muse_shuffle | February Disc One
Track 04. I don’t ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
[‘Under the Bridge’ - Red Hot Chili Peppers]
Co-written with justalilcontact
[Follows THIS]
Chase had been out of the coma for over twenty four hours now. He had been in and out of consciousness ever since, often just going out again in the blink of an eye. It was likely very worrying to anyone visiting him, but the staff - and Chase himself - knew it wasn't any cause of concern just yet. Of course, Riley, being a very efficient doctor, had Chase hooked up to any and all machines to monitor him. The blackouts could be indicating a lasting problem caused by the coma. It was better to be safe than sorry.
It was morning now and although he still felt sleepy, Chase was awake and feeling better than he had done since he woke up. His head felt less foggy and he could string some clear sentences together without slurring his words. Sitting in front of him was a tray containing a glass of juice and a bowl full of what was supposed to be plain fibre-laded cereal but looked like blended hacked up fur balls. He peered cautiously into the bowl and then put his head back on the pillow, turning away. He wasn't hungry in the slightest and he wondered if he staged a hunger strike and didn't eat if they would let him go home. He hated being a patient, but even worse, as an intensivist himself, he despised being in the ICU.
Rogue had finally managed a full night's sleep, and had a proper breakfast. She still wanted to be with Chase all the time, but some of the stress had ebbed since he'd woken up. At least part of her nightmare was over. Now it was just a waiting game to see if he had any lasting damage. Rogue had also managed to put a bit of make up on and wear something other than a baggy dress and cardigan. She wanted to make an effort for her husband this time. Brushing her hair though had been a chore since Daisy had decided that she wanted to start chewing on the bottom of Rogue's pants. That was why she now had a skirt on instead.
She smiled as she saw Chase awake, but then her nose crinkled at the sight of his breakfast. "That's what they're feedin' ya in here?" She leaned in to kiss the top of his head as she touched his cheek with her covered hand. "Mornin', sugar."
Chase screwed his nose up in disgust. "It might be okay if I was hungry and it's better than a feeding tube up my nose, as Lachlan so affectionately pointed out, but if I eat that, I'll puke," he insisted. He put his hand over hers. "It's early. I thought you might still be in bed. You've got a delivery, too." He gestured lethargically to a large bunch of brightly coloured flowers on Chase's bedside. They were for Rogue, from Remy. "Isn't the sick person supposed to get the flowers?" he teased with a tired smirk.
Rogue turned to look at the flowers, a small gasp of shock escaping her. "Oh Lordy... they're so beautiful. Guess he figured I'd probably be spendin' every wakin' second here. I'll call him later and thank him." She looked back at Chase and gave him another kiss on his hairline before she sat down on the chair beside his bed. "I think the sick person is supposed to get the flowers, but I got 'em somethin' else instead. And how can I sleep in when I ain't got you to sleep on?" Rogue sat her handbag in her lap so she didn't have to let go of her husband's hand as she fished around and pulled out a small picture frame. "Take a look, Doc. This is our baby girl... she's gettin' so big."
Chase watched her for a moment. "Why hasn't he been here with you?" he asked. "I'm trying to figure out if I should kick his arse or not." He carefully took the photo, his hands and arms still feeling weak from the coma, and held it up in front of his face so he could see it. He smiled, it reaching his eyes finally. "Well, it's good to see she really is a girl. I've known a lot of sonograms to get it wrong and leaving some parents going home to a pink room with a blue bundle of joy." He stared at the photo and let out a soft breath. "She' beautiful. She's getting big... and looks healthy. Everything is all in the right place..." He glanced up at Rogue. "I wish I could've held your hand for the ultrasound."
Rogue's eyes shone with unshed tears, but they were happy ones. She'd been waiting to show the image to Chase for weeks. She combed her fingers through his hair and rest her head on the pillow beside his. "He was needed in New York. His lover was hurt. Flynn, not Maddy. He came here the night it happened, but I told him to go back. It's important to be by the side of the ones we love. I had Lachlan, and I had Nathan. Remy really was needed by Flynn. You shouldn't kick his ass." She wet her lips as she grinned. "I know. I want her to have her Daddy's eyes. The kinda blue that makes hearts stop. I'm sorry ya couldn't be there, but I'm just so glad you're okay." She looked back at him and tugged gently on a lock of his hair. "'Least you're gonna be there for the birth and the time leadin' up to it."
