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I'm just in such a bad mood right now :( I don't even know, I'm just....crying, lots and lots of crying.
Today in school, we had to write an essay about honoring Martin Luther King every day, and I was talking about it to my friend before school.... I've known him since I was three and I'm pretty much growing numb to the fact that he'll weasel his way back into my life no matter how annoying he is. He's pretty much your typical smart but socially inept asshole who brags about everything. When our other friend (who I have a massive crush on, for some reason) told us that, they both acted all pissed off.'Smart' friend- let's call him Sheldon, because Sheldom from the Big Bang Theory is pretty much his role model, started bitching about it and the conversation went like this:
THAT'S CAUSE YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT, DIPSHIT.
Ugh and then when we went to write the essays everyone was all "haha MLK look how many fucks I give". People are so fucking ignorant and they have no respect for anything.
I really want to ask out Friend I Have a Crush On- let's call him Mark, but, okay, my friend, let's call her Susie, likes him too. Ugh, I'm such a horrible person, I'm one of the only people she told, and honestly, her reasons for liking him are a lot less shallow than mine and they'd be a better couple than he and I would. He and I like Ted and Robin- I'm dorky and romantic like Ted, he's cool and smart and down-to-earth like Robin- so we won't work in the long run, but I still like him a hell of a lot. I'm 16 and I've never kissed a boy or dated or anything- and by that I mean NEVER. Like, I never even had a "boyfriend" in elementary school when having a boyfriend means you hold hands on the playground :P. So anyway, I know that, being a goofy romantic with no relationship experience, I'd otherwise go into my first relationship thinking Boy was my soulmate and we'd be together 4eva, but this way, I'm prepared for said relationship to eventually end. But basically, I'm just really sexually frustrated and he's REALLY cute and really nice to me and really funny and hnnnnnnnnnggggg waaaant. But, oh, God, Susie's the sweetest girl ever and I'm such a horrible person for even thinking that. She's liked Mark since freshman year, but our other friend, Allison, liked him too, and Susie felt bad about liking him then (now, obviously, I'm in that situation with her), but now Allison is sort of dating this other guy (and they're so cuuuuuuuuute omg i'm so happy for them), she stopped liking Mark a long time ago. Anyway, about a year ago, I told Susie who I liked (a boy named Kevin), and she told me she liked Mark, and I had met Mark over the summer and I did like him then, too, in addition to my "official crush" on Kevin, but at that point I thought I was getting over him, so I was just like "aww that's cute". She only told six people, including me, and I was all happy that she trusted me enough to tell me and SO NOT HAPPY THAT I'M SO NOT DESERVING OF THAT TRUST. UGH. I SUCK. Then, of course, is the other glaring issue of He Most Certainly Does Not Like Me That Way. Mark's known for being a big flirt (although he actually comes off as kind of a prude, in a kiddish way- he never talks about girls and he seems pretty conservative in his views about sex)- nearly all his friends have had crushes on him and they've all felt like he flirted with them, so every time he acts in a way that I might interpret as flirting I have to remember he acts that way towards everyone. Susie and were talking a while ago and she asked me who I like now, and I was all "hmmm no one, I mean, I think some guys are cute but nah I don't have a crush at the moment" and she was like "Okay... but if you do like someone, even if it's someone one of our friends likes or even someone I like, feel free to tell me, I'll be fine with it. Chicks before dicks". UGH WHY IS SHE SUCH A NICE PERSON. I probably should have told her then, but I didn't. blah /teengirlproblems
Things are really really weird between my best friend and I. At the end of august, i made a tumblr post that she thought was a suicide note, and she told her mom, who told my mom and then she didn't want to talk to me because I guess I really scared her. I felt really bad. We didn't talk until the end of fucking OCTOBER, and it's still weird, and it's mid-December -____- Like, I unfriended her on facebook because i didn't want to end up giving into temptation and sending her lots of messages and being a creep, and we're still not friends. anyway, we were waiting for my mom after school today and she was kind of ignoring me, and i mentioned that whenever i call her it says "you cannot reach this number blah blah blah" and asked her if she had gotten any of my texts, and she got all weird. I'm pretty sure she blocked my number, but we're friends again, why not unblock me? I
al;l;kdma;flsdkfm I want to be friends with her more than she wants to be friends with me, and I hate that. I love her so much, but I honestly think I'm just that obnoxious kid who can't take a hint and get lost. I'm like the female platonic version of a Nice Guy. Anyway, today, my mom had an after school meeting (she swears she I told me, I swear she didn't) so she NEVER showed up and eventually my friend, after a lot of awkward silence, said she was just going to walk home, at that point is wasn't really raining it was just.... wet. So I walked home, crying... I've done that a lot this year :(
tl:dr: I'm a Nice Guy, Platonic Edition; a horrible friend; a sexually frustrated loser; and people are ignorant fucks.
