Comments | chelseaellen: 204

chelseaellen

204

Apr 18, 2009 02:54

This is the story I mentioned. There's not a nifty title or anything - sorry.

( RS Journal - ATTN: adult content! omgz! )

Comments 4

texxxan April 19 2009, 05:51:58 UTC

I LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

chelseaellen April 19 2009, 18:51:07 UTC

Thanks :)

my critique ersatzsoul April 21 2009, 08:12:47 UTC

i'm slightly intoxicated, so i hope this makes sense ( ... )

Re: my critique chelseaellen April 22 2009, 16:33:57 UTC

I think I want to expand the entries. I'm glad you mentioned that the actions are monotonous - that's exactly how they're supposed to sound. I'm assuming I need to make it more deliberate, though. The problem is that the narrator is supposed to be relatively detached from people and really, really reluctant to show any emotion. I'm trying to work out how to expand the entries without changing my characters, ya know?

This was helpful, thank you!