(no subject)
Last night of Rosenstern. It was fantastic. The audience was the best, everyone was great, and yeah. Hillary couldn't believe that I'd never done tech before. Apparently I seemed competent and knowledgeable and crap? See, that's what bothers me. Everyone was telling me that I did a good job too, that I helped so much, thank you so much, and I..... turned a knob at the right time. Ooooooh look at my skills.
I never..... I mean, it's not like I don't "belong" with the cast - they all made me join their group hug thing during strike in the green room - but I don't. I wasn't there through all of it, I was there for this week, and.... just, no. I... I don't know what to make anything. I mean, it's frustrating. I already finally realized that someone a few weeks ago would rather have nothing to do with me. It's not hard to figure out that other people, like in Rosenstern, feel the same way. Can't they just.... tell me, though? So I don't have to go over and try to be all friendly and supportive and get shut out....
Again, please, can I learn to not be so emotionally dependent on people who don't like me?
Act 3 got to me again. I wasn't even listening, it was cast - "cast" - dynamics, I guess? I don't know. At the cast - "cast" - party, it took a lot to keep me from crying on Caitlin's shoulder. I don't think I succeeded.... Then again, I don't think anyone's ever countered my "I'm fine" with, "No, you're not fine." But. *shrug*
Oh, and lol at Jill thinking I sing well?
Caitlin and Michelle ended up walking with me when I left the party. That was nice. Until I realized that my bike wasn't in Denbigh, and I freaked out and walked to Park and then to the campus center (and had a wtf conversation with Rebekah about Prof Lima?) and then to Erdman and back to Denbigh. Oi.
At least I can have passed physics?
I never..... I mean, it's not like I don't "belong" with the cast - they all made me join their group hug thing during strike in the green room - but I don't. I wasn't there through all of it, I was there for this week, and.... just, no. I... I don't know what to make anything. I mean, it's frustrating. I already finally realized that someone a few weeks ago would rather have nothing to do with me. It's not hard to figure out that other people, like in Rosenstern, feel the same way. Can't they just.... tell me, though? So I don't have to go over and try to be all friendly and supportive and get shut out....
Again, please, can I learn to not be so emotionally dependent on people who don't like me?
Act 3 got to me again. I wasn't even listening, it was cast - "cast" - dynamics, I guess? I don't know. At the cast - "cast" - party, it took a lot to keep me from crying on Caitlin's shoulder. I don't think I succeeded.... Then again, I don't think anyone's ever countered my "I'm fine" with, "No, you're not fine." But. *shrug*
Oh, and lol at Jill thinking I sing well?
Caitlin and Michelle ended up walking with me when I left the party. That was nice. Until I realized that my bike wasn't in Denbigh, and I freaked out and walked to Park and then to the campus center (and had a wtf conversation with Rebekah about Prof Lima?) and then to Erdman and back to Denbigh. Oi.
At least I can have passed physics?