Reflecting: Two Births
My sister just had her baby on Sunday. I was there for the whole thing, as she asked me to be one of her birth coaches. I had a natural birth last October that was a dream from start to finish. Exactly what I wanted. It was calm, peaceful, no nurses in and out, no monitors, no IV, no pressure. It was just perfect.
My sister decided, after hearing me talk-up natural birth, that she wanted to try for a natural birth too. Let me back up. The OB/GYN I had been seeing since I was 18 was my doctor during my pregnancy up until about 27 weeks. We met with her to discuss our plan for natural birth and she said NO to everything. We had been taking Bradley classes, so we considered ourselves pretty educated on our options and the things we wanted/needed to ensure a successful natural birth. Basically she said "Yes, you'll have an IV, no eating or drinking, continuous monitoring, routine episiotomy for all my first time moms, blahblahblah." We left there pretty devastated, and started our search for a natural-birth friendly midwife. We finally found one, and ended up with a birth that was BETTER than we expected.
Fast forward here - my sister is using the same OB/GYN that we "fired". I forewarned her about how the doctor wasn't very natural-birth friendly, and my sister kept insisting that the doctor reassured her that she would meet her wishes for a natural birth. My sister did NOT prepare for this birth. No birth classes, didn't do any research, didn't know her options, etc. In my opinion, she was setting herself up for disaster. She didn't make a birth plan, and basically went into it thinking "I'm just going to do do what I feel is right at the time." In my head, I kept thinking she was walking into a disaster.
She wakes up with contractions at 12:30am on Sunday and I get her texts around 1:30am. We text a few times, she's feeling good, just relaxing through contractions... She labors at home until "surprise!" she has some bloody-show that she doesn't know is NORMAL. So she freaks out and goes to the hospital. I meet them there around 12:15pm Sunday. They had just gotten into the room and she's being given an IV. The nurse blows her vein, tries again, can't get it in, and sends in another nurse to do it. IV is in. They "LET" her walk the halls for about 15-20 minutes and then tell her she HAS to be checked again. She was a 5 when she got there, and when they check her after MINIMAL walking, she's....still at a 5. So...we're sitting there working through a few more contractions when another nurse comes in (it was basically a nurse parade the whole time.) "Hi, I'm going to break your water!".... we all kind of look at each other like "wuuuut???" and I turn to my sister and say "Michelle, if you are okay, and the baby is okay, they have no medical reason to break your water. You can say no." She tells the nurse she'd like to wait, the nurse hims and haws for a few minutes "well, you haven't made any progress, so we should break your water...why don't you want me to break it??" basically trying to convince her she should. So, she says "I have to call the doctor and tell her you said no."....another nurse comes back in about 20 minutes later (after a couple more laps in the halls) and says "the doctor will be calling your room to talk to you about breaking your water."
My sister is pretty annoyed at this point, and I keep thinking "gee, this doctor plays dirty!"
A few minutes later, the phone is ringing. We let it ring quite a bit, but finally my mom picks it up and it's the doc demanding to talk to my sister. The call ends...you guessed it, they ARE BREAKING HER WATER. Soooo...nurse comes in, breaks her water. Now, she's sitting on the birth ball, rocking a little bit. Another nurse comes in...time to check her AGAIN (that's THREE times in the matter of about 3 hours, for those of you playing at home). She's only at a 6! Oh NOES!!! Time to start the pit! good thing we've already got that IV hooked up! They don't even ASK HER...the nurse just hooks it up. I was so upset for my sister at this point. But trying to keep my mouth shut because she didn't need the added tension.
Sooo...contractions get ridiculously harder. She's sitting on the edge of the bed, her husband and my mom massaging her back while I apply cool towels to her face/neck. A couple hours go by, nurse looks at the monitor and decides the contractions aren't INTENSE ENOUGH...so, she UPS THE PIT, again, didn't even ask/tell my sister...we found out on her next round through our room that she already upped it. WOW. Through all this, baby's heart is great! I leave the room to go update BIL's sisters in the waiting room. When I get back...guess who's now on OXYGEN! My sister! Because, hey, all that pit is making the contractions way hard, and when she has one, the baby's heart dips...low. VERY LOW. Like, from 164 to 90. It recovers quickly after the contractions, but the nurse thinks oxygen will help.
