[This Temple Tilts] Chapter Five
"Crafty, your brothers," the Doctor says. He returns to his stoop and to the original escape plan. It's a bad plan, yes, but Castiel's arrival really just confirms it as viable. "Have a seat," he says when Castiel stands there, staring at the sky like it's going to burst open and provide a convenient door. It's so different from the Castiel that the Doctor has come to know, who would shrug and toss back a pill to make him forget. "I've got a plan."
"What is it?" Castiel asks, still staring. He's got an intense stare. The Doctor appreciates the light in his eyes.
"I'm trying to give Gabriel a call."
This gets Castiel's attention; he twirls on a heel and turns that stare on the Doctor. "Gabriel has been missing since Lucifer's fall."
"Did you think he did that hiding on his own?"
"You are not so old," Castiel replies, but the Doctor counts it as a victory when Castiel sits cautiously beside him. "It's impossible for you to have met Gabriel."
"Time traveler," the Doctor says, grinning at Castiel. "I can be anywhere I want, and I just so happened to get a signal from an archangel looking for a cover story. He promised me a favor. Always good to have an angel in your pocket.”
“How? You are not of our world, how can you know the angels with any familiarity?”
The Doctor smiles. This Castiel thinks. Fantastic! “I met your Father at a - hm.” He leans back and considers how to phrase it without offending this Castiel, who still has some shred of devoutness within him. “Your Father is the Big Man here, but just a big man out in the universe. There was a meet up - a poker game, really.”
Castiel stares. “A poker game.”
“I crashed it - broken in, totally uninvited. Your God broke me back out. Nice guy, all things considered. Not so good at planetary maintenance, it seems.” The Doctor laughs, but Castiel looks so alarmed and unsure of the story. So the Doctor moves on - don't dwell on the weird stuff, just keep moving. “Also, don't be alarmed, but you're here."
Castiel continues to stare - clearly this version of Castiel is a professional in the world of staring. "Yes."
"No, sorry, I mean you also exist in this time loop. You are going to meet you. Oh, yes, I see how this gets confusing." But Castiel nods in apparent understanding. "Anyway, I'm trying to call that favor in. I'm not entirely sure I'm getting reception."
"I know some specific and powerful prayers - "
"No. No prayers. This isn't faith, this is business."
Castiel nods like that doesn't shock him. They watch the sunset over Camp Chitaqua, and the Doctor knows that the shift will come soon. The shift is the worst - he hates repeating himself, and he especially hates repeating himself to Dean Winchester, who barely listens on a good day. On a bad day he may as well be deaf. The Doctor had never met Dean before he decided to help the Winchesters stop the Apocalypse - or rather, help them not start it - but he suspects if he had, he might have made a very different choice.
The Doctor startles out of his own thoughts, and shakes his head. No, he wouldn't make a different choice - and damn the angels and their clever prison for trying to make him think it.
"This doesn't seem so bad," Castiel says, though he says it like he's waiting for the other shoe to drop. "I'm with Heaven's prisons, and they tend to be... much more persuasive."
The Doctor frowns; the worst is yet to come, and he almost wishes that Castiel doesn't have to see it. "This was perfectly crafted to drive me mad. It's a loop."
“You've mentioned that.”
“But you clearly don't comprehend.” The Doctor stands and paces, tired of trying to get through to Gabriel. "The camp relives these two days, over and over again." The Doctor wiggles his fingers as though he could fix the problem if only he could touch it. "I have to watch. Two days, over and over. They get the lead on the Colt - that gun, it's always guns with these people. They make their plan, they load their trucks, they march off to be killed by your devil."
"You say I'm here?"
The Doctor hesitates. "In a manner of speaking."
"And the other angels?"
"Gone, according to you. The things that Winchester has done to you - I don't approve, you know. I can see it in your eyes when I say his name, and it's bad news."
Castiel squints at him like he's trying to decipher something particularly complicated. "I don't understand."
"Look at you! Consider everything you are, right now. If you keep with Dean Winchester, he breaks you. I don't want you to even see it, it's so appalling. And it is. Utterly appalling. You are a gorgeous thing, and Dean Winchester is sullied. With Dean, you never know how to be your own man. You go straight from being Heaven's soldier to Dean's soldier."
"I'm not a man at all," Castiel replies, some confusion on his face. The Doctor shakes his head and pats Castiel's shoulder before sitting down.
"Sure you are, you just don't know it yet. Dean Winchester will be your ruin."
But Castiel is shaking his head, slow and certain. "This man, the one you describe, is not Dean. I've touched Dean's soul. His light far out-weighs his darkness."