"Hurt? Is he gonna be alright?" Chase asked and scratched his head. "Wasn't Remy staying with us?" Or maybe he went home? He couldn't be sure. His mind was hazy over a lot of the time in the lead up to him ending up in hospital. It was probably going to take awhile for him to get all the facts straight. "Then we'll get her sunglasses. No boy is ever having sex with my little girl. I'll slice his balls off. I've seen Riley Campbell. Have you see that baby? He's gorgeous. And he's Lachlan Campbell's son. Do you know what that means? They can have a sexless marriage. There is always every season of Seinfeld and Cheers they can watch instead of having sex, right?"
"Yeah, eventually... He just needs Remy and he needs Maddy. He had a bad night on the job." Rogue frowned a little at his question, before she gave a shake of her head. She was still getting used to the fact that Chase wasn't Logan. He wasn't going to be okay as soon as he woke up. She hadn't stuck around after David and that disastoruous first kiss. She didn't really know the effects of her mutation on normal humans. Not long term. "He'd gone home... rode his bike all the way here without a second thought. He woulda stayed, but I knew he woulda just fretted over Flynn, and it ain't good for him to be doin' all the ridin' around. Not yet." Rogue laughed as she looked at the ultrasound again. "I'm sure Logan could give ya some tips. And yeah, I've seen that baby. He's gonna be a real heartbeaker that's for sure. Maybe they'll cancel each other out? And they definitely do have all those shows to watch. Maybe we should make 'em get into Star Trek? There's a billion of those to watch."
Chase looked at her with a frown. "Are you serious? He was... assaulted?" he asked, lowering his voice in case any staff were passing by. "Bloody hell. Did he get help? Go to the police?" His eyes turned to the picture again with another smile. "I was trying to put myself in Lachlan's shoes. I mean, he wasn't here too long but he came this morning with the little one just to see for his own eyes I wasn't about to take another bad turn. The baby is the image of him and Lachlan is just glowing with the dad thing. It all seems to come so naturally. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't really know what all was behind his happy smile but I want it so much it hurts. He told me that not a single thing in life will ever touch the moment when we first see her and that I'll love her so much it will ache like no pain I've ever felt. I just... I really want that."
Rogue made a small noise. "No, he didn't. It was a battle to even get him to the doctor. He's got an STD. He refused the police, just said they wouldn't listen to him 'cause of what he does." Rogue kissed his hair, and took a deep breath. "I wanna give it to ya so bad, and I'm glad I can. I want ya to have the glow and be proud of our daughter, and have a family. Just please, please let me have some time before the next one to get my body back in order and enjoy some control again. Plus we gotta get ya eatin' again. 'Least in here ya know I won't steal your food."
Chase shook his head. "That's... sad. It's sad. He is no less a victim than anyone else. Was it a woman who did it to him?" He pushed the cereal bowl towards her. "Please, be my guest," he said with a small laugh but soon turned turned serious again, falling silent for a moment. "Do you think you will? Get it back, I mean?"
"I know I like it rough, but I would never force anyone. That's just crazy... and yeah, it was a woman. She took advantage of him, and pushed the boundaries. It's very sad, but it seems to be the reality. Same as not everyone thinks us mutants deserve the same kinda consideration. It's all about power." Rogue smirked, and ignored the cereal bowl. No way was she even braving that concoction. Her smirk faded as she met his gaze. "I don't know, sugar. I ain't ever been pregnant before. 'Least not for this long. I'm hopin' it will come back."
"Do you think..." Chase paused and let out a breath. "Do you think I'll be able to touch her?"
"I don't know," Rogue admitted quietly. "I really don't. I want ya to be able to touch her more than anythin'... even if it means ya can't touch me anymore. Our daughter deserves to feel her father's touch."
Chase listened to the soft beeps of his heart monitor and reached to take her hand again. "You know I don't blame you, right, babe? I couldn't. I never have and I never will. And if it happens, then we'll deal with it. I'll wear gloves. We'll do whatever it takes. But I need you to not blame yourself. Because I wouldn't change being with you for anything."
Rogue nodded as she tried to blink away tears that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. She couldn't remember the lump in her throat, but now there was an overwhelming sense of grief that was threatening to drown her. Like she was letting go of a part of her life. And maybe she was. For the first time in years, someone was telling her it wasn't her fault. Logan was the only other person to have done that. "Good, 'cause I don't know if I could ever walk away. I don't wanna change anythin' either. I still get a warm, fuzzy tingle when someone calls me 'Mrs Chase'."
