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closing an open book.
friends only as of now, things are just too intense.
leave a comment if you are interested in reading more, and not just trying to collect numbers.
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i dont want to sound all fucked up and "im starting a diet"
but..im fucked up and starting a diet tomorrow.
protein shakes and raw food[again]
i can feel my muscles dying, i cant feel weak, i wont feel weak.
protein, and vitamens.
i wish i could take conflict with my family.
i cant bring myself to do it knowing how much they sacrificed for my treatments ( Read more... ) -
hey there mcdonalds fry face
today was nice.
i really was not feeling breakfast this morning, my stomach was a bomb.
but i am attempting to eat it everymorning, so i grabbed a slimfast. which i think are a huge waste of money and calories. but i did not ever care.
had classes all day. i learned nothing. hm.
decided a walmart trip was necessary to get an enema. i dont like them but ( Read more... ) -
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headed to my early class this morning..and backed into my mailbox.
so i took it as a sign that i shouldnt leave..and went back inside to my warm bed.
smooooth.
went into my math and colored. the teacher always thinks im taking notes and she loveees me.
i feel kind of bad.
then helped my mom shop for her party..its almost time for me to actually write ( Read more... ) -
the saddle is breaking my back
Detox day 4 in route.
i feel much better physically, mentally not so great.
i met with my dietician and therapist
the dietician wasnt bad at all surprisingly, actually it was kind of good. i got more out of it than my therapy session.
my therapist told me "i being too much of a perfectionist about my grades" really?
im paying for my school. i want good ( Read more... ) -
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day two.
chewed my nails to nubbets.
felt like i ran a marathon and didnt stretch.
sweated and watched the world spin for hours.
i dont feel like saying anything.
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scratching insdie out
such a horrible/painful weekend.
i was in pain all weekend.
i didnt move.
so today i decided i am detoxing my body.
raw fruits and vegetable, water, certain herbs.
i started having withdrawls after about 13 hours.
did 3 hours of yoga, lifting, and cardio.
it felt so nice.
i am feeling the xanex, addarol, caffeine withdrawls.
sleep will be beautiful.
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Im in so much pain i cant even function. I cant stand or finish my sentences. I want to stab myself right now just to override the current pain. Please sleep -
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"i need to leave soon so i have time to get the the gym, come home and shower, and head to the game"
"rachel what the hell you dont need to go to the freaking gym you look like death. jesus."
i feel sad, i feel accomplished, i feel broken.
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cold breeze in the classroom
yesterday was average. i had an intake below 1000..i had a fling with some candy corn.
worked out for about 2 hours.
i was doing cardio yoga and mastered a move which was fantastic, but somewhere along the line i tried to open my hip up to much. its killing me today.
so i just did some lazy yoga this morning, some extra walking, and before bed tonight ( Read more... )