it ricochets endlessly, tearing me apart like a hollowpoint.
Now before you pity me or rush to judgement, keep reading, if you have been. This pain is kind of like a gift. I guess. In moments of such intense feeling, a certain clarity of vision lends itself to me. The sheer lucidity of my reflection is amazing to me. It's awe inspiring. I see the day I just lived through on autopilot unravel like a tapestry, my own decisions or lack thereof the only marred pattern in what is otherwise a beautiful, intricate design. My gift is my clarity. But I lack even a modicand of foresight.
I guess this is a distress call. My first real admonition. I know that big words don't illicit big emotions, but I promise I feel those like a hot iron. At night. When you suffer from insomnia you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake. How fitting. I dare you to wake me up. I implore something to give. I can't go through this bullshit anymore.