Chase smiled tiredly at her. "I bet you got that a lot in this place. Bedside manner and all that. The Head of the ICU is a great guy. He puts a lot of stock into keeping his staff happy and productive." He wet his lips, still watching her intently. "I am scared," he admitted softly. "But I'd rather us be scared together than apart."
She bit her lip as she gave another nod, her brown eyes fixed on his. "Me too. On both counts. I can't do this without ya."
Chase rested his head down against hers. "Will you stay with me today? Just lie here with me? I hate it here. I don't want to be alone. Are you okay to be here? Not sore or tired? Uncomfortable?"
Rogue couldn't help but laugh. "I'm pregnant, Doc. I'm sore, tired and uncomfortable anywhere. I ain't gonna leave, though. No way am I gonna leave. I'll stay as long as ya want me to." She slid her arm across his waist. "I ain't sure I'm gonna fit in the bed with ya, though. We might need another one."
"I won't move," Chase offered with a smirk. "We'll just lie real still. And it's okay if you, you know, accidentally knock the cereal over."
Rogue matched his smirk, glad to see her husband coming back slowly. She pushed away the table with the awful abomination and carefully climbed onto the bed as she tried to manoeuvre her stomach and avoid his lines. "I'll kick the table over later. Right now I just wanna cuddle my husband."
Chase was relieved and comforted to have Rogue with him. He didn't have the best memories of the ICU. In fact, it was this very bay that he dragged Lachlan back from death when they nearly lost him. It was a little disturbing, despite having his said Scottish friend visit him that morning very alive and very happy. He needed his wife right now and he wasn't ashamed in the slightest to admit to that or show his weakness. That was a new experience for him. He was always used to battling the shit on his own. He waited until she was comfortable and exhaled slowly, tucking his arm around her and resting his hand on her stomach. "I love you," he told her softly.
Rogue rest her head on his chest, and closed her eyes to take in the feel of lying next to her husband again. She'd missed this. She'd missed it so much it had hurt. She pressed a kiss to his chest through the hospital gown. "I love ya too, Doc."
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 2,379
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
[‘Under the Bridge’ - Red Hot Chili Peppers]
Co-written with justalilcontact
[Follows THIS]
Chase had been out of the coma for over twenty four hours now. He had been in and out of consciousness ever since, often just going out again in the blink of an eye. It was likely very worrying to anyone visiting him, but the staff - and Chase himself - knew it wasn't any cause of concern just yet. Of course, Riley, being a very efficient doctor, had Chase hooked up to any and all machines to monitor him. The blackouts could be indicating a lasting problem caused by the coma. It was better to be safe than sorry.
It was morning now and although he still felt sleepy, Chase was awake and feeling better than he had done since he woke up. His head felt less foggy and he could string some clear sentences together without slurring his words. Sitting in front of him was a tray containing a glass of juice and a bowl full of what was supposed to be plain fibre-laded cereal but looked like blended hacked up fur balls. He peered cautiously into the bowl and then put his head back on the pillow, turning away. He wasn't hungry in the slightest and he wondered if he staged a hunger strike and didn't eat if they would let him go home. He hated being a patient, but even worse, as an intensivist himself, he despised being in the ICU.
Rogue had finally managed a full night's sleep, and had a proper breakfast. She still wanted to be with Chase all the time, but some of the stress had ebbed since he'd woken up. At least part of her nightmare was over. Now it was just a waiting game to see if he had any lasting damage. Rogue had also managed to put a bit of make up on and wear something other than a baggy dress and cardigan. She wanted to make an effort for her husband this time. Brushing her hair though had been a chore since Daisy had decided that she wanted to start chewing on the bottom of Rogue's pants. That was why she now had a skirt on instead.
She smiled as she saw Chase awake, but then her nose crinkled at the sight of his breakfast. "That's what they're feedin' ya in here?" She leaned in to kiss the top of his head as she touched his cheek with her covered hand. "Mornin', sugar."
Chase screwed his nose up in disgust. "It might be okay if I was hungry and it's better than a feeding tube up my nose, as Lachlan so affectionately pointed out, but if I eat that, I'll puke," he insisted. He put his hand over hers. "It's early. I thought you might still be in bed. You've got a delivery, too." He gestured lethargically to a large bunch of brightly coloured flowers on Chase's bedside. They were for Rogue, from Remy. "Isn't the sick person supposed to get the flowers?" he teased with a tired smirk.