The Doctor intends to argue, but time resets and there's Dean Winchester, stalking up the path with a gun in hand and murder in his eyes. The Doctor looks to Castiel, who straightens his shoulders and tilts his chin up when Dean approaches as though he has something the prove. The interesting thing is when Dean sees Castiel, he slows.
In all the times Dean has found the Doctor infiltrating his camp, he has never hesitated. He has certainly never lowered his weapon. He has never ever slowed to a stop. He says, "Castiel," like he can't believe his eyes.
Come to think of it, the Doctor isn't sure he's ever heard Dean say his name. The Doctor grins and jumps to his feet. This is great - this is finally something new, something useful. "Castiel, meet Dean Winchester. Dean Winchester, this is - "
"I know who he is!" Dean lifts the gun and faces the Doctor, but his expression isn't as hard as usual. "Who are you?"
With every ounce of confidence he possesses, he says, "I'm the Doctor."
"Doctor who?"
Okay, so that hasn't gotten old yet. "Just the Doctor. We've been doing this for days now, Dean, but I'm not going to prove it to you - it didn't work so well yesterday, after all. Today I'm going to ask you a question. How is it I've seen you with your Castiel a dozen times, and I've never heard you say his name like that?"
Dean is staring at Castiel again, and he clears his throat. "This isn't Cas. What is this?"
"I tell you what, take us to your Castiel and he can sort it all out, right? You always trust Castiel." The Doctor reaches out to help Castiel to his feet, but Castiel doesn't take it as he stands - doesn't look away from Dean. It looks like Castiel is reading the whole of Dean Winchester's life right out of his eyes. It's such a welcome change in the routine that is his prison, that the Doctor doesn't even complain when Dean waves his gun and orders them to walk.
* * *
Castiel first sees at the remains of his doppelganger's wings and understands exactly what the Doctor meant when he said "in a manner of speaking." This offset version of himself is staring at where Castiel knows his wings to be, and when they finally look each other in the eye there's confusion, understanding, and absolute terror. When was the last time this Castiel saw an angel?
"This is too amazing," the Doctor says, standing between them as he looks back and forth between their faces. "Like night and day if the light didn't change."
Out of the corner of his eye Castiel watches Dean holster his gun. "Well, Cas?" It takes a second before Castiel realizes that Dean isn't talking to him, but the other Castiel. It's confusing, and Castiel doesn't like what jealousy feels like.
"This is me," the other Castiel - Cas - says, clearing his throat. He's drinking from a metal flask that's dull with age, and he shudders as he swallows. "And him, he's different too. Not human, but not a demon. Or an angel." He looks back to Castiel. There's wonder in his eyes, and Castiel can see how small he became in this future. "Where did you come from?"
"Another time," Castiel says. "This is - "
Someone Castiel doesn't recognize bursts into the room - a woman whose face is dominated by a grim frown. "Boss, we got a problem. We need to go. Now," she adds when Dean hesitates.
"Watch them," Dean snaps at Cas on his way out the door. Castiel both misses the familiar presence and is glad for Dean's absence. He doesn't need to be reminded of how easily Dean could become that person. Once Dean is gone Cas sits on the floor on a large threadbare pillow. The Doctor leans out the window and examines something far off. Castiel joins Cas on the pillow; he looks himself in the eye again and tries to understand, tries not to look at those bones protruding from Cas' shoulders.
"Another time," Cas repeats. His hands are shaking as he pulls a large matchbox out of his pocket, and a small joint from within. He's avoiding looking at Castiel as he steadies it between his lips. "What does that mean? Is there another time where I - " It takes him four tries to light his match, and he looks calmer once he takes a drag. Castiel wrinkles his nose against the smell. "Sorry, of course, this isn't - this isn't you. Shit, it's like looking in a fucked up mirror. Tell me everything."
Castiel sincerely doubts that Cas can handle everything - then he remembers how much he hates it when Dean makes assumptions about his abilities, about his wants and his motives. "Your future does not exist," Castiel finally says.
"Tell me something I don't know," Cas says as he blows smoke into the air. "I don't think we have more than a month left."
"No, you don't," the Doctor says, still hanging out the window. "You have a day, a single day, before Dean Winchester leads an angel to his death."
"Wouldn't be the first time," Cas says with a laugh that sends a chill through Castiel's rented bones. "I got blown up twice during the Apocalypse. Shit, I could go for it now - being rebuilt works out the aches and pains."
