Grazed Knees, Part Five, one.
The final part is here!
Title: Grazed Knees
Author: roxierocks
Pairing: John/Chas
Rating: R/NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own Constantine, or the plots blatantly stolen from the O.C.
Summary: Four years after he walked out in the middle of the night, Chas moves back to LA with his new boyfriend in tow. But is he really as together as he now appears to be, and will he be able to resist John when he sees him again?
http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=roxierocks&keyword=Grazed+Knees&filter=all ...previous parts.
So, the final part is here. Am really sorry about this. You'll understand why when you read it...
“Just say you love me now, and forget this whole row. Just save your energy for making up with me.” -Grazed Knees, Snow Patrol.
John picked up the phone, already knowing who it would be.
“Hello?”
“Is he there?”
John sighed. They went through the same routine every night.
“He won’t talk.”
It had been two weeks since the night John had accused Chas of sleeping with Trent, and in that time Chas had barely left the bathroom.
He slept in the bathtub, and he only came out to eat when John had left the apartment. John knew, because he wasn’t eating much himself but the food in the cupboards was slowly dwindling.
John didn’t know what to do.
He had tried apologising. He had tried telling Chas he loved him.
Chas would just stare at him blankly, as if not really seeing him.
He wouldn’t talk to anyone.
John sighed now into the phone.
“Just put him on the line, okay?”
He went to the bathroom, sliding the green glass door open slowly. It was at times like this he was glad he didn’t have a lock on the door.
“Chas?”
No movement from the bathtub.
“It’s Meg.”
Chas said nothing.
“Chas you have to talk to her. She’s worried about you. You have to talk to someone.”
He crossed the room and forced the cell phone into Chas’s hand.
Chas stared at it.
John could hear Meg yelling through the speaker.
“Chas! You come to work right now or I swear I will fire you! I need you here Chas, this isn’t funny anymore. Chas! Fucking talk to me-”
Chas flipped the phone shut.
John sighed and took it from him, turning to walk out of the bathroom, sliding the door shut behind him.
He checked on Chas twice daily, morning and night, just to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid.
He was half terrified he would come home to find Chas floating in a bath of bloody water one day.
He felt so helpless. He didn’t know how to make this right.
He went back into the bathroom, standing in the doorway for a moment, watching Chas watching the ceiling, before going in and crouching by the bathtub.
“Chas,” he said softly.
Chas didn’t respond.
John reached out, carefully taking Chas’s chin in his hand, turning it to face him.
“Come on.”
Chas blinked slowly.
“You have to snap out of this.”
Chas stared at him.
“Why?”
It was the first time Chas had spoken to him in two weeks.
“What?”
“Why?” Chas repeated, his tone flat. “What’s the point?”
John gaped at him.
“What’s the…Chas, you’re depressed. You need some kind of help.”
Chas’s eyes were scarily blank.
“Do you think I slept with Trent?”
John sighed inwardly.
“Chas-”
“Do you?”
He wanted, more than anything, to lie to Chas right then. To say no, of course not, that he knew Chas would never do that to him.
He couldn’t quite bring himself to tell the truth.
But he didn’t need to.
Chas took his answer from the silence.
“Just leave me alone,” he said tiredly.
“Chas-”
“Leave me alone.”
John hesitated, unsure, but Chas’s eyes had once again glazed over, and he was no longer looking in John’s direction.
John left, sliding the door closed behind him.
*
Chas waited half an hour after John had left the apartment, then got out of the bath.
He stared at himself in the small square mirror for a long time, noting the dark shadows under his eyes, the pale, sickly quality his skin held.
He looked like shit.
He tugged on the sleeves of his over sized sweatshirt, curling the cuffs inside his fists and crossing his arms over his chest.
He felt vulnerable.
He left the bathroom, put on his shoes and walked the four blocks to Cosmo’s.
It was busy inside, thrumming with the usual Saturday night crowd, and Chas felt himself automatically shrinking back, suddenly claustrophobic after spending so much time on his own.
A guy tripped as he past, reaching an automatic hand to Chas’s shoulder to steady himself and Chas flinched, pulling sharply backwards.
“Sorry, man,” the guy said, but Chas didn’t notice, trying to fight the sudden panic that had swept over him.
He shouldn’t have come here. He couldn’t handle these people, the physical contact. He thought he was going to throw up.
Shit.
“Chas?”
Like his fucking saviour, Meg appeared, easily recognisable with her bright pink hair.