Rogue turned to look at the flowers, a small gasp of shock escaping her. "Oh Lordy... they're so beautiful. Guess he figured I'd probably be spendin' every wakin' second here. I'll call him later and thank him." She looked back at Chase and gave him another kiss on his hairline before she sat down on the chair beside his bed. "I think the sick person is supposed to get the flowers, but I got 'em somethin' else instead. And how can I sleep in when I ain't got you to sleep on?" Rogue sat her handbag in her lap so she didn't have to let go of her husband's hand as she fished around and pulled out a small picture frame. "Take a look, Doc. This is our baby girl... she's gettin' so big."
Chase watched her for a moment. "Why hasn't he been here with you?" he asked. "I'm trying to figure out if I should kick his arse or not." He carefully took the photo, his hands and arms still feeling weak from the coma, and held it up in front of his face so he could see it. He smiled, it reaching his eyes finally. "Well, it's good to see she really is a girl. I've known a lot of sonograms to get it wrong and leaving some parents going home to a pink room with a blue bundle of joy." He stared at the photo and let out a soft breath. "She' beautiful. She's getting big... and looks healthy. Everything is all in the right place..." He glanced up at Rogue. "I wish I could've held your hand for the ultrasound."
Rogue's eyes shone with unshed tears, but they were happy ones. She'd been waiting to show the image to Chase for weeks. She combed her fingers through his hair and rest her head on the pillow beside his. "He was needed in New York. His lover was hurt. Flynn, not Maddy. He came here the night it happened, but I told him to go back. It's important to be by the side of the ones we love. I had Lachlan, and I had Nathan. Remy really was needed by Flynn. You shouldn't kick his ass." She wet her lips as she grinned. "I know. I want her to have her Daddy's eyes. The kinda blue that makes hearts stop. I'm sorry ya couldn't be there, but I'm just so glad you're okay." She looked back at him and tugged gently on a lock of his hair. "'Least you're gonna be there for the birth and the time leadin' up to it."
"Hurt? Is he gonna be alright?" Chase asked and scratched his head. "Wasn't Remy staying with us?" Or maybe he went home? He couldn't be sure. His mind was hazy over a lot of the time in the lead up to him ending up in hospital. It was probably going to take awhile for him to get all the facts straight. "Then we'll get her sunglasses. No boy is ever having sex with my little girl. I'll slice his balls off. I've seen Riley Campbell. Have you see that baby? He's gorgeous. And he's Lachlan Campbell's son. Do you know what that means? They can have a sexless marriage. There is always every season of Seinfeld and Cheers they can watch instead of having sex, right?"
"Yeah, eventually... He just needs Remy and he needs Maddy. He had a bad night on the job." Rogue frowned a little at his question, before she gave a shake of her head. She was still getting used to the fact that Chase wasn't Logan. He wasn't going to be okay as soon as he woke up. She hadn't stuck around after David and that disastoruous first kiss. She didn't really know the effects of her mutation on normal humans. Not long term. "He'd gone home... rode his bike all the way here without a second thought. He woulda stayed, but I knew he woulda just fretted over Flynn, and it ain't good for him to be doin' all the ridin' around. Not yet." Rogue laughed as she looked at the ultrasound again. "I'm sure Logan could give ya some tips. And yeah, I've seen that baby. He's gonna be a real heartbeaker that's for sure. Maybe they'll cancel each other out? And they definitely do have all those shows to watch. Maybe we should make 'em get into Star Trek? There's a billion of those to watch."
Chase looked at her with a frown. "Are you serious? He was... assaulted?" he asked, lowering his voice in case any staff were passing by. "Bloody hell. Did he get help? Go to the police?" His eyes turned to the picture again with another smile. "I was trying to put myself in Lachlan's shoes. I mean, he wasn't here too long but he came this morning with the little one just to see for his own eyes I wasn't about to take another bad turn. The baby is the image of him and Lachlan is just glowing with the dad thing. It all seems to come so naturally. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't really know what all was behind his happy smile but I want it so much it hurts. He told me that not a single thing in life will ever touch the moment when we first see her and that I'll love her so much it will ache like no pain I've ever felt. I just... I really want that."