They check her again...she's at an 8, but has a lip of cervix on the right side. So, they re-position her onto her side...more hard, painful contractions. Check again, the lip is still there, back onto her side. Then she decides she wants to sit up again but gets a contraction that brings on a pushy feeling. They call the RN, she CHECKS HER AGAIN. She's at a 10 and can push when she feels like pushing. So, then ...contractions kinda stop for a good 5-6 minutes. Finally she gets another one, but doesn't feel the urge to push. The nurse and RN (and a learning nurse who she brought in!) are standing there explaining how to push. She starts to push with the next contraction....good good, moves head down well. But then, the baby's heart rate is dipping to the 70's when she pushes...and takes a while to go back up after contractions. It never quite gets back up past 154. They can see the head at this point, and call the doc. ANOTHER nurse comes in to say that the doc is about 15 minutes away, and to "let her only push EVERY OTHER contraction."....In the RN's defense, at least she didn't relay this to my sister and let her push as she felt comfortable.
Doctor gets there, rushes in, and says "do i have time to change? or are you ready to push now?" and the RN informs her that she's been pushing, the head is visible, and there's no time to change. Baby's heart is STILL super low during contractions and not recovering quickly. They unhook the belly monitor and try to move it down her abdomen more to see if they can hear the heart better that way...can't find it. I hear the doctor tell the RN "Numb her on this next one"...nurse numbs her perineum and the doc is ready to slice and dice (there's her routine episiotomy for first-time moms!) She didn't even mention any of this...just says "michelle, on this next one, you HAVE TO GET HIM OUT!" So, my sister pushes like hell, and the baby's head is out. Cord is around his neck pretty tight, and the clamp it and cut it before he comes out anymore. The doc basically yanks him out the rest of the way, calls for a baby doctor, and hands him over to be suctioned, rubbed down, and all that.
It was beautiful and terrifying all at the same time. It took a while for him to cry, but when he did, it was a HUGE sigh of relief. However, that "routine episiotomy" turned into a 2nd/3rd degree internal tear. Now, let me say, I was down at the business end of things the ENTIRE TIME. As he was crowning, before the numbing, I saw my sister start to tear a teeny bit...maybe less than a 1/4 inch. I know this, because I saw the tear, and I saw the doctor point to it and mention it to the RN. She ended up tearing up through her urethra and internally. The doctor starts to assess the damage, poking and prodding my poor sister. They give her demerol in the IV and start to stitch. This whole time, poor baby is off in a warmer, crying and crying, all by his lonesome with just a nurse rubbing him all off.
Finally, the nurse tells BIL and I to come over and see him. We both go over there and I'm talking to the baby, and he's instantly quiet. I tell him his mama loves him and will hold him soon. I asked the nurse when Michelle could hold him, because she wants to breastfeed. and the nurse says "it's too cold for him over there, it's better for him on the warmer"....and I'm thinking "BULLSHIT! The warmest/best place for him is right on his mama's bare chest with a blanket over them both!!"
And then I had to leave the room. All I kept thinking about was how this poor poor baby came into the world in such a violent way, and how badly I just wanted him to feel some loving arms around him instead of a warmer. I couldn't bear it. I almost started crying.
I can tell you, it was longer than 45 minutes before she got to TOUCH him (while in the warmer)finally...I'd say closer to 1hr, 15 minutes. I don't know why the doctor thought she couldn't hold him while she was stitched. I've heard that many moms who have to be stitched hold/nurse their babies during that.
I am so thankful and happy they are both ok. But I keep going over and over in my head, how I feel guilty for telling her how beautiful and satisfying natural birth is...and then THIS is her experience. I keep thinking back to the day my daughter was born, and how completely and utterly it was different. From dim lights, quiet voices, being the first to touch her head, my husband catching her and placing her on my chest. My midwife using warm compresses and oils to help me stretch instead of just unknowingly slicing me with a knife. How different to labor in a hospital with constant interruptions, internal checks, needle pokes, needless interventions, bright lights, monitors beeping, being strapped to the bed with feet up in stirrups.
yes, she got her "natural" birth (ie, no pain meds).....but I'm left just wanting to say...
It could have been better.
(the good news is - no issues with breastfeeding, despite their rocky start!)
Thanks for letting me mull this over and reflect.