“Jesus, you like awful.”
”Meg. I-”
His stomach roiled, and Meg must have recognised the expression on his face, because she grabbed him suddenly, yanking him towards the bathroom.
Chas let her, fighting the panic her rough handling caused, until he was leaning over the toilet bowl, chucking his guts up.
Meg rubbed his back soothingly until he’d finished, then took him into the office and sat him down with a glass of water.
“Okay,” she said finally. “What’s going on?”
Chas shook his head, rubbing his hand across his face.
“Chas, you need to talk to me. I can’t let you be on vacation forever, you know. As much as I like you, I’m gonna have to fire you if you don’t get your act together.”
She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
“Spill it.”
“John accused me of sleeping with Trent.”
There was a brief silence, then “Did you?”
If Chas had had the strength, he would have gotten angry.
As it was, he only shook his head.
“No,” he said tiredly. “I didn’t.”
To his surprise, Meg looked annoyed.
“So? Yell at him, make up and stop moping around. Jesus, it’s not like the guy did anything seriously wrong. He just got it a little mixed up that’s all. It’s not an excuse to lie around in a bathtub all day.”
Chas grimaced.
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yes, Chas, it is. Move on.” She studied him carefully. “Unless there’s something else going on here.”
Chas wanted to tell her. But he was afraid of what, exactly, John would do when he found out, and if Chas told Meg, John would find out.
“Nothing,” he croaked.
Meg watched him a moment more, then nodded.
“Good. Go home, talk to John and get some sleep. I want you at work tomorrow, no excuses, okay?”
Chas found himself nodding.
“Good.” She repeated. “Now go. I have customers.”
When Chas got back to the apartment, John was already home, sitting at the table and staring blankly out of the window.
He looked carefully at Chas when Chas came in.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
Chas nodded.
“I went to the bar.”
John waited.
“I’m back at work tomorrow.”
“That’s good.”
John was still watching him with those cautious, guarded eyes, and suddenly Chas felt like crying, because he loved John, and Trent had ruined it all.
“I’m going to bed,” he said, and John nodded.
Chas went to the bathroom and retrieved the blanket and pillows, and then got into a real bed for the first time in two weeks.
He didn’t sleep though. He lay curled up on his side, staring at the wall, and listened to John do nothing and then eventually climb in bed beside him.
They didn’t touch, not even in inevitable sleep, and Chas woke to find himself crammed up on his side of the bed, a clear stretch of mattress between them.
He got up, made coffee and went to work without waking John.
He didn’t know what to say to him anymore.
*
John sensed that Chas wasn’t ready to forgive him yet, and kept careful distance over the next week.
They were speaking, though barely, and John found himself hating the tangible tension between them, the way they subtly avoided being together for too long, the way Chas would just stare blankly at him when he had nothing to say.
One thing they had never had a problem with was talking to each other, or at least Chas would talk and John would listen.
Even after he came back from New York, calm, confident and so suddenly grown up, he hadn’t been able to stop himself talking, and John had been more than content to just listen.
But now Chas didn’t talk, and John didn’t have anyone to listen to.
Chas was working again, which John knew was a good thing, but he worried when Chas came home so late it was early, the scent of spirits hanging around him like cheap perfume, and John knew he’d been drinking again.
They went around in this silent, stubborn, strangely empty routine; waking up together, going to bed together, doing things together in between, yet still doing everything separately.
There was no connection between them anymore.
But John was patient. He could wait for Chas. Whatever Chas needed, John would be happy to give.
And then everything changed again.
*
He went down to Cosmo’s just after ten.
He didn’t think Chas would mind too much, he’d done it a few times before, and he felt almost as if he needed Chas to know he was still here, that he wasn’t going anywhere.
It was, predictably, crowded, but that didn’t faze John. Cosmo’s was always crowded, being such a popular spot at the weekends.
Chas was behind the bar, in jeans and a shirt, laughing with a group of girls as he poured them brightly coloured drinks with umbrellas. One of them leant forward, her long hair brushing Chas’s cheek, and John swallowed the inappropriate rush of jealousy.
“Hey.”
Chas looked at him, surprise freezing him for a moment.
“Um, hey. What are you doing here?”
John shrugged.
“I was bored. Thought I’d come and see how you were doing.”
To his surprise, Chas didn’t brush him off and say he was fine, but smiled at John slightly, ducking his head in almost shy gesture.
