The OC Fic
Title: The Hart Break
Chapter 7, Part B
Author: ChaseII
Story Rating: PG-13(?) (minor language)
Disclaimer: The OC Universe, with all its assorted characters, belongs to Josh Schwartz, et. al. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended, nor is any money being made.
See earlier notes on Chapter 7 Part A entry...
Ryan can feel Megan staring at him a long moment before she speaks. Sam moves his body back a few inches, appearing to defer to her judgment.
“Okay,” she finally says, but from the hesitation in her voice Ryan is sure she’s storing his slip for future reference. Probably somewhere in Dewey decimal system order.
When she speaks again, it’s like the last few seconds’ conversation never took place.
“Honestly, Ryan, I can’t imagine having someone pointing a gun at me, she says. "It gives me chills, to think of you in that kind of danger. That, on top of everything else you’d just been through? The sense of mistrust? Betrayal? You don’t think you were affected by any of that?”
He shrugs, sure he’s going to lose this argument. What they say makes sense, he supposes. It’s just… it doesn’t make sense for him.
He searches for another excuse. It’s easy to find one he’s pretty sure they’ll appreciate.
“Honestly, guys, all that stuff? It’s just too expensive,” he argues. He wouldn’t ever want the Cohens spending that kind of money on him, even if they’d insisted. Luckily, they’d never brought it up.
“You’re worth the expense,” Megan insists. “Trust me.”
“True,” Sam nods, all the way forward between the seats once more. “Absolutely.”
“Look, guys, I swear I’m okay,” Ryan counters. “Honestly. I mean, I’ve said everything I need to say, okay?”
Sam’s eyebrows rise. “Everything you need to say, or everything you want to say?”
Ryan stares at his knuckles, trying to decide how to answer. He’s pretty sure he probably shouldn’t say another word.
Sam waits quietly, and then sighs, giving Ryan a ragged smile. “You know what I need to say?”
“I’m guessing you’re going to tell me…”
“You’d be right.”
Ryan grunts. “Thought so.”
Sam takes that as his cue to talk again. “I want to ramp up your expectations, Ace, at least so far as Megan and I are concerned. The risk you took with that Trask kid? Like it or not, I promise you this: We’ll never let you do something that dangerous again if either of us is there to stop you.”
Ryan turns toward Sam, taken a bit off-guard. Megan is nodding her agreement in the background.
“I’m not planning to,” he assures them. Like he said, he’s not crazy.
Megan smiles, “Good, ‘cause I can’t stand the thought of your getting hurt. You’re far too precious to us. Please, promise you’ll remember that next time you even think about putting yourself in danger, okay?”
Ryan feels the color rising in his face. Precious? Please…
“Ryan?” Megan prompts. “Promise, please?”
“Promise,” he mumbles, relieved when Sam nods approvingly, sliding back into his seat.
“We’re gonna’ hold you to that,” Sam says, clicking his seatbelt back in place.
“Got it,” Ryan replies, not just because he knows it’s what they want to hear.
He waits for them to say something else, fairly sure they want to ask him more about the Cohens. He hopes like hell they don’t. It’s not really fair.
After all, the Cohens didn’t even meet him until after he’d been arrested. He’d run away while under their care; he’d destroyed Kirsten’s model home; Seth had gotten drunk and bruised at that party the very first weekend he’d been with them. He’d been in way too many fights those first few months… It’s not like they’d had many positives to go on.
The Cohen’s hadn’t known him before. They hadn’t seen him at seven, or ten, or fourteen.
History - or its absence - makes a difference.
Megan tilts her head, brushing a swatch of mahogany curls back behind one ear as she watches him.
“I can almost hear the wheels turning inside your head. Did we push too hard?” she asks. “I want you to feel like you can talk to us - but tell us to back off if you think we’re pressing too much, okay?”
“It’s okay,” he says. It’s not exactly a lie. It will be.
“And you?”
He nods. “I’m okay. Really. It all happened a long time ago.” That’s not exactly a lie, either. At least not all of it.
She offers him a smile laced with sorrow. “I think I understand, Ryan.”
Understand what exactly, he wonders. But he can’t ask, because if he does her questions will start again, and before he knows what’s happening he’ll be talking about more stuff he doesn’t really want to talk about.
One thing he’s always liked about the Cohens - they let him leave things buried. He’s always sensed they prefer it that way, which has always worked for him.
His thoughts are interrupted when Megan speaks again.
“It’s all about trust, isn’t it?” she asks.
He feels the muscles in his jaw clinch. It’s always about trust. Who you trust. Who you don’t. Maybe even more importantly - who trusts you.
“Sandy trusts me now,” he says, glancing quickly across at her. He checks the rear-view mirror, too, noting that Sam has stopped his reading again and appears to be listening to the front-seat conversation.
“Good,” Megan answers.
Good? That’s it? All she has to say?
“He left me alone with Volchok,” he elaborates, glad the Harts already know a good bit about that chapter of his life.
It makes things easier.
That said, Ryan doesn’t tell her about the other Cohens’ recent revelations. He doesn’t admit Seth actually believed he’d kill Volchok down in Mexico.
He doesn’t want to talk about that.
Ever.
That still pisses him off. Almost as much as it disappoints him.
He’s not about to tell Megan what Kirsten recently confessed to him. How Kirsten admitted just weeks ago he’d been her worst nightmare - that she’s been terrified Seth would get hurt following him somewhere. It’s not that he didn’t already know that - but hearing her say the words?
