[OOC] State of the Union + Thoughts of Chapter 35
IC - Haruki has moved from a place that dominated him to… another place that dominates him. Albeit, camp is a definite improvement from di[e]ce and Haruki appreciates the time out, so he can mull over everything that’s happened to him so far. Currently (from the part I have pulled him out in canon), he is at a crossroads. He has awesome power, power he could use any way he wants, regardless of the game. At the same time, Haruki is heavily burdened by all the deaths that have happened simply because he was there. He’s not sure how to destroy the game! He just knows that something extreme is needed to deal with it. But what and how he is going to accomplish this, he’s not sure. The beginnings of an idea are there, but nothing more.
At the moment, Haruki is biding his time, trying to put his resources and free time to good use, learning from others and so on. Partly, because he’s been given an opportunity and he wants to put it to good use. But it’s also that he’s a little put off by seeing Kazuki, Yuki and Ruka here. Haruki wasn’t prepared for Kazuki to change and seeing the beginnings of a change in him were startling and frankly, very distressing to Haruki who set out to destroy the game in order for Kazuki not to change. There’s also Yuki and Ruka! Who are players! More parts of Haruki’s life are being touched by the game and it is extremely frustrating to him, like a slow anger and resentment building inside of him with no real outlet. But Haruki is good at keeping things to himself so that is what he’ll do (like a healthy teenager).
I highly suspect if anyone wanted to take down the Director, Haruki would be first in line to help.
Thoughts of Chapter 35
Kazuki’s translation | Sif_Berg’s Trans (locked to comm.) |
Haruki - I have already decided. I will destroy the world.
Okay, let’s sum up what Haruki has been doing. First, he got sucked into the game and he sticks with his team for the purpose of discovering more about di[e]ce and destroying it! Along the way, people have died (little children!!) and each time this happens, Haruki has felt more and more weighed down and suicidal. He has pretty much zero self-worth attached to his life at the moment, but he has to keep living! He doesn’t have much of a choice! With every person he destroys, his own ability to believe in his existence, his right of existence sort of goes. Chapter 24 (translated by sif_berg, f-locked) is a very clear chapter on how completely rattled Haruki has been in the span of five days, to the point he starts asking his team to kill him. It is taking a toll on his mentality (I mentioned in Haruki’s app that Haruki is very sensitive to people, even if he doesn’t outwardly show it. He deeply cares for every living creature and frowns heavily on people who treat others in a manipulative fashion).
Then, there’s the room with the power of “memory”, where Haruki starts discovering his powers and “erasing” things. That’s when the more noticeable (aka ‘crazy’) hidden facets of Haruki’s personality begin to surface. He’s felt futility, but now he has power, a god-like power to which he could use at the expense of himself (two birds with one stone! He gets to achieve his goal and he can most likely die in the process!). Now he can actually do things! But there’s another catch. Kazuki also has the ability to receive the power of “memory”, which would change Kazuki completely - the last thing Haruki wants.
Haruki: I was certain that Kazuki wouldn't choose.
Haruki: It's heartbreaking. / You hated troublesome things, didn't you?
Chapter 35 had Kazuki receive the power of memory, therefore, rendering one of Haruki’s wishes completely null. Still, Haruki extended an offer of working together, to clean up “Boudo” and “di[e]ce”. Except he starts making these extraordinary leaps in judgment (almost as if to say why stop there when there’s an entire world to clean up?). The words Haruki picks moves along with his train of thought (from destroy to cleanse to kill). He even moves to the point where he starts considering killing Kazuki in order to carry out his goal, something he doesn’t address until Kazuki brings it up. He starts making these leaps in logic and decision-making on the spot!
Now, Haruki has what I tend to call a tenuous sanity that sort of goes back and forth. The last two chapters so far have simply highlighted how extreme he is, but without showing anything beyond that and for Haruki, who spends a great deal of time mulling over his decisions and choices, needs a little more understanding (chapters!!). I do believe that he has gone off the deep end when Kazuki made his choice to save someone. (I am not sure whether he’s killed Ruka or not. I will wait for the latest chapter to confirm this before I talk about his actions there). I also believe that he was mulling over this option but it hadn’t become a reality until Kazuki made his choice. Since the choice was made, there was nothing left, but the “destruction of the world”.
Right now, of course, I am not updating him until I get more info. I may start changing his development a little, hinting more at his perceived options. Uh, thoughts? HOLD ME ;;