“Thanks,” he murmured, then turned to a guy along the bar, quickly beginning to fix his drink.
John admired the way he worked, sure and fast, breezing through the list of drinks ordered with little difficulty.
He was good at his job, there was no doubt about that. John got the impression Cosmo’s had quite a lot of regulars, because people were constantly calling greetings out to Chas, offering him drinks and backslaps, laughing and joking with him.
He watched as Chas downed his third shot in as many minutes, and tried not to look disapproving.
“Is he supposed to be drinking that much?” he asked Meg, as she waltzed past him with a tray piled high with food.
She glanced briefly in Chas’s direction, then shrugged, unconcerned.
“He never lets it get in the way of the job,” she replied, and Constantine nodded, not entirely convinced.
Maybe it was because he hadn’t eaten properly that lunchtime, or maybe John’s presence made him edgy, John wasn’t sure which, but by the time midnight rolled around, it became clear Chas wasn’t too steady on his feet.
He grabbed Meg’s arm the next time she went by.
“He doesn’t look so good.”
She shook him off, looking annoyed.
“He’s fine. Jesus, stop mothering him.”
John opened his mouth to reply, but at that moment an almighty crash came from the direction of the bar.
He whipped his head round to see some guy sprawled amongst the pyramid of glasses stacked there, looking dazed. John’s eyes snapped onto Chas, who was staring at the guy with a look of pure panic on his face.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” he yelled, visibly shaking.
“Shit,” Meg hissed, darting towards the bar, John a split second behind her.
“What happened?” she snapped, bending over the half conscious guy on the bar.
John swung his legs over the top, dropping down next to Chas on the other side. Chas was staring at the guy, transfixed, his face pale, his whole body trembling.
“We were just having a bit of fun,” another guy was saying. “We didn’t mean anything by it. Your guy just freaked out on us man.”
Chas turned his face into John’s neck, and John glared at the guy.
“What the fuck did you do to him?”
“Hey, we were just playing around.”
The guy on the bar moaned, rubbing his head with one hand.
“You’re okay,” Meg said, helping him to stand. “Come on buddy, get up.”
“Dude,” a blonde girl nearby said. “He was, like, totally making a play for your boyfriend.”
It took John a moment to realise he was talking to her.
“What?”
“He was trying to hit on him,” the girl said, gesturing to the guy leaning on Meg. “He had his hands all over him. I don’t blame him for freaking out.”
John’s eyes snapped onto the injured guy, who seemed to sense his fury.
“Dude, I wasn’t, I swear. I just made a few suggestive remarks, that’s all, I swear.”
“Yeah right,” the girl scoffed.
“That’s enough!” Meg snapped.
She gestured sharply to the two guys.
“Get out of my bar. And if either of you ever even dream about assaulting one of my staff again, I will have the cops on you so fast you won’t remember your own name. The show’s over folks. Get back to your drinks.”
The small crowd that had gathered reluctantly broke up, and Meg turned to John, who was still cradling Chas.
“Take him home, John. He can’t work like that.”
John nodded, and gently guided Chas towards the exit.
Neither of them spoke the whole way home, and Chas clung tightly to John, making their progress slow.
Once inside the apartment, John sat Chas down and knelt before him.
“Talk to me,” he said softly.
Chas stared at him for a moment, his eyes glassy, and then he leant forward, kissing John with a frenzied desperation, pushing him backwards onto the floor.
And as much as John welcomed the advance, he knew something wasn’t right.
“Please talk to me.”
Chas shook his head stubbornly, pulling John on top of him, wrapping his legs around John’s waist, thrusting his hips upwards, his hands tangled in John’s hair.
“Chas,” John protested.
“Shh.”
Chas kissed him again, and John found his hands roaming of his own accord, reaching under Chas’s shirt, down to his jeans, tugging at the buttons, and Chas was groaning, arching up into the touch and then suddenly crying out, pushing John away hard.
John fell back against the table, cracking his head on one of the legs, and he and Chas stared at each other, panting.
“Sorry,” Chas said.
“What’s going on, Chas?”
“I-” Chas broke off, shaking his head. “It was just tonight, that’s all. It threw me. I’m sorry. Can we just go to bed?”
John nodded slowly, and he helped Chas up and over into the bed.
Chas curled up close to him, and it was the first time they’d held each other properly in three weeks, and John savoured the warmth and familiarly that he had a feeling couldn’t last.
*