This isn't funny. Castiel can't understand the way this version of himself laughs with absolutely no mirth. "You're living in a pocket of time," Castiel tries again, hoping he's not going to have to explain it a third time. "This is an abandoned future. Lucifer was never released from his cage."
Cas stares for a long time, before his smile actually melts into some mixture of grief and relief. "Thank dad for small favors, then." He takes another drag and stretches his legs out in front of him. "So this is just a pocket, then? Dean isn't the Michael sword, Sam isn't Lucifer's bitch?" Suddenly Cas lets out a whoop of joy and falls back on the ground. His head thumps against the wood, but his smile doesn't abate. "Oh fuck, I have never felt so good. This isn't me. I don't have to be this. I didn't have to stop being an angel for Dean."
"He should have never expected you to," the Doctor retorts, leaning back in. His whole body seems tense, his mood dark. Castiel wishes he could understand exactly what it is the Doctor sees in Dean that is so ugly. "You should have left."
"I never could," Cas says. It's finally something they can agree on.
Except something else catches Castiel's attention, an idea he nearly missed. "Dean is Michael's intended vessel?"
"Yup," Cas confirms. His eyes fall shut. "And right now Lucifer is walking around in Sam, in Detroit. Dean thinks we hear the reports. We know the score."
"And still you'll follow him to your death." The Doctor stares down at them, and he looks like he could shake them both. Cas smiles at him, and then tilts his head to look at Castiel.
"Of course. He understands," Cas says. "And Castiel is the only person I need to explain it to."
* * *
On the next day, a different version of Dean shows up and is quickly locked away in a storage shed. Castiel rushes in to untie Dean and at the same time both versions of Dean shout, "Castiel!" The stereo is jarring - one shocked and one angry - and Castiel realizes that the second version of Dean is not his Dean either.
The Doctor is standing outside the door when Castiel leaves. "I should have warned you. I'm not the first person the angels have locked up here."
Castiel rubs his temples. "Both versions of Dean are from a time line where the apocalypse was not averted, though different forks. I thought he followed me. He's so - "
"Presumptuous? Foolhardy? Bull-headed?"
"Yes," Castiel says. "But I was going to say devoted. He believes it's his job to save everyone, and he can not be dissuaded. The longer I'm gone, the more likely it is that he will find a way to break in."
The Doctor peers in the window, but Castiel can't bring himself to look. He should go back in there; no doubt the newest version of Dean is more than a little confused. But somehow the idea of facing two versions of Dean whom he has failed just makes Castiel uneasy. "You don't sound happy." The Doctor turns his back on the shed.
Castiel shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans and stares at his feet, feeling uncharacteristically small in this dark place. "How do you know they die?" At this the Doctor falls strangely silent, and if Castiel has learned nothing else over the past day, he has learned that silence is not the Doctor's forte. "Doctor, you keep telling me that Dean kills him - kills me. How do you know that?"
"I went along, once. The first time," the Doctor says. He looks uneasy, and he's sort of rocking on his feet from heel to ball. "The first time, I thought I might be able to drive on somewhere else. Instead I got to watch Dean Winchester send his friends to their death, just so he could get himself killed by your devil - which is when the loop resets."
It makes sense, of course; this is Dean's hell. It's bad for Cas, but there is no greater hell for Dean than what he has become. The anger makes Castiel antsy, and he's not sure where to point that rage. He finds himself taking off at a sprint, turning into the cabin where he knows he will find himself. Cas is talking a low, sultry voice to a circle of women.
"Why didn't you stop him?" Cas and the women all look up at him, but Castiel clenches his fists in his pockets and doesn't look away from Cas' eyes. Louder, he repeats: "Why didn't you stop this?"
"Ladies, if you'll excuse us." The women leave without much complaint, and Castiel is left looking at an angel who has become a shadow of a man, lost and broken. Castiel hates him. Just as this version of Dean reminds him of all the darkness within Dean, this version of himself reminds him of all the weakness within him. "What do you think I could have done?" Cas asks. "Why does it even matter, if we're not real?"
"Because you were." Castiel's knuckles crack and he yanks his fists from his pockets. He exhales, then inhales the scent of this world. "You were afraid of being on your own. So am I. And so is..." Castiel nods, and turns to leave again. He passes the new odd version of Dean, but Castiel doesn't stop.
* * *
When the reset comes, Castiel realizes why the Doctor sits on the porch after the trucks leave. "I came through when the loop was weak," he says to the Doctor, who nods his agreement. "You're hoping that Gabriel will hear at the right moment."
"Yes," the Doctor says. "I tried getting out on my own, but as you've noticed it's a one-way route."
