snip.
I've cut mostly dead journals, but for the ones that I know still have people behind them:
I can't do it anymore. I can't care for you if you don't care for me back. It's exhausting. It's unfair. I came into this prepared to like you, prepared to care about you and take all the hits that would come with that, in the spirit of being friends. Because that's what friends do. They keep getting up, and they keep going, even when it hurts - because it's a mutual thing, something they're in together. It's in the name of friendship. But do we have that?
Thinking about you makes my heart hurt. I've wasted so many hours thinking of you, thinking of what possible reason you could have to distrust me - and I can't find any. I know I've already said this to you, but I've never given you a reason not to trust me. I couldn't lie to you even once, just three little words (the words I checked later), and yet you say you can't trust me. I can't take it. I was shaking, sweating, my heart beating incredibly quickly and fearfully as I repeatedly typed those words, hovering over the enter key and knowing what it could do to any trust you had in me if I did lie to you. And I didn't. I didn't lie. I couldn't.
I said that I would stay, but I think I've grown up enough to realise that's not possible. The time and feelings I'm wasting on you only hurt me. So I'm moving on.
If you want to talk it out, then message me. We can try again. But remember the key word in that sentence is try. You will have to put forth effort, too. If you don't find it's worth the effort, then remove me.
To everyone I kept: I feel like we're good friends, or I want to make it work. If you feel differently and/or would like to remove me, I'd appreciate a pm first so that I know why. I'm very attached to some of you (or think I could be, in time) and it would hurt to see you go without a word.
I can't do it anymore. I can't care for you if you don't care for me back. It's exhausting. It's unfair. I came into this prepared to like you, prepared to care about you and take all the hits that would come with that, in the spirit of being friends. Because that's what friends do. They keep getting up, and they keep going, even when it hurts - because it's a mutual thing, something they're in together. It's in the name of friendship. But do we have that?
Thinking about you makes my heart hurt. I've wasted so many hours thinking of you, thinking of what possible reason you could have to distrust me - and I can't find any. I know I've already said this to you, but I've never given you a reason not to trust me. I couldn't lie to you even once, just three little words (the words I checked later), and yet you say you can't trust me. I can't take it. I was shaking, sweating, my heart beating incredibly quickly and fearfully as I repeatedly typed those words, hovering over the enter key and knowing what it could do to any trust you had in me if I did lie to you. And I didn't. I didn't lie. I couldn't.
I said that I would stay, but I think I've grown up enough to realise that's not possible. The time and feelings I'm wasting on you only hurt me. So I'm moving on.
If you want to talk it out, then message me. We can try again. But remember the key word in that sentence is try. You will have to put forth effort, too. If you don't find it's worth the effort, then remove me.
To everyone I kept: I feel like we're good friends, or I want to make it work. If you feel differently and/or would like to remove me, I'd appreciate a pm first so that I know why. I'm very attached to some of you (or think I could be, in time) and it would hurt to see you go without a word.