i'm tired...

[charlielux]

shit, i've purged four times today already and i haven't even eaten a substantial meal.  i just purged diet coke and tostitos.  i have a problem with standing in front of our little pantry and just eating stupid food.  chips and bean dip.  triscuits and cheese.  i just can't stop and then everytime i snack i go purge.  and it's not even that much

Comments

[masquerade_life]

its like your mind is split in two, you have your negative mind and you. you need to give your negative mind a name so that it is different.. seperate.. from you, because your ed is not what makes you. it is something seperate from you and that is why recovery is a possibility, its like breaking up with an abusive partner, because effectively that is what it is.
i do the same thing with eating shitty snacks because i just get the worst cravings that refuse to go away until i have had what i crave. its terrible, and then i never throw up afterwards which means i just get fatter, or so it feels anyways.
do you have msn? maybe we can chat some time?

[charlielux]

yeah i guess you're right. it is like two separate people. i never really thought about it like that. although at this point i don't think it'd be possible for me to "break-up" with my other half. i'm the same way with cravings. i just can't stop myself, and they are CONSTANT. i'd like to chat but i don't have msn. just aim and i very rarely get on

[masquerade_life]

thats a little bit like how it was explained to me when i started treatment at the bronte foundation, which has since closed down in my city. it very difficult to "break up" with the other half, but i do believe that when the very long process of recovery is over it will be well worth it. but sometimes it just feels like it will never end. do you maybe have a myspace?