Matrix Self vs. Real Self vs "Known To Others" Self

[chelleann77]

So instead of turning someone else's self obsessed blatherings into snark, I think I will try to get some real discussion going on a Wednesday...

Lately the lesson I am learning ( over and over, as it hasn't sunk in) is that people think more highly of me than I think that they do.  I simply do not trust that the opinion expressed by people who love

Comments

[kakizaki_b]

I think it is pretty common for people to have views of themselves that are askance of what others perceive them as

[chelleann77]

OK, so what you are saying is that the difference between our real self and our "known to others self" is that we talk about who we are in an attempt to be understood?

And that the disconnect is based on communication with others and others perception?

I guess I am approaching this from a totally internal perspective, where we consciously choose to have the self we show to others be different from the person we know ourselves to be for reasons like fear, protection, image whatever...

I guess the problem between what you are saying and what I am saying is that it deals with what is TRUE. Which is of course subjective.

[kakizaki_b]

Well, thats not exactly where I was going. I was mostly talking about how 2 people can totally have different interpretations of a set of actions because of the way theu internally analyse it. Thus, My analysis of what I do, and your analysis are different, and we come to different conclusions on what the action means. And I would try and tell you what I was thinking in order to explain it and get you to have the same opinion, which often wont work

[chelleann77]

ok that makes sense. But what you are talking about still requires a degree of self awareness, wherein you can listen to someones "perception" of your actions and respond in a reasonable way when explaining yourself.

I kind of see the communication ability going hand in hand with people understanding themselves. Cause if you don't get it, how do you talk about it?

[mendou]

Question: What are other ways you see people around you, or even themselves, not having the balance to see all three selves?
My own view of my balance and others' balance is filtered through the exact near-sightedness that KB was talking about above. I can see someone's actions and analyze them but I can only do so from where I stand. The accuracy of that analysis depends solely on my understanding of them and of the situation, neither of which can truly be complete.
I can give you a list of characteristics that seem to *betray* a lack of balance but that would be IMHO.

Questions: What are your concepts of self? What do you perceive about yourself that others maybe do not? Or vice versa?This question I have difficulty answering. I don't write about myself well or easily (I always think "well ... i am like I am") so I may not be much help here. Though I can provide the standards: I'm not attractive, I'm not interesting, I'm not desirable company. The interesting thing is that I don't think that there are good things about me

[threadwalker]

I pretty much throw it all out there, and I think I have a pretty good understanding of my own strengths and weaknesses.

The problem is- when you throw it all out there instead of padding, people tend to assume that you're throwing out your best and make calculations about who you "really are" are based on that. :) Funny old world.

I suppose it filters out people who don't get subtlety, and/or lack patience and deeper personal perception. I suppose I kind of appreciate that filter for real friends, but one serious weakness I have is how much the gross misperceptions of certain sorts of people (people who I either would otherwise like, want to work with or want to know friends of) getting in my way or being thrown in my face bothers me. Random people and people I don't respect I could really care less what they think. Being judged for what I actually am or have done- fine. The other stuff gets on my tits. :)

[cuddlycthulhu]

Question: What are other ways you see pepole around you, or even themselves, not having the balance to see all three selves

[kalendargirl]

Well played, batwoman.

Nice post. I think about this stuff a lot.

I have some versions of me, too.
~ the me that is talented
~ the me that is a hard-worker and corporate drone
~ the me that is constantly f-ing everything up

I wonder if mine can be placed into same category as yours.