Rough Day i guess....
Im having one of those days i suppose.
her and i have not spoken in well over a year, since before her boyfriend (if they are even still together) Byron moved back from Spain. It hurts, a lot, and i feel forgotten, especially when I have tried to make contact, called her, emailed, facebooked, texted, all of the above to try to get together so we can hang out. Im also feeling way lonely right now, i guess, I really miss her, but there are others on my heart that i have come to realize that i miss just as much as the kara-boo...
i recently let down Becca and Bear, and today as i was looking through some pictures, i realized that i miss the relationship we had. Becca was some one i could talk to about anything and everything. Cole and I were supposed to go up there a couple times this year and we ended up having to back out...letting her and bear down. it wasnt just that, it was the fact that we didnt call or had mentioned we would try to make it up, and then were never able to.
then there is lacy....i know she is just busy. she just got engaged to spencer, she works the weekends, has the beau beau (who is almost two), and her animals. i just really miss her, and could really use a girls night i think. Since she had pretty much been there for me over the last few years for just about everything.
I have been getting closer to Miss Gail in the last year, which has been great, I am incredibly thankful for her friendship. Its been nice to be able to go out with her and do stuff besides court shit. Shopping with her is a blast, even if we do end up picking out the same clothes! We have been able to do a lot of stuff together, and its been nice to have some one to escape with when we can, even though right now, im kind of stuck at home or at my moms house for a while.
part of me is also just depressed. Im flat out depressed. I cant do anything, cant really go anyplace, i get to lay on the couch and watch tv or play video games. i miss being in school, i miss having a job, i miss being able to go out of town and doing court shows, hell, i miss just being able to walk down the mall with out being in incredible amounts of pain. i hate being on the medications, im scared to death of becoming addicted to my pain meds again, but i cant function with out them right now, and i dont like having to rely on the medications to make me not be in pain. I am not able to loose weight like i want, because i cant exercise like i should be able to. what the hell am i supposed to do?
oh..and it doestn help that my husband is on a fried food kick lately. I love his cooking, dont get me wrong. but the breaded and fried meat is not helping me on my weight loss...even as good as it is, i have to really be careful of my portions. he made some killer porkchops the other night, breaded and fried, and i could only eat about a quarter to half of it, and only half of the mashed spuds so that i didnt feel guilty about eating the food. I need to get some more recipies for healthy food to try out...or at least go through my diabetic cookbooks and see what i can find to try.
Im also missing the D/s aspect of Papi and I....i cant play right now, ok, lets rephrase that. I cant do any impact play right now. And of course, I really need the release of impact play. fuck, i need a beating, lets put it that way. i need to have the holy living snot beat out of me, till im screaming and in tears, and my entire body is a melted pool of nothingness. I have got to get better....even my sex life is wavering because i cant function properly. im just so tired of this crap....
ok..i guess i really needed to write..its been along time since i have journaled, and it looks like i need to start doing it again. start blogging and getting things off my chest since i really dont have the abilty to go out with people and talk...and lets face it...no one really wants to come over to my house and hang out...700 square feet is not much when you have two cats and a maggie....any ways...i need to go lay down now...
ciao..
her and i have not spoken in well over a year, since before her boyfriend (if they are even still together) Byron moved back from Spain. It hurts, a lot, and i feel forgotten, especially when I have tried to make contact, called her, emailed, facebooked, texted, all of the above to try to get together so we can hang out. Im also feeling way lonely right now, i guess, I really miss her, but there are others on my heart that i have come to realize that i miss just as much as the kara-boo...
i recently let down Becca and Bear, and today as i was looking through some pictures, i realized that i miss the relationship we had. Becca was some one i could talk to about anything and everything. Cole and I were supposed to go up there a couple times this year and we ended up having to back out...letting her and bear down. it wasnt just that, it was the fact that we didnt call or had mentioned we would try to make it up, and then were never able to.
then there is lacy....i know she is just busy. she just got engaged to spencer, she works the weekends, has the beau beau (who is almost two), and her animals. i just really miss her, and could really use a girls night i think. Since she had pretty much been there for me over the last few years for just about everything.
I have been getting closer to Miss Gail in the last year, which has been great, I am incredibly thankful for her friendship. Its been nice to be able to go out with her and do stuff besides court shit. Shopping with her is a blast, even if we do end up picking out the same clothes! We have been able to do a lot of stuff together, and its been nice to have some one to escape with when we can, even though right now, im kind of stuck at home or at my moms house for a while.
part of me is also just depressed. Im flat out depressed. I cant do anything, cant really go anyplace, i get to lay on the couch and watch tv or play video games. i miss being in school, i miss having a job, i miss being able to go out of town and doing court shows, hell, i miss just being able to walk down the mall with out being in incredible amounts of pain. i hate being on the medications, im scared to death of becoming addicted to my pain meds again, but i cant function with out them right now, and i dont like having to rely on the medications to make me not be in pain. I am not able to loose weight like i want, because i cant exercise like i should be able to. what the hell am i supposed to do?
oh..and it doestn help that my husband is on a fried food kick lately. I love his cooking, dont get me wrong. but the breaded and fried meat is not helping me on my weight loss...even as good as it is, i have to really be careful of my portions. he made some killer porkchops the other night, breaded and fried, and i could only eat about a quarter to half of it, and only half of the mashed spuds so that i didnt feel guilty about eating the food. I need to get some more recipies for healthy food to try out...or at least go through my diabetic cookbooks and see what i can find to try.
Im also missing the D/s aspect of Papi and I....i cant play right now, ok, lets rephrase that. I cant do any impact play right now. And of course, I really need the release of impact play. fuck, i need a beating, lets put it that way. i need to have the holy living snot beat out of me, till im screaming and in tears, and my entire body is a melted pool of nothingness. I have got to get better....even my sex life is wavering because i cant function properly. im just so tired of this crap....
ok..i guess i really needed to write..its been along time since i have journaled, and it looks like i need to start doing it again. start blogging and getting things off my chest since i really dont have the abilty to go out with people and talk...and lets face it...no one really wants to come over to my house and hang out...700 square feet is not much when you have two cats and a maggie....any ways...i need to go lay down now...
ciao..