"Why do you think prayer will work at all?"
"Not prayer," the Doctor says again. "But that brother of yours told me to pray for him when I was ready to fix what I changed. I figure if it works for one, it'll work for the other. The lot of you aren't all that different."
"We are," Castiel says, but he isn't angry. He bows his head and adds his prayer to the Doctor's calls.
* * *
At the next reset Dean can't be reasoned with. He tosses Castiel and the Doctor into the locked shed. The next day the displaced Dean is locked in with them. Cas glances in once, be he's so high and agitated that Castiel doesn't even try to communicate with him.
The third loop is easier. Dean is just as suspicious, but Cas is so openly affectionate that it makes Castiel uncomfortable. His hands are so familiar, his breath pungent as he leans in too close to Castiel and whispers of their home.
The Doctor gets quieter with every loop, and snappier with every reply. He's clearly going to snap at some point, and nothing Castiel does seems to ease his agitation. At the end of their second reset when the trucks are loading, Castiel asks, "Do you regret helping the Winchesters?"
"No!" The Doctor then shakes his head slowly as he inhales. "No, but this place is designed to change my mind, isn't it? They want me to see the very worst of the Winchesters." He jumps to his feet, half-jogging down the slope to stand at the front of the gate. Castiel follows far behind, his own prayers a silent litany as the Doctor steps in front of the first truck in the line and yells, "You don't have to do this!"
"Doctor, I will run you over," Dean says, his hand on his gun holster. Castiel has watched him shoot a man in cold blood, and he can't get the image out of his head. "Get out of the way."
"You're not going to save him," the Doctor says. He's barely loud enough for Castiel to hear him, but Dean goes stiff. "I watch this again, and again, and again, and there's no chance for him - or you - if you do this. Stay back. Try another way."
Dean pulls his gun. "You don't know me."
The Doctor stands his ground. "I know you better than you think. I know that you hate change, and you fear the things you can't explain. I know that you substitute that gun for courage and understanding. I know that you would do anything for your family, and that every day since Lucifer got free has driven you mad. That losing Sam suddenly, and losing Castiel slowly, has eaten away at any vestige of decency you have left."
The gun goes off. The world stops. Castiel can feel his heartbeat thudding against his chest.
"You guys can't be trusted to do anything alone, can you?"
The man vessel isn't familiar, but Castiel recognizes the angel within. "Gabriel," he breathes; at first he averts his eyes, but then realizes that he shouldn't have to. He looks Gabriel in the eye.
"Whoa. You don't have to leer, little brother," Gabriel says, sidling down the slope toward the Doctor, who allows the tension in his face to ease as Gabriel approaches. Everyone else is frozen in place. Gabriel flicks the bullet out of the air absentmindedly. "Calling in that favor, Doctor?"
"Did you get that impression? I've only been calling for - what? Days? Weeks now?"
Gabriel shrugs. "Hard to say - you're completely out of sync here. Still, glad to help." At this he grins and turns to Castiel. "Last time I saw you, you a very obedient little angel. Rebellion looks good on you."
"I'm doing what's right," Castiel says. "Can you break the wall?"
“Of course; this is child's play.” Gabriel puts a hand on the Doctor's shoulder, and Castiel walks down toward them. He imagines seeing Dean again, with what he knows now. What he understands about himself, the awareness that only comes from seeing oneself do wrong -
Only then he realizes he's stopped moving. Held in place with Raphael standing between him and escape. "Hello, Gabriel. I'm not surprised that you would show your face only to betray us."
Gabriel snorts. "Hardly. You may not have noticed, but you're actually making things worse. You can't change history, Dad didn't build us for that. You're just breaking all his toys."
"Should our Father object, he knows where to find us. Now, give me back my prisoner. He can escape when he is ready to right what he has wronged."
"I have wronged nothing," the Doctor snaps. Castiel tries to move in vain, but there's no chance. He's not going to escape this grasp, not weakened and distracted as he was. The Doctor is rushing forward, conviction and anger bright in his eyes. Leave before he stops you. "How can such strong creatures be so blind?"
Gabriel grabs the Doctor by the shoulder again, holding him back. "Doctor, we need to go now."
Raphael shrugs this away. "Try, messenger. See how far you get."
The world goes bright, Castiel watches as it cracks away under the light that he knows belongs to Gabriel. He feels himself lifted away and wonders if this is how Dean feels when they travel together. Somewhere, distant and nearly beyond sound, Castiel can hear the Doctor shouting his name.
Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Epilogue