Rogue made a small noise. "No, he didn't. It was a battle to even get him to the doctor. He's got an STD. He refused the police, just said they wouldn't listen to him 'cause of what he does." Rogue kissed his hair, and took a deep breath. "I wanna give it to ya so bad, and I'm glad I can. I want ya to have the glow and be proud of our daughter, and have a family. Just please, please let me have some time before the next one to get my body back in order and enjoy some control again. Plus we gotta get ya eatin' again. 'Least in here ya know I won't steal your food."
Chase shook his head. "That's... sad. It's sad. He is no less a victim than anyone else. Was it a woman who did it to him?" He pushed the cereal bowl towards her. "Please, be my guest," he said with a small laugh but soon turned turned serious again, falling silent for a moment. "Do you think you will? Get it back, I mean?"
"I know I like it rough, but I would never force anyone. That's just crazy... and yeah, it was a woman. She took advantage of him, and pushed the boundaries. It's very sad, but it seems to be the reality. Same as not everyone thinks us mutants deserve the same kinda consideration. It's all about power." Rogue smirked, and ignored the cereal bowl. No way was she even braving that concoction. Her smirk faded as she met his gaze. "I don't know, sugar. I ain't ever been pregnant before. 'Least not for this long. I'm hopin' it will come back."
"Do you think..." Chase paused and let out a breath. "Do you think I'll be able to touch her?"
"I don't know," Rogue admitted quietly. "I really don't. I want ya to be able to touch her more than anythin'... even if it means ya can't touch me anymore. Our daughter deserves to feel her father's touch."
Chase listened to the soft beeps of his heart monitor and reached to take her hand again. "You know I don't blame you, right, babe? I couldn't. I never have and I never will. And if it happens, then we'll deal with it. I'll wear gloves. We'll do whatever it takes. But I need you to not blame yourself. Because I wouldn't change being with you for anything."
Rogue nodded as she tried to blink away tears that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. She couldn't remember the lump in her throat, but now there was an overwhelming sense of grief that was threatening to drown her. Like she was letting go of a part of her life. And maybe she was. For the first time in years, someone was telling her it wasn't her fault. Logan was the only other person to have done that. "Good, 'cause I don't know if I could ever walk away. I don't wanna change anythin' either. I still get a warm, fuzzy tingle when someone calls me 'Mrs Chase'."
Chase smiled tiredly at her. "I bet you got that a lot in this place. Bedside manner and all that. The Head of the ICU is a great guy. He puts a lot of stock into keeping his staff happy and productive." He wet his lips, still watching her intently. "I am scared," he admitted softly. "But I'd rather us be scared together than apart."
She bit her lip as she gave another nod, her brown eyes fixed on his. "Me too. On both counts. I can't do this without ya."
Chase rested his head down against hers. "Will you stay with me today? Just lie here with me? I hate it here. I don't want to be alone. Are you okay to be here? Not sore or tired? Uncomfortable?"
Rogue couldn't help but laugh. "I'm pregnant, Doc. I'm sore, tired and uncomfortable anywhere. I ain't gonna leave, though. No way am I gonna leave. I'll stay as long as ya want me to." She slid her arm across his waist. "I ain't sure I'm gonna fit in the bed with ya, though. We might need another one."
"I won't move," Chase offered with a smirk. "We'll just lie real still. And it's okay if you, you know, accidentally knock the cereal over."
Rogue matched his smirk, glad to see her husband coming back slowly. She pushed away the table with the awful abomination and carefully climbed onto the bed as she tried to manoeuvre her stomach and avoid his lines. "I'll kick the table over later. Right now I just wanna cuddle my husband."
Chase was relieved and comforted to have Rogue with him. He didn't have the best memories of the ICU. In fact, it was this very bay that he dragged Lachlan back from death when they nearly lost him. It was a little disturbing, despite having his said Scottish friend visit him that morning very alive and very happy. He needed his wife right now and he wasn't ashamed in the slightest to admit to that or show his weakness. That was a new experience for him. He was always used to battling the shit on his own. He waited until she was comfortable and exhaled slowly, tucking his arm around her and resting his hand on her stomach. "I love you," he told her softly.
Rogue rest her head on his chest, and closed her eyes to take in the feel of lying next to her husband again. She'd missed this. She'd missed it so much it had hurt. She pressed a kiss to his chest through the hospital gown. "I love ya too, Doc."
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 2,379