Okay, we can stop this now...
One of the strange things I've noticed about my social etiquette is my uncanny habit of leading every conversation that even somewhat relates to sex to the phrase "I'm a bottom."
Why this is, I do not know, be it my necessity to have the person with whom I am conversing understand my stance on the issue of sex, or be it that I'm subconsciously attempting to convince myself of it (which is a theory that I can't subscribe to even a little, but hey, my subconscious is wacky like that). Nonetheless, the reality of my sexuality is that yes, I am a bottom- which poses certain... problems.
I'm a massive figure; my body is large both in a sense of height and in a sense of girth; I've a deep voice with large hands. I'm certainly not the type of a person that you think of when you imagine the gay stereotype, and most definitely not the type of a person that you think of when you imagine the feminine-gay stereotypes- it's just absurd, and I admit that it is pretty ridiculous from a physical standpoint.
Primarily, in regards to the act with which my mind seems to have once again become recently obsessed, I would need to take on the masculine role while cuddling. Even splayed out, it's doubtful that anyone's shoulder would be broad enough for my head to rest on comfortably- especially when considering that larger men than I are extremely hard to come by. Don't get me wrong- I'd be glad to take on the masculine role in the aforementioned situation... But thanks to the gender roles that society has indoctrinated us all with, I would always be aware of the oddity of the situation.
As well as the obvious physical dilemmas, the less-noticeable psychological dilemmas exist. Mainly, I've spent my entire life raised and living as the epitome of public manhood; I hate asking for directions, I dislike calling in repairmen, I carry myself with an imposing air, and I seem to exude an aura of disinterest while in public settings. In more private settings, I'll be the first to admit that while I still dislike seeking aid, I'm as chatty as a school-girl, carrying myself with my scholarly air and exuding my auras of intelligence and wisdom, but my interior is still plastered with DIY manuals, furnished with handmade wooden furniture and littered with trash; by all means, I'm 100% masculine, save for the artistic creativity, the intelligence, the emotions- all of which came standard with my subscription to Gay- and the obvious fact that yeah, I prefer to be fucked. Assuming that standard gender roles exist within gay society, I'm pretty unfucked; I can only imagine how many sexually-masculine feminines there are out there... I guess there must be some type of a term for it- semi-transgender?- but hell, thinking about this makes my head hurt.
Like I've said dozens upon dozens of times before, I'll have to let things play out the way that they're meant to... but even just from my psychological profile and a basic knowledge of social psychology, it seems unlikely that I'll ever just happen across someone with whom I have chemistry.
My life is weird.
Why this is, I do not know, be it my necessity to have the person with whom I am conversing understand my stance on the issue of sex, or be it that I'm subconsciously attempting to convince myself of it (which is a theory that I can't subscribe to even a little, but hey, my subconscious is wacky like that). Nonetheless, the reality of my sexuality is that yes, I am a bottom- which poses certain... problems.
I'm a massive figure; my body is large both in a sense of height and in a sense of girth; I've a deep voice with large hands. I'm certainly not the type of a person that you think of when you imagine the gay stereotype, and most definitely not the type of a person that you think of when you imagine the feminine-gay stereotypes- it's just absurd, and I admit that it is pretty ridiculous from a physical standpoint.
Primarily, in regards to the act with which my mind seems to have once again become recently obsessed, I would need to take on the masculine role while cuddling. Even splayed out, it's doubtful that anyone's shoulder would be broad enough for my head to rest on comfortably- especially when considering that larger men than I are extremely hard to come by. Don't get me wrong- I'd be glad to take on the masculine role in the aforementioned situation... But thanks to the gender roles that society has indoctrinated us all with, I would always be aware of the oddity of the situation.
As well as the obvious physical dilemmas, the less-noticeable psychological dilemmas exist. Mainly, I've spent my entire life raised and living as the epitome of public manhood; I hate asking for directions, I dislike calling in repairmen, I carry myself with an imposing air, and I seem to exude an aura of disinterest while in public settings. In more private settings, I'll be the first to admit that while I still dislike seeking aid, I'm as chatty as a school-girl, carrying myself with my scholarly air and exuding my auras of intelligence and wisdom, but my interior is still plastered with DIY manuals, furnished with handmade wooden furniture and littered with trash; by all means, I'm 100% masculine, save for the artistic creativity, the intelligence, the emotions- all of which came standard with my subscription to Gay- and the obvious fact that yeah, I prefer to be fucked. Assuming that standard gender roles exist within gay society, I'm pretty unfucked; I can only imagine how many sexually-masculine feminines there are out there... I guess there must be some type of a term for it- semi-transgender?- but hell, thinking about this makes my head hurt.
Like I've said dozens upon dozens of times before, I'll have to let things play out the way that they're meant to... but even just from my psychological profile and a basic knowledge of social psychology, it seems unlikely that I'll ever just happen across someone with whom I have chemistry.
My life is weird.