Today in school, we had to write an essay about honoring Martin Luther King every day, and I was talking about it to my friend before school.... I've known him since I was three and I'm pretty much growing numb to the fact that he'll weasel his way back into my life no matter how annoying he is. He's pretty much your typical smart but socially inept asshole who brags about everything. When our other friend (who I have a massive crush on, for some reason) told us that, they both acted all pissed off.'Smart' friend- let's call him Sheldon, because Sheldom from the Big Bang Theory is pretty much his role model, started bitching about it and the conversation went like this:
- "Ughhhhhh that's SO annoying? Why should we celebrate his birthday any other time."
- "Oh, so you only want to be not- racist once a year? They mean celebrate his principles, like anti-racism and nonviolence and stuff."
- "Yeah, but it's so annoying that we have to learn about him every year. I mean, we live in a community that's mostly not white..."
- "Sheldon, white privledge is still a problem. Saying that this issue doesn't matter is really ignorant."
- "Ugh, I'm not *even* going to argue this with you." *eyeroll*
THAT'S CAUSE YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT, DIPSHIT.
Ugh and then when we went to write the essays everyone was all "haha MLK look how many fucks I give". People are so fucking ignorant and they have no respect for anything.
I really want to ask out Friend I Have a Crush On- let's call him Mark, but, okay, my friend, let's call her Susie, likes him too. Ugh, I'm such a horrible person, I'm one of the only people she told, and honestly, her reasons for liking him are a lot less shallow than mine and they'd be a better couple than he and I would. He and I like Ted and Robin- I'm dorky and romantic like Ted, he's cool and smart and down-to-earth like Robin- so we won't work in the long run, but I still like him a hell of a lot. I'm 16 and I've never kissed a boy or dated or anything- and by that I mean NEVER. Like, I never even had a "boyfriend" in elementary school when having a boyfriend means you hold hands on the playground :P. So anyway, I know that, being a goofy romantic with no relationship experience, I'd otherwise go into my first relationship thinking Boy was my soulmate and we'd be together 4eva, but this way, I'm prepared for said relationship to eventually end. But basically, I'm just really sexually frustrated and he's REALLY cute and really nice to me and really funny and hnnnnnnnnnggggg waaaant. But, oh, God, Susie's the sweetest girl ever and I'm such a horrible person for even thinking that. She's liked Mark since freshman year, but our other friend, Allison, liked him too, and Susie felt bad about liking him then (now, obviously, I'm in that situation with her), but now Allison is sort of dating this other guy (and they're so cuuuuuuuuute omg i'm so happy for them), she stopped liking Mark a long time ago. Anyway, about a year ago, I told Susie who I liked (a boy named Kevin), and she told me she liked Mark, and I had met Mark over the summer and I did like him then, too, in addition to my "official crush" on Kevin, but at that point I thought I was getting over him, so I was just like "aww that's cute". She only told six people, including me, and I was all happy that she trusted me enough to tell me and SO NOT HAPPY THAT I'M SO NOT DESERVING OF THAT TRUST. UGH. I SUCK. Then, of course, is the other glaring issue of He Most Certainly Does Not Like Me That Way. Mark's known for being a big flirt (although he actually comes off as kind of a prude, in a kiddish way- he never talks about girls and he seems pretty conservative in his views about sex)- nearly all his friends have had crushes on him and they've all felt like he flirted with them, so every time he acts in a way that I might interpret as flirting I have to remember he acts that way towards everyone. Susie and were talking a while ago and she asked me who I like now, and I was all "hmmm no one, I mean, I think some guys are cute but nah I don't have a crush at the moment" and she was like "Okay... but if you do like someone, even if it's someone one of our friends likes or even someone I like, feel free to tell me, I'll be fine with it. Chicks before dicks". UGH WHY IS SHE SUCH A NICE PERSON. I probably should have told her then, but I didn't. blah /teengirlproblems
Things are really really weird between my best friend and I. At the end of august, i made a tumblr post that she thought was a suicide note, and she told her mom, who told my mom and then she didn't want to talk to me because I guess I really scared her. I felt really bad. We didn't talk until the end of fucking OCTOBER, and it's still weird, and it's mid-December -____- Like, I unfriended her on facebook because i didn't want to end up giving into temptation and sending her lots of messages and being a creep, and we're still not friends. anyway, we were waiting for my mom after school today and she was kind of ignoring me, and i mentioned that whenever i call her it says "you cannot reach this number blah blah blah" and asked her if she had gotten any of my texts, and she got all weird. I'm pretty sure she blocked my number, but we're friends again, why not unblock me? I
al;l;kdma;flsdkfm I want to be friends with her more than she wants to be friends with me, and I hate that. I love her so much, but I honestly think I'm just that obnoxious kid who can't take a hint and get lost. I'm like the female platonic version of a Nice Guy. Anyway, today, my mom had an after school meeting (she swears she I told me, I swear she didn't) so she NEVER showed up and eventually my friend, after a lot of awkward silence, said she was just going to walk home, at that point is wasn't really raining it was just.... wet. So I walked home, crying... I've done that a lot this year :(
tl:dr: I'm a Nice Guy, Platonic Edition; a horrible friend; a sexually frustrated loser; and people are ignorant fucks.