After everything he’s done for Seth, all the times he’s gone along with one of Seth’s half-baked schemes against his own better judgment, that one really hurt. Still, how can he blame her for believing he was the one who continually steered them into trouble? He’s failed to keep Seth safe on far too many occasions, and face it: facts are facts.
No - telling Megan about Seth and Kirsten would make her doubt the Cohens (more than she already does), and he doesn’t want that. The Cohens are ‘family’, and however loosely they define that word, he’s grateful to be included in their fold.
Oddly, after so much unintended conversation, Megan’s watchful silence is a little disconcerting. It’s like he needs to say something, to fill the empty space between them.
But what? He’s not sure, so he just stares ahead, keeping his fixed eyes on the road in front of him.
“That was huge, wasn’t it?” she asks at last. “Sandy trusting you with Volchok?”
He nods. “Yeah.”
It meant everything.
It brought him home…
She shuffles herself around again, curling one leg up under her on the seat.
“I’m glad you’ve got him - Sandy, I mean,” she says once she’s gotten comfortable.
Sam joins the conversation again, his voice thoughtful. “I’m glad to know Sandy believes in you, too, Ace.” He pauses, and then adds, “Now.”
Ryan catches his eyes through the rearview mirror. “Yeah,” he nods, thinking about the final modifier - how it made the sentence true. “It’s been kind of a two-way journey,” he offers.
He can feel Megan’s eyes on him. He knows she’s weighing her thoughts. She has questions she’s keeping to herself.
He turns his head toward her. “They mean a lot to me,” he says softly, hoping she appreciates what he’s saying.
She smiles, this one small but real. She lowers her lashes until they’re half-way over her eyes. “You love the Cohens.”
It’s not a question, but he nods anyway. He’s grateful that she understands.
Megan’s smile lingers. “I’m happy, Ace. I wished with all my heart that you’d find people to love. People who appreciated you. Who loved you back. You deserve that, Ryan. You deserve so much more than what you had in Chino.”
He ducks his head, embarrassed. He’s not quite sure what he deserves, but he’s pretty sure he’s gotten more than his due these last few years - especially given the horrendous price others have paid for lesser mistakes than his.
She reaches out to the temperature control on the dashboard, notching the heat up a bit. She plays with the vent, adjusting the airflow so it is directed toward her. “You know what I’m saying is true. You deserved more,” she says.
“It wasn’t all bad back then. I had you guys there,” he counters.
“You have us here, too. As well as the Cohens. You have two families.”
“And a real family that wants nothing to do with me,” he reminds her.
“Thank God,” Megan says, not editing her thoughts until the words are echoing inside the car. “Oops,” she says, one hand covering her mouth. “Sorry.”
“No, you’re not,” he says.
Her eyebrows furrow and she sucks her lips between her teeth. “Maybe not.”
“It’s okay,” he says.
It is. He understands why Megan feels that way.
He chooses his words carefully. “It’s just - no matter what, Dawn and Trey are my biological family. That has to count for something, right?”
“Maybe.”
He turns toward her, and she sighs, hitching her shoulders ever so slightly.
“I…I don’t mean to sound insensitive. I understand you’ll always love your mother and your brother, just like I know you’ll keep forgiving their transgressions. I do, Ryan. I know that. You’ve always been generous that way. It’s part of what makes you so very special.”
Right. First he’s ‘precious’. Now he’s ‘special’? What alternative universe is he in, anyway?
“Foolhardy, more like,” he mutters, trying to keep things real. How many times has he allowed Dawn and Trey back into his life? Even though every time he’s eventually been burned?
She shakes her head. “At least now it’s your choice to let them in. Not your mother’s. Not Trey’s.”
“Mine,” he echoes.
And Kirsten’s - how long before she pushes him toward Dawn again? Toward another Atwood reconnection? It’s not like he’s going to say ‘no’ to Kirsten. If she insists he’ll have to try.
But he’s not going there. He owes Kirsten far too much. As she once reminded him in terms he won’t forget, she let him into the Cohen family. He’ll never be able to repay her for taking that risk - for taking him in, despite all of her misgivings.
His thoughts are interrupted when Megan stirs beside him. She leans forward, reaching out to turn down the volume on the CD player, and then settles back into her seat.
She turns toward him, her eyes solemn.
Her voice is gentle, but he hears the steel underpinnings she attaches. “Ryan? I know you’re eighteen, so legally speaking, you’re an adult. However, fair warning. Your being an adult? Doesn’t mean I don’t get to protect you. The fact is, if anyone ever hurts you again? If anyone even tries? They’ll have to deal with me.”
“With us,” Sam modifies from the back seat.
“That’s right. Us,” Megan echoes, reaching across to graze Ryan’s arm with her fingertips. He turns toward her.
She catches his eyes and holds them a moment, the corners of her mouth tilting ever so slightly upward. Although she says nothing aloud, he understands.
They aren’t looking for a response. They don’t need one.
As if to confirm he ‘heard’ her right, Megan smiles more broadly and slowly pulls her hand away. She then reaches to the dashboard, turning the CD volume up before she nestles back into her seat. Journey’s “Escape” album fills the car.
He glances sideways to see long dark eyelashes fanned against one lightly freckled cheek. Her lips move in silent sync with the lyrics. She’s giving him the most privacy she can inside the Prius. A quick check in the rearview mirror reveals Sam is once again intent upon his reading.
One word from Ryan and he’s sure they’d re-engage, but he’s not ready for that right now. He wants the space they’re offering, and takes it gratefully.
As the miles continue to click off, leaving Newport Beach further and further behind, he has time to think.
He wonders if it’s possible he’s been wrong this whole time.
Might silence have been worse than talking after all?
Would anyone have listened?
tbc